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M Anna 08-31-2011 11:04 AM

I'm going to go ahead and start this thread by posting some pictures of my son Innocent. I think that every mama needs to be able to show off her babies if she wants to, even if those babies are little and still. It's hard to do that for most of us because people are uncomfortable looking at them. If this is a thread you would be uncomfortable with, then by all means, don't make yourself feel worse by looking. I know that not all of us have photographs of our children, either because of the brevity of the pregnancy or because of the simple lack of pictures, but for those who do, this might be a healing thing to do.










Innocent died at about 12 weeks and five days. We found out a week later and he was born at just past 15 weeks.

The only ultrasound pictures I have are of him after he passed. The other pictures were taken the night he was born.


Innocent 12 wks 2-5 days 001.JPG

Innocent 005.JPGInnocent 024.JPG

zubeldia 08-31-2011 05:29 PM

Oh, MAnna, he is so dear. So dear. I am just heartbroken for you but so glad you shared your sweet, sweet son with us.

cygknit 09-01-2011 07:31 AM

Oh MAnna. I stared at your picture a while, wondering why babies that perfect have to leave us.. Your son is too sweet, too precious. Thank you for sharing Innocent's life with us. I am sorry he is gone, but hope you find comfort in being able to remember him.

Gemmine 09-01-2011 10:15 AM

Thank you for sharing this. He is so, so precious. That little life. Oh, I'm so sorry you had to go through that.

SilaMarila 09-01-2011 03:55 PM

He is perfect MAnna. Thank you for sharing.

M Anna 09-01-2011 05:13 PM

Thank you ladies. It warms my heart every time someone tells me he was beautiful (or any variation thereof!). Does anyone else want to share a picture? [This wasn't just supposed to be about me!] I think babies are beautiful at every age and would love to see some of your babies if you are inclined to share.


yellowbutterfly 09-01-2011 06:31 PM

Thank you for sharing your picture of little Innocent with us. He was so perfect and beautiful. I hope sharing him with all of us will help to heal your broken heart and give you some comfort and peace.  



SilaMarila 09-01-2011 06:50 PM

MAnna - I sometimes wish mine had been big enough to have a picture of. Don't worry, I believe I have fully grieved over that. But my little lost baby will always be in my heart. I'm so glad your heart is happy knowing that not only his mamma thinks he is beautiful stillheart.gif


Many of you have spoken about your babies and I know they are just as perfect and precious.

cygknit 09-01-2011 07:16 PM

I wish I had a picture to share. I'm afraid of the image of E on the screen during my u/s will forever be in my head, fresh as any photograph. I'm afraid, too, that the image that has been there every time I close my eyes will be gone one day.

M Anna 09-01-2011 07:26 PM

cygknit, do you not have a copy of the u/s pics? They're supposed to be part of your chart so you should be able to request them from medical records or from the doctor's office.

Vermillion 09-01-2011 07:30 PM

Thank you so much for sharing your little boy with us. He is so amazing and beautiful. Reminds me a lot of my little girl who we lost at 17w, though she passed around 15. I wish I had pictures to share, but the only ones I have are currently on my ipod & a backup drive from when our computer crashed.


I do have a picture of her little footprints on here though, just a bit smaller than actual size stillheart.gif Crazy to imagine her so tiny over 3 years later!!





thecoffeebean 09-01-2011 07:32 PM

MAnna, Innocent was absolutely beautiful. I've looked at his photos twice now on this thread, just in awe of how perfectly he was formed, even at 13 weeks. I have one ultrasound photo of my baby at 8 weeks, when we discovered there was no heartbeat. I don't think I'll share it, though, since I'm pretty attached to it and I kind of love that I'm the only one who's seen it. smile.gif That sounds strange typing it, but oh well!

cygknit 09-01-2011 08:44 PM

MAnna, I will ask. At first, I was so horrified by the sight of my baby laying still that it never occurred to me to ask for a picture. Now I think it will hurt, but will give me something tangible to hold. Like it still happened, you know? The baby was there.


Vermillion, I love those tiny tiny footprints.


smbcoffee, I am sorry for your loss. I am glad that you have something to cherish, though.

M Anna 09-02-2011 05:47 AM

Vermillion - I love the tiny footprints! They're just gorgeous and so perfect. I can see the ultrasound picture (is it of her?) for your avatar too. Just beautiful.


smbcoffee - You don't have to apologize for not sharing! I'm glad you have something private just between the two of you (you and the baby). I have pictures of babies younger than 13 weeks who are perfectly formed too. One picture of an 8 week baby. They're on my site.


cygknit - I hope you are able to turn up a picture.


I feel like I'm putting people through the mill with this thread. Does anyone think it should be taken down? And I didn't want it to be all about me either...I just wanted to get the ball rolling.

CorgiMommy 09-02-2011 07:26 AM

MAnna - I am so sad that I refused to see my baby after she was born, she was 14.5 weeks and OB said she was perfect.  I was an morphine and confused and ssad and in pain and me and DH could not deal with it at that stage.  I will put up some sonar pics later.  Thank you so much.

M Anna 09-02-2011 08:14 AM

I wish the hospital had taken some pictures for you. I know they usually do for older babies, but I don't see the difference myself. Do you think there is any chance that they did? ((hugs)) I'm sorry to add to your pain, honey. Don't feel guilty. One day you'll see your sweet daughter again.

CorgiMommy 09-02-2011 08:32 AM

No you actually didnt add to my pain, your little baby loks so peacefull and perfect and I can just imagine my little girl looked much the same.  Acctually it helps.  no they didnt take photo's.  Think they also reconed it was to early.  She was just in a bucket in the corner of the room. My OB told me to look and see her but I unfortunattly was not in the right mind to listen to someone that knew more than me at that stage.

M Anna 09-02-2011 09:18 AM

Corgi, here's a picture of what you probably would have seen (this is also my son):


Innocent 001.JPG

CorgiMommy 09-02-2011 09:26 AM

O he looks so helpless, just want to pick him up and love him, hold him.  Wish I did it now,but it is just to late.  He is lovely, cant stop looking at him.

RoseRedHoofbeats 09-02-2011 09:28 AM

Oh Anna, please don't take it down. I just don't think many mothers have pictures, or the courage to share them.


What a perfect name for your Innocent little son. It doesn't bring me pain... just peace. The tender way you held him. He knows that. I know he does. He knows that you cared for him and loved him.


(These are just my personal beliefs, I don't mean to offend anyone or pretend I Know what this is ALl About) but I think that some souls just don't need to stay. They can come for a short while, and then their time is past. They go back to Heaven, or the ether of the universe, the unknown, where there is no pain and no suffering and no sadness. But they need us to know of them... they need us to be sad for them... to grieve for them. That is what makes them real. When I was working with the city animal shelter, and fostered baby kittens (ones with umbilical cords still attached, ones who had been buried to die and then found later...) and had dozens of them die despite my best nursing care.... one of my friends had a poem in her office that ended with, "Sometimes the only gift you can give a life, is to be sad that it has ended."


We had so many more gifts for our children. We had so much more to show them and give to them. We should have gotten that chance, but... I just don't know.


I love the pictures. Please, anyone who has some to share, please feel like this is a safe place for you to share them. We will recognize your babies for what they are- beautiful, perfect babies whos time came terribly too soon.


cygknit 09-02-2011 09:40 AM

I am in tears, but it is good. These pictures, the children, have helped me so much. I've been pretending I'm ok, pretending I don't hurt still. Crying over your children and mine is right and good. Rose, what you wrote is beautiful and correct. Thank you all for the photos, and for the stories shared that have no pictures. In our sadness your children are loved and remembered

M Anna 09-02-2011 09:56 AM

Corgi - big ((((((hugs)))))))). Just think how your daughter was loved, warm, content and peaceful right up to the moment she left this life. She never knew any sadness, fear, pain, was all love. I know you're sad that you didn't see or hold her, but you held her very close for 16 weeks. (and remember, that picture was taken before the other one where I'm holding him. I held him earlier than that, but had to put him down so I could deliver the placenta and clean up. If it makes you feel better, look at the one where I'm holding him.)


Rose: beautiful. thank you.


Cygknit: Tears can be healing. Thank you. May the memories of our children be eternal!

Vermillion 09-02-2011 10:06 AM

Originally Posted by Matushka Anna View Post

Vermillion - I love the tiny footprints! They're just gorgeous and so perfect. I can see the ultrasound picture (is it of her?) for your avatar too. Just beautiful.


Thank you! They are one of my most prized possessions, along with her ashes and tiny clothes the hospital dressed her in stillheart.gif


My avatar is my sweet little rainbow baby at 18 weeks. He is due in December love.gif


 The only u/s we had of my little girl was when we couldn't find her heartbeat at 17 weeks... at the time I never thought to ask for pictures of that, but I so wish I had some! I wonder if they would still be in my file 3 years later?


Much peace to you all~~


M Anna 09-02-2011 10:09 AM

They should still be in your chart. Go ask!! (:

calebsmommy25 09-02-2011 10:28 AM

MAnna--  Thank you so much for sharing pictures of Innocent.  I am in awe of how perfect he is.  He is so beautiful.  I think you should keep the pictures up, hopefully others who want to can share their pictures.  I wish I had something from mine...Thank you again, I just can't stop staring at him.


Vermillion--  The footprints are so precious and special.  Hoping you have a healthy, uneventful pregnancy.  Take care.


Smbcoffee--  I'm happy you have something you can hold onto that is just special for you and your little one. 

Rainey Daye 09-02-2011 10:29 PM

Now I want to go ask for copies from my ultrasound...the first one at exactly eight weeks where Paisley was measuring small but still had a heartbeat. They didn't print anything out at my second ultrasound cause by that point my uterus was clear and Paisley was sitting on my cervix and would pass two days later...but I KNOW they printed at least two pictures at the first sonogram. I guess they didn't offer them to me because of the circumstances (I was bleeding and a miscarriage was definitely a possibility at that point). But I would love to have the pics now...especially to compare with my little Bug's first sono pics from when he was only eight weeks along as well.

M Anna 09-03-2011 06:37 AM

Absolutely go ask. I do NOT know why they don't offer pictures even when it's a threatened mc or mc in progress (or missed mc). It's still your baby! Like you only want pictures if the baby is alive. If not, well hey, forget it. I only have three shots of Innocent. Ever. That's all I'm going to get u/s-wise. I know for some people they're even more important because they didn't get to see the baby at delivery (D&C or just didn't see him/her). They're supposed to be part of your chart. Kind of like proof for the u/s report that says you had a fetal demise.


(((hugs))) to everyone who still doesn't have u/s pics of their baby. I hope you manage to get them. 

diana_of_the_dunes 09-03-2011 01:20 PM

Thanks for having the courage to start this thread, MAnna, and for PMing me the other night to talk about this.  hug2.gif  


I have a few pics I will share.  The first is the first ultrasound of my twins.  I was 7 weeks along, and I went for an u/s because I was terrified I was going to miscarry (oh, the irony).  Baby A (Owen) is on the right, and Baby B (Sophia) is on the left.




Next is a picture of Owen.  I didn't look at him much when I gave birth.  I caught him in my hand when he came out, then gave him to DH.  DH spent quite a bit of time holding him before we went into the ER, but I think I was in shock.  The hospital took pictures for me and gave me a disk.  They aren't exactly what I would have wanted out of baby pictures, but I'm still glad I have them.




When I had Sophia 10 days later, I was too distraught to hold her.  I was in a terrible place, since I was induced while she still had a heartbeat.  I had lost a *lot* of blood, and had been in near-constant labor for the 10 days after Owen's birth.  I also had an infection, as did the baby.  Her amniotic sac had ruptured, and she had no fluid left.  There was nothing that could have been done to save her, but I still felt so terribly guilty.  It was like being forced to have an abortion.  I've sort of come to terms with it, but I know I'll always feel so much more guilt and remorse over her loss than over Owen's.  Owen's happened on its own.  Sophia's... didn't.  She was born into a bedpan, since we had been using it to catch the clots.  A few seconds later, my midwife and a nurse wrapped her in a blanket and put her in a bassinet.  I couldn't hold her.  I looked, but I just felt too guilty.  She had a heartbeat for about 4 hours after birth.  My mom held her, as did my MIL and my midwife.  The hospital again took pictures, but I haven't yet received them.  I do have her ultrasound pics, but I haven't scanned them yet.  When I do get Sophia's pictures, I'll come back and post them.

M Anna 09-03-2011 01:29 PM



You're a hero. I just want to say that. For so many things: Taking care of your babies for 16-17 weeks, struggling so hard to hold onto Sophia for that extra 10 days, catching Owen in your're a hero.


You're also a hero for posting these pictures. Like I told you the other night, Owen is simply beautiful. I was delighted to look at the two of them snuggling up together in the ultrasound picture too! I will be greatly honored to see Sophia when you get her pictures. Thank you so much for sharing your beautiful children with us.




Mat. Anna

Rainey Daye 09-03-2011 02:36 PM

Well, with Paisley I supposed I could have seen him/her but by the time I'd passed the sac it had been a week since I'd had my water break and clots passing and my numbers were already going down, so I was afraid that there would be too much deterioration. Umm, is it morbid to say that we still haven't buried Paisley yet and he/she is wrapped in a soft cloth inside a plastic container in the bottom of our fridge? We plan to do it over this weekend...either tomorrow or Monday, depending on how things come together.

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