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#1 of 37 Old 10-02-2008, 09:29 AM - Thread Starter
 
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With my hormones and feeling sad and angry all the time.

I also don't feel I have any outlet to talk anymore. My best friend has now told me she feels like she needs to walk on eggshells around me right now... I honestly don't think I'm being that bad! I'm more sad than anything. I cry a lot!

But I do get very outspoken when people start in on their crap "oh you should really reconsider getting an epidural... why can't you just trust doctors? why would you refuse the recommened shots at birth, you are putting your baby at risk!" blah blah more BS!


I feel so incredibly alone right now...

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#2 of 37 Old 10-02-2008, 10:47 AM
 
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I was there recently too, mama. If your BFF has ever been pregnant she should be a little more understanding and sensitive. Being told how irrational and emotional you are doesnt help... it only makes it worse. Hopefully it will pass. And you are not alone! I know we dont know each other personally but you have this wonderful DDC here for you. We are all going through it together. Thats why I love MDC. When my friend told me to join I was like "yeah, right... whatever" but now I am an addict. LOL

If its any consolation, Im still feeling how you are right now. My current state is riddiculous. I burst into tears every time I get into the shower or a bath tub. Dont know why. Something about the warm water. I also cry about stupid stuff, like yesterday, I cried because we were out of chocolate pudding. I cry over commercials. I cry over the fact that I feel unappreciated by my kids (whether or not that is rational)
Plus I get really evil if I dont get enough sleep or if anything is out of place. I have been whiny and complaining a lot. Ive all but lost my temper with anyone who dares ring my phone at work... even though thats why its there, its part of my job. I hate everyone who walks through the door. I want to injur my boss because I hate the sound he makes while drinking water. My family sitting down to dinner kills my appetite because I cant stand the sound of them chewing. DH is going to lose his nose if he doesnt stop sniffling (which he cant help because he has allergies... but its driving me insane) And I want to rip out the throat of the next person who tells me I am crazy for doing an unmedicated homebirth or tells me that they dont see me actually going through with it.

You are most definitely not alone!!
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#3 of 37 Old 10-02-2008, 11:20 AM
 
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You are definitely not alone with the crying stuff!!!

Anything having to do with animals makes me lose it. It's gotten to the point where I can't even look at cnn.com at work anymore, for fear of having a complete meltdown at my cube. The other day, there was only a HEADLINE (I didn't even open the article!!), about how a baby whale in Florida got euthanized. I started bawling my eyes out. It's ridiculous, I totally feel your pain!!!!!
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#4 of 37 Old 10-02-2008, 11:42 AM
 
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I know how you feel. I am not sad so much as on the war path. Dont question my birth choices, dont question my child rearing choices if you refuse to educate yourself. GRRRR!! Poor DH, he has to try to calm me down from my homicidal rages.
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#5 of 37 Old 10-02-2008, 11:44 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Lex... she has been pregnant before. So she always takes this "I know more than you" atitude... and is like, "remember the story I told you about how I dropped my sandwich in third trimester so threw the plate then bawled? You need to keep your emotions in check."



All of my RL friends are all about epidurals, elective c-sections and all think I'm a complete whack job...

My DH is sort of the same way and it has been one battle after another with him (first to have a midwife, our latest is over the Vit K shot and eye drops and delaying the Hep B shot) he did it all with his ex, so feels that I should do the same ... I'm feeling very worn and beaten already.

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#6 of 37 Old 10-02-2008, 11:57 AM
 
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You're definitely not alone.

One thing that seems to help me is a b-complex and eating good food. Maybe it's about that feeling of being taken care of.
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#7 of 37 Old 10-02-2008, 12:03 PM
 
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I spent all Sunday curled up in a ball sniffling over a baby shower suggestion. I knew I was being silly but I had this huge cloud over me.

Your emotions may be hay-wire but your thinking skills are intact. Don't let anyone try to confuse them for you.
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#8 of 37 Old 10-02-2008, 01:18 PM
 
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that blows! are you getting a doula or do you have one already? it might really help to know you have at least ONE person, real time, who will be as supportive as you need her to be.

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#9 of 37 Old 10-02-2008, 01:25 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Funny you should mention that Bloomingstar...

I went into this thinking I would not need one and didn't look into it much... with the overwhelming feelings I was hit with this past week, I had an uncontrollable urge to look up doulas in my area.

I know there is a doula that works with my midwife practice, but I have spoken to her a few times on the phone already to set up my labor classes with her, and I just did not feel a connection there...

So I did some google searching... and a few sites in... I found a website... the woman is actually someone I went to high school with! I beleive we were in chorus together. This has me in one of my "I listened to my instincts at the right time" thoughts. lol

I just emailed her and will see what happens...

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#10 of 37 Old 10-02-2008, 01:27 PM
 
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Probably best to just avoid the birth decision talks altogether. It's easy to get swooped into them by friends...but I find it's best to just say something a bit self-depricating, like "well, you know me, I'm one of those crazy hippie types" and then change the subject entirely "oh man, i keep forgetting to buy napkins at the store!".

I know it's not so healthy to 1. say self-depricating things (though i like calling myself a hippie, so i don't feel bad saying it about myself) or 2. to lie and avoid conversations. But sometimes it's the best way out for me. For my sanity. I find i regret and replay those conversations over and over and it just makes me anxious, you know?

As for the emotions. I seem to vacillate between joyful and generalized anxiety. when i'm feeling anxious it's horrible and there's nothing i can do. when i'm feeling happy i just try to go with it and ride the wave because i know that it's only a matter of time before i crash....
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#11 of 37 Old 10-02-2008, 02:01 PM
 
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I feel for you! I feel emotional, too, and I think my DH is starting to think I milk the pregnancy thing too much. I can be such a "classic" pregnant lady - having DH run out for ice cream at 9pm, getting emotional over the slightest things, being tense and angry and overwhelmed. At least he knows it's temporary (sort of). Your BF is just not "getting it" right now - and that sucks.

As for the birth conversation thing - UGH!!! I heard it all the time when I was pregnant with my first DS ("Oh, you'll change your mind about the epidural when you start labor" etc.) Even my dad gave me a hard time and said he thought I'd need an epidural (yeah, thanks for the insight Dad). And I had a massive argument with my SIL about wanting to birth at a birth center (she's a pediatrician). It seems like now that I'm pregnant with my third, people just leave me alone with the birth choices stuff. And I'm sure not bringing it up.

Hugs to you - you're not alone!

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#12 of 37 Old 10-02-2008, 04:01 PM
 
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Lex... she has been pregnant before. So she always takes this "I know more than you" atitude... and is like, "remember the story I told you about how I dropped my sandwich in third trimester so threw the plate then bawled? You need to keep your emotions in check."
See, I hate when people do that crap. That "dont do what I did" b.s.!! The "ive been there before so I know that you can control it" WHATVER!! If someone "knows what you have been through" they should be WAAAAAY more supportive! she should know how much it sucks to hear other peoples advice on how to "be a better person" if you are already feeling sh**ty to begin with!

More hugs. I know how frustrating that can be!

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#13 of 37 Old 10-02-2008, 04:56 PM - Thread Starter
 
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The woman I went to high school with is open in January to be my doula, and I can afford her fee too.


The only trick left... is to convince DH that I need her. I KNOW this is going to be a huge blow out fight... he will never understand it.

I'm tempted to just hire her and causually mention to DH that I got a Doula...

I don't know what to do... but I'm so sick of him telling me no... I get this is his child too, but this is MY birth... he doesn't have to do it. :

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#14 of 37 Old 10-02-2008, 05:01 PM
 
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See, I hate when people do that crap. That "dont do what I did" b.s.!! The "ive been there before so I know that you can control it" WHATVER!! If someone "knows what you have been through" they should be WAAAAAY more supportive! she should know how much it sucks to hear other peoples advice on how to "be a better person" if you are already feeling sh**ty to begin with!

More hugs. I know how frustrating that can be!
and just for the record :

If you can - I would totally get a doula. I was there just a month ago in feeling beaten up, blue and worn down mostly because I can't talk to anyone except family out here about our birth choice (VBAC'ing) without getting a lot of raised eyebrows, and questions. The only place I even feel remotely comfortable is in my birth class, except its with a bunch of first time moms and they're all like - why don't you try a homebirth or at a birth center. So between trying to thank them for the suggestions, I also have to balance not to burden them with my own first labor and all the crap I did. Bummer.

personally if you were my very good friend and going through this right now especially as I've been pg before and this is your first - it would be high time for a bit self-indulgence and mentally zipping any lip and just being supportive!!! I would also bust out some chocolate, and pedicures pronto. :

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#15 of 37 Old 10-02-2008, 05:44 PM
 
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I would also bust out some chocolate, and pedicures pronto. :

:

I think we all need that!
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#16 of 37 Old 10-03-2008, 04:00 AM
 
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I feel so incredibly alone right now...
That's how I feel most of the time too. It seems not matter what I say I say it wrong and end up crying alone. I feel like I offend anyone I talk to and can't get anything right then I worry that I must just be taking everything the wrong way and feeling sorry for myself so then I feel even worse.

Doesn't it sometimes feel like everything is falling apart around you, or is that just me. I'm a stay at home mom, a homemaker if you will. I should be keeping the house clean and having dinner made at a decent time. It shouldn't be too hard to accomplish these simple tasks that everyone else can do, some amazing woman while working outside the home too! Perhaps the fact that I only get around 4 hrs sleep on any given night is the problem but I just can't seem to get anymore.

I worry most of all that my mood is going to effect the baby. I tried really hard to maintain a good humor with my first and he was a pretty happy baby most of the time. With my second I was irritated with the first frequently and he has been a grumpy baby. Now I'm irritated and depressed I don't know what to expect. I try to keep my chocolate up this time around, I did with the first but not with the second. I read somewhere that woman who ate chocolate on a regular basis while pregnant had happier babies, I'm hoping that's all it was

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#17 of 37 Old 10-03-2008, 08:55 AM - Thread Starter
 
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s inthezoo I can relate to the falling apart feeling. I basically run the house... and it is driving me insane... it's as if DH can't think for himself half the time and I am SICK of cleaning up after him! I went on strike... this means there are dishes scattered around the house left by him, and I'm hoping he gets the hint and cleans them up... if not I suppose I have to point out they have been sitting around the house all week and I'm NOT a bloody maid! : Anytime I mention any of this stuff to him, "I'm taking things too personally or am nagging him and he will get to it."


But update on the doula I found.. it turns out she was the Doula for one of my cousins too! I am hoping this holds weight when I talk to DH because someone we know has used her services.

What is also neat, she went to the same midwives I am going to and they delivered her second baby last month! : She said they were awesome. I have not heard anything bad at all about the midwife practice I chose yet. So I am feeling much better about this situation.

She also has a really flexible payment plan in part because she knows me, and said we just need a $50 retainer fee and the rest can be paid as we have it, even if that is after the baby is born. I am hoping this persuades DH more too. :

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#18 of 37 Old 10-03-2008, 11:04 AM
 
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I'm so happy you found a doula. I hope you've been feeling better too!

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#19 of 37 Old 10-03-2008, 12:22 PM
 
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I'm so glad you found a doula and it seems like such a nice match! I hope your DH does not give you trouble about it--it'll only be a good thing for him too, to help you birth how you need to.

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#20 of 37 Old 10-03-2008, 01:09 PM
 
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Congrats on finding a doula!! I'm sure your DH will agree with your decision, remember its your team you need to feel safe & secure for this birth!!

Take care of yourself and I hope your feeling a bit better!

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#21 of 37 Old 10-03-2008, 07:36 PM
 
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Jenifer, let your dh know that when he gets a chance to push a melon out of his behind, then he gets to pick his support team, until then. . . he can just be happy he gets to be in the room when his child is born. . . because that is optional too!

Sorry, I am really snarky and cranky and tired too!! I was just going to write this post. I just want someone to take care of me or at least help with some laundry and cooking!!

We all need a spa day with lots of chocolate!!

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#22 of 37 Old 10-04-2008, 10:50 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hear, hear, Courtney! lol


No news yet... he has been especially agitated the last couple days, so I have not had the courage to bring this up.

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#23 of 37 Old 10-06-2008, 09:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Well... brought it up... at first he didn't say flat out no... then just now he did.

Not only did he say no, he made me feel like the biggest loser ever. I started the whole conversation with saying I wanted to talk about something that is very important to me... but he apparantly doesn't care.

He told me that birthing is self explanatory and he is sure my midwife will talk to me during and that I don't need a support person, that this whole thing sounds like a sucker gimic. That it's totally unneccessary and it's akin to getting a personal trainer for the gym...

He told me I better not go behind his back and do it either because he will kick her out of the room and be really really pissed at me.


Why do men think this is so easy and like they have any right at all to tell women, "oh it's so easy you'll see and then be upset that you spent all that money for nothing..."

I feel numb...

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#24 of 37 Old 10-06-2008, 09:45 PM
 
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He told me that birthing is self explanatory
I'd have said "Oh yeah? YOU DO IT, THEN!!!"

Sorry you're feeling so lousy and that your confidence is so shaken. I hope things work out for you.

When I'm feeling particularly lousy, I find a long shower after a walk in the woods with my camera is the best. And chocolate.
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#25 of 37 Old 10-06-2008, 09:49 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I told him he isn't the one that has to go through it and what does he know will make me feel comfortable...


He said to not try to pull the card that it's my first time to get my way... whatever that is supposed to mean. I do like to point that out to him, because he likes to be all high and mighty since he has seen one birth in his life.


I feel utterly sick that he can be so non-compasionate at all to this.

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#26 of 37 Old 10-07-2008, 12:07 AM
 
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He told me I better not go behind his back and do it either because he will kick her out of the room and be really really pissed at me.
Well, if my husband said that to me, I can tell you that somebody would get kicked out of the birthing room, and it WOULDN'T be the doula! :
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#27 of 37 Old 10-07-2008, 09:56 AM
 
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Have your midwife talk to him. Next time you are due for a check in, make sure hes there and ahead of time, call your midwife and ask her to drop it into conversation so you do not have to bring it up. It seems a little sneaky but in situations like this... you do what you have to do to get the support you need. ESPECIALLY since this is your first time! You need support.

YOU ARE IN CONTROL! He cant kick people out of the room. You cna kick people out of the room and you have every right to kick him out. I had the nurses kick my ex out of the room when I was delivering DS. They told him it was for medical reasons because my blood pressure kept spiking.
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#28 of 37 Old 10-07-2008, 11:11 AM
 
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Ok, if I am off base, please just ignore this post.

His conversation with you, your fear to bring up topics with him, etc. sounds like he is very emotionally controlling/abusive to you. I would never hesitate to talk to my dh about the birth of our child and what I wanted and he would never belittle and blackmail me ("if you go behind his back, he will be mad").

I have a friend that her husband was like yours sounds like. It tore up her whole life and children's lives.

Please seek some family or personal couseling! This just doesn't sound like a healthy situation.

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#29 of 37 Old 10-07-2008, 12:36 PM
 
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Are you planning on taking any birth classes?? If so - I would recommend a bradley class if you can do it. It really helped my husband see and hear what I needed for a birth experience - security, and support, which just happened to be support for both of us in the form of a doula.

All I can offer is a lot of hugs right now, anda suggestion keep at your husband, talk about your birth and what you want out of it - its your first and each one is unique and different in their own ways. So while it might have been easy for his ex, you have needs which need to be met for this to be successful to you.

Also I would never say it was money wasted on a doula - ever, even if the birth was a slam dunk! That would be like saying 'cheerleaders or coaches are a waste to sports'

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#30 of 37 Old 10-08-2008, 09:18 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Well, I think we came to something last night... he still thinks it's unneccessary and it came out that he thinks this because we are doing the classes so he thinks I should learn enough from those to feel comfortable. I told him I really feel I need a doula and would be more comfortable with that, so I think he is putting it down to either classes or a doula.

I'm thinking a doula would be much more beneficial at the time than a one day class. lol


But my question is... where do I find information that I would have learned at the class? Such as breathing techniues, or different birth positions? Anyone have some good book recomendations?

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