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#31 of 206 Old 09-03-2011, 03:41 PM - Thread Starter
 
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It's not morbid at all. We kept Innocent in a plastic container of saline in the fridge from Sunday to Tuesday. On Tuesday I wrapped him in a little blue blanket and put him in the casket (I had it ready by then) and put it back in the fridge. We buried him on Wednesday. You may want to look at Paisley. Innocent had been dead for at least 2 1/2 to 3 weeks when those pictures were taken. He was born in the sac (but I took him out of it to put him in the saline). If Paisley's been in the fridge this whole time, then there wouldn't have been any additional deterioration. I was terrified that Innocent would be falling apart - I still hate to say that - but he looked just the way he did in the pictures. It was a great relief.


Wife to DH for 17 years, homeschooling mom to 3 girls (15, 13, 12), 2 boys (11, 7), and (13 wk mc 4/10/11), (13 week mc 12/12/11). baby girl 10/31/13. (11 wk mc 6/25/14). (6 wk mc 10/26/14)
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#32 of 206 Old 09-03-2011, 07:06 PM
 
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I agree that I don't think it's morbid at all. With both my miscarriages, I knew when I had passed the sac and the placenta, and I looked and looked but couldn't see anything. With Spring she probably stopped developing around five or six weeks (though I made it to ten) and with Dove I was only 8 weeks when I started bleeding. I still held them for a long time, especially Dove, and buried them beside my rose bush.

 

I really love these pictures. They remind me that there really was a baby inside me, that was really growing and developing. Some days it's hard to remember that. For them to be more than just blood and clots and cramps.

 

~Rose

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#33 of 206 Old 09-03-2011, 07:29 PM
 
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I don't think it's morbid.  We actually kept Owen in the freezer until we knew what was going on with his sister.  We ended up having them both cremated (many funeral homes will do this for free), since we're going to wait until spring to plant a tree in their memory and bury them beneath it.  I probably wouldn't have gone the cremation route, except that I felt bad keeping my babies in the freezer for months and months.

 

MAnna - I don't feel like a hero.  Truth be told, I feel like a failure.  I wasn't able to keep my babies safe, and that's what a mother is supposed to do.  Especially Sophia.  I aborted her.  I know it would have happened anyways, since I was already in labor, and I'd have been a whole lot worse off physically, but it's a terrible feeling.  I wanted so much to have a miracle, to have her survive after her brother came out.  I think I spent almost every waking minute of those 10 days praying.  I'm not angry at God or anything, but I wish so much it had turned out differently.  She was such a fighter.  I know I made the only choice I could, but I still had to make it.  I feel like I gave up on her.   bawling.gif


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#34 of 206 Old 09-03-2011, 08:36 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Diana, I PMd you, but I want to say here that you are NOT a failure. Please, please stop blaming yourself. I know you did everything you could to carry both babies and especially Sophia. I don't know why it happened the way it did, but you are not at fault. Your babies know you loved them and would have done anything for them.


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#35 of 206 Old 09-03-2011, 09:40 PM
 
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Oh, Diana, honey. I'm so sorry you're in so much pain. You didn't decide to end her life. You didn't want to get rid of her. You did not abort her. You weren't a bad mother.

 

It's suck, suck system. I'm sorry you had to make that decision.

 

~Rose

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#36 of 206 Old 09-03-2011, 10:40 PM
 
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First of all thank you for starting this thread. Those pictures help. I have some U/S in my medical records... I may go get them. I did plant a tree. What beautiful souls.

Diana, I'm sorry for your pain, there was nothing you could have done. Peace be with you, my heart breaks for you mama.

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#37 of 206 Old 09-04-2011, 07:31 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Welcome Imakcerka. I'm glad the pictures helped and I hope you get the u/s pictures.


Wife to DH for 17 years, homeschooling mom to 3 girls (15, 13, 12), 2 boys (11, 7), and (13 wk mc 4/10/11), (13 week mc 12/12/11). baby girl 10/31/13. (11 wk mc 6/25/14). (6 wk mc 10/26/14)
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#38 of 206 Old 09-04-2011, 09:46 PM
 
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Thank you SO much for sharing these pictures. <3

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Irish dancing mama to E (5/12/06), I (12/31/07), and a baby in Heaven (8/17/11)
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#39 of 206 Old 09-05-2011, 02:47 AM
 
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These photo's are great and really make me feel so much less alone in this.  Will try and scan our picture in later today.


I am 28 and a Show Dog Handlerdog2.gif from Cape Town, South Africa, my DH is 33 and we lost our angel3.gif baby at 14.5 weeks.  I have a DDhearts.gif of 9 and a DSbiggrinbounce.gif of 4.  We are finally expecting our rainbow1284.gifbaby babyboy.gif around 2nd June 2012!

 

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#40 of 206 Old 09-05-2011, 08:39 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I'd love to see your baby, Corgi.

hug2.gif

 

ETA later: I'm shocked by the number of views this thread has! I hope this is more helpful than hurtful because I know only a few people who have viewed it are commenting (which is fine, but I hope the non-commenters aren't being put through more pain). All of our babies are beautiful, deserving of love and respect.


Wife to DH for 17 years, homeschooling mom to 3 girls (15, 13, 12), 2 boys (11, 7), and (13 wk mc 4/10/11), (13 week mc 12/12/11). baby girl 10/31/13. (11 wk mc 6/25/14). (6 wk mc 10/26/14)
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#41 of 206 Old 09-05-2011, 12:08 PM
 
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MAnna - I am more than sure that no one could be hurt by this if they have been trough it.  I will attemt uploading the photo's tomorow again, having some computer problems and very busy as well.


I am 28 and a Show Dog Handlerdog2.gif from Cape Town, South Africa, my DH is 33 and we lost our angel3.gif baby at 14.5 weeks.  I have a DDhearts.gif of 9 and a DSbiggrinbounce.gif of 4.  We are finally expecting our rainbow1284.gifbaby babyboy.gif around 2nd June 2012!

 

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#42 of 206 Old 09-05-2011, 08:21 PM
 
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I think this is really beautiful.  Thank you to all the mamas who have shared.  Your babies are beautiful.  -Violet


 

Married to the man of my dreams since June 2000.  We are blessed with two magical children, a daughter born in the caul on June 2005 and a  rainbow1284.gifson born under water on June 2012.  

  

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#43 of 206 Old 09-06-2011, 12:03 PM
 
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Thank you guys.


27. Married since December 2006. Trying to conceive #1 since November 2010. 1 loss in April 2011 (5 weeks). 

 

BFP on February 25th. Tentative due date: November 4th, 2012.

 

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#44 of 206 Old 09-06-2011, 07:32 PM
 
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Well, I got a copy of my sono pic today and can't really see anything...it's too tiny and too dark. But at least I have it.


Married to my computer geek since 11.04.06. Mama to our little dude Bug (born 7.14.09, peanut allergy, asthma) and our rainbow baby girl Sweetpea (born 4.14.13). Forever missing my angel babies--Riley, Paisley, and Waverley!!

Decluttering my life...

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#45 of 206 Old 09-06-2011, 07:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Try taking a photograph of it (it may take several) and then lightening it up on the computer. Sometimes you can see contrasts better that way and you can actually see what you're looking at.


Wife to DH for 17 years, homeschooling mom to 3 girls (15, 13, 12), 2 boys (11, 7), and (13 wk mc 4/10/11), (13 week mc 12/12/11). baby girl 10/31/13. (11 wk mc 6/25/14). (6 wk mc 10/26/14)
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#46 of 206 Old 09-07-2011, 11:22 AM
 
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Ok - How did i miss this thread ? Your babies are beautiful. It breaks my heart that we were all robbed of their life.

 

Rose - What you said initially about your beliefs is so true - You said it perfectly.

 

I do not  have any pictures of my second loss but i do of my first. they are up in my journal. I don't think I can look at tho bc it really just tears me apart every time i do. Manna - thanks for starting this.


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#47 of 206 Old 09-07-2011, 12:18 PM
 
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Aidan.JPG

 

0409011740c.jpg

 

I finally got the courage to share these pics. The first is of my son Aidan who died shortly after this picture was taken. The 2nd pic is of my daughter Cordelia who died at 13 weeks. (She was still attached to the umbilical cord)


SAHM(38)married to my best friend(42) DS(18) & DS(14) homeschool.gif forever missing angel2.gifAidan(41wks - prolapsed cord 9/7/99) angel3.gifCordelia(14 wks 4/9/11) and trying to conceive a rainbow1284.gifbaby

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#48 of 206 Old 09-07-2011, 12:24 PM
 
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Oh, yellowbutterfly, my heart is breaking when I see your little ones. Your boy is just so, so perfect. I am so sorry, mama. What a gorgeous boy he is. And your little sweet Cordelia.. just so sad. With all these losses - for all of us - there is the beauty of the love they engender, no matter how long they are with us. We're forever changed, but with bigger more loving hearts. x


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#49 of 206 Old 09-07-2011, 12:29 PM
 
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I can't believe how much this thread is helping me as I go through this m/c. My heart absolutely breaks for all you who have lost your beautiful sweet babies, thank you for sharing, I can't imagine how hard it must be to do.

 

If it's possible to get a picture of my baby when the time comes, I will. I'm in my 13th week now as I miscarry but they assume that the baby stopped growing around 10 weeks, so I'm not really sure if there will be much to take a picture of.


Mom to ds (2005) and dd (2008) both with autism ribbonrainbow.gif and a proud advocate here! Also mom to ds (m/c @ 12 weeks, Sept 11/2011) angel2.gif, and an early m/c (6 weeks) in 2004. Also now missing my rainbow baby angel1.gif who was due April 2013, but lost Nov 16 2012 at exactly 18 weeks.  Probably not trying again.

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#50 of 206 Old 09-07-2011, 12:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Yellowbutterfly, what beautiful children. Thank you so much for sharing. Cordelia looks so much like Innocent because they were the same age. [He was still attached to the cord which was firmly attached to the placenta (which didn't want to come out of me.) I had to cut his cord after he was born so I could pick him up.]

 

Thank you again and ((hugs)).


Wife to DH for 17 years, homeschooling mom to 3 girls (15, 13, 12), 2 boys (11, 7), and (13 wk mc 4/10/11), (13 week mc 12/12/11). baby girl 10/31/13. (11 wk mc 6/25/14). (6 wk mc 10/26/14)
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#51 of 206 Old 09-07-2011, 01:42 PM
 
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So there really isn't much to see at all with my pic...it's too dark and blurry...but here is Paisley (at eight weeks, but only measuring 6 weeks)...

004.JPG

 

Compare that to Bug's sono pic at eight weeks...there is definitely a size and clarity difference there...

n515322077_1215812_9341.jpg


Married to my computer geek since 11.04.06. Mama to our little dude Bug (born 7.14.09, peanut allergy, asthma) and our rainbow baby girl Sweetpea (born 4.14.13). Forever missing my angel babies--Riley, Paisley, and Waverley!!

Decluttering my life...

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#52 of 206 Old 09-07-2011, 03:13 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you for posting, texanromaniac. I can definitely see Paisley, although there is obviously a difference from the other picture. (((hugs))) Size is no definer of love.


Wife to DH for 17 years, homeschooling mom to 3 girls (15, 13, 12), 2 boys (11, 7), and (13 wk mc 4/10/11), (13 week mc 12/12/11). baby girl 10/31/13. (11 wk mc 6/25/14). (6 wk mc 10/26/14)
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#53 of 206 Old 09-08-2011, 12:54 PM
 
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Yellow - what sweet babies , Aiden is perfect hug2.gif


Mom to a beautiful little girl ~age 4~ and adorable little boy ~age 3~ and wife to my main squeeze luxlove.gif
Two babes in heaven MC 6/23/10 at 8 weeks, MC 2/24/11 at 8 weeks, MC 3/2012 at 8 weeks ~ Praying for a rainbow1284.gif baby ~

 

 

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#54 of 206 Old 09-08-2011, 01:10 PM
 
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Yellowbutterfly - I need to ask as it just seems unreal - you dont need to answer me - as i have no idea where you are at about Aiden's loss, but what happened that he died?  I know he had a prolapsed cord, but I had a PC with DD as well but they didn't treat it as an emergency or anything?  I was only 33 weeks when my waters broke with her and they tried keeping the labor away but I lost too much amniotic fluid and she had to be delivered. This is destirbing for me, and I have been wanting to ask for some time.  Sorry, I'm not curios I'm really interested.


I am 28 and a Show Dog Handlerdog2.gif from Cape Town, South Africa, my DH is 33 and we lost our angel3.gif baby at 14.5 weeks.  I have a DDhearts.gif of 9 and a DSbiggrinbounce.gif of 4.  We are finally expecting our rainbow1284.gifbaby babyboy.gif around 2nd June 2012!

 

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#55 of 206 Old 09-08-2011, 06:33 PM
 
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Corgimommy- I don’t mind you asking about the birth. I wouldn’t know why your prolapse wasn’t considered an emergency, though. When a cord prolapses the baby’s cut off from his/her oxygen supply and it can be a life-threatening emergency. Your DD was so lucky.  
 
I was full term and in labor at home. I wasn’t having a home birth but I also didn’t feel the need to race to the hospital at the first contraction either, so I was just hanging out at home until my contractions were 3-5 minutes apart. I was just getting out of the shower and was not at all that far along in my labor when my water broke and the umbilical cord flew completely out of body in a big loop halfway to my knees. It certainly wasn’t that hard to diagnose and I had read so much about birth complications from pregnancy and birth books that I actually knew to get into a knee chest position(to try to keep the pressure of the baby’s head off the cord) and I had my husband call 911. The paramedics were in the door about 7 minutes later, they wrapped the cord with warm wet towels, one of the paramedics had two fingers through my cervix trying to keep the weight of my baby’s head off the cord.  (As a side note- it turned out I was only 3-4 centimeters dilated, not at all ready to push. I have no idea how or why that cord completely came out of my vagina without any pushing at all but oddly enough all it took was the water to drop it out. There was no meconium in the water when it gushed out, so I don’t think he was in any fetal distress before my water broke.)  Anyway, I was raced to the nearest hospital in a knee chest position, and although the paramedics kept the cord pulsating all the way to the hospital, which was only about 15 minutes away, my baby had no heartbeat by the time they got me into the operating room for the c-section. They got him out of me as quickly as they could and resuscitated him but by that time he had gone too long without oxygen and his brain damage was so severe that he couldn’t live off a ventilator.  The picture we took was taken after the Dr removed him from the ventilator and I was holding him, waiting for him to die. He died shortly after that picture was taken. I know that what happened in my situation was extremely unusual and a lot of babies are lucky enough to survive a prolapsed cord, but unfortunately my son wasn’t one of the lucky ones. 
 

SAHM(38)married to my best friend(42) DS(18) & DS(14) homeschool.gif forever missing angel2.gifAidan(41wks - prolapsed cord 9/7/99) angel3.gifCordelia(14 wks 4/9/11) and trying to conceive a rainbow1284.gifbaby

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#56 of 206 Old 09-08-2011, 07:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Yellowbutterfly, this breaks my heart. You did everything right, and still...

 

What a fallen world we live in.

 

I'm so sorry.


Wife to DH for 17 years, homeschooling mom to 3 girls (15, 13, 12), 2 boys (11, 7), and (13 wk mc 4/10/11), (13 week mc 12/12/11). baby girl 10/31/13. (11 wk mc 6/25/14). (6 wk mc 10/26/14)
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#57 of 206 Old 09-08-2011, 07:07 PM
 
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Yellowbutterfly, I am so sorry that you had to go through that.  You really feel how precious life is when hearing stories of pregnancy loss.  

 

Thank you to all the moms who have shared pictures.  Babies are beautiful and precious no matter what size.  I love what MAnna said about love and the size of a little one, a mothers love does not discriminate.

 

Thank you for starting the thread and the opportunity to share, MAnna!  We were blessed to have Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep take pictures of our daughter Monica after she was stillborn.

 

Monica-199-Edit.jpgMonica-204-Edit-2.jpg


 

Me (28) DH (29) stillheart.gif 3 years.  Mom to a beautiful Angel angel3.gif Monica stillborn @ 38 weeks 11.16.10   Baby #2!  rainbow1284.gif Due 05-2012

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#58 of 206 Old 09-08-2011, 07:18 PM - Thread Starter
 
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TandN, what a beautiful, beautiful baby girl. It's hard to believe she's not just asleep. I think NILMDTS is a phenomenal service. I wish I were a photographer so I could help. Thank you so much for sharing with us.


Wife to DH for 17 years, homeschooling mom to 3 girls (15, 13, 12), 2 boys (11, 7), and (13 wk mc 4/10/11), (13 week mc 12/12/11). baby girl 10/31/13. (11 wk mc 6/25/14). (6 wk mc 10/26/14)
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#59 of 206 Old 09-08-2011, 07:59 PM
 
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Wow, such beautiful babies, Diana, Paisley, Mama Butterfly, and TandN. They are all so loved and cherished. Thank you for sharing your photos of them. 


Mama to Iris (01/10) and Gus (08/13)
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#60 of 206 Old 09-09-2011, 05:11 AM
 
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I noticed a comment about how many views this thread has had.  I have to admit to looking at it several times without commenting. 

 

MAnna, your pics are pretty confronting for me, because I lost my first bub at 12.5.  It was a spontaneous miscarriage, that came about pretty quickly, and I was definitely in shock.

I was on the way to a hospital appointment, and my water broke, and so we went straight to ED instead of Maternity.

 

The nurse asked me to change into a gown, and when I took down my pants, I just felt a kind of "plop", and my baby fell into my underwear.  At that point, they hadn't allowed DP to come in, and I didn't know what to do, and I just couldn't look.  I just couldn't.  I was so afraid that I was going to see some type of alien looking thing... I was terrified and alone.

I was just leaning over the bed rail sobbing.  And I never looked.  It's something that I regret with my whole heart. 

 

The nurse scooped up my undies, with my baby still in them, and put them in the sink, and she just turned around and snarled "why are you crying?"

 

Anyway - I wish I had looked, and I wish I had photos. 


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