ADD Child And Mom Ready To Run Away From Home - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 8 Old 02-06-2003, 01:19 AM - Thread Starter
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I have an ADD child. I just told my dh that I completely understand mothers who just leave and don't come back. The terrible thing is, I'm not kidding. I DO understand how a mother could do that to save herself. Am I going to leave? Of course not. I do recognize when I am checking out and that's what I'm doing now. I am tired of having to lower my expectations for my child. I'm tired of having the only elementary school child who CAN NOT GET DRESSED IN THE MORNING. I'm tired of having a child who does not eat a meal in less than 45 minutes. I'm tired of having a child who can not sit and write a complete sentence. I'm just plain tired and lately I've been fantasizing about escaping, either alone or with someone else. Can anyone relate?
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#2 of 8 Old 02-06-2003, 01:43 AM
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I think every mother can relate to wanting to run away from home, add or not.

I have a ds who has not been diagnosed as add, but I'm sure he would be, given the right opportunity. He just makes me so tired all the time.

I find that when my dh is home, and I can take a couple of hours to myself, doing fun stuff, by myself (by that I mean, no cleaning or organizing during mommy time) I really feel recharged for a little while, and can be more patient, and a much better mama.
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#3 of 8 Old 02-06-2003, 03:27 AM
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I think it is very understandable how you feel. You poor thing, you sound exhausted. I agree it would be good for you to get some down time, whatever that means for you. A hot bath, a night out, sleep, whatever works for you. I also think it might help to take some time to just be with your child and not have any expectations of them or of yourself, just be with them. That is not lowering your expectations, that is just being good to you both. Maybe he/she will surprise you. I know nothing about ADD but my son has epilepsy and it can be really tiring to get through the day when I have to do so much to help him. There is a book on ADHD (I assume this isn't the same as ADD but maybe it can help) by an author I respect a lot Aviva Jill Romm. Good luck to you.
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#4 of 8 Old 02-08-2003, 11:11 PM
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calgal07: I trully understand what you are going thru. Autism Spectrum can be a challange. AD/HD is currently classified on the "spectrum"... There are numerous ways which can help. None of them are easy but can be beneficial.

I suggest looking at her diet. What type of things does she eat? Does she perfer a lot of breads and cereals and pastas? If so, eliminate all of these. Go gf or gluten free. If she drinks a lot of milk or eats tons of chesse eliminate these. Go cf or ceasin free. This will help. Also eliminate all foods with red dyes.

Next, I would suggest to clear up yeast issues. If she has lots of runny stools, she probably has yeast. You begin this by eliminating refined sugar and giving her Grapefruit seed extract in water. Then you repopulate the gut. You can do this by using Kefir or some very strong Probiotics like Primal Defense.

Coffe is a stimulant but will help her to calm down. I was an ad/hd child, now reclassified as Aspergers Syndrom. Coffee did wonders for me in starting and completing homework.

Another thing you may wish to consider is heavy metals chelation therapy. Most people on the spectrum are toxic with at least several different metals. You can do a home detox with Heavy Metal Cleanse. You can get that in the health food store. Or if you want more information on metals testing, let me know.

A good book is by Dr. Jacquelyn McCandless called Children with Starving Brains... it is awesome on the biological treatments of autism spectrum disorders.

You could begin by upping her vitamin B6 and probably zinc. This is usually very low in autism people. some good vitamins are at these are specifically formulated for spectrum folks. To help her sleep, I know how diffucult it is to get her to sleep and keep her that way. Try 1 mg of melatonin. It does wonders to regulate the sleep patterns.

Never try more than one thing at a time. In case something isn't quite right for your child you will know what it is. I realize I have given you much information in a very condensed form, I apologize. If you wish to view my sources or talk with me, please feel free to pm me, I'll send you any links I have for your research.

Help is out there! Hang in there.
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#5 of 8 Old 02-09-2003, 11:11 AM
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You've gotten great advice and support here--I just wanted to send you a , too...
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#6 of 8 Old 02-09-2003, 11:29 AM - Thread Starter
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Thank you all for your words of encouragement, and your empathy. Since originally posting my desperation, I have made a breakthrough of sorts with my child. He is now taking Omega 3 oils, formulated especially to be child-friendly. He is also taking a homeopathic remedy that is targeted at the disconnection between his body and his spirit. I realized he is not fully grounded and never has been; I believe that is at the root of the problem. Of course, I don't expect the ADD symptoms to magically disappear, but if he could learn to dwell in the same reality I do, at least partially, it would be a big improvement. Thank you all again, and if anyone has insights into when shock pushes the spirit out of the body, please share them.
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#7 of 8 Old 02-09-2003, 02:47 PM
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I wish I had some insights..... just offering lots of hugs and good luck.

I don't know one mama who has not thought of seriously running away at least once (if not way more) irregardless of the number of children, what her children are like, etc.

It's easy to say make time for yourself to recharge, nurse yourself, but we all know how difficult finding that time can be... but YOU JUST HAVE TO DO IT!.
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#8 of 8 Old 02-12-2003, 12:23 AM
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Aww, here's a big hug ((()))first.

Ok, first, yours is not the only child who can't get himself dressed or write a sentence or anyof those other things. THere's lots of us.

I was a 45 - 60 minute a sandwich girl myself! THe cure? Set a kitchem timer for 20 minutes, put in front of Jr. and tell him when it goes off, lunch or dinner or, most probably, breakfast, is over. THen throw out what's left. You don't need to be angry or upset, just mattter-of-fact. "we only have an hour to get ready for school. 20 minutes is all we have for breakfast."

Have you tried the dumb ole poker chip plan? Get dressed in less than 15 minutes, in clothes that are all laid out the night before, and you get to drop your chip in your jar. 5 chips gets you ice cream and a movie on Friday night, or something else cheap and easy but fun. 10 chips, and you can turn in 5 and still have them count toward the 10, get you, what ever will float your kids boat. My kids loved the chips, and usually wer too busy playing with them to turn them in. Do not give them any other extra chips to play with. If you do they lose their magic!

Work on one thing this week, maybe getting dressed, and it might take two weeks.

The down side is as soon as you stop this or the kid loses interest, it's all over. But it was my favorite and I reimplented it many times in slightly differnt forms (you may recognize it better with stars or stickers. The chips were a big hit, though)

I know, you're thinking, I can't do this every day for the rest of my kids life! And you're right. But you can do it today. Worry about tomorrow then.

I have 5 kids. The oldest was what we used to call 'difficult', I don't know the PC name now, but she was a handful. SHe's 24, studying to be a trauma room physician and says she was always angry, at everyone. No idea why. She has an IQ of 145, absolutely no sense of humor or bedside manner whatsoever. SHe amazes and confuses me.

My son made her look like a dream. He was constantly in trouble and we homeschooled for years. He's 20, working at a job where he'll be making 3 times what i do in two years, and is well-liked, and no one has called to complain about him in two years.

My next sweet little babe is 14, didn't talk so you could understand her til she was in third grade. SHe still needs loads of help, but I don't worry cause if the last two managed, she'll be fine. ANd so will yours.

So, it's you we need to wrry about. Take a tub, take a walk, do what keeps you together. Don't worry about the kid, they do fine! We go crazy. Don't leave, anyone I ever knew who did lost it completely. FInd a way to cope with today, don't even consider tomorrow. Know that there are many more out here, cheering you on, and many whose kids are turning out fine. ANd I had plenty of doubts, believe me!!!
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