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momofjax 06-20-2014 01:44 PM

TTC after Csection & Loss Please all advice is welcome.
*infant loss story*

We have just had a loss 4.5 weeks ago, our son was born via Csection and passed away the same day.

I have 3 other healthy babies prior but am POSITIVE I want to try again. I know i am blessed, I have never had a miscarriage, the babies heart failure they tell me after EXTENSIVE testing prior to his being born, via amniotic fluid testing, cord blood, and also now an autopsy. They say, its just one of those things, where his heart had a random defect, a narrowing aorta etc etc...

We fought as soon as we knew he was sick. I developed a condition that caused alarm, I was 25 weeks went to the ER and its then when we found out he was sick. We were transferred to the top Womans hospital and admitted and fought with the medical team for a month, then one night he started decelerating and we made the choice to do an emergency Csection.

It was discovered then that my previous section was open, so this may have caused his distress that night.... we will never know why after 4 years it opened, but i had a LOT of contractions that month, and several medical procedures in-utero including blood transfusions to the baby, as well as every other day injections of a heart medication to the baby through my tummy.

When i say we fought, we fought hard and in the end, we dont have him.

Obviously I am devastated. 4 weeks of that fight, holding my breath, constant monitoring and all to loss him in the end at 30 weeks. He was 3.5 pounds and was this perfect looking little baby. Small yes... but when he came out he was fighting. He stabilized right away. We were told he was FINE.... but several hours later when we went to finally see him. He has crashed. We walked in on them trying to revive him.

We only got to say good bye.

The last 2-3 weeks all i can think about is that we have to try again. I can't let our family end like this. I cant. I feel like if I can try again, and have that on the horizon, I can get out of bed and try to heal. The MFM doctors have told me I have to wait 9 months...

I cant see waiting that long. I know i have heard longer waits from others like 18 months, but these are the best in the country. They know how things went for me, why we lost him, I have a "great" cervix", i have never miscarried. They removed my old incision and im sure sewed me up amazingly and they gave me the 9 months, it seems like they were more concerned for my grieving "healing"

So i am wondering, #1 am i alone in feeling so desperate to have this on the horizon? To feel like i NEED this to go on?

#2 Who conceived after a csection and how long did you wait?

Please I am looking for supportive feedback. I am extremely positive this is what i want.

Thank you.

t2009 06-20-2014 08:13 PM

I am so so sorry to read what you have been through. I do not have knowledge to share but couldn't read this & not respond. I can only understand a little the drive to want to try again & to try again soon--that's exactly how I'm feeling, though my loss was at 11 weeks & my wait will not be as long. I hope you heal well & quickly. :hug

Melinda1980 06-22-2014 08:11 AM

I am so sorry for your loss and all you have been through. I just had my first loss about a week ago at 9.5 weeks and a D&C on Monday. Tho my experience is very different from yours, I feel the same way about wanting to try again asap, which for me is as soon as I have one regular cycle, according to my doctor. I feel strongly that right now is the time I PLANNED to be pregnant, right now is the time I SHOULD be pregnant, and right now is the time I WANT to be pregnant. So for me, the only way to reconcile that with my loss is to get pregnant again as soon as I can to put myself back to where I planned/should/want to be. Im a planning person by nature, so whenever a problem or a stress arises I handle it by making a plan and executing it. I know that that doesnt make sense to everyone, and thats okay. It doesnt have to, it only has to be right for me, and in your case, for you. Im wishing you all the luck in the world that things work out and you can get pregnant again whenever it is safest for you.

Wilhelmina 06-22-2014 01:52 PM

@momofjax … I am so so sorry. That is a heart-rending story and I have absolutely no idea what to say besides that I am so sorry and am sending you a hug.

I lost my little one much earlier in the pregnancy - (s)he was 12 weeks and 2 days when the little heart stopped beating and I was 14 weeks along when I found out - but it was a horribly traumatic/shocking experience nevertheless and even now, two months later, I'm still not 100% recovered and honestly, I don't think there is such a thing as 100% recovery. However, I know that it takes time - lots of time - to truly emotionally/mentally recover. However, we're all different and we all have different approaches to healing, to dealing with the loss. Some believe getting pregnant again as soon as possible is going to make it easier on them to heal, others don't even want to try until they feel strong enough and for everyone it takes different amount of time.

9 months sounds very very good. I've read that it's best to wait much longer, but if your doctors gave you a go ahead for 9 months and you trust them, then I'm sure that is fine. I had a c-section and have a 3 year old daughter. I personally wanted to wait a minimum of 2 years before trying again just because I've read that after 2 years, the scar should be healed to its maximum point. I really don't know what else to say besides that I am really really sorry …

Take care of yourself!

unuselyriver 06-23-2014 07:30 PM

i am so so very sorry for your loss i know how hard it is to wait and to not want to end your family with a loss i feel your pain in your writing and i hope for you it all fly by soon and you are pregnant again as for the wait time it is not easy to wait one you want a baby so bad for me i had to wait for awhile before i got my little rainbow baby girl it took us 3 years to get her here

Laney1983 07-09-2014 04:14 AM

My husband and I suffered a miscarriage about two months ago and are trying for the second time to conceive. We're obviously hoping for better luck this time, and I've seen a doctor and we think we know why the last pregnancy went wrong and what I've got to do differently, so please wish us luck!

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