I posted about the nightmare of a surgery I had here
. In many ways, I've healed remarkably well. I've been checking my crit regularly (my sister works at the blood bank and she does it for me once a week) and as of last week, it was 42! I'm so pleased with that. I've stopped taking the iron supplement. I'm eating well - all whole foods, no refined carbs, drinking lots of water, etc. But I'm still so durn tired. On the one hand, I know it will take time. I was doing very little in the months leading up to my surgery because of the pain, and then following the surgery, I could only just get up to go to the bathroom for almost a month. So of course I'm extremely de-conditioned. I don't nap during the day anymore; sometimes I have to force myself to stay awake, but if I sleep in the afternoons now, I can't sleep at night.
But I'm just dragging much of the time and can I just say I hate it
! I want to get back into one of my very favorite habits in the world: getting up two hours before the rest of my family to work out, eat breakfast in peace, and pray and meditate before all the noise and commotion starts. We're buying a new house and there are boxes to pack, walls to paint, a yard to prune and fix up, and a million other projects. Most of these projects, I enjoy very much. I love to step back and look at a beautiful yard or room or whatever and know that my hard work made it that way. I want to take my kids to the pool and get all rowdy in the water with them. I want to go out in the evening with my DH to walk our dogs (And our relationship needs
that!). I want to walk my youngest DS and our dogs to the park every morning to play for 30 minutes before his day camp starts. But as it is now, I have to preserve my energy for all the boring parts of life: getting the laundry done, making dinner, buying the groceries. My quality of life is so incredibly limited by my energy level and it just plain sucks!
I don't know if I want advice, or if I just needed to vent. I wonder, do you think it would be better to just force myself to do all the things I normally do? Would that get me back to normal faster? Or should I just keep poking along like I am? There's no medical reason at this point to go slow. My surgical scars are all nicely healed. I still have some minor pain from the hematoma (it's much smaller, but not yet gone), but the pain isn't what's keeping me from doing stuff. It's pretty manageable with ibuprofen. I'm sick of being tired! The endometriosis itself had been exhausting me before the surgery and I'm so, so ready to be done with this.
Sometimes I wonder if the emotional toll all of this has taken on me isn't what's causing some of the fatigue? And maybe if I just got up early and worked out, that maybe my mood would lift and I would have more energy? Also, there's a little fear there that if I get moving, my back will start hurting as bad as it used to, which would mean I went through all this hell of the past two months for absolutely nothing. Now that would really mess me up emotionally! My dr. says that the remaining hematoma could be causing my back pain and I still might be free of pain when that completely resolved, but I have my doubts and fears about that.
I try to look on the bright side. I'm 100% off narcotic pain pills. Yahoo! I've gotten a lot of reading done. I don't want to burn my couch anymore (a good thing, since we can't afford a new one after all the medical bills). I guess I'm just a fundamentally impatient person.
Enough rambling. I see there are some threads here about adrenal fatigue. Maybe I should look into that. Nothing like chronic pain followed by surgery w/ massive complications and tons of hard-core medications of every description to drain one's hormonal resources.