When did you decided to start TTC again after a loss? - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 11 Old 09-25-2013, 11:08 AM - Thread Starter
 
monkeyscience's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Bismarck, ND
Posts: 2,227
Mentioned: 55 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 50 Post(s)

Why? And are/were you happy with that decision, or would you change it?

 

I know this is obviously a very personal decision, but I'd like to hear from other mamas who have BTDT.


Monkey (30) + Pirate (28) = a forever family (5/10) - Baby Bird (8/12), our long-awaited first, and one (9/13 @ 7w 6d); PCOS
*4***8***12***16***20***24***28***32***36**40** Oct 2014 - it's a
monkeyscience is online now  
#2 of 11 Old 09-27-2013, 08:40 PM
 
meg007's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Redmond, WA
Posts: 236
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
At first we thought my miscarriage was a molar pregnancy and since my dr said I should absolutely not get pregnant for 6 months, I got a mirena iud. A few weeks later, it was determined it wasn't molar, no need to wait to ttc at all. So we took out the iud and have been leaving it to chance ever since. I'm comfortable with it happening whenever. I am not sure if it would have been hard had I gotten pregnant immediately. Now I'm on cycle 3 post miscarriage and waiting to see if I am. And I'm really hoping I am! Anyway the biggest reason I wanted to ttc right away or at least be off birth control is that it took 2 years to get pregnant both times! I have one awesome son who's already coming up on 3 yrs old and I'd rather have his sibling sooner than later.

Happily married to my best friend, and nature loving mama treehugger.gif of one sweet boy (Feb 2011). femalesling.GIF

meg007 is offline  
#3 of 11 Old 11-19-2013, 06:31 PM
 
Mandi R's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 1
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I was actually about to ask a similar question.  We are about 6 weeks out from our miscarriage and I believe I just ovulated for the second time since then just a few days ago.  For my two pregnancies, I've taken 4 months to conceive with explicit trying (knowing when I'm fertile and taking advantage of that), so I kind of feel like I have to TTC, because if we aren't specifically TTC then we might as well be TTA if that makes sense.  I'm just not sure I'm ready if I happen to have another loss.

Mandi R is offline  
#4 of 11 Old 11-19-2013, 07:59 PM
 
CocoBird's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 276
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
After my first miscarriage, we tried again a few times after 4 months, all unsuccessfully. After that, we waited a few more years. We weren't even certain we would try again, but then one day the time was right and we were both on the same page and had healed from the previous losses , and I got pregnant first try. I think in retrospect I wouldn't try agAin agter just four months. I needed more time to heal. I would say do what feels right to you. Take enough time to heal physically and emotionally. <3

With DW partners.gif, DD1peace.gif(15), & DD2guitar.gif(11) since '09. Naturally birthed DD3 ecbaby2.gif6/21/13. We familybed1.gif, I bftoddler.gif and I'm a total treehugger.gif.  Family of five females! grouphug.gifrainbow1284.gifLOVE makes a family.             M/C candle.gif 2/10 ~Ahti Pan, forever in my heart.
CocoBird is offline  
#5 of 11 Old 11-19-2013, 09:29 PM
 
cyclamen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 1,294
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 3 Post(s)

We had a little different situation. My younger daughter died of a birth injury at four days old.  I was told that there's no right time to wait, so we started TTC as soon as I was recovered from her birth.  It took about a month for my stitches to totally heal.  Emotionally, it might have been too soon but it felt like the right thing to do at the time.  We were still numb enough that the idea of more loss was tolerable.  I was afraid of waiting too long and coming to my senses.

 

I'm pregnant again and due a little less than a month before my daughter's first birthday.  Dealing with the grief and triggers this pregnancy brings up is difficult.  I miss my daughter every day and I'm incredibly angry that my son won't get to know both of his older sisters, but this year wasn't going to be easy no matter what, so at least we have him to look forward to.

 

I don't think there really is a right time, and we adapt.


DD1 6/2009 DD2 5/1/2013-5/5/2013 (HIE) DS 3/2014
cyclamen is offline  
#6 of 11 Old 11-21-2013, 10:29 AM
 
nsmomtobe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: NS, Canada
Posts: 1,209
Mentioned: 10 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 20 Post(s)

After my first miscarriage (6 weeks) I didn't wait at all before trying. I got pregnant on my 4th cycle after miscarriage. That pregnancy was successful.

 

After my second miscarriage (11 weeks), I waited a cycle until my next period, but that is because I had a d&c and I wanted to give a chance for my uterine lining to build up again. I'm not sure whether it made a difference. It took me 8 cycles to get pregnant again.


Now mom to a boy born January 2010. 
Cautiously expecting Dec 2014!

 12/08 (6 weeks),  1/13 (11 weeks), &  12/13 (9.5 weeks)
nsmomtobe is offline  
#7 of 11 Old 11-21-2013, 06:31 PM
 
Harmony96's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Lash-tastic Texas
Posts: 3,145
Mentioned: 13 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 20 Post(s)
My baby was born premature and then died 27 days later, months before my due date. I had a c-section with him and wanted a VBAC. I also wanted to get past my original due date and see how I was feeling emotionally then. We started trying my next cycle after that and hit it on the first try. DS3 was born a month and a week after DS2 was, and it was a hugely stressful pregnancy, which got even more stressful AFTER I passed my milestones.

Andrea , child of God, wife of Tim , mama of L, B, J, J

Younique has new products 9/1/14! Come check it out!!
Want to get paid daily and start earning as soon as 24 hours after sign up? Join my team!
Harmony96 is offline  
#8 of 11 Old 11-22-2013, 05:20 AM
 
mamacatsbaby's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Watchin' spooky action at a distance...
Posts: 4,641
Mentioned: 9 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
After my first m/c we waited a cycle then started TTC. Our boys and the first pg I m/c'd we caught the egg first go 'around. It took 5 cycles of TTC for me to fall again then I turned right around and lost that one too. We tried for a cycle after the second loss but I realized my hormones were too out of control for it to matter. We then WTT for two cycles before settling on NTNP. In retrospect, IDK if I would change anything or not. Each stage added another piece to the puzzle for me. When it was proving that getting pg again was not going to just happen as easily after that first m/c (every...single...month I was jawdroppingly, knocked to the floor stunned that I wasn't pg yet when we had never had to "try" before) I felt like we would jump back in right away if it happened again and we did. But that didn't work out either. I hit a wall and had to hold the phone with everything b/c it was all too much. I guess I would just go with whatever feels best when I'm feeling it b/c at the time, all of the decisions I made along this path seemed best for that time period and what I was going through.

"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing." ~ Emo Philips tea6.gif

Me, DH, DS1, DS2, November 2012 brokenheart.gif, July 2013 brokenheart.gif, March 2014 brokenheart.gif

candle.gif Waiting on my SunshineBaby om.gif

 

  
 
mamacatsbaby is offline  
#9 of 11 Old 03-08-2014, 02:46 PM
 
Redmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 192
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)

I had a missed m/c last year.  At 9 weeks I learned the baby had died at 6 weeks.  I patiently waited until 16 weeks for my body to miscarry then chose a D&C.  

Hubs and I resumed TTC after period returned after the D&C.  We were told we could try "as soon as we were ready 2 weeks post surgery" but did not want to start right away because I felt that getting my period back was a sign that my body had healed from the surgery.

 

We  didn't want to wait too long b/c I recently turned 40.  Plus I've read that after a D&C, fertility is thought to be increased for a few months.  When I waiting for my body to miscarry, I had lots of time for processing the loss, I spoke with a counsellor and I was ready for my body to be ready again.

 

Good luck whatever you decide - it's such a personal decision and you know what is right for you.


40 y/o married Mama, 3 y/o DS, Angel Baby lost in Sep 2013, Angel Baby lost March 2014.
Redmom is offline  
#10 of 11 Old 06-20-2014, 02:27 PM
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by cyclamen View Post
<p>We had a little different situation. My younger daughter died of a birth injury at four days old.  I was told that there's no right time to wait, so we started TTC as soon as I was recovered from her birth.  It took about a month for my stitches to totally heal.  Emotionally, it might have been too soon but it felt like the right thing to do at the time.  We were still numb enough that the idea of more loss was tolerable.  I was afraid of waiting too long and coming to my senses.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I'm pregnant again and due a little less than a month before my daughter's first birthday.  Dealing with the grief and triggers this pregnancy brings up is difficult.  I miss my daughter every day and I'm incredibly angry that my son won't get to know both of his older sisters, but this year wasn't going to be easy no matter what, so at least we have him to look forward to.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I don't think there really is a right time, and we adapt.</p>
Hi I know this post is older, but I am considering (obsessing) TTC and we lost our son just over a month ago, he too was born and passed very quickly. Can you tell me how your doing now?
momofjax is offline  
#11 of 11 Old 06-20-2014, 07:53 PM
 
cyclamen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 1,294
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 3 Post(s)
I am so sorry for your loss. What was your son's name? Would you like to talk about him? Please feel free to PM if you want. Was it HIE?

The only goal I had for the last year was for us all to come out alive if humanly possible, and we did. I went back to school eight weeks after my son was born. The pain is duller, and I'm better at carrying it, but I can tell you that many mornings I cry for my daughter while I drive to school. I cry for the one year old she should have been.

My pregnancy was really rough. I had lots of bizarre thoughts, and at times I was sure I would not be able to parent my son, that I had made an enormous mistake. I did counseling, joined a group for parents who'd lost children in our NICU, relied a lot on some online groups for surviving the loss of an infant, and some prophylactic psychiatric medication, and I was immobilized with grief much of the time. It was a hard year for my oldest daughter and that is my only regret. When he was finally in my arms... I was really surprised that we got to leave the hospital with him. His oldest sister is so delighted with him, and so are his dad and I. I still don't know if it was a wise decision to TTC right away. I wonder if we would have ever had more children if we hadn't. But we are here now and it's not that pulsing, pounding head spinning vertigo of grief anymore. It's a dull roar in the background of everything and sometimes it rears up.

Sending you lots of gentle hugs. Once again, I'm so sorry about your son. It really is hell.
cyclamen is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off