This is a late announcement, Finnian Kyeong Hoenke was born on January 17th at 12:37 am. I had 45 hours of labor! But I was still able to have my totally natural drug free home birth! I'm so proud of me.
Unfortunately this announcement is so late because this is literally the first time I have been on the computer for more than five minutes since I went into labor on the 15th.
I was so prepared for natural childbirth. I knew everything, I could recite the complications and the implications of them standing on my head. I never once asked for drugs, asked to go to the hospital, or even yelled at my husband while I was in labor! But now I know I was not at all prepared for the horror that is postpartum recovery:
-Regardless of the stool softeners I take, the activia I eat, the prune juice I drink, the fruits and veggies I eat, and the fiber I try to get, I cannot have a good poop. Constipation is the worst.
-I have a second degree tear that feels like it keeps popping back open a little bit and bleeds more every time I poop.
-My left leg swelled to the size of a baby elephant for a whole day. The joy of worrying about blood clots!
-Finnian's tongue was tied so his latch was terrible for the first three days of his life before we figured out that it was a problem. Absolutely none of the doctors in the area would give us an appointment to get it clipped for at least a week. They would not listen when I said it was an emergency and that my baby was not able to eat. Finally I found a midwife who traveled over an hour to come to the house to clip it.
-Since then his latch seemed to improve and my nipples started to feel better. But then they got worse again. We saw a lactation consultant and she gave me a nipple shield to help to give me some relief. I use it when me and Finn just can't line up, we try and try and try to get a good latch but just end up both frustrated and sobbing. My nipples are cracked and scabbed and I seriously think that breastfeeding is worse than natural childbirth.
-I am now recovering from my first breast infection. Intense chills, fever, engorgement, and a throbbing headache.
-Now we think that Finn may have thrush. Which I suppose is a good thing because if that is the case at least it's something that can be fixed.
I want to be happier than I am, but this shit really adds up, especially with the hormones and the sleep deprivation. I hate that I flinch every time that I see that Finn is waking up because I know that I am going to have to feed him again. I hate that my life consists of feeding and sleeping. I don't even have the energy to adore him like I want to, I mean I literally only see him when he's smashed against my boob.
I wish I had been better prepared for this. I never imagined that this would be so bad. And now my husband is going back to work. Tomorrow is his first full day back. My first day on my own with Finnian in a town and state where I don't have any friends or family. Of course we moved right after I got pregnant!
Thanks for letting me rant. It almost looks funny all written out like this. I mean seriously how can this all be happening!?