*infant loss story*
We have just had a loss 4.5 weeks ago, our son was born via Csection and passed away the same day.
I have 3 other healthy babies prior but am POSITIVE I want to try again. I know i am blessed, I have never had a miscarriage, the babies heart failure they tell me after EXTENSIVE testing prior to his being born, via amniotic fluid testing, cord blood, and also now an autopsy. They say, its just one of those things, where his heart had a random defect, a narrowing aorta etc etc...
We fought as soon as we knew he was sick. I developed a condition that caused alarm, I was 25 weeks went to the ER and its then when we found out he was sick. We were transferred to the top Womans hospital and admitted and fought with the medical team for a month, then one night he started decelerating and we made the choice to do an emergency Csection.
It was discovered then that my previous section was open, so this may have caused his distress that night.... we will never know why after 4 years it opened, but i had a LOT of contractions that month, and several medical procedures in-utero including blood transfusions to the baby, as well as every other day injections of a heart medication to the baby through my tummy.
When i say we fought, we fought hard and in the end, we dont have him.
Obviously I am devastated. 4 weeks of that fight, holding my breath, constant monitoring and all to loss him in the end at 30 weeks. He was 3.5 pounds and was this perfect looking little baby. Small yes... but when he came out he was fighting. He stabilized right away. We were told he was FINE.... but several hours later when we went to finally see him. He has crashed. We walked in on them trying to revive him.
We only got to say good bye.
The last 2-3 weeks all i can think about is that we have to try again. I can't let our family end like this. I cant. I feel like if I can try again, and have that on the horizon, I can get out of bed and try to heal. The MFM doctors have told me I have to wait 9 months...
I cant see waiting that long. I know i have heard longer waits from others like 18 months, but these are the best in the country. They know how things went for me, why we lost him, I have a "great" cervix", i have never miscarried. They removed my old incision and im sure sewed me up amazingly and they gave me the 9 months, it seems like they were more concerned for my grieving "healing"
So i am wondering, #1
am i alone in feeling so desperate to have this on the horizon? To feel like i NEED this to go on?
Who conceived after a csection and how long did you wait?
Please I am looking for supportive feedback. I am extremely positive this is what i want.