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feeling traumatized by previous m/c

466 views 7 replies 7 participants last post by  Mamato2 
#1 ·
So dh is sick with a cold and last night around 1 he was up blowing his nose and coughing non stop, so of course I wake up too and could not for the life of me fall back alseep. I kept remembering my miscarriage that happened almost a year ago and reliving it in every gory detail and really just freaking myself out.

I wont get into the really bad details, but I was 11w pg, but baby had stopped growing around 7-8. I had been crampy all day but started having real contractions around 1am and they didn't stop until 8am. It was amazing how real the contractions were, they were a minute or more long and 1-2 min apart, except for one period near the end where I swear I was in transition (although I don't know how that is possible) where contractions came right on top of each other and I was writhing on the bathroom floor begging DH to take me to the hospital.

I keep telling myself how different a m/c is than labor - it was terrifying, devastating, I had no support, I had no idea what was happening, no clue how long it would last, no idea what was normal, no great prize at the end of it to push myself onward to. So, of course, labor of a baby is going to be different, easier, etc.

But then the other part of my brain is like, yeah - BUT! What a tiny thing you had to give birth to, how much did you really have to dilate for that? Your uterus was tiny still, so its a tiny muscle contracting vs. the huge one it is now and will be when I deliver Isla. Plus my m/s "labor" only lasted about 7 hours, chances are this one will be longer still.

I second guess my ability to do this naturally, to do it at all. I always hear/read about women who had really bad first births and somehow overcome that to go on and have a great successful natural birth, I just need to find a way to get over my fears and become one of those women.

Can anyone help me?
 
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#2 ·
I misscarried a baby at home at 12 weeks, it was alot like you described, horrifying and painful. I went on to have a D & C as well, and another loss that was a molar pregnancy.

I think knowing there is a result of a sweet happy baby is true comfort compared to going through so much pain with no baby. My contractions with the miscarriage seemed more painful than with my son, and even with my little girl (and I had pitocin with her!)

It's hard to describe, but it can be a "happpy" pain, like I don't mind working so hard, because between contractions you are able to rest and with a miscarriage you are just grieving thru the contractions.
 
#3 ·
I have gone through labour full term and a m/c at 9 weeks and 5 weeks. The 9 week m/c was just like what you said it felt like and at they hospital they said it was labour. There is a difference between labour at the end of pregnancy and m/c. Your body gets you ready for labour as the pregnancy progresses when you m/c your body was not ready and thus it is more painful. This is what I have been told by many people and experts.
 
#4 ·
I've had several early miscarriages and one live birth. The miscarriages hurt a lot more.

It's not the same thing. I don't know the reasons why either. My miscarriages didn't come in waves like labor either. It was more like horrific menstrual pain.



I would recommend you talk to someone like an experienced midwife about this. Issues like this can stall your labor, it all sort of depends on a person. I don't know what your birthing situation is coming up on, but this is obviously upsetting you a lot.
Depending on your personality, you might look up specifics on the mechanics of labor and miscarriage. Do consider that at 11w pregnant your body hadn't been prepared for labor. Now, you've been having BH contractions for months now and your uterus is not the same. Your body *wants* to birth this baby. In a miscarriage situation, the wants of the body are confused and the feeling of loss and the subsequent grief don't make this easier.

 
#6 ·
I am popping in from dec ddc but I had to post.
I had a similar experience w/ my 3rd pg and it was awful. I was in labor for over 5 hours and pushed for over 4hrs of that time. It was my third "birth" but I was terrified and it was excruciatingly painful. I had major fears about my 3rd child being born, about the pain, or the length, about all the things that could happen etc. I have done hypnobirthing each time and have had very comfortable and short births. My m/c was longer than 2 of my births and was by far the most difficult and painful. I did a fear release w/ my midwife and it helped me tremendously. Also frequent doppler checks during labor helped speed up the process. Hang in there mama, pg after a loss is so hard. You can do it and will be amazed how much easier it is to birth when the weight of the baby and gravity are working for you.
 
#7 ·
I had a full term labor (42 weeks) and I had a miscarriage (two, but one was only at 4 weeks, so it wasn't really noticeable). They aren't anything alike, emotionally, physically or psychologically.

Have you been to the pregnancy after loss thread here on MDC? Some wonderfully supportive women there.
 
#8 ·
I'm from the Feb ddc but couldn't not post,
mama. My first mc date is coming up on Dec 1st and I find myself revisiting that time too. Both mc were excruciating, especially the last, and I wonder how it will affect labour this time. I found the mc to definitely be more painful than full-term labour, its a different pain somehow like the other posters mentioned. Definitely try and work through some of the feelings you have mentioned (I need to mention this to my midwives too), its natural to feel a bit of fear about labour too, but know that you are probably going to do amazing and it is a totally different feeling.
 
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