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#61 of 206 Old 09-09-2011, 05:57 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Oh, Milk8shake, my heart breaks for you. "Why are you crying?" Lord have mercy, you'd just lost your child. I'm so sorry you had to endure such cruelty and insensitivity. ((((hugs)))) and I wish I could give them to you in person. When people are in shock they can do terrible things. You didn't do anything terrible, you just didn't look. I know you regret it, I can understand that, but you didn't hurt your baby by not looking. Oh, honey, be good to yourself. I was scared to look when I delivered Innocent. The water was so full of blood you couldn't see anything and I was even afraid to fish around to find him. I knew instinctively (as you did) that I'd delivered him. I was so afraid he'd be mangled, in pieces. It took me a few minutes of crying and trying to take deep calming breaths before I was brave enough to pick him up. He was still in the sac and all in one piece. If I'd not been alone (DH passes out at the sight of blood) someone else might have picked him up instead and I would have gotten the same kind of remark you did. It's circumstantial and not your fault.

 

(((hugs)))


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#62 of 206 Old 09-10-2011, 01:17 AM
 
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MAnna, I have to ask and you certainly don't have to answer me, but I'm going to be taking Cytotech tomorrow evening, and I'm about 13 weeks now.

 

Was it obvious that Innocent was a boy, or is it that moms intuition that you went off with that?

 

I'm just wondeing if I will be able to determine what sex my little one is when he/she is finally delivered. I know you were at about the same week with Innocent, that I'm at now, so I thought was would ask. I haven't told my SO that I would really like to give this baby a name, he still isn't handling this too well, and not sure if he would think I'm crazy or not, or if I would upset him more. Just wondering if I will be able to pick a gender specific name, or a neutral one. Thanks so much and hugs to everyone.


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#63 of 206 Old 09-10-2011, 05:43 AM
 
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milk8shake - I've heard of some insensitive nurses (which really seems like it is a contradiction of terms), but that one takes the cake.  It's too bad you were in no frame of mind to give her the earful she deserved.  Wow.  I'm so sorry that you were treated so poorly.  She should have been hugging you and offering support and comfort.

 

I was scared to look too.  I had birthed Owen into my hand while sitting on the toilet, and I knew that it was a baby that had come out.  But when I looked, it still surprised me, and I dropped him into the water.  The cord was still attached, so I didn't "lose" him in the water, but I made DH come into the bathroom to look for me because I was too freaked out.  I looked again briefly when I brought him out of the water and accidentally broke his cord, but those two teeny peeks were all I could do.

 

Don't beat yourself up over not looking.  It's completely normal to be scared, overwhelmed, and not know what to do.  And that awful nurse didn't give you the support and encouragement you needed in that moment do do anything but what you did.


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Missing my twins, Owen and Sophia, born too soon, July 2011 angel2.gifangel3.gif

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#64 of 206 Old 09-10-2011, 05:50 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Shell29, I'm so sorry about your baby! Prayers for you as you go through this today! I guess you've read enough by now to see that it can be helpful and healing to hold your baby and I hope you have the support you need to do so.

 

To answer your question, I just "knew" he was a boy, but when he was born I confirmed it. It was very obvious. A picture is better than words here because you're going to be facing it this evening so I'll post one. It's the only one showing his gender and it's not a good one, but even with all that I think you can tell:

 

(You can see his umbilical cord hanging down from his tummy, crossing over his left leg, but it's not in the way. The large whited-out thing on the left is my finger.)

 

Innocent 015.JPG


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#65 of 206 Old 09-10-2011, 05:51 AM
 
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I was looking through Sophia's memory box from the hospital a few days ago, and I found a CD of pictures that the hospital took.  There were no full-body pictures like with Owen (I was curious to see if the darkness in his abdomen was also present in her), but there are a couple of nice ones.

 

063.JPG

 

030.JPG


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#66 of 206 Old 09-10-2011, 06:03 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Oh Diana. Look at those gorgeous teensy toes. I'm so glad you found those pictures and honored that you shared them with us. (Were there more pictures that the hospital had? I thought I was remembering that you said they were to send you some, but maybe these were the pictures instead.) I think since our little babies' skin is so thin you can see everything through it and so their tummies might look a bit dark. It doesn't matter to me. She is just beautiful as was Owen.

 

Thank you.


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#67 of 206 Old 09-10-2011, 06:09 AM
 
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Yes, there are more pictures... somewhere.  The hospital had a professional come in to take pictures, and my understanding is that they would be mailed to me.  There are business cards in the box, so I'll call on Monday.  The pictures I posted are the ones that the nurses took for me.

 

I was curious if Owen's dark abdomen was indicative of something being wrong.  I know that his placenta showed a chorio infection, which was then transmitted to Sophia and to me...  I didn't know if maybe the darkness there was from that, or maybe some kind of internal bleed.  Or if it's nothing.  confused.gif  Maybe I'll ask my midwife next time I see her.


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#68 of 206 Old 09-10-2011, 06:19 AM
 
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These pictures are truly heartwarming.  When I feel down I jus look at them and it really makes me feel better - I cry a bit for each little baby that is not with us any more - but I do feel better.  hank you for sharing your pictures as I dont have any and would have loved to have them to look at.


I am 28 and a Show Dog Handlerdog2.gif from Cape Town, South Africa, my DH is 33 and we lost our angel3.gif baby at 14.5 weeks.  I have a DDhearts.gif of 9 and a DSbiggrinbounce.gif of 4.  We are finally expecting our rainbow1284.gifbaby babyboy.gif around 2nd June 2012!

 

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#69 of 206 Old 09-10-2011, 10:25 AM
 
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Diana- it's normal for the abdomen to look dark. It's from the compact nature of the digestive tract- it makes it opaque.

 

Thank you for sharing your pictures. I love the one of her feet. =)

 

~Rose

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#70 of 206 Old 09-10-2011, 10:43 AM
 
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Those little toes! Thank you.


27. Married since December 2006. Trying to conceive #1 since November 2010. 1 loss in April 2011 (5 weeks). 

 

BFP on February 25th. Tentative due date: November 4th, 2012.

 

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It's a girl! love.gif

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#71 of 206 Old 09-10-2011, 12:01 PM
 
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Your babies are beautiful mamas.  I'm so sorry you've had to live through these experiences, but glad that you have one another for support through it.


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#72 of 206 Old 09-10-2011, 12:24 PM
 
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Thank you all for sharing your pictures. Your babies were all so beautiful. It is so unbelievably sad that such perfect little ones couldn't stay with us. I miscarried too early for pictures, but we still named the baby. I don't have any ultrasound pictures, either. By the time I went to the hospital, my uterus was empty. My husband ordered a necklace for me, though. I know it isn't my little one, but I thought I'd share. The little charms are a silver heart, and a birth stone for the month we conceived, and the month the baby passed. I wish we had more to hold on to, but I'm glad to have something tangible.

5823074678_5bbd300a94.jpg
IMG_0122 by JJordanPhotography, on Flickr

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#73 of 206 Old 09-10-2011, 12:29 PM
 
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camergirl - that is a lovely token and somehing I should concider as I was too sick to even look at my baby after I delivered her.


I am 28 and a Show Dog Handlerdog2.gif from Cape Town, South Africa, my DH is 33 and we lost our angel3.gif baby at 14.5 weeks.  I have a DDhearts.gif of 9 and a DSbiggrinbounce.gif of 4.  We are finally expecting our rainbow1284.gifbaby babyboy.gif around 2nd June 2012!

 

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#74 of 206 Old 09-10-2011, 12:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
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That's beautiful cameragirl! It is so necessary to have something tangible to hold on to. I'm sorry you didn't get to see your little one. ((hugs))


Wife to DH for 17 years, Mom to 4 girls (15, 13, 12 and 9 months), 2 boys (11, 7), and (13 wk mc 4/10/11), (13 week mc 12/12/11). (11 wk mc 6/25/14)
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#75 of 206 Old 09-10-2011, 01:34 PM
 
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I love your necklace, cameragirl.  And what an amazing picture of it!

 

I had a necklace made as well.  Here's the page where I ordered it; it's the forget-me-not at the top (http://www.labelledame.com/miscarriage-infant-loss.html).  Mine has a ruby crystal for July, as well as blue lace agate and rose quartz beads for healing (and because I had a boy and a girl).  Oddly enough, my best friend had one made for me as well, though I never mentioned it to her.  The one she made has two blue crystals for December, which is when they were due.  I wear the one I made every day, but I'll sometimes swap it for the other when I'm wearing blue.  I've found it to be very healing to have a tangible memorial for my babies. 


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#76 of 206 Old 09-10-2011, 04:23 PM
 
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I will own some of the views as mine. I check every few days, and I sit and cry with these babies. I like how Corgi wrote it, that it helps me to remember your lost little ones. Thank you for sharing.

 

I love the jewlery. I can't decide what to do, but I agree that something tangible means the world.


Mama to two June bugs, ages 3 and 5, and a m/c at 8wks on 8/11/11.Rainbow Girl rainbow1284.gif 7/25/12

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#77 of 206 Old 09-10-2011, 04:40 PM
 
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I forgot to mention that the reverse has the baby's name. We chose Avalon for the name. It is my great uncle's name, unisex, and also the name of the mythical land King Arthur went off to after his final battle. I can't bring myself to wear it right now being pregnant, but I keep it on out on my dresser to look at. He ordered it off Etsy. If anyone wants the seller's link, just send me a pm.

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#78 of 206 Old 09-11-2011, 03:08 AM
 
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I just wanted to share my pictures, he was born just after 4:30 this morning. I feel ok, a little crampy still, a little bleeding (only really when I sit on the toilet.) I feel quite at peace with it all, I'm heartbroken but I got to hold him and take my time with him after he was born.

 

baby.jpgbaby2.jpg


Mom to ds (2005) and dd (2008) both with autism ribbonrainbow.gif and a proud advocate here! Also mom to ds (m/c @ 12 weeks, Sept 11/2011) angel2.gif, and an early m/c (6 weeks) in 2004. Also now missing my rainbow baby angel1.gif who was due April 2013, but lost Nov 16 2012 at exactly 18 weeks.  Probably not trying again.

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#79 of 206 Old 09-11-2011, 03:50 AM
 
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Oh, Shell, your sweet, beautiful baby... thinking of you. hug2.gif


jog.gif   mama to DS 7/09 and married to DH bikenew.gif

 

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#80 of 206 Old 09-11-2011, 04:34 AM
 
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So, small.  Beautiful baby Shell. 

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#81 of 206 Old 09-11-2011, 05:44 AM
 
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Thank you ladies :) As difficult as it all was/is, I couldn't stop looking at him, how perfect and tiny, and thinking that we all started like that. Pregnancy truly is a miracle, even the ones that end too soon.

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Mom to ds (2005) and dd (2008) both with autism ribbonrainbow.gif and a proud advocate here! Also mom to ds (m/c @ 12 weeks, Sept 11/2011) angel2.gif, and an early m/c (6 weeks) in 2004. Also now missing my rainbow baby angel1.gif who was due April 2013, but lost Nov 16 2012 at exactly 18 weeks.  Probably not trying again.

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#82 of 206 Old 09-11-2011, 06:22 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Shelley he's beautiful! I'm so glad you were able to hold him and take your time with him. And also tell he was a boy!

 

Thank you, ladies for sharing pictures of your beautiful children.

flowersforyou.gif


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#83 of 206 Old 09-11-2011, 06:41 AM
 
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Thank you :) I have to say that if not for you and this thread, I may not have 1. thought to hold him and 2. been brave enough to do it.

 

As it is I was afraid to pick him up, I kept remembering what you said about regrets and such, so I finally made myself do it. I'm so glad I did, and so thankful to for you giving me the courage to do it. :)

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Originally Posted by Matushka Anna View Post

Shelley he's beautiful! I'm so glad you were able to hold him and take your time with him. And also tell he was a boy!

 

Thank you, ladies for sharing pictures of your beautiful children.

flowersforyou.gif



 


Mom to ds (2005) and dd (2008) both with autism ribbonrainbow.gif and a proud advocate here! Also mom to ds (m/c @ 12 weeks, Sept 11/2011) angel2.gif, and an early m/c (6 weeks) in 2004. Also now missing my rainbow baby angel1.gif who was due April 2013, but lost Nov 16 2012 at exactly 18 weeks.  Probably not trying again.

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#84 of 206 Old 09-11-2011, 06:45 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm glad it helped. hug.gif

 

Shell, I don't expect you to make a decision about this right now or today, but would you consider letting me post a photo of your son on the photographs page of my site under "10 weeks"? You can remain anonymous by all means if you like. Your son is so perfect and you took such a beautiful picture of him that it would be my privilege. The only photo I have of a 10 week baby right now is a slightly grainy one from a textbook which is sub-ideal.

 

Actually, ladies, that request humbly goes out to all of you. I hope I'm not being offensive by asking. Here's the link to the page: http://lostinnocentsorthodox.blogspot.com/p/photographs.html 


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#85 of 206 Old 09-11-2011, 07:03 AM
 
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I would be honored if you used his picture :) That is absolutely fine with me, your site was very helpful to me as I prepped for this. I would love to contribute and you don't need to keep me anonymous, whatever you typically put when you use someones picture is fine with me.

Quote:
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I'm glad it helped. hug.gif

 

Shell, I don't expect you to make a decision about this right now or today, but would you consider letting me post a photo of your son on the photographs page of my site under "10 weeks"? You can remain anonymous by all means if you like. Your son is so perfect and you took such a beautiful picture of him that it would be my privilege. The only photo I have of a 10 week baby right now is a slightly grainy one from a textbook which is sub-ideal.

 

Actually, ladies, that request humbly goes out to all of you. I hope I'm not being offensive by asking. Here's the link to the page: http://lostinnocentsorthodox.blogspot.com/p/photographs.html 



 


Mom to ds (2005) and dd (2008) both with autism ribbonrainbow.gif and a proud advocate here! Also mom to ds (m/c @ 12 weeks, Sept 11/2011) angel2.gif, and an early m/c (6 weeks) in 2004. Also now missing my rainbow baby angel1.gif who was due April 2013, but lost Nov 16 2012 at exactly 18 weeks.  Probably not trying again.

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#86 of 206 Old 09-11-2011, 07:12 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you Shell!

 

I tell you what, when you decide on a name (take your time) then PM me and I'll send you my email address. If you email me the picture the quality is better than if I try to copy. What I usually put is:

 

10 Weeks

Shelley's baby (name)

[picture]

 

If someone has a blog or a link to a Faces of Loss story that they want linked to then I link to it there too.


Wife to DH for 17 years, Mom to 4 girls (15, 13, 12 and 9 months), 2 boys (11, 7), and (13 wk mc 4/10/11), (13 week mc 12/12/11). (11 wk mc 6/25/14)
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#87 of 206 Old 09-11-2011, 07:43 AM
 
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Shell, I am sorry your sweet little boy passed. He was tiny and perfect. I am glad you were able to take time with him, and that this thread gave you strength.


Mama to two June bugs, ages 3 and 5, and a m/c at 8wks on 8/11/11.Rainbow Girl rainbow1284.gif 7/25/12

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#88 of 206 Old 09-11-2011, 07:48 AM
 
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Thank you :) I'm hurting but I feel mentally better now than I have felt since we learned that he longer had a heartbeat. That sounds weird and I can't explain it, I think a combination of this forum and all the support, and getting to hold him and getting closure has helped me. I know I can start to heal now. I can and will grieve him still but we (him and I) are no longer stuck in that horrible limbo, and that makes me feel like a huge weight has been lifted. I hope you all know what I mean by that, I am not taking this lightly and my heart breaks for my perfect, tiny baby but I know, as hard as it is, that there is a reason this all happened.

 

I sound crazy lol, maybe I need to get some sleep.

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Shell, I am sorry your sweet little boy passed. He was tiny and perfect. I am glad you were able to take time with him, and that this thread gave you strength.



 


Mom to ds (2005) and dd (2008) both with autism ribbonrainbow.gif and a proud advocate here! Also mom to ds (m/c @ 12 weeks, Sept 11/2011) angel2.gif, and an early m/c (6 weeks) in 2004. Also now missing my rainbow baby angel1.gif who was due April 2013, but lost Nov 16 2012 at exactly 18 weeks.  Probably not trying again.

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#89 of 206 Old 09-11-2011, 08:16 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Matushka Anna View Post

Actually, ladies, that request humbly goes out to all of you. I hope I'm not being offensive by asking. Here's the link to the page: http://lostinnocentsorthodox.blogspot.com/p/photographs.html


You can use mine as well.  I owe you a huge debt of gratitude.  Because of your PM and the picture you shared with me a few weeks ago, I not only found the courage to look at my babies' pictures, but to find beauty where before there was only despair and regret.  You are amazing.  Thank you.  

 

I just got my pics of Sophia from NILMDTS yesterday in the mail, too.  Here are a couple:

 

IMG_0019.JPG  IMG_0031t.jpg

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Married to my loving hubby, proud mama to Ethan thumbsuck.gif (9/09) and Rowyn (7/12)slinggirl.gif  and aspiring homesteader chicken3.gif

Missing my twins, Owen and Sophia, born too soon, July 2011 angel2.gifangel3.gif

diana_of_the_dunes is offline  
#90 of 206 Old 09-11-2011, 08:19 AM
 
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Oh, such sweet and tiny babies. Again, thank you for sharing. Especially Shell, since this is so recent for you.


27. Married since December 2006. Trying to conceive #1 since November 2010. 1 loss in April 2011 (5 weeks). 

 

BFP on February 25th. Tentative due date: November 4th, 2012.

 

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It's a girl! love.gif

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