Big age gap in children? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 7 Old 05-27-2008, 11:56 AM - Thread Starter
 
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So we decided we wanted another child when my son was almost 1 and had 4 miscarriages in a row. We stopped trying for almost 2 years at that point because we were both at the point where the chance of another miscarriage was too painful to bring about. I got an IUD at that time and had it removed in April 2007. After 8-9 months of TTC with no results we decided it was not in the cards and that we were geninely happy with our son being an our only child for a long while longer (since I am only 27, my husband 28 we felt we had a lot of time to change our minds 3-5 years later). Well, we ended up pregnant by surprize (obviously, or I would not be here). While we are happy and know that we will make it work, I am a bit nervous about having kids 5 and 1/2 years apart. If you have a large age gap with some of your kids, could you please share the positives and negatives to the arrangement as you see it. I suppose 1 plus is that our son is in school for part of each day, giving us time to just focus on the baby's needs. Another is that our son is old enough to know what is going on and is really excited (in a way a 2 year old can't be). Mostly I am concerned that the age gap will mean they can't be close and make sharing a room harder (which they have to do from the time the baby leaves our room at age 2 or so until my older son is 10 or so because that is the earliest we will buy another house.) I don't have issues with kids sharing rooms but I wonder if it will be hard for a 3 year old and a 9 year old to share? Thoughts?

Katie, mama to one big boy (6/03) and one little boy (12/08).
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#2 of 7 Old 05-27-2008, 12:04 PM
 
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My sister and I are 5 years apart. We always shared a room and although she was annoying from time to time we've always been very close and remain so as adults. (More so than my DH and his brother who is just 2 years younger than him).

Which is the major reason why we chose to wait for #2, my son is five now and he's very excited about having a new brother.

I think it's really important for babies and toddlers to get a large amount of attention, which is something I just couldn't have done with two little ones. My DS is soo independent now and he can't wait to help with the baby, not to mention that him being in school will be a plus.

Breeder Mama: = wife to an amazing man + mama to J-Bear (07/02) and E-Train (06/08), nanny to Little Bird (07/10).

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#3 of 7 Old 05-27-2008, 12:09 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by Breeder View Post
My sister and I are 5 years apart. We always shared a room and although she was annoying from time to time we've always been very close and remain so as adults. (More so than my DH and his brother who is just 2 years younger than him).

Which is the major reason why we chose to wait for #2, my son is five now and he's very excited about having a new brother.

I think it's really important for babies and toddlers to get a large amount of attention, which is something I just couldn't have done with two little ones. My DS is soo independent now and he can't wait to help with the baby, not to mention that him being in school will be a plus.
those are very good points. Looking back, having 2 toddlers at the same time would have been HARD for me, and that is making me see the plus side of this 5 and 1/2 year gap in age. Thanks for your insights.

Katie, mama to one big boy (6/03) and one little boy (12/08).
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#4 of 7 Old 05-27-2008, 12:20 PM
 
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How about 14+ years? My stepson just turned 14, our surrogate baby will be born in 9-12 weeks and this one come January. N was included in the discussion about little Miss M coming and is looking forward to being a big brother. By the time these little ones will be starting kindergarten he will have been out of high school for over a year.

My only advice? Let him take as much of an involved roll as he wants. You might be surprised how well they share a room, defining a separate space for each of them within should help. You have a few years until you reach that point.
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#5 of 7 Old 05-27-2008, 12:25 PM
 
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Not in your ddc, but thought I would stop by to share some of my positive thoughts. Ds will be 7 1/2 when this one comes along and I'm very excited about it. Ds is excited to help out and he has already said he's going to teach the baby to read and walk I also look at the fact that there won't really be any fighting over toys and such because they will be so different in age. Ours won't be sharing a room, but I think that if they each have a set space in the room there may not be too much fighting. Good luck and congrats!

Elizabeth wife to Matt , mom to Logan (2/21/01) , and little man Desmond (9/23/08)

Mourning the loss of her father: Robert Edward Dillon 5/31/52 - 01/03/2011

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#6 of 7 Old 05-27-2008, 12:46 PM
 
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My DD will be 6 & 3/4 YO when this one is born. I think of it like this...she will be able to help me when I'm sitting down and it's too hard to get up, getting bottles, anything that I might need. And she is uber excited about having a sibling. She knows what it means to be a big sister bc she is older. SHe always kisses my belly and hugs it, it's too cute. She brags about her little 'sister' all the time...she wants it to be a girl.


She is so awesome right now bc she is like my personal butler..she's always asking me if she can get anything for me, although she gets a little distracted by the tv, or some of my food/drink is missing when I get it.
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#7 of 7 Old 05-27-2008, 12:52 PM
 
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My children are 16, 13 ,4 and due in October. My "big" boys adore their little brother he can be annoying by times but 90% of they time they are his big toys. My sister was 7 yrs younger than me and we are best friends whereas my brother who is 18 months younger than me has been a pain in my side since he was born we see each other maybe 2 x a year on a good year. My sister ( and other brother who is 10yrs younger) I speak with at least 1x a week and visit a few times a month.

Jeana Christian momma to 4 sons Logan 18, Connor 15, Nathan 6, and bonus baby Jack 1
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