I had a sad day today. Within one hour I got two pieces of very bad news. The beautiful little girl whose birth I attended almost two weeks ago has a heart defect. 3 different ones in fact. She will be needing surgery by January. This was caught within 3 days of her birth by the homebirth midwife, but was thought to be a murmur that would clear on it's own. The ped. agreed, but both thought getting an echo. would be a good idea. The poor thing is really starting to struggle, so the family is now facing medication until surgery time, and then the recovery afterwards while juggling a very active 2 year old.
While I was on the phone hearing this sad news, the vet called about my dog. She has been ill for awhile. She has pretty much stopped eating, and though she has not been in obvious pain, I wanted her looked at. We had bloodwork done, which confirms she is in liver failure, due to a mass of some kind on her liver. She is 10. She would not survive a surgery of this magnitude, and we are not willing to subject her to chemo or radiation. We don't know what to do just yet. She is still ok, except for the weight loss, and lack of energy from not eating enough. it is not right to put her down at this time, but it probably won't be too long if we choose to do nothing and let the disease/cancer take it's course. We could get an ultrasound, learn more about the mass, and possibly put her on steroids. This would prolong her life. It would stimulate her appetite, and may slow the growth of the cancer. It wouldn't cure her, and it might do damage to her kidneys.
I am really torn. I don't know that I could handle an invalid, terminally ill dog, my special needs home schooled DD, the twins, and a new baby by myself this winter. I feel selfish for wanting to keep her with me, but worse for wanting to end it sooner rather than endure what is coming. I had to explain the illness to DD today. She just would NOT leave the poor dog alone. It was just heartbreaking. I really thought I would be able to stop at explaining that she was very sick, and must be treated gently at all times (she is a lab, and recently weighed as much as 90lbs.). DD immediately understood the gravity of the situation, and burst into tears because her dog was going to die. I had to get into waaaaaay more detail than I thought was appropriate at this time, but I couldn't let it drop with her sobbing.
(sigh) Now I can't sleep.