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7K views 371 replies 30 participants last post by  Shell29 
#1 ·
June's Thread

This thread is for women who wish to conceive after a loss and need support, hope and healing. If you wish to be added to the thread or want to modify your info please make requests in bold. If you have a chart online either at TCOYF or at Fertility Friend and would like it linked with your name in the list, just post the link and add the icon in your post so I don't miss anyone.

Bring on the babies!!

Waiting to O:
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Bena

Patience2013

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deborahbgkelly chartnew.gif

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beingmommy

crunchy mom qi

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Waiting to know:
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BaileyB

Shell29

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Oh Crap! I Don't Know What I'm Doing??!!?!??!?!?
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Waiting with Special Circumstances
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Recent BFP's!
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July- SilaMarila
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, writinglove, JelloPanda, thecoffeebean

June- writinglove
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, deportivo4, xerxella, Revolting, BetsyPage, CamoShades, jodieanneanton

May - AmBam
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, autumngrey, Adaline'sMama

April - stegenrae, Harmony96, beingmommy
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, thecoffeebean
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March -
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February - MegEliz
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, Gemmine, Wendlynnn

January - Nelson, Vegan Princess, zubeldia

In our thoughts:
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RoseRedHoofbeats

foxadillo

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*In an effort to keep our header as up-to-date as possible, the threadkeeper reserves the right to move you to "In our thoughts" from "Waiting to O" and "Waiting to know" if you have not posted in this thread or in the previous thread. The threadkeeper may remove your name from the list if you have not posted to the thread within the previous three months. You are always welcome to rejoin the thread at any time.
 
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#3 ·
Lisanne, I was just stalking your chart and it looks like you're making up for lost time!
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Hehe! Anyway, I just wanted to see if I could move you to a different category. I'm sooooo very glad that your DH is back!
 
#4 ·
Thecoffeebean- Thanks for handling the July thread! DH and I have decided that if I'm not PG yet by September, that we will go back to the RE. Not sure if that is relevant to this thread or if I may have said it already, but it is making me happy to have a goal in sight.
 
#5 ·
Xerxella- In case you don't see this on the June thread. Peaches is a canine furbaby, but sometimes has species confusion.

Here she is:

Peachy relaxing on the deck..jpg

I have a feline furbaby too. Here is Leo:

Leo by his toy-1.jpg
 
#6 ·
I just wanted to post that my pregnancy constipation is back! Woo-hoo. Seriously.

Still debating about getting my HCG levels checked because of child-care challenges (my girls don't know I'm pregnant, and I have a very anxious child that I don't want to involve until things are further along...)
 
#7 ·
Ladies- This post is AAM: I really need support this morning. I'm feeling incredibly resentful toward my doctors. I know they are just doing their jobs in terms of addressing my weight. However, the timing was awful with both of them and I'm finding myself in the head-space my now very obese mother has been in for most of her life. After we found out about the boys' IUGR, I saw my primary care for a routine check-up and she asked how things were going. I told her they weren't growing properly and she said, "Are they sure they aren't taking from you? If you were a normal weight I would be more concerned (not sure of the wording exactly, but it was along these lines)." This was right after I told her they weren't growing, and, I think I probably knew but hadn't admitted to myself yet that they were gone. I am sure she felt terribly guilty when I called her and told her they were gone, but I am still upset about it. She said I could call and talk to her any time and intend to say something about it,but need to be in a better, more composed space before I do. Then, the high-risk OB when I had my post-partum visit with her to discuss what happened with my boys, said to try to lose some weight. That's just fine, I lost 13 lbs. in a year which she didn't know yet. It is absolutely an issue; one that I am highly aware of. My problem is that she said "Make good choices" three times, which implies that because I'm overweight I do not know how to do so. No consideration of genetics. She felt badly when I told her about the fat discrimination I had experienced in the past (dropped her jaw when I told her the story of my previous OB's highly hypocritical, inappropriate behavior). By the way, we're talking 30-40 lbs. overweight not 100 or 200 like some of the people that were in the DDC with me and are now waiting to give birth to their LOs. I have been trying to lose again, though, I'll admit I ate big breakfasts at the B and B on vacation. I actually felt healthier than normal doing that b/c I could last longer without having symptoms of hypoglycemia. However, I am finding that despite exercising again and, most of the time, watching calories closely, I can't stop gaining. This is making me lose a lot of confidence in myself and creating major amounts of guilt. I've been in this place before and it isn't pretty. I made myself very sick in college when I was in this head-space. I lost 20 lbs. at that time, but it wasn't in a healthy way. I'm glad I can recognize that space now, but I'm not quite sure how to get out of it. I imagine my grief and resentment is increasing my cortisol making this a very difficult battle, but I am really lost. I was thinking how unfortunate that there is such a focus on weight and not on overall picture because that is why people do unhealthy fad diets and, again, make themselves sick. I really want to be healthy and, most of the time, feel that I am. I do not want to feel like if I gain a few pounds that I am doing something wrong or hurting potential future children. I do not want to find myself trying anything and everything to lose weight. I am trying to do what worked last time, but it isn't working. I guess I mostly needed to vent and get support. I feel like by both those doctors talking about my weight they have accidentally made happen what they absolutely don't want to have happen: make me feel guilty for the loss of my boys. In my head, I know it wasn't my fault. The doctor made sure to remind me of that and then turned around and said what she said. I know she didn't mean to imply anything, but it ended up causing problems emotionally. I know that being overweight in pregnancy is a risk, but I'm not high enough that they wouldn't do IVF with me. They do have a cut-off for that and I am nowhere near it. Sorry for the long post and thanks in advance for any support you can give.
 
#8 ·
oh Deborah. I am so sorry. A lot of doctors are pretty stupid. They may have been smart enough to finish med school, but I have encountered so many who have NO CLUE how to treat a PERSON (as opposed to a condition). I am sorry you had to meet those kind when you are in such a sensitive place emotionally. I am sorry those kind of doctors exist at all. :(

((HUGS)) to you.
 
#9 ·
In case you didn't see it in the June thread:

This morning (actually yesterday) I overheard my DD1 say the following to DD2 (BTW, nether of the kids knows about the new pregnancy): "So, Charlotte, How are you gonna play with our new baby sister when she gets here? Are you gonna play gentle?"

Um, yeah. Creepy. lol. She knew I was pregnant before we told her with Papaya (who was my last loss). Once I was about 10 DPO with that baby, she started talking about her new baby brother. She is a very intune child.

The real tell will be if this little mango ends up being a girl.
 
#10 ·
Thanks Jodie. I honestly know they mean well and don't intend to do or say anything stupid. I also know that my weight is an issue, but that was not the time to bring it up; not to mention that most people who have weight issues are well aware of those issues. I was thinking of walking Peaches today, but, unfortunately am still feeling really sick and with the extreme weather we've been having, it might not be the best idea. Poor Peachy having to put up with a sick mommy. Not that Peaches seems to have much interest in being outside anyway.
 
#11 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by deborahbgkelly View Post

Ladies- This post is AAM: I really need support this morning. I'm feeling incredibly resentful toward my doctors. I know they are just doing their jobs in terms of addressing my weight. However, the timing was awful with both of them and I'm finding myself in the head-space my now very obese mother has been in for most of her life. After we found out about the boys' IUGR, I saw my primary care for a routine check-up and she asked how things were going. I told her they weren't growing properly and she said, "Are they sure they aren't taking from you? If you were a normal weight I would be more concerned (not sure of the wording exactly, but it was along these lines)." This was right after I told her they weren't growing, and, I think I probably knew but hadn't admitted to myself yet that they were gone. I am sure she felt terribly guilty when I called her and told her they were gone, but I am still upset about it. She said I could call and talk to her any time and intend to say something about it,but need to be in a better, more composed space before I do. Then, the high-risk OB when I had my post-partum visit with her to discuss what happened with my boys, said to try to lose some weight. That's just fine, I lost 13 lbs. in a year which she didn't know yet. It is absolutely an issue; one that I am highly aware of. My problem is that she said "Make good choices" three times, which implies that because I'm overweight I do not know how to do so. No consideration of genetics. She felt badly when I told her about the fat discrimination I had experienced in the past (dropped her jaw when I told her the story of my previous OB's highly hypocritical, inappropriate behavior). By the way, we're talking 30-40 lbs. overweight not 100 or 200 like some of the people that were in the DDC with me and are now waiting to give birth to their LOs. I have been trying to lose again, though, I'll admit I ate big breakfasts at the B and B on vacation. I actually felt healthier than normal doing that b/c I could last longer without having symptoms of hypoglycemia. However, I am finding that despite exercising again and, most of the time, watching calories closely, I can't stop gaining. This is making me lose a lot of confidence in myself and creating major amounts of guilt. I've been in this place before and it isn't pretty. I made myself very sick in college when I was in this head-space. I lost 20 lbs. at that time, but it wasn't in a healthy way. I'm glad I can recognize that space now, but I'm not quite sure how to get out of it. I imagine my grief and resentment is increasing my cortisol making this a very difficult battle, but I am really lost. I was thinking how unfortunate that there is such a focus on weight and not on overall picture because that is why people do unhealthy fad diets and, again, make themselves sick. I really want to be healthy and, most of the time, feel that I am. I do not want to feel like if I gain a few pounds that I am doing something wrong or hurting potential future children. I do not want to find myself trying anything and everything to lose weight. I am trying to do what worked last time, but it isn't working. I guess I mostly needed to vent and get support. I feel like by both those doctors talking about my weight they have accidentally made happen what they absolutely don't want to have happen: make me feel guilty for the loss of my boys. In my head, I know it wasn't my fault. The doctor made sure to remind me of that and then turned around and said what she said. I know she didn't mean to imply anything, but it ended up causing problems emotionally. I know that being overweight in pregnancy is a risk, but I'm not high enough that they wouldn't do IVF with me. They do have a cut-off for that and I am nowhere near it. Sorry for the long post and thanks in advance for any support you can give.
Hugs. That's horrible. I think you are doing everything right: eating healthy and exercising. Hugs again.
 
#12 ·
Thanks Revolting. I probably should get together with a therapist to deal with these issues, I just have very rarely had good experiences with them. I also don't like formal support groups b/c my experience has been that facilitators do not do their jobs well and one person tends to dominate the sessions. That's why I like forums, there's more focus on making sure everyone gets the attention and support they need.
 
#15 ·
Lisanne - welcome home DH!

Kirsten - Sorry you had to try out the Diva Cup this month. Did it work well for you?

Deborah - hoping a baby is in your belly before September so you can be relieved of the pain … and have a take-home baby too! Sorry the doctors aren't being kind in their communications with you. As you know, your weight absolutely did not cause your boys to die. But that can be hard to believe some days I'm sure. I got back into the gym as soon as I was "allowed" after Max, and it's been miserable. Even having only 10 pounds of baby weight left to lose I still had a hard time dealing with trying to lose it because I wasn't supposed to have to lose weight. I was supposed to be BFing a baby and the weight would take care of itself. I cried when I worked out. It sucked. So I can totally relate to the mind-f** that is exercise, feeling like you should be doing it, and maybe even feeling a little better afterward … all at the same time. Hugs. If you're looking for advice on how to knock out these pounds, I highly recommend a personal trainer. Not one who will try to be your friend, but one who will make you work hard and push your limits. In less time (at the gym) I saw significantly better results when I had a PT than when I did it alone. I don't have a PT now, but I miss it. One "mistake" I see a lot of people make when they work out is easing up when the workout gets uncomfortable instead of pushing through it, and a PT will help you keep going and give you confidence. Or if you don't want advice please disregard.
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Betsy - symptoms don't necessarily indicate the status of pregnancy. They can come and go. Hoping that bean is still safe and snug. Sorry you're having rough days. It is also normal to have scared days after you've had a loss. Try to be positive. Hoping for great numbers tomorrow. Or that you don't feel like you need to test them.

jodie - congrats!!!
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That's so cool about your girls "just knowing" already.

beingmommy - hugs.
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Sorry you're confused by simultaneously wanting to try and not wanting to try.

superbeans - I fourth the "just tell them no" to giving away the bike seat.
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AFM - went to two movies last night with DH and a friend--Men In Black 3 and TED. MIB was OK and TED was hilArious. If you're not up for some cursing and sometimes dirty humor it might not be for you. Definitely not for the kids. Otherwise tons of laughs. --- Also went to a softball tournament for DH's niece. I didn't want to go, it was 95* and humid and no shade, but DH thought we should go so that his family will come to DSD's activities someday. It kindof irked me, what about my kid (in contrast to his ex GF's kid, I mean)? Hopefully there will be a baby this time, right? But we went.
 
#16 ·
So sorry about that CamoShades!!! I could have sworn I put you in the BFP section. It looks like I cut your name from the "in our thoughts" section and forgot to paste it into "recent bfps." Again, I am so so sorry.
 
#17 ·
Autumn- Thank you for the qualifier. I actually am active- I do martial arts and, I suspect, I've gained some muscle, which is a good thing, but messes with the scale. I will be going back to group class which has a large cardio portion this Wednesday if I am not still feeling miserable with this cold. I'm really just getting over post-partum stuff and am still dealing with some muscle issues. My chiro said it was most likely still due to the pregnancy. My big problem with the ways the doctors approached it, and others have as well, is the assumption that people do not know how to do it just because it isn't happening.
 
#18 ·
I also still suspect I have a cyst or more than one and that may be causing some issues. I need to call my OB. I'm having ovarian pain right now and I'm only on CD6, so I know it isn't O pain.
 
#19 ·
Hello all, Been without electric for 3 days! We had some horrible storms & winds of 50-70mph come through Ohio & did alot of damage. We had some trees down on our property, the kids pool is gone, & the wind picked up our chicken kennel & landed it straight down in the stream that runs through the front of our property. Luckily, everything was still in tact & we caught all our chickens!! We got power today & I was super happy as it was 100 decrees here. Even our 2 dogs were panting while they were sleeping.. poor things. Many ppl are still without electric & water, so please keep them in your thoughts!

Thecoffeebean - You have me right & as soon as I have time to start charting, I will get it submitted to you.

Jodie - So glad to hear everything is going well! I know I am crazy around the same time always wondering if its gonna stick.
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Things sound great so far!
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Besty - Yayy for Constipation!!
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I always know things are "good" when I get constipated.. lol. Who would ever think we would welcome constipation?! But I know when I have that, nausea, & heartburn, that I'm in the safe zone!

Deborah - sorry to hear about your encounter with the docs. I've noticed the past few years that most docs are losing their bedside manners, esp when I was taking care of my mother who had cancer then, but passed in Sept. due to neglect at the hospital. As far as gaining & losing wgt.. you're def gonna go up in wgt (but lose in inches) when building those muscles as I suspect you already know. Back when my mom was here, I decided to do green juicing w/ her for about 3 weeks & I lost quite a few inches & 10lbs. I don't suggest taking all of your veggies in that way as you do need fiber, but I still do the juicing from time to time & when I am drinking it, I feel fantastic, both mentally & physically. I even invested in a juicer & glad I did. When I juice, I have mind clarity, tons of energy w/o a crash & notice an overall healthiness about me. I also have trouble with my wgt. I've tried so many different diets & nothing seems to work other than exercise & getting an abundance of greens & fruits for me. There are many recipes for green juicing found on web. Some are a bit hard to swallow, but can be tweaked to taste better with fruit. Ice helps Lots!. I wish I would of known about green juicing a long time ago. Also, in some of my research on fertility, I found that green juicing is very beneficial to help your body know it has all the resources for the baby to survive & can decrease MC substantially. I hope you find what works for you. Best wishes for you!
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AFM, I'm planning my trip to TN w/my family to see my mom's family. We leave Tuesday & its really not a good time since I'm trying so desperately to do anything & everything to aid in a healthy conception on the 11th, but excited to spend time with them & get away from Ohio. Been doing lots of research & reading what different foods do to help reduce acid in the uterus. Also reading up on what foods & vitamins do to reduce the risk of mc. If it helps, then great, if not, at least I tried. So, I put DH & I on vitamins & eating plenty of certain foods! Crossing fingers!!
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#20 ·
Deborah - Love the pics of pets! What's the breed of Peaches? Love your furry Leo!! We take a liking to cats that are poofy!! We have a full blooded white boxer male named Gustav & a part brendle fawn boxer/part something else female named Eva. We also have 2 cats, male, completely all black (Nightmare, dh named him because how our dd4 was with him) & female tiger cat (Stardust - She gave birth to 4 kittens 5 weeks ago - offspring of Nightmare). A blue parakeet (Isabelle). All of our animals were either from a shelter or saved from going to a shelter. Love our pets, but kittens will need to find a new home or be outside cats! We'll see. Can't bare them being out in the cold winter. Our DD1 is 13 & wants to go to college to be a vet.
 
#21 ·
Just wanted to share a few links that may give some insight. If you prefer, you can disregard, but if it helps, then great too! I like the first one, but would not pay for the vitamin that they advertise as its very expensive. So, I decided to go out & buy a multi- vitamin for dh & I already had a Bcomplex vitamin & selenium on hand. I still have a few to buy, but willing to give both me & dh body whatever it takes & see if it works.

http://www.marilynglenville.com/infertility.htm

http://natural-fertility-info.com/preventing-miscarriage
 
#22 ·
Hey ladies!

I've been quite MIA lately - dealing with all these emotions is SUPER tough.

Congrats to all the BFPs. I hope you ladies have a happy and healthy 9 months. We all know how tough it can be - so know I'm wishing you all the best.

AFM - My surgery is Friday. I'll be happy to be rid of the fibroids. There will be another 6 months before we can TTC. I may return near the end of the year.

Have a great 4th of July!
 
#23 ·
Patience- We are a bit unsure on Peaches's breed: Her paperwork says she's American Pit Bull Terrier, but one of her trainers thinks she's American Staffordshire Terrier. Everyone- I appreciate the comments, but I was definitely not looking for advice. I was just irritated at the situation and wanted to vent. A big part of the irritation was with docs assuming I didn't know how to "make good choices" because I'm overweight. I lost 13 pounds in a year with lots of exercise and calorie reduction, so clearly I know how to do it. AFM- Still fighting this cold and really bummed because I may not be able to sing in the park on Wednesday.
 
#24 ·
Patience- We are a bit unsure on Peaches's breed: Her paperwork says she's American Pit Bull Terrier, but one of her trainers thinks she's American Staffordshire Terrier. Everyone- I appreciate the comments, but I was definitely not looking for advice. I was just irritated at the situation and wanted to vent. A big part of the irritation was with docs assuming I didn't know how to "make good choices" because I'm overweight. I lost 13 pounds in a year with lots of exercise and calorie reduction, so clearly I know how to do it. AFM- Still fighting this cold and really bummed because I may not be able to sing in the park on Wednesday.
 
#25 ·
Ugh. No idea why my posts come up 2 and 3 times.
 
#26 ·
Ugh. No idea why my posts come up 2 and 3 times.
 
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