Just a vent about my pp frustrations - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 14 Old 02-06-2009, 11:35 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Ugh...I HATE having stitches, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it!!!

They all went away, and things were starting to feel (more) normal down there, and then I looked and realized things healed wrong! There was a band of skin across the opening of my vagina, which was definitely NOT supposed to be there. So off to the midwife I go to ask about it. They say they've never seen that happen before, and send me to their backup ob, who has never seen it before either. He says that he will just cut it off - but doesn't have any anesthetic so to come back a week later. Instead he sends me back to the midwife the next week (thank goodness, I really like the midwives and already know them and trust them) to have it cut off and stitched up.

So that was yesterday, I went to the midwife and there were 2 of them - the one that delivered Lincoln and the one who was going to stitch me up again. It turned out that b/c there was a band across the opening the rest of my perineum wasn't healing right either - so they had to give a bunch more stitches than they originally thought. It took over an hour. And now I have a ton more stitches that have to heal, and I'm in pain all over again!

Its just so frustrating that tomorrow I will be 4 weeks pp, and instead of getting better it feels like I'm starting all over. I'm still bleeding, have what the midwife called "a ton of scar tissue" - once the stitches all fall out I have to use estrogen cream to try and soften it up. I could tell they were having trouble with some of the stitches b/c of how tough the scar tissue was.

To top it all off, my boyfriend is going crazy from the lack of sex life, and since there is so much scar tissue I'm afraid its just going to hurt to do anything, and all he wants is some attention! I can't even sit up normally - its like its all just starting over at square 1 - so I can't even do anything for him. He's also frustrated that I STILL can't help by doing laundry - I can't make it down to the basement while carrying baby plus laundry, I can barely carry baby across the room b/c I can't hardly walk normally! Standing for long periods of time is impossible again, and lying down in bed is awful b/c my legs cramp up when I lie in one position for too long - but I can't lie on my back b/c it puts pressure in all the wrong spots and hurts.

I guess on the plus side I've lost 25 of the 40lbs I gained. At least 1 thing is going my way.

:

Its back to doing sitz baths as many times per day as possible, and trying to shower while not hurting anything

Thanks for letting me whine. Sorry its so long. I just want to be done hurting. I just feel so gypped - I thought recovery form natural childbirth was supposed to be faster! I also feel like such a wimp - I can handle a drug free labor and birth but I can't handle the aftermath? Why on earth do people do this more than once? I think Lincoln might be doomed to be an only child - I definitely don't want to do this again.
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#2 of 14 Old 02-06-2009, 12:39 PM
 
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I am sorry you are having a rough time I totally understand, because my staples are giving me fever! I think I popped some last night rolling over
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#3 of 14 Old 02-06-2009, 12:40 PM
 
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s

If it is any consolation- after my DD was born it took me about 8 weeks to feel healed up. With each of my DSs though I have healed way way faster. The estrogen cream makes a huge huge difference as well. I know it sucks now- but I swear that you will forget almost all about it in a couple of months.

Iowaorganic- mama to DD (1/5/06), DS1 (4/9/07), DS2 (1/22/09), DS3 (12/10/10), DD2 (7/6/12) and a new kid due in early 2014

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#4 of 14 Old 02-06-2009, 12:45 PM
 
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i'm sorry you're in pain all over again. we're here for you! well at least in the 'internet support' sense

and your bf sounds like he could use a course in sensitivity.
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#5 of 14 Old 02-06-2009, 02:18 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by iowaorganic View Post
s

If it is any consolation- after my DD was born it took me about 8 weeks to feel healed up. With each of my DSs though I have healed way way faster. The estrogen cream makes a huge huge difference as well. I know it sucks now- but I swear that you will forget almost all about it in a couple of months.
When did you use it? I tried using it about a week ago, I put it on 2 nights in a row, and both mornings I woke up and the whole area burned and it hurt for the whole day. It was awful. So I stopped using it.

My midwife told me to start using it again once all my stitches fall out - in about 2 weeks. I'm really hoping it doesn't make it hurt as bad this time as it did last time - she said that it might have hurt so bad b/c the tissue wasn't all healed up - does that sound right?
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#6 of 14 Old 02-06-2009, 02:34 PM
 
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I'm so sorry you're in so much pain. Reading about peoples bad tears does make me feel better about my cesarean (for footling breech), at least my incision is just one neat line and has already healed.

However, I am also in a lot of pain. Not from my incision but from my back. My back is just killing me and has been since about a week after Xander was born. My backache has moved, at first it was in my upper back but when I worked on my posture and bringing Xander to the breast vs. moving myself forward and hunching that backache started to go away. Now I am having bad lower back pain. : At times I just feel like sobbing, I just want to enjoy my baby not be in pain! I know it's all feeling worse because of lack of sleep and that it will get better but I want it to get better now!!!

And phooey to your boyfriend! I'm not supposed to lift anything heavier than the baby for 6 weeks from Xander's birthday (so two more weeks). Not supposed to vacuum, do any strenuous cleaning or exercising, or walk our dogs. My dh is having to do all of that, on top of starting a new job with longer hours and a longer commute. I get really frustrated by my inability to do all those things but my dh keeps telling me I have the most important job right now-- feeding and caring for our son. Unless your db has grown breasts and is feeding your child I'd be pissed that he's complaining about the laundry. You were the one who had to suffer all the pregnancy stuff, had to go through labor (and get lots of stitches!), and now you're the one feeding and caring for the baby--- he can darn well do the laundry!

Hope this all came out making some bit of sense, I'm writing it on very little sleep, don't have time to re-read, Xander is waking. Hope you start feeling better soon.

Kate, 38, happily married to Ryan, 38, since 1991. 16+ years of infertility ended with "Surprise" Xander, born via c-section due to footling breech 01/09. Miscarriage at 6 weeks 12/09.
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#7 of 14 Old 02-06-2009, 04:09 PM
 
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Oh my, I am so sorry! That sounds so hard. You have every right to vent. I know it's hard when our partners sometimes don't understand (it's easy for them to forget, you LOOK fine, they just don't know what it feels like) but remember the more you rest and stay off it, the better you will heal. Also, you can do what I would do every time DH would forget about how just sitting there on the stitches hurt--I would offer to punch him in the nuts and see how well he could do laundry
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#8 of 14 Old 02-06-2009, 04:26 PM
 
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Oh honey! I don't have any words of wisdom for you, but couldn't read and not post. Sending you lots of positive healing energy and hugs.

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#9 of 14 Old 02-06-2009, 04:34 PM
 
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On getting around with baby--can you not use a wrap? I have stitches inside and out, so I totally sympathize (and would still do this before a cesarean, over and over, since I've BTDT and this is a HECK of a lot better!) but I didn't have an issue wearing baby and it was basically a necessity with chasing a toddler around, too.

As for wanting to do it again... wait about a year or so I was ready for the next while they were stitching me up w/my cesarean-born DD, but this time I think I'm ready for a little break Of course, that's work load, not recovery talking.

Talkative, AP SAHMama to my bright and spirited girls Lilly 10-15-06, Naomi 1-1-09 vbac.gif and Katarina 11-16-11 vbac.gif

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#10 of 14 Old 02-06-2009, 05:28 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EBeth0000 View Post
Also, you can do what I would do every time DH would forget about how just sitting there on the stitches hurt--I would offer to punch him in the nuts and see how well he could do laundry
Thanks for the laugh!

Your DB will survive without sex for much longer than that if needed! For perspective, I have spent months - since the end of July - on variations of bed rest and modified rest. We couldn't have sex from 13-34wks during the pregnancy, I was really sick and not interested weeks 6-11, and now we are postpartum so my DH has only had a few weeks of sex in the last 9 months! Yes, the lack of sex and the extra responsibility DH faced while trying to work 80hrs a week were really challenging for him, and for the whole family. But we happily are accepting all of this because we didn't think our little one would make it through this pregnancy, and now she is here!

I am not trying to belittle your frustration, but to add a little perspective from someone who has happily chosen to have another baby again, even after a traumatic birth, life threatening complications, and all 3 pregnancies high risk! It seems really hard right now, but think of what you have earned! You have a precious little one in your arms! You have another person in your family! Parenting will not be all roses and sunshine, nor will the postpartum period. There are times in both that you will probably want to throw your hands up and cry - I know I have. But in time, you will see, it is worth all of this and probably more to you! You have so many little snuggles, smiles, and beautiful moments to look forward to. Then in a year or two's time, all of the pain of childbirth and recovery, even if it gets worse from here, will probably pale in comparison to how much you love your little one! That is why people can go through such things, and dive back in headfirst for another child! Just my two cents, since you asked!

And don't feel bad about whining either, especially here with a group of postpartum Moms! I am in a whiny mood about my postpartum issues too today, and I am not in pain! We have a right to whine, complain, and cry. You just went through a natural labor, your recovery is challenging, you're balancing the new demands of parenthood and doing it all in the midst of raging hormones - you have a right to do and say a lot! So go with it, vent it out, take a nap because you deserve to, eat some chocolate, take a hot bath, tell db to sit on the couch and sunggle with you and like it! And this will all be behind you before you know it!

And for a practical bit of advice - I highly recommend the Maya Wrap or some sort of baby carrier! My kids never liked the newborn position, but all seem to like being upright against my chest. It is kind of like being pregnant again, only a little higher on your body, but you can carry laundry, do the dishes, etc. as soon as your body heals up a bit! Until then, try and get some rest, and you will feel a lot better emotionally too!

Best of luck to you!

Christy
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#11 of 14 Old 02-06-2009, 06:03 PM
 
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Sign me up for the "punching your guy in the nuts" camp. So help me if DH whined at me even once abut work load or lack of intimacy right now, he would be a dead man. of course, we have 4 children now, and he has witnessed 3 births up close and personal like. I doubt he will ever make negative comments about what I am doing (or not) after seeing how many stitches and staples I have have needed to put me back together again. It took me nearly 12 weeks to recover after DD 1, and that was a function of my returning to work too soon, and doing laundry, and walking the dog way before I was supposed to.

Mama to 4 darlings. A ('03), O and K ('06), A ('09), and wife to M since 2002.
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#12 of 14 Old 02-06-2009, 06:04 PM - Thread Starter
 
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About babywearing - I want to, but when I tried to use the hotsling that I got for a gift, Lincoln HATED it and wanted OUT. Maybe I wasn't using it right, I'm going to try a different hold when I get a chance, but he really likes to have his arms free - anything constraining them is bad bad bad and makes him super angry since he was 4 days old and learned how to wiggle them around!

So, anyone that knows of a way to babywear with his arms free let me know!! He also hated the Ergo, but I think thats b/c of the infant insert, and once we don't need that anymore he'll do much better.

TIA for any advice on babywearing - I would LOVE to, he just doesn't seem to want to.
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#13 of 14 Old 02-06-2009, 06:15 PM
 
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Give babywearing some time. A few minutes here and there, and eventually, he'll most likely like it for longer and longer periods. If he doesn't have very good head control yet, it can be uncomfortable for them.

I am so sorry you had to have it cut and more stitches. That sounds painful and unpleasant and just plain awful. BUT, be glad you discovered it early and DID something about it now. Taking on a couple more sexless weeks will be easier on you and your DBF now than later down the road.
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#14 of 14 Old 02-06-2009, 09:27 PM
 
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nak

DD hates the Hotsling, and I actually feel like she doesn't fit in it right yet. She does really well in my Moby though, until she gets too hot!
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