Waiting to TTC - Special Circumstances December 2012 - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 352 Old 08-22-2012, 08:34 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I don't really belong anywhere. After suffering a devastating 18 week loss in March - I had to have surgery on July 6th to remove 7 uterine fibroids. Now I'm only a month into my 6 month wait before we can TTC. It's driving me INSANE. We patiently waited for the right time to TTC last November, got preggers the first try (I had been hanging out on the TTC boards and temping leading up to November). We were sooooo happy that we were finally expecting again after an early loss back in 2008. Almost a year later and just a few weeks after our baby's expected due date - I feel so lost. Getting pregnant should be easy, staying pregnant should be easy. That's what they lead you to believe and then BAM - you lose a child and you can't just make another one. The loss is traumatizing, the physical changes are equally as frustrating and the wait is a killer. I love the ladies on this board, I love that I can vent and share stories with other women who truly get me. So, now I'm looking for other women who have to wait to TTC. I don't really belong on the other TTC after loss boards because they are actively trying and a lot of them are getting their BFPs - unfortunately for me and others like me - it will be a while. Any other waiters out there?



Waiting to TTC:

December


January
mamacatsbaby

February

March

April
pattimomma

May
unuselyriver

Not really Sure shrug.gif
Xerxella
BetsyPage
julieven
aj_18

Off to TTC or Oh WOW I got my BFP joy.gif
J and Js Mommy - 9 2012 - Off to TTC
Revolting - 9 2012- Off to TTC
Patience2013 11 2012 - Off to TTC
SuzieSmiles 11 2012 - Off to TTC
BeagleSmuggler 11 2012 - Off to TTC
deborahbgkelly 11 2012 - Off to TTC
Thebyr 12 2012 - Off to TTC

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#2 of 352 Old 08-23-2012, 05:54 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Aw. Guess I'm the only one. 


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#3 of 352 Old 08-23-2012, 08:23 AM
 
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Hey, Thebyr, I know you aren't alone in waiting right now! I'm thinking others who aren't able to TTC right now may not be cruising around the TCAL forum to see a thread like this (exactly because the waiting is hard like you say), so you might need to spread the word a bit. Maybe a post on the HHAC thread first for those lurkers who are waiting but still reading along. I know there are many lurkers! wink1.gif

I'm actually on the other end of the spectrum or something, I think we are probably on the tail end of TTC after two years, and both me & DH and also our kids are getting old enough that the window has kind of closed (though actually I'm feeling pretty peaceful about that). So I don't quite fall into the waiting category but am forever rooting for those of you who are and I hope the months go by quicky!

Thinking of you, dear. hug2.gif

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#4 of 352 Old 08-23-2012, 09:54 AM - Thread Starter
 
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aww mamabutterfly. Great advice and hug2.gif to you too. It's hard not fitting in anywhere. (now what is HHAC? lol)


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#5 of 352 Old 08-23-2012, 07:20 PM - Thread Starter
 
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HAHA. DUH. Hope Healing and Conceiving.


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#6 of 352 Old 08-25-2012, 09:58 PM
 
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This would be me, I guess. I still haven't completed my current miscarriage, and then I want to wait a full menstrual cycle before I try again. I'm hoping to start trying in October or November, depending on how long the healing takes.


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#7 of 352 Old 08-26-2012, 04:41 AM
 
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Awww Theybr.  You have had a hard trot (I've followed from the sidelines)

We used to have a thread like this a while back?  Last year?  "The Misfits", we called it!  

I think you will find there are a couple of others around, like MB said, but it will always be a slower thread than an active TTC thread.   

 

I've had a couple of decently long 6+ month waits myself, so I know it's a tough time.  


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#8 of 352 Old 08-26-2012, 05:47 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Aww Revolting. So sorry that you're going through it right now. *hugs* Welcome. I hope you have a very fertile Oct and Nov!

 

Milk8Shake - HA! The misfits. That's exactly what I feel like! Hopefully the next few months will FLY by - I've started a ticker - 131 days! You feel me.


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#9 of 352 Old 08-26-2012, 07:15 PM
 
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i know how you feel me and dh had to wait almost a year and a half to try again after we lost are first dd in nov of 2010  due to some problems with my heart they said it would not be safe till i got a valve in my heart  fixed and lost three more this year alone one at 4 wk and4 days and then one at 11 wk and 3days and then one at 5wk and 4 days so it not like we cant get pregnant it is staying pregnant that has been are problem i am just hoping for a health baby soon i just want him to be able to hold a baby of his own i have my kids from my first dh  and my dh now treats them like his own kids he even say they are his kids my first husband die 3 years ago and me and him have been together since about 6 months after my husband die and he loves my kids like they are his kids and i know he would make a great dad i mean he took me as his wife and my kids as his kids he has never had a kid of his own or got married before so i am his first wife and my kids are his kids too but i still want him to be able to hold a baby of his own plus he wants a baby


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#10 of 352 Old 08-27-2012, 11:42 AM - Thread Starter
 
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aw man unuselyriver - hug2.gif

 

Staying pregnant is my problem too. Thinking of you!


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#11 of 352 Old 09-02-2012, 06:03 AM
 
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Thebyr- I just found this thread. I have been lurking on the HHAC thread but this is where I belong because we won't start TTC until January at the earliest. My loss was in March and it was emotionally traumatizing. My reasons for waiting are not physical ones, well I guess stress counts as physical. Anyway I have a special needs 12yr old son and we are trying to get some things worked out for him educationally and therapy wise. I had thought it would get worked out a few weeks ago but that didn't happen and now we are headed to court. I turned 35 in July and I worry about waiting because of my age. I am glad to have this thread to hang out on. I need help remembering that I need to take better care of my body now to make TTC in Jan. more easy.

 

You are not alone!
 


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#12 of 352 Old 09-03-2012, 11:34 AM - Thread Starter
 
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*hugs* Pattimomma! Welcome. So sorry that you belong here with me. WAITING IS HARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm thinking about you and your son. I hope you get the resources you need for him. It can surely be hard trying to balance life and TTC.

 

 

Come ON JANUARY!!!


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#13 of 352 Old 09-05-2012, 07:56 PM
 
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WAITING SUCKS.

I feel like a child being told i can't do something until i'm older.

on this day exactly 1 year ago my implant bleed began, only to lose my son 37 weeks later. BS.

i was told to wait 3 months as i wasn't getting my period affter my loss. i did get my period but now im not ovulating like i usually do. i still have hope tho.

meanwhile im to participate in 2 baby showers and organize my sister's shower on 9/29 which i'll have my period by then if we missed O....i really feel for you with a 6 mo. wait. especially when you add the time that we have been waiting since we found out we were pregnant & waited for our babies and then lost them. try to do fun things especially things you can't do while u are prego. that has helped me this summer. go on trips, be spontaneous, do whatever you want.

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#14 of 352 Old 09-06-2012, 05:48 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Welcome J and Js Mommy. So sorry for your loss AND your wait. I totally understand what you're saying... it's like, why can't I just try again??? I'm READY!!!! But lo and behold - my uterus is not. Makes me frustrated and annoyed. Our time will come though.. it really will.

 

I was just invited to another shower - one of my good friends waited to tell me that she was 22 weeks, partially because of our loss. Ugh. ALL my friends are preggers...no really - ALL OF THEM. I started a trend and then I didn't make the finish line. SUCKS.


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#15 of 352 Old 09-06-2012, 07:30 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Since we're such a small group - I'll just change the MONTH and not add another thread. eyesroll.gif


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#16 of 352 Old 09-06-2012, 10:46 AM - Thread Starter
 
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So... I've cried at my desk 3 times today already. I'm at that point where your hands shake because you're so overwhelmed. Today is 2 months since surgery - so that means 4 months until we can TTC. This time last year - I was having a conversation with my doctor about wanting to start TTC in November. We can't even TTC this November. So I feel like I'm stuck in a time warp. Not to mention that my dad was JUST diagnosed with lung cancer the day before our EDD last month. So - I'm just a complete and emotional wreck. I keep saying - "what if he doesn't make it to see the baby?" I know I need to be optimistic - but I think all my optimism coupons were used up the day I went into labor with my pre-term daughter. Ugh - looks like I need to rustle up some money so I can go back to therapy. 


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#17 of 352 Old 09-06-2012, 11:42 AM
 
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Thebyr- I am so sorry you are feeling so awful. I know how you feel about your dad. My dad died when I was only six weeks pregnant with my first child. I had not even told him I was pregnant and he died suddenly and surprisingly of a stroke at age 49. I often wonder how his relationship would have been with my children. We weren't all that close but I think he would have been proud of them and had a lot of fun taking them on trips. He loved traveling.

 

Do you have PTSD from the loss of your preterm baby? I have PTSD from a full term loss but not so much from my early losses. My full term loss isn't quite the same as people would expect. I placed the baby for adoption. I ended up in need of serious therapy and the therapist explained to me that studies have shown that birth mothers have a grief process that is unlike any other and it actually gets worse with time instead of better. Oh great I am starting to cry just typing this. Anyway my point is that I can totally relate to PTSD and the way it affects people. Mine always gets way worse when I am pregnant and if I miscarry then I really go into a bad PTSD place.

 

I am so so sorry for your loss and that you are having a bad day hug2.gif
 


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#18 of 352 Old 09-06-2012, 11:56 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you pattimomma. I certainly think I have PTSD from the events that took place that day. It was all very unexpected and traumatic. 

 

So sorry for your pain. hug2.gif


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#19 of 352 Old 09-06-2012, 07:12 PM
 
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Thebyr and Pattim what rough days...I hope you find other things to smile about and pass the time...i feel confused a lot of the time, like did all of that really happen, to me?! like i can't comprehend it...racing minds are exhausting, i was glad to move out of that phase and learned to redirect my thoughts but maybe that is why i can't comprehend it all the way yet.

 

isnt it a smack in the face to have to go to therapy and figure out how to pay for it and miss time from work-all adding  to our stres? i went to 1 session, $40 copay, and the B went from whats your name to are you going to try again in 40 minutes. never once asked about the pregnancy. all she wanted to know was are you going to hurt yourself so i can cover my ass and refer you somewhere...WTF. i didnt go back. instead we found a group of other parents with losses that is FREE and great.

also getting about my sister as she nears 37 weeks, when i lost my son.   well here's to passing the time. dont forget to do something for yourself :)

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#20 of 352 Old 09-07-2012, 06:12 AM - Thread Starter
 
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What J and Js mommy? She said what? How terrible! Some therapists are just BAD. My insurance company sent me a list of Masters level therapist - but I decided to go to a phD level psychologist. I think that made a difference. My therapist also worked at a holistic center - so she was less about meds and more about strategies to work through my grief. One of the best ideas she has was to make an alter for my baby. I greet it every day and light the candle. Makes me feel like I'm still connected to her. 

 

*hugs* There are no good words for what happened to us. It hurts my heart whenever a woman loses her baby - because I know how terrible it is for her. I just hope we all get our rainbow babies soon.


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#21 of 352 Old 09-07-2012, 08:59 AM
 
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Hey all. I belong in a misfits thread. Or really I belong in the Bitter Sushi Ladies thread, but I guess that doesn't exist anymore. I have 2 beautiful healthy children, no problems (and I'm more grateful for them every day) and then 2 early losses and now a truly devastating loss of identical twins. I'm just so angry. I really don't know what I'm doing. I guess we'll try again. At this point I have no hope that I can once again successfully carry a pregnancy. But, I think if I don't try again, I'll always wonder. I always wanted 4 kids and now I doubt I'll get 3.

So, there's my whiney post.

Hey thebyr, pattimoma, J&J's mommy, mb, milk, revolting and everyone. I guess I've been around long enough that I recognize everyone.

Married to one of the last good guys left Jim
Mom to AJ 4/07 and Genevieve 5/09

And then: I'm really, really tired of making angels.

But wait, could it really be true?


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#22 of 352 Old 09-07-2012, 11:11 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Aw X! I was REALLY rooting for you and those twins. I was so sad when I heard about your loss - I couldn't find an actual post. I actually meant to PM you yesterday.

 

We really are the misfits. Poor US! At least we have each other. Your VENT is SURELY welcome here! grouphug.gif


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#23 of 352 Old 09-07-2012, 11:14 AM - Thread Starter
 
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So.. to keep me busy - I've become totally obsessed with finding the perfect maternity look next time around. 

 

http://pinterest.com/dancergyrl/just-for-fun/  - Don't look if the site of preggy bellies is too much. A lot of them are just the clothes though. 

 

Clearly - I'm not doing a STITCH of work today. 

 

Why this has become my new hobby, I'll NEVER know. I'm not even really that fashionable in real life. Although - I'm hoping to change that.


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#24 of 352 Old 09-07-2012, 11:53 AM
 
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Hey thebyr. (How do you say that by the way? Is it "The Bear" or for some reason I keep saying "Theb Air"?

I never did a post. What's there to say? 13 week u/s, no heartbeats. That's it.

Married to one of the last good guys left Jim
Mom to AJ 4/07 and Genevieve 5/09

And then: I'm really, really tired of making angels.

But wait, could it really be true?


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#25 of 352 Old 09-07-2012, 12:46 PM - Thread Starter
 
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aw man. So sorry. That is THEE worst. That happened with my first loss. Just knew baby was in there rocking and rolling... I didn't even have a fetal pole. Ended up having to have a D&C because my body just wanted me to stay pregnant. UGH!!! So this time - I had the midwife give me an u/s at 8 weeks to make sure there was a beating heart. JUST KNEW I was in the clear when I hit 12 weeks and then 14 and then 16. They do NOT prepare you for pregnancy loss... nor are you prepared when you've been through it before. SUCKS. So sorry. Thinking of your angel babies.

 

 

It's actually pronounced like burr - think cold, shivering. lol The Byr


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#26 of 352 Old 09-07-2012, 02:35 PM
 
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Ok so I have tried twice today to type replies and both times something went crazy with my computer and I lost everything I wrote so J&J, X and thebyr I am following along!
 


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#27 of 352 Old 09-07-2012, 07:01 PM
 
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that sucks pattim... hate it when that happens.

X so sorry of your losses, i heard about your recent loss on another thread but can't remember which. Welcome

congrats Thebyr on finding something to focus on eventho u can't have it right now. i  was shopping for my sister(who is in 3rd trimester) in the maternity section in late july. at that time i actually thought that i was prego immediately after my late may loss. so i found these cute maternity jeans and sweater for $12! then i found out i wasn't prego. so sad. but i still have the outfit and will be wearing it damnit.

that counselor sucked so we then went to a group (FREE) for parents with losses(AWESOME) its facilitated by a great woman, psychologist i believe. i threw that crappy counselor under the bus and the facilitator works with her so i know she heard about it! ha. our next group is on monday. 

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#28 of 352 Old 09-08-2012, 04:41 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Pattimomma - that happens to me ALL the time. UGH!

 

Ooo J&J - $12? That's AWESOME. Sorry for the disappointment though. I actually freaked out last month because I thought I was preggers too... had a ton of nausea - but it's too early for us to try again - so I panicked. Luckily I wasn't.. or is that SADLY I wasn't? My heart can't decide which. I don't blame you for keeping the clothes though. I thought about taking some of mine back right after my loss - because some still had the tags on them. The hubs talked me out of it though - said I would CERTAINLY need them again. This is why I keep him - he keeps me from going CRAZY!

 

SO glad you found a free group. I thought about going to one - but never got around to it. There is a special walk here on Oct. 6th though. You get to walk with other mothers/families that have lost babies and plant a tree in remembrance. I think it will be nice. I think it's a good idea to talk to other women who have been through the same thing. They get it.


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#29 of 352 Old 09-08-2012, 09:32 PM
 
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Okay, if X joined then I will...

I'm Sarah, just experienced my 5th loss in a row since last July. Well, one was a chemical and the rest of the losses were between 6 and 8 weeks. My husband was diagnosed with a balanced translocation 7 years ago, which basically means that two of his chromosomes are somewhat mixed up. In a nutshell, we have a 25-50% chance of a healthy or balanced translocation baby (like DH, healthy but with fertility problems). We have a 50-75% chance of an unbalanced translocation baby, which most likely would end in another first trimester loss.

It is mentally exhausting to go through so many losses in a row. It literally messes with your mind. Since we do have a healthy DD, there's the thought in the back of my head that it could happen again. It SHOULD happen again, right? If we keep trying?

After our last loss, we decided we would use donor sperm but I chickened out and decided I wanted to TTC naturally again. I do not know if I want to TTC again at this point. Right now, I'm not even sure if I've passed everything as far as the miscarriage goes. I can't even begin to fathom another loss, which is how I have to approach any possible pregnancy. I'm leaning toward taking the next few months off from TTC and trying again after the new year.

To add insult to injury, tonight at book club I found out my friend is 19 weeks pregnant. I've suspected for a while, but still, I was surprised. And then my friend who was hosting had a postcard from another friend on her fridge that said "E is going to be a big sister in April!". That was my due month from this most current pregnancy. God, I don't like being this bitter and hurt by every little pregnancy announcement. It feels like I need to give myself and my friends/family a break from supporting me. I have to imagine that people are sick of this crap after five failed pregnancies in a row.

Hi to X, thebyr, Milk, J&J'smommy, and anyone else who's reading along!

Mama to Iris (01/10) and Gus (08/13)
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#30 of 352 Old 09-09-2012, 10:16 AM
 
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Thebyr- I am so glad that you can look at maternity clothes online and pick out things you like. It's just my opinion but I think that is a really healthy thing to do. It seems like a manifest destiny sort of thing, lots of positive thinking in the midst of feeling so bad has got to result in a good outcome!

 

X- I am sorry for your loss and that you can't figure out why this is happening after 2 healthy pregnancies. If anything qualifies for a WTF moment it is the loss of your twins!

 

J&J- I am glad you found a great support group!

 

Sarah- I am sorry you have to be here. It does seem that since you have a healthy DD then you should be able to have another healthy child. It just sounds like the odds are very harsh for how many loss do you have to have before you get the healthy one again. How does your husband feel about the donor sperm issue? I understand you both wanting to try it and feeling weird about it.

 

AFM- When I had my loss in March I had thought that yesterday would be my last BC pill and then we would be TTC but instead I am going to start a new pack. I had a dream that my sister was pregnant and that I was jealous. It was not a nice way to wake up. I think come October I am going to start really trying to get my body in shape, taking PNV and such for January TTC. Is anybody else doing anything yet for pre-TTC health?
 


~Patti~ rainbow1284.gifMomma to three girls and three boys chicken3.gif, First mother to one girl triadadopt.jpg

Certified, card carrying member of the IEP Binder Clubkid.gif  

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