Hope, Healing and Conceiving ~ January 2014 ~ - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 155 Old 12-31-2013, 01:28 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Continued from Hope, Healing and Conceiving ~ December 2013 ~

This thread is for women who wish to conceive after a loss and need support, hope and healing. If you wish to be added to the thread or want to modify your info please make requests in bold. If you have a chart online either at TCOYF or at Fertility Friend and would like it linked with your name in the list, just post the link and add the icon in your post so I don’t miss anyone.

Bring on the babies!!



~ Waiting to O ~ 2whistle.gif

jesepumpkin
Kaliakra
liladancing chartnew.gif
mamacatsbaby chartnew.gif
rosie2727
wengrin


~ Waiting to Know ~ pos.gif

Harmony96 chartnew.gif
ilovemykiddos
LilyTiger


~ Waiting to Adopt ~ adoptionheart-1.gif

MountainMamaGC


~ Oh Crumbs! I Don't Know What I'm Doing??!!?!??!?!? ~ nut.gif

granolamommie
gelato


~ Waiting with Special Circumstances ~ whistling.gif

NSmomtobe chartnew.gif
ememers



~ Recent BFPs! ~ rainbow1284.gif

January - RainbowAsylum, Right of Passage

December - taichimom chartnew.gif

November - NSmomtobe chartnew.gif candle.gif, Arabelle candle.gif, piratemere

October - MommatoGray chartnew.gif, OSTC

September - eazar chartnew.gif, Jesepumpkin

August - Philothea, Anaralia


~ In Our Thoughts ~ blowkiss.gif
(If you're in this group, we haven't heard from you in a while. Stop by and give us an update if you can.)

Andrea , child of God, wife of Tim , mama of L, B, J, J

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#2 of 155 Old 12-31-2013, 01:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Anybody doing anything tonight? We're going over to a friend's house to ring in the new year. Today also happens to be my youngest's first birthday, so we're taking a cake over for him, too. My oldest chowed down on her first birthday cake once she realized it was edible, and my second picked at it. Josiah's very interested in food so far, so I'm interested to see what he does with his piece of cake this evening.

Andrea , child of God, wife of Tim , mama of L, B, J, J

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#3 of 155 Old 12-31-2013, 02:43 PM
 
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Thank you Harmony!

Plans...well, we kind of started a new tradition a couple of years ago. DH, kids, and I stay in and play games. He and I have adult beverages and we let the kids drink apple juice out of champagne flutes. Last year was a brutal game of Headbandz in which I got my butt handed to me. So I plan on redeeming myself! Hope your 1 yr old tears into that cake!! Way to sneak in that last minute tax deduction! Lol!

HAPPY NEW YEAR ALL!!

Me , 38 years old; DH , 39 years old
DD - 11 , DD - 9 (both from previous marriage), and me and DH have DS - 4 .
07/04, 02/13, 10/13, 02/14,
05/14
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#4 of 155 Old 12-31-2013, 03:19 PM
 
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Thanks for the new thread Harmony smile.gif . The petticoat slip turned out beautifully! Very nice doll! thumbsup.gif Happy Born Day to your Josiah. Tell him to have some cake for me orngbiggrin.gif . No big NYE plans tonight. Just about to clean up dinner then try to get these boys to mellow out so they can get washed up, get our stories in, and they can sleepytime.gif then I can collapse on the floor lol.gif . I'm too damn tired to NYE it up! DH gets off early tonight so maybe we'll watch a movie or something.

rosie, sounds like you guys have some major fun lined up for the evening orngbiggrin.gif . Enjoy! And haha, Ms. Harmony did cut it nice and close there didn't she? lol.gif

"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing." ~ Emo Philips tea6.gif

Me, DH, DS1, DS2, November 2012 brokenheart.gif, July 2013 brokenheart.gif, March 2014 brokenheart.gif

candle.gif Waiting on my SunshineBaby om.gif

 

  
 
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#5 of 155 Old 12-31-2013, 04:26 PM
 
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Hi ladies,
I think I'm ready to join this thread. I probably fit best under the "waiting, special circumstances" category, hoping we will be ready to actively TTC in the next few months. We lost twin boys to incompetent cervix and pPROM at 23 weeks in Oct 2013. We were advised to wait 6 months before trying again, but I don't know if we will end up waiting that long or not. I am looking into getting a TAC (trans-abdominal cerclage) placed and have to decide if I want to do that before getting pregnant or during pregnancy. I'm hoping for a consult in Jan to help us figure that out. Some days it seems like the only thing I can think about is getting pregnant again, and until we are actively trying again I am happy to send all my baby dust to the other moms on this thread. I hope 2014 is the year of rainbow babies for all of us!
Emily
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#6 of 155 Old 12-31-2013, 04:44 PM
 
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Off to the TWW here.  Not holding my breath, but oddly through the angst about it over the past couple months, I am slowly moving to a place of peace with where things are.  I also turned 35 on Christmas.  

I suspect that I might actually move to ask my husband to consider a permanent option if we aren't successful within the time it takes him to get scheduled and in for a procedure.  I'm just not sure I can ride the emotional roller coaster- or find closure until I decide to close the door.  Strangely though, I am ok with that as well.  Even if it doesn't seem like I should be. 

My youngest turned 2 a couple days ago, and I am beginning to realize that I may be reaching the end of baby days around here, but it's a whole new chapter of looking for the 'me' I seem to have misplaced along the way lately.  So, for now I am TWW-ing, but I am ok with whatever the universe has in store.  It was a hellish couple months of grieving though to get to this place emotionally (and a few sessions with a great therapist!)

It sunds like some great NYE celebrations are planned, but around here I don't expect to be awake at midnight.  We fought a dead battery and block heater in -40 degree weather for a couple hours this morning so my husband was able to get to work again (he'll be gone for a couple weeks) and then a marathon grocery trip so my husband could take my van with him to work and I was thoroughly stocked up and I am already wishing it was bed time!  But I'm enjoying the peace and quiet of littles in bed, and the one kiddo still up enjoying her video game. 

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#7 of 155 Old 01-01-2014, 12:51 AM
 
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I went out tonight. We're in Ohio. We went to a fun wedding. My husband and I cried a lot at the wedding because we miss our daughter.

I am praying for conception. We has sex and then I found egg white mucus! I triple checked it. Even did the water test. We have been having nice vacation sex, twice now. I am really hoping we get pregnant. Last year we probably conceived on Christmas with our dear Madara. Wouldn't it be great to have a New Year's baby too?

Madara rest in peace9/24/2013 
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#8 of 155 Old 01-01-2014, 07:19 AM - Thread Starter
 
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ememers, there are many, many people in my pPROM group on Facebook who have IC as well and have gotten various cerclages to carry their rainbow babies. Many of the ones who've gotten their TAC have gotten it before pregnancy. If you're on Facebook, the Abbyloopers group is almost exclusively about cerclages, so you could get some information there while you're waiting for a consult.

RainbowAsylum, sorry you had vehicle issues, but glad you had some peace later in the evening, and glad you are feeling a little more peace about whatever these next few weeks/months may or may not bring.

lila, yay for EWCM! orngbiggrin.gif Hope you have a BFP in a couple of weeks.

Andrea , child of God, wife of Tim , mama of L, B, J, J

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#9 of 155 Old 01-01-2014, 12:30 PM
 
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Whatever that mystery pain was when I returned from holidays, it wasnt ovulation. 5 days later and I am still super fertile. My DH wants to give it a good try for a few months. I am just taking it one month at a time. I hope I ovulate soon. Today is CD 18. I have a bartholins cyst, and it kind of gets a little sore after BD. Although it has stayed pretty small since I got it a couple weeks ago, and doesnt appear to be infected yet. We had a wonderful NYE playing games with our friends till about 3 am. I hope everyone had a wonderful evening. 


Me(33), Mama to a crazy DD (6), Wife to a wonderful mountain man(32) BF my babe for 2 years.
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#10 of 155 Old 01-01-2014, 02:15 PM
 
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I'd like to join, if I may.  I found out we lost our baby December 18 (my birthday) at 10 weeks, though the babe had stopped growing at 7 weeks or so.  I got the all clear to start trying by my midwife in the next few weeks, but we have no idea if or when I'll ovulate, so we're just going to give it a try.  I'll start charting if we're not pregnant after my first cycle (which I am not expecting), but for now the bleeding has finally stopped (mostly) and I'm ready to at least start moving forward. 

 

I know I'll be a total emotional wreck for the next few months.  TTC has always been really intense for me and I can only imagine TTC after a loss will be even more so.  I'm looking forward to having support from those who have gone through it or who are going through it now. 


Beautiful baby girl born 8/13/2012. Little star baby lost at 10 weeks pregnant, 12/18/2013. Currently due 12/13/2014 with a rainbow.
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#11 of 155 Old 01-01-2014, 04:16 PM
 
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Lilytiger sorry for your loss. Welcome to the group. Good luck with conceiving.

Madara rest in peace9/24/2013 
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#12 of 155 Old 01-01-2014, 04:41 PM
 
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Quick question on EWCM: I just stopped bleeding (finally) two days ago after taking cytotec December 19. I'm still having some brown discharge here and there. But today I have EWCM and my sex drive is through the roof (I usually have a VERY low libido). Could I be fertile again so soon after a miscarriage and so soon after the end of bleeding? And more importantly, is there enough lining to sustain a healthy pregnancy even if I am ovulating? My midwife told me there's no danger in trying again before a complete cycle, but she also thought I probably wouldn't ovulate for a few more weeks. Has anyone ovulated this quickly after a loss?

Beautiful baby girl born 8/13/2012. Little star baby lost at 10 weeks pregnant, 12/18/2013. Currently due 12/13/2014 with a rainbow.
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#13 of 155 Old 01-01-2014, 04:42 PM
 
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(And thank you lila. I hope you get some positive news in the next few weeks!)

Beautiful baby girl born 8/13/2012. Little star baby lost at 10 weeks pregnant, 12/18/2013. Currently due 12/13/2014 with a rainbow.
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#14 of 155 Old 01-01-2014, 08:57 PM
 
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Thanks Harmony! I'm on several pPROM and IC groups on Facebook too, including Abbeyloopers, and they have been so helpful so far. Thankful for the Internet and the chance to connect with like-minded mamas and people with similar experiences. Sending good vibes to all who are waiting and hoping!

Mama to DS1 wave.gif (born at 32.5 weeks in Dec 2009) and DS2 and DS3 angel2.gif angel2.gif (born at 23 weeks in Oct 2013). 
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#15 of 155 Old 01-02-2014, 06:31 AM - Thread Starter
 
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My temps are starting to drop, so I'm pretty sure AF is coming today or tomorrow, giving me about a 6-day LP this time. It's what I was expecting, but it's still disappointing. Especially when the pregnancy dreams keep coming. Last night's dream was not my own pregnancy, but I was surrounded by pregnancy in TV shows and skydiving assistants, at least five separate people all together.

Andrea , child of God, wife of Tim , mama of L, B, J, J

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#16 of 155 Old 01-02-2014, 11:21 AM
 
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Lilytiger if your sex drive is like that and you have ewcm then you probably are just starting to ovulate early. Normal ovulation can range from day 10-21 but sometimes people get it even later. Ovulating on day 10 would be indicative of a short cycle 23 or 26 days. As long as you have had one period after a miscarriage the lining of your uterus should be fine. That is what my midwife said after my baby wAs stillborn. My friend got pregnant right after a miscarriage without having a period first and her baby boy was healthy and he is 1 year old now. I think that is just erring on the side of caution to wait one cycle. I didn't do that before I started trying but it is up to you.

Madara rest in peace9/24/2013 
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#17 of 155 Old 01-02-2014, 03:08 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My 2WW turned into a 1WW with the arrival of AF today. CD1, after only about a 6-day LP (up from about a 4-day LP last cycle, so there's that, at least).

Andrea , child of God, wife of Tim , mama of L, B, J, J

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#18 of 155 Old 01-02-2014, 05:09 PM
 
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I have no clue where I am in the 2 www because I had the flu on Christmas on. I am depressed. I miss my baby.

Thinking of all you ladies and keeping my fingers crossed
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#19 of 155 Old 01-02-2014, 11:08 PM
 
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ilovemykiddosI feel the same way. It is aweful.

I just read that infant mortality rate has increased by 35% since Fukushima. I am worried that had something to do with my babies death. Madara was stillborn. Radiation levels are increasing in our food and water. Babies are being born with thyroid problems. I am so scared of this. I ate a lot of sea food while I was pregnant because I didn't know. My doctors advised me about how much sea food I can have and what fish to avoid. I don't think they know about this. I have no way of knowing if this was the cause of my daughters death. I read about radiation spreading late in my pregnancy. I worried it might affect her. I tried to stop eating sea food but I didn't take it serious enough. I don't eat any other kinds of meat. Now I will never eat sea food again. This makes me so sad. It makes me want to leave California. I have never lived anywhere else. It seems like it is hard to avoid the radiation fallout in food and water. This makes me scared.

Madara rest in peace9/24/2013 
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#20 of 155 Old 01-03-2014, 09:29 AM
 
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Lila: You didnt do anything to hurt your baby. Please dont blame yourself. (((hugs))) If we all look back at every little thing we did around the time of our loss we could drive ourselves crazy. This whole thing just sucks. If you do feel moved to become totally vegetarian, there is a wonderful vegetarian section of mothering.com. 

 

Harmony: Are you taking anything for LP? I have been having luck with vitex and b complex and magnesium. I usually ovulate CD19-21 and last cycle it was CD 16 and this cycle it was CD 18 and my period was not nearly as heavy as it usually is. 

 

ilovemykiddos: Big hugs. Feel better soon. This time of year its easy to become depressed. 

 

Hello and Happy New Year to everyone.

 

I started working out yesterday. Oy. I took a 3 month break after I did a half marathon back at the end of sept. I am so sore today. I got an update from the adoption agency. Its pretty quiet right now. All the new birth moms are due way later in 2014 and not at the picking stage just yet. I guess its a good time to TTC for a couple months. I am now 2 DPO. We BD for 4 nights including O day, but we both were sick at one time, and then with the holidays we were having some drinks here and there, so probably not the most ideal baby making conditions. I really want to focus on getting back into shape. It will help my mood which has been so blah lately, and it will help my neck pain and headaches. 


Me(33), Mama to a crazy DD (6), Wife to a wonderful mountain man(32) BF my babe for 2 years.
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#21 of 155 Old 01-03-2014, 12:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm taking Vitex but I'm no longer taking B complex since I've also heard that it can cause a late O and diminish CM.

Andrea , child of God, wife of Tim , mama of L, B, J, J

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#22 of 155 Old 01-03-2014, 01:27 PM
 
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I just started bleeding and cramping again.  I had not bled at all for about five days, so the nurse at my midwives' office couldn't really tell me what was going on.  She said bleeding after that amount of time is unusual (i.e. after the initial bleeding from the m/c had stopped), but it's also too early for a period.  I'm really really hoping it's not lingering tissue, because I don't want to have to start this wretched process over again.

 

Anyway, it looks like my hopes of ovulation were premature.  I guess I'm waiting at least a month to start TTC.  I just really really wanted this process to be over, you know?


Beautiful baby girl born 8/13/2012. Little star baby lost at 10 weeks pregnant, 12/18/2013. Currently due 12/13/2014 with a rainbow.
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#23 of 155 Old 01-03-2014, 02:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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((Lily))

Andrea , child of God, wife of Tim , mama of L, B, J, J

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#24 of 155 Old 01-03-2014, 03:16 PM
 
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I just talked to the nurse from my midwife's office and my pregnancy test was still positive, so it looks like this is still the remnants of the miscarriage, three weeks later.  I'm just devastated and angry and everything else.  I was so excited when I could finally go without a huge overnight pad that the stupid physical side of things was over.  I guess not.  Anyway, ultrasound on Wednesday to see what's what.  I'll keep my fingers crossed for the February TTC thread. 

 

And thanks, Harmony.


Beautiful baby girl born 8/13/2012. Little star baby lost at 10 weeks pregnant, 12/18/2013. Currently due 12/13/2014 with a rainbow.
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#25 of 155 Old 01-03-2014, 03:26 PM
 
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Liladancing....I am in California and my baby boy was born stillborn at 38 weeks 1 day. Everything was 100% perfect up until the day he died. I went in for my normal appointment and his heart had stopped. He was perfect and I had passed all my screenings.

 

It is such a horrible horrible thing to go through. I have gone through everything in my head as to what could have possibly happened.

I don’t understand why this happens, but I do know it wasn’t your fault.

 

I do not think the grief goes away from an event like this. I know for me that I will always miss him. Some days are easier and some days it hits me like a ton of bricks.

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#26 of 155 Old 01-03-2014, 08:06 PM
 
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Dear LilaDancing & Ilovemykiddos, please please don't make it harder on yourselves by believing you could have done something different or lived somewhere different that would have changed your loss. We've all been there but it DOESN'T help and I believe it's a false path--almost certainly there was a medical cause for the loss whether you've been able to identify it or not. I hope you've seen MFMs to get tested for everything because that brings a certain amount of peace of mind (and some extra pain too, but overall peace).

 

I googled the 35% fukushima stat and wasn't too convinced that it's accurate. I'm prone to believe in just about any conspiracy theory sent my way (!) but it sounded from what I read that infant mortality went up for a few months but evened out over the entire year--and that was in 2011. Nothing more recent about it. You'd think it would be getting continuing attention if such a notable trend were ongoing.

 

Sometimes it helps me to think maybe my baby didn't want to come in October 2013--maybe the vibrations just weren't right. I mean, I have identified the medical causes of the loss (MTHFR and hypothyroidism) but from a spiritual perspective maybe it wasn't the right time for him. I believe in reincarnation and I've met a couple of women who had a 2nd or 3rd tri loss who felt they later got pregnant with the same "spirit baby" so who knows...maybe that sounds odd to some people but I find it comforting...

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partners.gif     angel2.gif Peanut, May 2013 (20 weeks)
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#27 of 155 Old 01-06-2014, 03:13 AM
 
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I can harly sleep this whole vacation. I just think about Madara. How wrong it was. I was 4cm dilated and 5 days overdue when they sent me home. The maternity ward was completly full. I never saw a doctor. Madara's heart rate was high and I came in because of bleeding. They did no ultrasound. They sent me home. I went into labor a day later and she was dead greensad.gif I found out the hard way it is not standard to send someone home like this in our condition. The day after Madara was born the midwife asked my mother if we were going to sue. Now I am finding out that the ob/gyn practice I went to lost their contract for their only hospital. So it sounds like they are basically out of business. I have seen other news that all the medi cal people like me will no longer being using the ob/gyn I went to which was mainly midwives. I think this is probably all because of Madara. I am so angry with that one midwife. I can't believe it. My daughter died becuae of her decision to send me home when my baby was showing signs of distress. I am so angry and hurt. I trusted my midwives practice. One of them let my baby die. There was only one doctor there at the end of my pregnancy. I am glad that it seems like as a direct result of what happened to Madara the midwives are loosing their jobs.

I just cry a lot and screAm in my head I want Madara. I ask my husband all the time "What am I supposed to do?" I hate everything about this. My angel Madara can never be here with me again.

Madara rest in peace9/24/2013 
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#28 of 155 Old 01-06-2014, 10:40 AM
 
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Dear, I am so, so sorry for your pain. Can your husband find you a therapist who specializes in peri/neonatal loss? You have every right to freak out, to hate those a-hole midwives, and to curse the whole world. It will help to have someone with training be there to catch you as you fall.

 

Please know that you aren't the first woman to go through this. It is so, so unfair and completely incomprehensible. I've heard that the memoir, "An Exact Replica of a Figment of My Imagination," by a woman whose baby died at the end of her pregnancy, is insightful if you want to feel less alone. I'll be sending you light.


partners.gif     angel2.gif Peanut, May 2013 (20 weeks)
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#29 of 155 Old 01-06-2014, 11:17 AM
 
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LilyTiger - You were in my DDC. (I understand that you lost access to the group after your miscarriage, so I am glad to see you here.) I had a D&C on December 20th (I should have been 10 weeks but baby never developed past 5 weeks) and I am still testing positive on urine tests. However, my blood hormone level was over 20,000 on Dec 18th, so I guess it had a long way to go. With my previous losses, I tested negative within 3 weeks and ovulated within 4, but I don't think my HCG level even went over 1000 with my first pregnancy and in my third pregnancy it was down to 3000 by the time I started to miscarry. But if you still have retained tissue, that can cause problems too. I hope everything is clear on Wednesday.

 

Liladancing, I am so sorry about what you went through. I don't have much I can say right now, but I wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you.

 

And overall, it seems like I have not been in a posting mood lately, but I had to respond to those two posts.


Now mom to a boy born January 2010. 
Cautiously expecting Dec 2014!

 12/08 (6 weeks),  1/13 (11 weeks), &  12/13 (9.5 weeks)
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#30 of 155 Old 01-06-2014, 11:37 AM
 
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Liladancing, I also wanted to add, though it's not the same situation, that the holistic MD I saw for my thyroid for years before my pregnancy apparently was not treating me appropriately once I got pregnant. I never asked to see my blood work to check for myself because I trusted her and never even thought of it. After the loss I was initially told my thyroid had nothing to do with it.

 

In September, several months after my loss I requested all the blood work from my pregnancy and was SHOCKED to realize my levels were never right, not once throughout my whole pregnancy. My MFM thinks that's why I lost the baby, though she agrees with me it could have been one or two other things. My point is, I do understand that feeling of shock and outrage that a health care provider you trusted failed you in the biggest possible way. It is terrible and enraging and unfair and sickening.

 

I haven't even been able to work up the energy to educate my doc about what she did wrong, let alone to consider legal action. Maybe someday. You have to take care of you before you do anything else.


partners.gif     angel2.gif Peanut, May 2013 (20 weeks)
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