Hope, Healing and Conceiving - June 2014 - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 114 Old 06-16-2014, 05:56 AM - Thread Starter
 
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@MsBe DH and I connected that night, but not since … Our daughter has been sleeping in our bed and then AF arrived … Plus my anxiety, especially connected to my daughter's failure to thrive is weighing very heavily on me. Thank you for your reassurance when it comes to the anovulation … I went to my TCM practitioner and since I didn't have enough money to do both the acupuncture and herbs, he's just sent me home with another kidney function supporting herbs that I have to drink for 6 full days. It seems (even though we won't discuss it) that he thinks there's something up with my kidney function. You really sound like you are on top of your game exercise-wise! I wish I had the will to work out like that. I do yoga a couple of times a week and ride my bike to work, but that's about it … haven't been able to do anything else. Great about the half marathon!!!

rosie2727 @t2009 How's it going?

What about the rest of you ladies?

AFM: I've been having pretty bad depression for the past few days. It started with the start of AF on the 10th, continued through the 14th (2 month 'anniversary' of my D&C), then a garden party at my SIL's where my former friend was together with her newborn daughter (the one that was born the same day that I had my D&C - in the same hospital no less) and the fact that my daughter seems to be failing to thrive … it's just been too much for me to handle and I slid into depression. I'm trying to claw my way out of it, but so far, I haven't been successful. My priority right now is at as it should be - to focus on my daughter's well being and health and I'm putting TTCing - or even the plan to - on the back burner. I'm trying to figure out how to help my daughter eat more and figure out what can it be that is preventing her from growing and gaining weight (besides the fact she doesn't eat much) … Ah, I'm just rambling now.

I hope you all are doing well.

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#62 of 114 Old 06-16-2014, 09:15 AM
 
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@MsBe : glad DS was surprised and enjoyed his bday. That will likely be one if his more memorable bdays. I need a training/workout plan. I don't work out, but I've recently started walking and I need goals or a plan in writing to help me stay motivated.

@Wilhelmina : yes, I knew your loss was late and you'd already had a heartbeat. I just meant, for me, once I get to that point, I'll feel good, as my last 4 losses in 15 months never made it to a heartbeat. But again, I still think your chances of having that happen again are pretty slim. I know lots if women that had 12-14 week losses and now have plenty of living children. So what's going on with your daughter? What makes you say she's not thriving?

@t2009 and @ememers : hello! Hope your weekend was good!

AFM: I'm severely depressed. I was supposed to O yesterday or today. Well, I got 3 pos digital OPKs on Sat. So we DTD that afternoon. And I had loads of EWCM that day. I also had a huge temp dip the next morning. So I thought I'd O Sunday and we had our bases covered. Well, I also use the fertility monitor. I have a love hate relationship with it. It never detects my peak. Well, I used it yesterday and it detected a peak! Usually women O the day after this peak. So now I think I'm O'ing today. I had some EWCM yesterday, but just one instance of it in the morning and there wasn't as much as on Sat. And I've been dry ever since. So temp was up today, but only back up to what it was prior to the dip. Anyway, my point is, that DH couldn't finish last night, so if I O today, we haven't DTD since sat. I swear he does this shit to make me batty!!! I miss the days when we could DTD twice a day every day. Now I'm lucky if we DTD twice in one fertile window.
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#63 of 114 Old 06-16-2014, 01:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
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@rosie2727 I'm sorry, I just made it about myself. I knew what you meant. I just wanted to say that for me, even hearing the heartbeat won't do it - it won't calm me down. Being pregnant is going to be most likely absolute hell for me, with the exception of being super happy and grateful when I am pregnant again … I'm also sorry you feel depressed … I hope you feel better soon. Also, I've read sperm can survive for up to 5 days, so don't give up hope yet.

My daughter has fallen from curve to a curve to another curve and now is at the very bottom of the chart both weight and height wise (some charts would show her as being off the chart). And, about a week ago I found out she actually LOST weight. She just turned 3. This has been an issue for us for such a long time that I'm positively desperate when it comes to my daughter, her weight-gain, growth and especially food … she doesn't eat, she nibbles, most of the time. And she won't try new things, doesn't eat veggies … arrrgh, it's a whole long list of issues. Fortunately, she's healthy (as far as we know - all the tests are coming out clean showing no problems), happy and even quite energetic (she's not that physically active - she's more of a 'book worm' type). Anyway, every time I think things are getting better, they're not and so on … I'd give anything to see her jump up in weight and height even a little bit. We're going to see our dietician again on the 27th, so maybe we'll finally figure something out, at this point, I want to take her to a child psychologist to see what makes her not want to eat - if she has some sort of food anxiety (entirely possible), and so on.

I'm on CD 6 today. Fresh blood stopped flowing and now it's that nasty thick brown stuff - does anyone get that at the end of their AF? I hate it… last time it lasted as long as my fresh blood period. My last period was 13 days long (I include that 'brown stuff' among my period days). I'm hoping this period is much more 'normal' and shorter. I guess we'll see. Even though I have my green light, I don't think I'll attempt to TTC this cycle yet … I still feel my body's not ready, I still *feel* my vitamin stores haven't been 'restocked' yet. Plus, as said, I can't imagine spending so much mental energy on wondering when I O and then DTDing on specific days and all that now. But who knows, I guess I should never say never …

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#64 of 114 Old 06-17-2014, 11:37 AM
 
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Hello ladies, I just discovered this board is hear, hope you dont mind if I join. I posted on the TTC board, this seems a better fit for me right now.

I went for my first US last week at 9 1/2 weeks and there was no heartbeat and my OB said the baby stopped growing a week before. Seeing it there with no heartbeat was horrible. I have two older kids (7&9 years old) and I knew immediately that something was wrong when I looked at the baby on the US but I couldnt figure out what it was. Then the doctor said the baby was measuring a week behind...and that there was no heartbeat and he said "unfortunately this one didnt make it." Uuuuggg, I dont think Ill ever forget that moment. Then yesterday I went for the D&C and it was a terrible experience. I couldnt eat all day and they gave me meds on an empty stomach and I ended up vomiting. It was delayed by two hours because my OB had to deliver a baby. I really didnt know what to expect, I didnt realize it would be such a serious thing with an IV and meds and putting me to sleep. I guess I thought it would be more like a procedure in the office or something, but in the hospital. I really wasnt prepared mentally. Today I feel better, because its all over, but Im so super scared of this happening again. And its so hard psychologically to think that a few days ago I was pregnant, and now Im not. Its so hard to wrap my mind around that. I still feel pregnant. I didnt take summer classes because I was pregnant, now I have nothing to do but sit around all day NOT being pregnant. Its terribly depressing. My doctor said I just have to wait one cycle then try again, but I dont know if it really will be that simple. Im 34 now and I know that isnt super old, but it sure feels like it right now. I just feel. so. sad.

Im looking forward to getting to know you ladies and I hope I hear happy news from everyone soon.
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#65 of 114 Old 06-18-2014, 05:42 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hello ladies, I just discovered this board is hear, hope you dont mind if I join. I posted on the TTC board, this seems a better fit for me right now.

I went for my first US last week at 9 1/2 weeks and there was no heartbeat and my OB said the baby stopped growing a week before. Seeing it there with no heartbeat was horrible. I have two older kids (7&9 years old) and I knew immediately that something was wrong when I looked at the baby on the US but I couldnt figure out what it was. Then the doctor said the baby was measuring a week behind...and that there was no heartbeat and he said "unfortunately this one didnt make it." Uuuuggg, I dont think Ill ever forget that moment. Then yesterday I went for the D&C and it was a terrible experience. I couldnt eat all day and they gave me meds on an empty stomach and I ended up vomiting. It was delayed by two hours because my OB had to deliver a baby. I really didnt know what to expect, I didnt realize it would be such a serious thing with an IV and meds and putting me to sleep. I guess I thought it would be more like a procedure in the office or something, but in the hospital. I really wasnt prepared mentally. Today I feel better, because its all over, but Im so super scared of this happening again. And its so hard psychologically to think that a few days ago I was pregnant, and now Im not. Its so hard to wrap my mind around that. I still feel pregnant. I didnt take summer classes because I was pregnant, now I have nothing to do but sit around all day NOT being pregnant. Its terribly depressing. My doctor said I just have to wait one cycle then try again, but I dont know if it really will be that simple. Im 34 now and I know that isnt super old, but it sure feels like it right now. I just feel. so. sad.

Im looking forward to getting to know you ladies and I hope I hear happy news from everyone soon.
I am so so sorry, sweetie Your experience sounds so much like my own … I understand you perfectly and I know exactly how you feel. Take your time to grieve, include your husband and the people closest to you - if you need help or someone to talk to, don't be shy to ask for it. Hug your husband, cry with him. It's also his loss. Mourn the loss, grieve … Again, I am so sorry. But it really happens to many women and if you reach out and tell folks, they will try to help you and might even share with you their own stories … I didn't even know there were so many women around me that lost a pregnancy until this happened to me … even total strangers were so amazingly supportive to me that I was nearly (positively) overwhelmed by the outpouring of compassion. A few friends and especially my husband really helped me survive the first few days. I even emailed back and forth with a few women I met on a certain discussion board and that helped me tremendously … I just had this HUGE need to talk about the loss and my feelings about it.

Try not to think too much about trying immediately again - unless it makes you feel better. Try not to stress yourself out about your age and all that stuff - right now, it's important for you to heal, mostly emotionally/mentally. Big bear hugs to you if ok.

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#66 of 114 Old 06-18-2014, 07:56 AM
 
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Please move me to Waiting To Know

I've been lurking this month but not posting much.

I saw my naturopath for my regular acupuncture appointment and she had been doing some research since my last visit and gave me a list of tests she would like to have run to check for clotting issues as well as antibodies that might be making it hard for me keep a pregnancy. DH is also getting a SA done. I was able to get a requisition for the blood work my naturopath wants me to get done but it was a pain in the butt getting it. I go to a clinic so I have to see whichever Dr is on call that day. This time I saw one I had not seen before. He come in and didn't even introduce himself or ask my name just asked what I was there for. So I told him that my naturopath wanted me to get some testing done and gave him the letter form her with the tests listed. He started mumbling under his breath about how you can't trust these people (I assume he meant naturopaths) and how he didn't know what she would want them for. I told him that since we were working together on a number of issues and I trusted her and if she said the tests were necessary then I had no problem getting them. I know exactly why she wants these tests run but I have found its easier to not mention that they are regarding fertility since they seem to try and refuse to sign the requisition saying that there is no need for all this testing (I've had two MC within 5 months and I'm 35 so I don't want to waste time waiting for another MC for them to do testing). He demanded to know if she was a "real" dr I told him she was so he wanted to know why she didn't requisition the tests herself. I told him that she could but then I would have to pay for them out of pocket but when I go through my GP they are paid for by my provincial health care. Finally he gives me the requisition and good thing I'm in the habit of checking to make sure they have all the tests listed because he wrote out the requisition for a different patient named Anthony so I had to get him to re do it. Left feeling really frustrated but at least I will be getting my tests done.

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#67 of 114 Old 06-18-2014, 08:13 AM
 
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@MsBe --I'm so glad your son's party went well & the visits were good. I hope you're enjoying Maine!! My friends took me up to a cabin in Maine in the middle of winter when I was 8 months pregnant with my son. It was so peaceful.

Can I ask what juice cleanse you did? Something short sounds just up my alley--We have visitors & are traveling a bit, but after that I think it'd be great for me to do. And we have a juicer that I have never in my life used.

@rosie2727 & @Wilhelmina , I'm so sorry both of you (us... me, too...) have been feeling depressed lately!

@Wilhelmina , it makes me sad to think about your worry over your daughter. I notice that lately I worry about every little thing with my son, so I can only imagine what you are going through. I hope the visit with the dietician provides some answers & ideas.

@rosie2727 , I agree with Wilhelmina--It's possible for sperm to survive a while & I don't think it's uncommon for them to get up there & have to wait a bit! Don't lose hope, though I totally get your frustration. Did your temp rise anymore yesterday or today? I have had cycles like that & in fact the cycle I got pregnant it spiked slightly & went back down before going back up again (though apparently that egg was bad, so who knows). I really hope your feeling better about it--I wish I has something more to add.

@Melinda1980 , I'm so sorry to welcome you here. Like Wilhelmina, your experience & feelings are similar in many ways to my own, and I'll just say that everything you're feeling right now, you just have to feel it & find your way to grieve. Lean on us & lean on everyone around you. It's so hard. Many hugs & healing vibes to you.

As for trying again, my midwife also said to wait one normal cycle. So you can look forward to that... Just thinking about trying again has helped me so much!

AFM, I've been incommunicado because we were traveling. I just gave a talk at a conference & I was so nervous but it went really well & it was a real boost to my ego, which I needed desperately. Because otherwise, I've been just so confused & miserable & depressed. I had absolutely no bleeding/spotting for 5 days but then the spotting came back & now I've been spotting for 6 days & it's turning into bleeding. I wish it was my first period, but I'm only at 4 weeks post-mc (today ) so I think it's too early, no? At least my headaches are gone.

I had acupuncture, but like you Wilhelmina, I don't think I can keep up with the cost of sessions & the herbs. My acupuncturist was great, though, and she was very supportive. She doesn't think that I need any testing right now & she thought my abdomen felt great & pulses were better than she would expect. She is, however, concerned with all the spotting (now & previously--I typically spot for 3-7 days before my period) & thinks I really need my progesterone tested right away if I get pregnant again. And she suggested I should probably plan on waiting two normal cycles before trying again, which I think I'm ok with, especially as the return to "normal" seems to be dragging on & on.

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#68 of 114 Old 06-18-2014, 08:19 AM
 
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@Anna1979 , sorry your visit was so frustrating but I'm glad you are able to get the testing done. I suppose trying to focus on the fact that you'll be able to get some answers might make you feel better about it? But I understand, which is why I've put off seeing anyone other than my acupuncturist since my mc... I know after "just one" no one will be able to tell me anything, so I just don't want to deal. I actually might go see my GP, but not my OB--she'll just frustrate me.

On a good note, I'm glad you're in the Waiting to Know category--your loss was relatively recent, so it's great that you're feeling up to trying again! I'm crossing my fingers for you!

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#69 of 114 Old 06-18-2014, 10:17 AM
 
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@Anna1979 , sorry your visit was so frustrating but I'm glad you are able to get the testing done. I suppose trying to focus on the fact that you'll be able to get some answers might make you feel better about it? But I understand, which is why I've put off seeing anyone other than my acupuncturist since my mc... I know after "just one" no one will be able to tell me anything, so I just don't want to deal. I actually might go see my GP, but not my OB--she'll just frustrate me.

On a good note, I'm glad you're in the Waiting to Know category--your loss was relatively recent, so it's great that you're feeling up to trying again! I'm crossing my fingers for you!
Even though the losses have been hard emotionally they were all early enough that my body just assumed that it was a late start to my cycle and I ovulated the cycle right after in both cases. We waited one cycle each time but got right back on the horse so to speak. I just find it easier to be able to come up with a plan and move forward otherwise I just get really anxious and start thinking that it will never happen for us.

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#70 of 114 Old 06-18-2014, 01:58 PM
 
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Thank you for the love and support, I really appreciate it. It is such a great feeling to know Im not alone.

@rosie Im so sorry that you're feeling depressed. I hope that coverage works out better than you fear.
@Wilhelmina I have a friend who's son was very much as you're describing your daughter. I remember how much she worried and tried to get him to eat extra calories, etc. Well now he is a thriving nine year old and he is still very small but hes healthy. I hope the same is true for your daughter. And I hope you can figure out why she isnt eating much, so at least you have an answer.
@anna , that guy sounds like a jerk. Im sorry you had to deal with him. I hope the tests go well.
@t2009 I hope you return to feeling normal soon. All of that spotting must be very frustrating!

AFM I had an awkward day. Im in a wedding on Friday and had the dress alter last week because of the pregnancy. I didnt want it altered to early then be too small by the date of the wedding. So I went to pick it up today and the minute I walked in the seamstress who Ive been working with said "Oh, look at you! You look so pregnant already!" and I didnt even know what to say. I choked up and went along with it and didnt tell her about the loss. I just told her I felt really sick so I had to make it quick. I felt so foolish not telling her, but honestly, I just didnt want to talk about it at that moment. Today was also my kids last day of school and luckily none of the other moms I usually talk to were at the park after school, so I didnt have to talk to them about it either. Most of them I wont see again till September and I think it will be obvious at that time that Im either no longer pregnant, or early into another pregnancy. Hopefully the latter.
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#71 of 114 Old 06-19-2014, 05:12 AM - Thread Starter
 
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@Melinda1980 That is so heartbreaking … what a hard hard situation to be in. I'm impressed that you managed not to say anything. I don't think it's foolish not telling. I think you're very strong.
@t2009 How long are your cycles usually? If they are usually 28 days long, then it actually may be your period! I got my period 32 days after the D&C and my periods tend to be around 29-32 days long.

Yeah, the issue with my daughter is really the most stressful thing in my life right now. I have such a hard time with it. She's overall healthy and all the tests are coming up fine, but the numbers are telling a different story - she's growing at a really sluggish rate and her weight has now even stagnated … Not having answers and not knowing what's up is really hard to live with. Sometimes I manage not to think about it or tell myself - 'she's healthy and energetic, don't worry,' but then, especially when I see her around kids her age, I freak out because she's so much smaller than kids her age - and looks almost frail compared to most of them. Even writing about it is stressing me out.

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#72 of 114 Old 06-19-2014, 04:43 PM
 
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Hi everyone, sorry for the radio silence lately. I have been super busy, getting ready to start my summer job in a couple of weeks (I have to do a lot of prep for it) plus I'm taking a child development course this week and next week. Too much to do in too short of a time! But I'm managing.

I think I may have just ovulated or it may happen in a day or two. I will update when I'm sure I'm just waiting to know. A couple of days ago I had a ton of EWCM and libido surge, so we DTD. But my temp hasn't gone up, and it was a bit early in my cycle (day 12, if I remember right). So I'm not sure that was the real thing yet. We'll see what happens in the next couple of days. If it was ovulation, then we have decent coverage for the couple of days before and after, if it has yet to happen we may be in trouble because my mom is here visiting now so I don't know if we'll get to DTD today or tomorrow, that always feels weird to me.

Hugs to all, sorry to hear about the struggles. @Wilhelmina , sorry to hear about your daughter, you are a great mom for keeping an eye on her, I bet she will pull through! @Melinda1980 , welcome, so sorry for your loss. Give yourself all the time you need, we are here to help!

Happy Solstice!

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#73 of 114 Old 06-19-2014, 09:56 PM
 
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Hi. I still feel like I am a part of this group. Now that I am pregnant should I be posting in other groups now. Just wanted to say hi and baby dust to all the moms. I hope everyone is doing well.

Madara rest in peace9/24/2013 
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#74 of 114 Old 06-20-2014, 10:01 AM
 
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Hi all,
@Anna1979 , sorry for your struggles but I'm glad you're able to start trying right away. Crossing my fingers for you!
@Melinda1980 , that sounds awful--I'm so sorry you had to go through that. And I know what you mean about seeing other moms at pick-up. When I picked up my son for the first time after the m/c, I just ran, got him & rushed off. No one at his school knew I was pregnant but I still couldn't bear having to talk to anyone. Now I find I blurt out the fact of my m/c to people I didn't intend to tell. But the social aspect can be so hard, especially right away, so I'm sorry for what you're going through.
@Wilhelmina , so sorry you're so stressed out about your daughter. Did you see the dietician yet? How did it go? Since you say she is healthy overall I hope you can still take advantage of her joy & enjoy her. I also hope you can take some time for yourself to relax & destress as much as possible.
@ememers , good luck with all the juggling-it sure does sound busy! Did your temp rise? I know what you mean about DTD with MIL in the house. I'm the same, even if I know there's no way she'd know. Crossing my fingers for you!
@liladancing , hi & I wish you continued good luck with your pregnancy!

AFM, i think you're right, Wilhelmina & I am probably having my first period. It seemed early but I do have shorter cycles (usually around 28 days). Plus, I took a test this morning & it was totally negative this time. But now I get to go back to worrying about why I'm spotting for so many days before my period... Not really yet as I wasn't expecting this "cycle" to be normal at all.

That's it. Good luck ladies! Happy Friday!!
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#75 of 114 Old 06-20-2014, 10:27 PM
 
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Hey. I remember someone in here said something about some good books about stillbirth. Please let me know again. I am finally ready to read some. Thanks.

Madara rest in peace9/24/2013 
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#76 of 114 Old 06-21-2014, 07:06 AM
 
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@Wilhelmina Its always easy for other people to tell you not to worry, but so much harder to do it yourself. Especially when it comes to your own child. Personally Im not a big worrier, but Im big on guilt. I guilt myself over a lot of things that I shouldnt. DP is always telling me I shouldnt feel guilty for certain things, but its so hard not to feel it sometimes.
@ememers It sounds like you Oed and had good coverage, Im hoping for the best for you!!
@t2009 I hope you're getting back to normal cycles. Ill bet that sense of normalcy will be reassuring, whether or not you feel ready to try again yet. Im majorly looking forward to just feeling normal again!

AFM, Im starting to feel better as time goes on. Its now a week after I found out about the mc and while Im still sad Im starting to feel a little back to normal. At least the idea that Im not pregnant is starting to stick in my mind. My kids (7&9 years old) are out of school now so Ill be very occupied with them. I worked full time for many years and this will be my first time being home with them while Im not working and they're not in school in a very long time, since they were 3 and 5 years old!! Im really looking forward to having the summer with them
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#77 of 114 Old 06-22-2014, 03:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
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@ememers Thank you. It sure isn't easy not knowing what is going on with your child - hopefully nothing is and the whole issue resolves itself soon, but right now it's a huge source of stress … for everyone in our family, actually. I'm trying to take in in stride, trying to focus on problem solving rather than worrying, but from time to time I panic … a little … I do have to work on focusing on all the positive things and thinking positively. Good luck with this cycle!!! Crossing my fingers for you!
@t2009 We're seeing the dietician on the 27th - so on Friday - so, hopefully we'll get some answers, ideas, whatever. On Saturday, she had a bit of a fever, so the nearly complete lack of appetite in the past week might have been due to ongoing infection, but she's had horrible appetite for … well … years now and when these days when she hardly eats anything at all come by, it stresses me out horribly … more than it would a parent of otherwise somewhat normally eating child. My mom thinks I'm way too stressed out over it and that my daughter can feel it and that it might be causing anxiety even in her. I really hope not, but I guess it's possible and I'm also trying to work on that.

I'm pretty sure it's your period - take it as a great sign - or try to anyway. I know it can also be very emotional. The spotting is annoying, isn't it. Try not to think of it too much - it's still very early after loss for you and the body needs some time to get back on track (I'm telling myself the same thing, btw, haha).

AFM (as if all the other things I just wrote weren't about me, haha): I'm on CD 12, experiencing some fertile CM (way too early for me - usually I ovulate around the 20th day of my cycle, might be the acupuncture, might be crazy post-miscarriage hormones, who knows) and still *STILL* experiencing a minute amount of spotting. It's in fact so minute that I wouldn't have noticed it on a recycled toilet paper. I was inspecting my mucous (I know, TMI) when I noticed the dark coloring - it's like very very light brown. I'm hating this. My last cycle, my spotting lasted until CD 13 and there was no fertile mucous, so I guess there's been some progress towards normalcy … So, I guess I should be grateful and not worry so much. I'm definitely calling my gynecologist tomorrow. Or two.

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#78 of 114 Old 06-22-2014, 06:36 PM
 
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Hello Mamas! Thanks for all the well wishes, we are back from our trip which was mostly lovely although my hopes of a lot more BDing were quickly dashed since DS slept as we travelled and then outlasted us every evening but one. That may have been the day of O, it may have been the day after. I didn't bring my thermometer so I can't be sure which day it was, but my temps are up since returning home so at least I am assured that it happened sometime last week. Anyway, it's with little hope for this time around but I can be moved to Waiting to Know. I did get in 3 great runs, even 50 minutes on Thursday on some really fun trails. I am really glad I agreed to do this race Labor Day weekend because otherwise there is no way I would've gotten out there even once. I rarely feel like going for a run, and the first half mile always sucks, but after a couple of miles my mood is lifted and I feel so good. Thanks for all the encouragement ladies!

@Wilhelmina Sorry to hear you are feeling so down. I can totally see why you are so anxious about your DD, I hope you get some relief soon. My sister's daughter is a picky eater and also super tiny (also a 3-5 %er), it's good to remind yourself that all traits exist on a spectrum, some people naturally fall to one end on some things. I know it's gotta be really hard but try not to get too stressed about it. Either some answers will come from your visit with the nutritionist, or it will all work itself out in time. Yeah, co-sleeping definitely puts the damper on the DTD fire. Since I started doing acupuncture my CM has increased dramatically, with EW sometimes showing up as early as CD9 or 10 even though my O day has remained steady at CD 14-16. Thanks again for keeping up with the June thread, you've been great.

@rosie2727 I'm sorry you've been feeling down and out, from what I read it looks like you got good coverage this month. I, too, mourn the years when I was having sex 10x week. But at least I have the memories. I don't have any experience with the fertility monitor but I would trust your body's signals- the EWCM & temps- over anything the monitor says. Fx you get your BFP and your HB this cycle!

@Melinda1980 Lots of hugs Mama on your loss and D&C. Bummer about the classes, but it sounds like it might be a real blessing to have this time with your kids. I know the anxiety over age (all too well, I was ready a good five years before DH and didn't have my first until just before I turned 33) but I now believe 34 is still prime baby making time, definitely not too old. Your experience in the dress shop sounds really hard but opening up about your loss (when you are ready) can be really eye-opening and healing. I had no idea that I actually knew more women- many, many more women- that had had a m/c than had not. There was so much more sympathy and support and happy stories of rainbow babies than I could have begun to imagine before my loss. I opened up about my loss in my Friends' Meeting and of the six 50-70 yr old women there, five had had losses, and all five had gone on to have another child. It was very encouraging.

@Anna1979 So good to hear from you again! How exciting about all your tests. But wow, what a dick that MD was! Anthony, I mean, really. roll I hope everything comes back looking good.

@t2009 Sounds like AF to me too. That's good news right? Sorry to hear you've been down too. It seems to be going around this month. I'm glad your talk went well, sounds like you were needing that much deserved ego boost. This is the link to the juice cleanse I did http://www.doctoroz.com/videos/joe-c...-juice-cleanse

@ememers Hope you got the coverage you wanted. I also hate having folks in the house when we are DTD. It's bad enough that my mom lives next door, but this past winter my dad stayed with us for 3 & 1/2 months, from January to April, in the guest room, right across the hall. To top it off he would ask me about once a week how the baby-making was going.

@liladancing We always love to hear from you! It lifts my spirits to see you still growing that rainbow. As far as other threads, have you checked out the Pregnancy After Loss forum? The book I suggested before is a comic memoir, I think it might be more appropriate for bitter laughs while grieving than for happy pregnancy bliss but here's a link if you want to check it out
Amazon Amazon
For happy pregnancy bliss I like this one
Amazon Amazon
Sending you lots of peaceful pregnancy vibes

Wow, looks like we have a lot of people in the 2WW! Bring on the summer BFPs!
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#79 of 114 Old 06-22-2014, 07:50 PM
 
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Hi everyone! Quickly checking in here to say that I think I belong in Waiting to Know. Fingers crossed this is our month!

@liladancing , I really loved "An Exact Replica of a Figment of my Imagination" by Elizabeth McCracken. Well written and good storytelling (it's her true story). Good luck reading it!

Well, I'll check in again soon, hopefully for a longer message!
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#80 of 114 Old 06-23-2014, 06:31 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Good luck to all of you @ememers @MsBe @rosie2727 ! And sticky vibes to you @liladancing !

I, will unfortunately not get my blood (coagulation) test results until the 7th of July … So I'm not planning to TTC yet. It would just feel a bit … I don't know … irresponsible to TTC before I get the tests … not to mention that last night when DH and I DTD, I ended up 'freaking out' and asking him to 'interrupt' … last time I didn't say it, we got pregnant and look how it ended …

Can you tell I'm still not over the trauma?

On a way more positive note … I had a great acupuncture treatment today … I ended up almost falling asleep - I think I'm going to have to ask for a needle to the top of my head every time as it really helps me to relax - even though I actually received a phone call in the beginning of the treatment (my daughter's doctor called, so I couldn't not pick up). I'm still feeling so calm now, several hours after the treatment … This makes me want to get another treatment in before the end of the week - I just wish I had the money!!!
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#81 of 114 Old 06-23-2014, 07:39 PM
 
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hey ladies i was hoping to jump back on this thread for a while we just had are rainbow nov 7 2013 and dh is ready to start try for another baby so i was wondering if i could join you ladies again in this journey and if so could i be places in waiting to o hope this one will happen sooner then her sister and with less loss to feeling a little nerves on haven another but dh wants one more so here we go again

happily in love with dh blowkiss.gif and raise my three jelly beansjumpers.gif and missing my  babies in heavenangel3.gifangel3.gifangel2.gifangel1.gifangel1.gifangel1.gif angel.gif we finely got are rainbow and me and her daddy are so glad are rainbow is here  born on 11/07/2013 
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#82 of 114 Old 06-23-2014, 11:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
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@unuselyriver Welcome!

Proud mommy to our stellar Stella (3/2011). 
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#83 of 114 Old 06-24-2014, 05:19 AM
 
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Welcome Back @unuselyriver ! I remember you from last year, so happy to hear your rainbow babe is in your arms! Hoping your journey to a sibling goes a lot smoother!
@Wilhelmina I hear you about not being over the trauma yet. Sometimes it just takes time. Go slow if you need to; honoring your feelings about your loss is the right thing to do. I'm not suggesting you take as long as I did to get back in the TTC saddle but personally I am really glad I allowed myself the time to fully grieve my loss before TTC again. For me, giving myself that time has left me happy and hopeful about TTC again, whereas if I had gotten pregnant right away I think I would've struggled quite a bit with fear and sadness and been unable to fully enjoy my next pregnancy the way I want to and feel I can now. Glad the acupuncture went well. I'm pretty sure I've fallen asleep a few times too. Also a fan of the top of the head needle. Unfortunately at my last session my TCM guy told me that he had decided to retire, like immediately, so I am back to looking for a new person. This makes the second practitioner to close their practice on me in the last six months. Arrgh!

AFM Got in a great run yesterday. My brother, his wife, & two kids are coming up to stay with us for a few days tonight. Next week I'll have my sister's two boys for the week. I'm hoping to get my kitchen painted while they are here and entertaining my DS. As I said I'm not to hopeful for this month, I'm pretty sure our coverage was -4 and +1, but I'm still grateful for the distractions during the 2WW. I'm not usually much of a symptom spotter but my nipples are super sensitive this week.

Hello @ememers , @t2009 , @rosie2727 , @Melinda1980 and anyone else lurking
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#84 of 114 Old 06-24-2014, 08:18 AM
 
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thank you ladies and it nice to see you here msbe i hope you get pregnant soon and have your rainbow too
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happily in love with dh blowkiss.gif and raise my three jelly beansjumpers.gif and missing my  babies in heavenangel3.gifangel3.gifangel2.gifangel1.gifangel1.gifangel1.gif angel.gif we finely got are rainbow and me and her daddy are so glad are rainbow is here  born on 11/07/2013 
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#85 of 114 Old 06-24-2014, 10:46 AM
 
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Well AF showed her face yesterday so we're back to square one. I did go and get my blood tests done yesterday and I was in and out very quickly which was nice. They did take 8 vials of blood which took some times since I'm a slow bleeder. DH is dropping off his SA sample today so we're going to be waiting for test results.

Please move me to the waiting to O section

happytears.gifMe - married to DHROTFLMAO.gifMomma to furbabies dog2.gifStanley and dog2.gifOscar. TTCing #1 after angel.gif 10/13angel.gif 4/14 waiting for my rainbow1284.gif
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#86 of 114 Old 06-24-2014, 11:35 AM
 
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@Melinda1980 , glad to hear you're feeling a bit better. Feeling even a bit more normal is a major victory, I'm finding. And SO much fun that you get to spend time with your 2 oldest kids this summer! That's very special.
@Wilhelmina , sounds like your body is kicking into gear, too! Glad you're getting some fertile CM--better than last go. Ugh, I guess this does take a while, huh? Let us know if your gyn. has any insight for you. It must really suck to still have spotting going on--We're you prone to spotting before? And now that's a long time to wait for your results.

I'm so sorry to hear that you're still experiencing the trauma. There are so many variables at play in he decision to TTC or no & when. It's stressful but I hope you can think of it less as being responsible or not--you're doing the best you can. And right now in particular it sounds like a lot of stressors so I'm glad that acupuncture was relaxing. You deserve it & a lot more!
@MsBe , hi there! Glad the trip was nice (minus DTD)! And now you'll have visitors, how fun! I love having my nephews over (which makes me think if I ever successfully have another, I may still not be done...). Sounds like you may have gotten some coverage... It only takes one well timed DTD!! I hope your symptom spotting is right on!

And good for you with the running. I am really struggling with getting physically active. My body needs it but I've been so stressed & overwhelmed since the miscarriage (1 month ago this past weekend) I just haven't gotten there. Thanks for the link for the juice cleanse! I will check it out.
@ememers , crossing my fingers for you during the TTW!
@unuselyriver , welcome! Happy to "meet" you & hear of your rainbow!
@Anna1979 , bummer about AF. Hoping you get some answers with the tests.

AFM, my period is dragging on (day 7...) but I'm mostly just happy it's here. But now that we're able to maybe TTC, I'm feeling very conflicted. The spotting beforehand doesn't seem like a good sign. On the other hand, my period has been lighter with zero clots, so that seems like a good sign! My energy level is good. Sleep is decent.

My clothes are all tight, which is a painful & constant reminder of our recent loss. I don't begrudge the weight gain per se, just the fact that it reminds me of being pregnant. As I write this I am walking up & down the stairs at my work--still trying to get back to moving my body more.

Still, I can't shake this persistent gloom, but I am not trying to fight it--I understand everything is still raw. But I'm really leaning toward TTC this cycle. I will discuss with my acupuncturist.

I'm also reading Green, Clean & Lean, a book about toxic load & weight loss--my regular doc recommended it for general tips on eating & living cleaner. It's a bit terrifying & makes me not want to TTC until I can do further cleansing. (Because my son has some teeth issues, I'm worried about my own toxic load, even though I've definitely cleansed my system some since giving birth & I live & eat so much cleaner now than I did even just 2 years ago.)

As you can see, I'm mostly just confused.

Mama to my little busy bee. 

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#87 of 114 Old 06-25-2014, 05:41 AM
 
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Thanks for the well wishes @unuselyriver . I am trying to remain confident that it will happen in it's own time.
@Anna1979 Sorry that AF showed up, but hopefully you will get some answers from your testing. 8 vials I used to give blood pretty regularly but I could never actually watch the blood leave my body without feeling a bit queasy. I would love for my DH to get a SA. It seems like the quickest and easiest thing to test and I feel like he could use a real kick in the about taking care of himself. He hasn't been to the gym or worked out at all since our race in April. And he has some nasty habits that I'd really like him to make more of an effort to curb. Unfortunately since we conceived so quickly the first two times our naturopath thought it would be a waste of time and patience is all that is needed at this point. So for now, that's what we are working on but it sure would do a lot to put my mind at ease if we knew that his swimmers were actually up to the job. Maybe I'll try again to push for it in a month or two.
@t2009 I feel the same way when the cousins are around. I just love having a house full of kids, in some ways it seems so much easier than just my one very extroverted kid. He needs so much constant one-on-one when there are no other kids around. I am really happy with the dedication I am putting into training for this race. I already ran 9 miles this week; 5 on Monday, and 4 yesterday home from Tai Chi class. I'm pretty sore but not too bad, I'm planning to do either a 30 min or 50 min yoga practice today; I'm hoping to convince my 13 yo old niece to do it with me. She runs xc so I will take her out running tomorrow but I'm pretty sure I can't manage it today. I started running again pretty soon after my m/c last year but never really committed to it, mostly out of fears that too much strenuous exercise might compromise my chances TTC. But as months turned into a year I decided I was tired of putting off the activities I enjoyed and made me feel good for what may or may not happen. I know what you mean about the tight clothes. I gained weight quickly before my loss, (so quickly that one of the women in my book group guessed I was pregnant at 6 weeks) and after the loss it was really hard to deal with the constant reminder my puffy belly was of the baby that was no longer there. It is hard to maintain a balanced outlook on cleansing and nourishing ourselves but not getting freaked out about getting to that "perfect place" before TTC. I try to remind myself that healthy babies are born all the time to women with less than healthy lifestyles. I think most of the women on this board are doing above and beyond the norm in this area, so I guess I'm saying it's good to practice conscious self-care but don't let yourself get overwhelmed by it. The gloom is understandable, I think you are doing the right thing to just allow it to run its course. Excited that you may be ready to start TTC this cycle!

With all this running, especially the hill running (any running around here means lots of hills), I am thinking I need to get in to see the chiropractor again soon. I haven't done much research into finding a new TCM practitioner yet but want to get that started again too. I didn't do much charting this month, just enough to confirm O, but I am planning on charting more consistently starting next month. I told DH that all I wanted from him for my birthday (early next month) is to see some positive lifestyle changes, earlier this spring he was doing great, losing weight, not smoking, but I found some butts down in his office the other day and I've sen the Diet Coke and coffee consumption creeping up again too. Most of all, I wish he'd exercise more because I think that may have a lot to do with his low libido. I really am hoping for a fall conception and read somewhere it takes 70 days or so to make new sperm. I told him I expect him to be putting out some super swimmers come September. We'll see how it goes. Maybe with the threat of an SA hanging over his head he will be inspired to "study for the test" as it were.
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#88 of 114 Old 06-25-2014, 07:09 AM - Thread Starter
 
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@Anna1979 Hugs! Good luck with the tests and the next cycle!

@ememers @MsBe Still crossing my fingers for you!

@t2009 I have even more issues that I'm not sharing here that are horribly stressful, so I'm personally happy I'm even functioning right now. Im sure you know the expression: when sh*t hits the fan ...
I'm trying to focus on my daughter right now. Getting pregnant even before we reach any resolution would really feel ... Not sure how to even describe that. Thanks for responding. I hope AF ends soon and you'll get to TTC - or decide where to go from there. My first après-D&C period felt like a big thing - that is when I felt like I was slowly rising from the rock bottom.

Afm: I'm really starting to make noise in regards to my daughter. I really hope the specialists start hustling and giving me some answers. I am considering on going gluten free with my daughter. We tried it for about 8 weeks earlier this year and she actually had a small growth spurt. Since then she hardly grew - when we switched back to normal diet. The problem there is the fact that we need a piece of paper for the daycare provider so that they give her only gluten free food - otherwise we can't really even properly try it out. I think it would need at least full 3 months to test its effect.
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#89 of 114 Old 06-25-2014, 10:29 AM
 
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please be place in waiting to o

happily in love with dh blowkiss.gif and raise my three jelly beansjumpers.gif and missing my  babies in heavenangel3.gifangel3.gifangel2.gifangel1.gifangel1.gifangel1.gif angel.gif we finely got are rainbow and me and her daddy are so glad are rainbow is here  born on 11/07/2013 
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#90 of 114 Old 06-25-2014, 10:33 AM
 
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I hate this new format i cant get it to do right

happily in love with dh blowkiss.gif and raise my three jelly beansjumpers.gif and missing my  babies in heavenangel3.gifangel3.gifangel2.gifangel1.gifangel1.gifangel1.gif angel.gif we finely got are rainbow and me and her daddy are so glad are rainbow is here  born on 11/07/2013 
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