So, for those of you having number 3+. . . - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 28 Old 09-09-2008, 06:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Do people treat you like a freak?

I am pg with #4 and people are just shocked. I know lots of people with 4 kids. I don't know why everyone thinks I am so strange? And the rude comments are getting old! (yes, I know how this happened. Yes, we were hoping for another baby. Yes, we are busy and will be even busier. I guess I am brave? Sigh.)

Do the stupid comments and questions stop after the baby is born? or when I am pg with #5?

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#2 of 28 Old 09-09-2008, 06:52 PM
 
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Sorry, but they dont stop. We are on #4 also. When asked the typical "Don't you know what causes that yet?" question. I just answer Yep, and I enjoyed every minute of it.

The other one I hate is "Are all those yours?" , with a stunned expression on their face. Umm No, we just picked them up off the side of the road.

People can be so stupid and insensitive. :
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#3 of 28 Old 09-09-2008, 06:54 PM
 
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I have it on good authority (I come from a VERY large family) that it just gets worse with each one. We're only working on #3, and we're surrounded by families having babies, so no one thinks too much of it. Once I was at the mall, though, with my SIL's 2 little girls, and my dd when she was a baby and I got THE dirtiest look from a man walking past. I mean, they WERE 5 months, 13 months, and not quite 2.5yo. So...I guess it did look like a little much...but I WISH I could get mine that close, ya' know?!?

(c:

I take great comfort in the fact that the normal people are raising far more children than the weirdos who object...one day we'll seriously outnumber them! (c:

Ha! (to the "are those all yours?!?" comment). I DO that to people. I walk up to them all serious and use "the tone". And then I don't let them get past their cautioned "yes" before I say something like "GOOD for you! We're hoping to have about a dozen ourselves! Have a good day!" I LOVE the look I get for flipping around what they are sure is going to be a negative comment.

"If you keep doing the same things you've always done, you'll keep getting the same results you've always gotten."

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#4 of 28 Old 09-09-2008, 07:03 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Bamamamaof3 View Post
The other one I hate is "Are all those yours?" , with a stunned expression on their face.
I'd turn to the kids and have that look on my face: "Hey, who are all you kids?" But I'm weird like that.

I can't believe that in this supposedly all accepting culture people would react like that. There's probably a limit as to how many kids each family can support but that's not up to others to set.
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#5 of 28 Old 09-09-2008, 07:04 PM
 
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I'm pg with #2 and am so nervous about having more than one to be responsible for! I never think the women with more kids are freaks, I'm more respectfully in awe of them. I'm sorry people are so insensitive.
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#6 of 28 Old 09-09-2008, 07:58 PM
 
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I'm on #4 and I got more comments when I was pg with #3. I had already had a girl and boy and people constantly asked me why I was having another when I had a girl and boy. I did not realize that that was the sign to stop having kids. I do get a lot of "you must be brave" comments though. I'm not sure why it is brave to have four kids...
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#7 of 28 Old 09-09-2008, 08:48 PM
 
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Yep, we are the freaks. We get the "Don't you know how that happens?" comment from everyone...family and strangers...and have only received congratulations from our friends and people online (oh and MIL).

I keep getting told I'll have to buy a bus soon, don't I have enough, when will I stop, you have your hands full, you don't look old enough to have that many kids (I'm 27) etc.

It pixxes me off that people 1.) automatically assume that the child was an accident because we couldn't *possibly* WANT 4 children. 2.) that they have the audacity to ask if we know how that happens like we are 10 or something.

People need to grow up.

I also get the impression that people think because we look young and have so many kids that they all must be accidents AND that we're on food stamps and don't work or something. I WAS on food stamps for years when I was in school (when my older two were younger) and I have no regrets...but for people to assume that we keep having children that we can't "afford" to care for is insulting.

Can you tell it bothers me?

Kim, Wife to Michael, Homeschooling Mom to Hannah (13), Aidan (12), Brighton (8), and Oliver (5) and Ephraim (2) goorganic.jpgsaynovax.giffly-by-nursing1.giffemalesling.GIF 
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#8 of 28 Old 09-09-2008, 08:56 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Bamamamaof3 View Post
The other one I hate is "Are all those yours?" , with a stunned expression on their face. Umm No, we just picked them up off the side of the road.
ooo yeah we get that one too..usually followed by the "You sure have your hands full comment"


I do want to comment though, that one day we were at a dr's office and my dh and kids were in the waiting room. There were two older ladies in there talking with them. When I came out and they saw I was pregnant they were overjoyed and thought it was wonderful. They commented how well behaved my children were, and then asked about school. We told them they are homeschooled and they thought that was great. As were leaving I heard one of the ladies say to her friend "Now, THAT'S a family!!" At least one generation appreciates it...too bad that generation is almost gone.

Kim, Wife to Michael, Homeschooling Mom to Hannah (13), Aidan (12), Brighton (8), and Oliver (5) and Ephraim (2) goorganic.jpgsaynovax.giffly-by-nursing1.giffemalesling.GIF 
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#9 of 28 Old 09-09-2008, 10:17 PM
 
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ooo yeah we get that one too..usually followed by the "You sure have your hands full comment"


I do want to comment though, that one day we were at a dr's office and my dh and kids were in the waiting room. There were two older ladies in there talking with them. When I came out and they saw I was pregnant they were overjoyed and thought it was wonderful. They commented how well behaved my children were, and then asked about school. We told them they are homeschooled and they thought that was great. As were leaving I heard one of the ladies say to her friend "Now, THAT'S a family!!" At least one generation appreciates it...too bad that generation is almost gone.
I get the "hands full" comment a lot, too (I'm pg with #4), but I always reply "and I wouldn't have it any other way!".

I mostly get folks telling me what a blessing my kids are and how lucky I am to have them all. I see a lot of looks that say--wow, I wish I had more kids, you are so fortunate. I'm sorry you guys have gotten such negative responses--families are awesome, no matter what size!

Melissa, loving wife love.gif and mama to 4 girls now! DD 12, DD 10 1/2, DD 4, DD 2 Happily homeschool.gif, doing lots of hang.gif very little sleeping.gifof and as much as I can knit.gifsewmachine.gif reading.gif
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#10 of 28 Old 09-09-2008, 10:39 PM
 
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Ha! (to the "are those all yours?!?" comment). I DO that to people. I walk up to them all serious and use "the tone". And then I don't let them get past their cautioned "yes" before I say something like "GOOD for you! We're hoping to have about a dozen ourselves! Have a good day!" I LOVE the look I get for flipping around what they are sure is going to be a negative comment.
I actually only have 2 and one on the way, but have been providing childcare so I do get the question too. Especially when we are at a park and it is obvious almost every single one of them had a different father - and there are usually 4 or more of them under the age of 5! I guess that could make people wonder what I am up to though, LOL!

As for number 3 for us, this wasn't planned, and we were in shock for a bit. Not because 3 kids aren't great, I'm used to more than that from daycare. Mostly because we are worried about our financial ability to support a family with 3 as well as we would like! And yes, we get the comments too!

Christy
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#11 of 28 Old 09-10-2008, 02:56 AM
 
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I am having #5, my youngest is 9 and I am 40 years old. So, I get rude comments all the time about it.
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#12 of 28 Old 09-10-2008, 09:38 AM
 
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I'm pregnant with #3 and so far I've had:

- 2 people ask me if it was planned or not (okay, how rude is that?)

- One person ask me repeatedly where we're going to put the baby in our 3 bedroom house (um... in the cold cellar?)

- When I was at the pool with my 2 nieces and 2 kids, a lady in the changeroom said "They're not all yours, are they?" Actually, no, but so what if they were?

For the most part, 3 isn't anything too odd around here anymore. There are a lot of families having a third. We're stopping at three, but I'd love to hear the comments if we had a 4th.
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#13 of 28 Old 09-10-2008, 09:46 AM
 
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I get the comments too and am just PG with #3. We have two boys and found out that this baby is a girl. People say "Oh, good. Now you can be done." Or "Isn't that nice to get a girl for your last one." I'm telling everyone we want 4 so hopefully that will prepare them for next time.

I know some families with 7 or 8 kids. I know one with 11 and they seem like they want another. That's where the comments must get crazy!

We used to want 10 kids, but waited almost 10 years to start trying so now we're hoping for at least 4 but imagine we'd every try not to get PG.

Mom to 5 amazing kids! (DS8, DS7, DD4, DD2 and DS0)

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#14 of 28 Old 09-10-2008, 10:30 AM
 
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Well I have a story you all will just love.

I am pregnant with #3 and ran into a man whose wife I know. They have one child - a boy that is the same age as DS#1. They are pretty crunchy...but also pretty opinionated on others crunchiness or lack thereof. So he says to me....

"In this day, you really shouldn't have more than two children. It really puts a strain on the environment and adds to your carbon footprint etc! " -

I can appreciate he feels that way...but I don't appreciate his RUDENESS. LOL.

The funny thing is that we are homeschooling and almost everyone we "know" is planning a third - or has as many as 4-5! I should invite that guy to some of our playground playdates.

LOL.

to all the mommas with many...what a happy joyful house.
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#15 of 28 Old 09-10-2008, 10:46 AM
 
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My comments usually come from family and friends trying to be funny. Outsiders don't usually comment. I think because I'm Muslim. I guess they figure that we just have a lot of children.

: 2:Ma To 6 :12,8,7,5,2,1&
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#16 of 28 Old 09-10-2008, 11:00 AM
 
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You think its bad for you, just wait until your kids get into school... I am the oldest of 5 girls. I hear things like "Your parents were busy!" (thanks, but I dont want to talk about my parents having sex) or "havent they heard of birth control?" or my favorite, "I feel sorry for your father." WHY FEEL SORRY FOR THE MAN? He LOVES having all girls. He has 5 daddy's girls who adore him. My mom has five little helpers around the house. My sisters and I all had someone to play with all the time and we were never lonely. YET we were treated like freak.

And now, its my turn. I have two and a step daughter so this is #4. and believe it or not, I want more. I always said that I wanted to have 4 kids. Well, I want to give birth to 4 children and my DSD makes 5!! Someone actually made it sound like she got the impression that I have "thrown my life away because I am not educated enough to know how to use birth control. this is what is wrong with America, not enough education about birth control and our options. YOU DONT ACCIDENTALLY GET PREGNANT!!" Well I did... and I couldnt be more excited if I'd tried for this one. I was told that I couldnt have more after several MC so she is not an accident. She is a miracle... I wanted to rip her G.D. throat out!
I have also gotten "More than two children is unfair and irresponsible. Your children will all recieve less attention, emotionally and financially. It will do emotional harm because they will not feel special enough. Not to mention the environmental effect. Increasing the surplus population" (that was before I announced to anyone that I was pregnant. I snapped at her. She now knows why I snapped and feels like an a-hole) None of my sisters or I ever suffered and my children do not either.

Check this out! I actually ordered one of these this week

http://www.cafepress.com/deeksbrats.131297949

I think that all of us having #3 + should own one!
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#17 of 28 Old 09-10-2008, 11:01 AM
 
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No comments yet, really. Family assumes this will be our last. It probably will be, but it's annoying that they think that, yk? Same family that was hoping for a girl this time. Surprise, it's another boy! Honestly, it annoys me that people think we'd get pregnant to get a girl. We got pregnant to get a baby.
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#18 of 28 Old 09-10-2008, 11:09 AM
 
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- One person ask me repeatedly where we're going to put the baby in our 3 bedroom house (um... in the cold cellar?)
We have a three bedroom house. My girls share a room and my son gets his own room. Before that we had a two bedroom house and before DSD came along DS and DD shared a room (they were 2 and 4) they prefer it that way. I offered my oldest DD her own room and she declined (she claims her reason was because she felt DS needed his own room and she didnt want DSD to get lonely... I think she was concerned with her own lonliness) I know that later on she will change her mind but for now tey are happy with it. We lived in a 2 br house growing up. Me and 3 sisters in one room (big room) and we were all happy. When my last sister was born we moved into a 4 BR house... We all chose to share rooms (at least two to a room) and turned the other room into an office/ sewing room/ art studio. Every 6 months we would rotate who shares the rooms.

Why is this such a difficult concept for people?
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#19 of 28 Old 09-10-2008, 11:21 AM
 
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...you don't look old enough to have that many kids (I'm 27) etc.
I always tell them "Im not!!"

I had DD when I was 16 and DS when I was 19 and I love telling people that because I love the reaction I get!! Nothing shuts people up quicker than teen pregnancy (and if they are being particularly nasty I go on to tell them about how my daughter was concieved as the result of date rape but I chose to keep her and give her all of the love and care I had in my heart.)
And if that doesnt shut them up I usually go on to tell them that not only did I graduate highschool salutatorian of my class being a full time mom to DD and working a full time job, I also went on to college and got a degree, while being a full time mom to two kids and working a full time job. I do not condone teenage pregnancy because I really believe that I was the exception to the rule. I didnt become a statistic like I could have but I had to work my azz off to get there.

No Im not old enough to have 4 kids but who are they to judge?

Sorry for the multiple rant posts... Im a little fired up today.
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#20 of 28 Old 09-10-2008, 11:30 AM
 
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Regarding the "where will you put the new baby", I love the smart-arse replies. Nothing seems to stop a person quicker than pointing out the stupidity of their question.
The cold cellar is good, I like it!
Also, you can let them know you've cleared out the bottom drawer of your dresser. The baby should fit nicely in there, right?
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#21 of 28 Old 09-10-2008, 11:43 AM
 
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Also, you can let them know you've cleared out the bottom drawer of your dresser. The baby should fit nicely in there, right?
My mother slept in the top drawer of my grandparents' dresser when they lived in a one room apartment and were too poor for a crib... my mom seems to be pretty ok.
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#22 of 28 Old 09-10-2008, 12:18 PM
 
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Okay...was trying to be funny, imagining popping the baby in the dresser drawer and closing it up, and out of the way.

I realize it was quite common to use a drawer as a baby bed. I don't think I mentioned anyone's welfare for having been placed in said baby beds. I could've mentioned a broom closet, under-the-bed storage, etc.

Please, if anyone has been, or knows of a baby in a broom closet, under the bed, or in a cold-cellar for that matter, I mean not to insult.
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#23 of 28 Old 09-10-2008, 12:40 PM
 
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I'm pregnant with #3 and haven't had too many negative comments, but I do get asked "So you're going for a girl?" because I have two boys. I find that really annoying - as if we chose to have more kids, not because we just want more kids, but because we want a girl. And we recently found out we're having a third boy, so of course everyone is now asking whether we'll have a fourth to try for a girl. I don't even have my third out of my womb yet and they think I'm planning my fourth just so I can "get a girl." Ugh.

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#24 of 28 Old 09-10-2008, 02:13 PM
 
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I mean not to insult.
Oh, mama, I wasnt insulted. Sorry if you got that impression. I was sharing an amusing anecdote... I have seen pictures of her in the dresser drawer. its quite amusing.
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#25 of 28 Old 09-10-2008, 02:26 PM
 
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Maybe it's the crazy city I live in. In Seattle, there are way more dogs than children. And generally it's more acceptable to bring your dog into a little shop than your child, even if he is well behaved, potty trained, and in a stroller!

So I'm not shocked when poeple make rude comments. We're pregnant with our third. We'll have 3 boys who are all about 2 years apart. We've heard many of the same things. My favorite is from my sister-in-law: "Wow, that's quick."

I am 26 but look like I could be 18. I get lots of comments about how I don't look old enough to be a mom, let alone a mother of 3. This is hard! I graduated from high school at 16, fell in love with DH at 17, graduated from college and got married at 19. We waited a few years and had our first when I was 22. My husband has a great job, we love our kids and provide for their needs well, our boys are not a mistake and we have gone through a lot to bring them into the world. I guess I end up feeling like I have to justify our choice to be young parents.

So many people in our culture really think children are a burden. I hate the comments about global warming and our carbon footprint. Who cares about the environment if there are no children to live in the world in 100 years?

And honestly, my station wagon full of 5 people is way "greener" than you driving alone in your prius...
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#26 of 28 Old 09-10-2008, 02:39 PM
 
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no, people don't look at me like a freak but I will tell you something. the more children you have the harder it is to find lodging that will allow you all to sleep in just one room.

i went on vacation this summer with my three children plus my niece and noticed that when i tried to reserve the room on the internet, with 2 adults and 4 children it would say that there were no accommodations, please enter a different number. i eventually found a place, several actually.

i heard it was a fire hazard but i believe that is baloney because i always travel and have never had this problem. i've noticed this after the increase in gas prices and basic stable goods.

something you might like to know.
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#27 of 28 Old 09-10-2008, 08:54 PM
 
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I never thought that I would hear this sort of stuff going on in a place as large and diverse as the USA.

I live in a small Caribbbean island witha population of less that 300,000. Everyone minds everyone else's business. It's so annoying. I'm pregnant with baby number 3 and believe me I've heard all those comments too. It's as though they want to plan your lives for you or something. Ugggh!!!
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#28 of 28 Old 09-12-2008, 12:53 AM
 
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I'm SO sick of "You have your hands full!".

Now most of the time it's not meant unkindly, and I just smile and go on my way, but sometimes people can be really, really nasty in the way they say it.

I secretly compose sarcastic remarks in my head, but honestly don't want to impugn my own character or stoop to their level.

Blessed Mama to 4 and expecting one more!
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