"Stop touching the baby!" - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 17 Old 02-15-2009, 03:23 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My 2 year old DS wants to touch and kiss the baby constantly, and I find myself wanting to scream "STOP touching the baby!" about every ten minutes. I know he's trying to be loving and all that, and I appreciate that he's trying to be a nice big brother. BUT, he is driving me nuts especially when I am trying to nurse DS2. Does this get better or do I just need to learn to deal with it? I don't want to discourage him from being loving towards the baby, but it gets to be a bit much sometimes!

Sarah , wife to Tyson :, SAHM to Landon (5), Coleson (3), and new baby boy due any day!

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#2 of 17 Old 02-15-2009, 06:04 PM
 
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Oh man....I can say the same thing here! He loves her so much but I am like "Step away from the baby!" I find myself saying DON'T to him all the time and I hate it

Sorry no advice but know you aren't alone and I'm thinking of you!
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#3 of 17 Old 02-15-2009, 06:09 PM
 
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Yes! My 3.5 year old dd has been great--however...she is crazy affectionate with ds!

She goes right up into his face when I am a) nursing, b) changing ds, c) ds is waking up (you get the idea!) and says "Oh my precious!" or "Hiiiii! I'm big sister! Yes!" It is soooo sweet and yet sooo annoying. I feel like mother lion with Ds.

And then, get this! Our dog (an australian shepherd female) is totally vigilant with ds's safety. When I lift him out of his moses basket she flies over to him and licks his face (also sort of scrubs him with her lips...interesting) giving him a thorough bath!

Between dd and our dog, it's quite amusing when not totally annoying to a sleep-deprived mama lion!!!!

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#4 of 17 Old 02-16-2009, 03:23 PM
 
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DS (5) & DD (2) are quite affectionate here too! I have gotten into the habit of inviting them to hold the baby whenever it is a good time, pretty much every time we have changed/eaten/burped. It seems to help them get more time with her, and it is more convenient for her and I! Then I just remind them when they can hold her/talk to her/sing to her/etc whenever they do it at a not so convenient time. You don't have to say "no" or "dont", I jsut say something like "Ana would love to hear you sing when she is done eating" Then when they aren't all over the baby throw in some comments about what good big bro/sis they are because they know babies like to be alone when they eat but love to see big bro/sis when they are done eating. Obvioulsy apply that to whatever situation yours are most perstistent at "helping" with! And giving them lots of jobs (getting things, entertaining baby, taking care of diapers, etc.) helps a lot too! They get to feel like they are doing a lot, and you can shape what kind of help you are getting! Another thing you can do is keep them busy when you don't want them to touch the baby. If they come up when you are nursing, send them for a book you can read to them, ask them to go get a certain toy, start off some imaginitive play idea, or help you somehow. I guess it is a lot of training yourself, but they will come around!

Good luck!
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#5 of 17 Old 02-16-2009, 07:17 PM
 
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My 5 year old has twice today tried to pick the baby up by herself. It wouldn't be such a problem if she didn't pick her up head first! She also keeps head butting the baby in her attempts to snuggle. The 2 year old twins are crazy with the lovin on baby sister, but the mostly poke her face and slobber on her. Oh and K like to climb into the pack-n-play when everyone is looking the other way. The baby has never been in it, so I am not terribly worried, yet....

Mama to 4 darlings. A ('03), O and K ('06), A ('09), and wife to M since 2002.
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#6 of 17 Old 02-16-2009, 08:37 PM
 
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I'm reading this thinking "Gosh, I hope that's my biggest problem." We're due in August with Baby #2 and DD, who is 5, is already acting out with aggression towards the animals...she said she is feeling jealous and that's apparently how she deals.

I am scared about what it will be like with a fragile newborn. You all are lucky...kisses...anyday.

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#7 of 17 Old 02-17-2009, 12:28 AM
 
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Oh I'm not alone on this? lol

I have the same thing going on with DSD, 4.5. I have tried the whole, "please wait to play with baby after she is done eating." I have even tried to break it down, "do you like people hanging on you while you are trying to eat?"

She woke DD up twice this weekend because of "petting" her while DD was trying to nap.

I do feel horrible for having to remind her ALL day long when it is appropriate to play with the baby, but I have tried all kinds of things. I even told her what a great big sis she is and how I know she is just trying to show her love, but she really needs to wait for when Daddy and I say it's okay to play with her sister. She also has a tendancy to be really rough with DD.

Any other ideas on how to get through to older siblings about being careful and not messing with baby while baby is trying to nurse or sleep?

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#8 of 17 Old 02-17-2009, 01:30 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I figured I wasn't alone in this, but it sure is nice to actually hear other people are dealing with the same thing . My DS won't go help get diapers or anything like that, despite my attempts. I have tried reading to him while I nurse, but every time I turn a page he has to pat the baby or kiss him or something before we get back to the story. Today he was head butting the baby, even thought I have asked him a zillion times not to because it hurts his brother, and made DS2 cry. My mama bear totally came out and I just about lost it with him when the baby started crying in pain. I keep hoping the novelty of having a baby in the house will wear off soon.

Sarah , wife to Tyson :, SAHM to Landon (5), Coleson (3), and new baby boy due any day!

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#9 of 17 Old 02-18-2009, 08:35 PM
 
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Kids are all different, but it does take time. Hopefully it works out for all of you soon! My two year old isn't perfect all the time, but I feel like we are making good progress for her age. She pretty much jumped on top of her within the last hour though, so maybe my expectations are too low!

Raene, so sorry your daughter already has aggression over the thought of the new baby! Maybe since your baby isn't due for a bit you could have time to try and find some alternative ways for her to act out? We had to use the phrase "It is OK to feel _______ (angry for example) but it is not OK to ____________ (hit the dog)." Then ask what ideas she could do instead, or come up with a list together, or make suggestions for her. It has to be something functional though, so you might have to think outside the box until you find something that works. We found this really helpful with DS, and I felt like it was a really healthy thing to start by telling him his feelings are OK, and then redirecting how to act it out so it doesn't hurt other people.

As for the Mama Bear coming out to protect the little one, don't feel too bad. Sometimes it can feel like you are coming down hard on the older one all the time, and the baby is taking over as top priority. But as your kids get older, or at least for me, the Mama Bear comes out even when the little one hurts the bigger one! So just remind them that you wouldn't let anyone hurt them either, and even remind them of specific incidents if it helps get it through and helps you feel better!
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#10 of 17 Old 02-18-2009, 10:29 PM
 
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Sometimes it helps to say things like "tickle her toes" or "whisper to her" as a way to head them off from shouting their love into the baby's face.
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#11 of 17 Old 02-18-2009, 10:36 PM
 
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I have a feeling my little guy will be like this when our new baby comes this summer. He is the most loving, hugging and kissing, sweet little boy and he's only 17 months old! He always comes up to my belly and says (something that sounds like) baby and kisses my belly! Its too sweet! But I can see where it would get tough trying to wrangle that type of behavior...you want him to be loving but understand when enough is enough. Maybe have him do little tasks "for the baby" when he is getting too close, like helping fold the baby's laundry or put things in the baby's drawers. Might make him feel like he's being a big help

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#12 of 17 Old 02-19-2009, 05:14 AM
 
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DD1 and DD2 were like this with DS3, they were soooo over the top. With DD3 they are less hands on, I've told them that they can hold DD3 in April

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#13 of 17 Old 02-19-2009, 05:02 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Jannah6 View Post
DD1 and DD2 were like this with DS3, they were soooo over the top. With DD3 they are less hands on, I've told them that they can hold DD3 in April
That's great!

I just got DD1 to kiss the baby this past week. She otherwise ignores her. I was sorta sad about it but also relieved cause I can leave them on the bed while I pray and know that DD1 prefers to read a book instead of messing with the baby.
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#14 of 17 Old 02-20-2009, 10:18 AM
 
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Originally Posted by quietserena View Post
I can leave them on the bed while I pray and know that DD1 prefers to read a book instead of messing with the baby.
That is so awesome. I can't put my poor baby down ANYWHERE unless she is locked into a room alone with me. The twins just pile on her. Poor thing gets no sleep during the day.

Mama to 4 darlings. A ('03), O and K ('06), A ('09), and wife to M since 2002.
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#15 of 17 Old 02-20-2009, 10:34 AM
 
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Originally Posted by quietserena View Post
That's great!

I just got DD1 to kiss the baby this past week. She otherwise ignores her. I was sorta sad about it but also relieved cause I can leave them on the bed while I pray and know that DD1 prefers to read a book instead of messing with the baby.

Oh, that is sooo good. It takes so much stress off of having a newborn and a toddler.

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#16 of 17 Old 02-22-2009, 12:27 PM
 
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I have a 29 mo and a 7 week old. We've been letting DD1 hold DD2, totally spervised of course, since the beginning. She wants to sit with me when baby is nursing, so I've been asking her to "read" a book to the baby. This keeps her occupied, keeps her hands to herself (or at least, more to herself) and lets her feel like she's helping. We let her kiss the baby's head a few times a day, and she's totally in the "Let me do it!" and wanting to help stage, so she frequently puts wet diapers in the diaper pail for us, or we ask her to help find a burp cloth, blanket, toy for the baby, whatever.

She just wants to feel involved, and get in on the interaction.

Now if I could just get her to stop putting together all the buckles on the swing and bouncy chair everytime I take baby out, it would be alot easier to put baby down occassionally!
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#17 of 17 Old 02-22-2009, 04:57 PM
 
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Originally Posted by _betsy_ View Post
Now if I could just get her to stop putting together all the buckles on the swing and bouncy chair everytime I take baby out, it would be alot easier to put baby down occassionally!

OMG!!!! DS does this all the time too! I have to be sure to look before I try to put DD in or I have to take her back out and undo them! LOL
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