PTSD after Stillbirth - Mothering Forums

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Old 07-30-2014, 12:49 PM - Thread Starter
 
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PTSD after Stillbirth

I thought I was handling our loss really well. Taking it easy, using hypnosis and visualization to help me. But as the year anniversary approached, I had totally lost it. It's now two weeks past my sons birthday and I am afraid I am in full blown PTSD. Anyone else experience PTSD after stillbirth? Has anyone been cured of it? My husband really wants a rainbow baby, but I absolutely cannot stand the thought of ever having more children. I feel like I seem so together but I'm really falling apart inside

DD1 7 1/2 years DS1 3 1/2 years And DS2   7/18/13
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Old 08-02-2014, 11:16 AM
 
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I am sorry for your loss and sorry for what you are going through. I am still really sad about the loss of my first child. She was stillborn. I am pregnant now and I unlike you really wanted to afterwards. I don't know how I will handle the anniversary of her loss. We just recently started a lawsuit for her loss too. It was wrongful death. Their negligence killed her. If they had done the right thing in the first place she would still be here. That really gets to my husband and I. She would be over 9 months now. I was seeing a therapist for a while. It really helped. Maybe it could help you.

Madara rest in peace9/24/2013 
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Old 08-05-2014, 06:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for your response. Part of me regrets that I refused to get pregnant again in the first year. Because now I have had time to think about it, I really really don't want to. I guess I should talk to a professional. I have a lot of flashbacks during the day and no longer get hardly any joy out of being a mother. Which is SO not like me. I'm angry all the time at my kids for just being kids. But in the moment, I just have no control over how upset I get about something being on the floor, etc. Just stupid things. My husband made me an appt. Im so confused by my feelings. I'm usually so tough and strong and things just roll off my back... I cannot understand why others seem to be 'okay' and able to move forward with their sadness and I cannot. If anyone could handle it, I swear it should have been me. But I cant. Im a wreck. :'(
I hope your will have a wonderful birth and are enjoying your pregnancy. <3

DD1 7 1/2 years DS1 3 1/2 years And DS2   7/18/13
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Old 08-05-2014, 08:57 PM
 
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Thank you. That is nice. I can certainly relate to a lot of what you are saying. Sometime I see myself being short tempered. For a time I would yell a lot
At my husband. Everyone in my family was criticizing me for how I handled my grief. I felt like I was under a microscope. I felt validated later when My mom told me everything I was going through was normal for the grieving process. I am sure that is the same for you too. I recently read An Exact Replica of
A Figment of My Imagination by Elizabeth McCracken. I got it from the library. It is a memoir of her loss of a child. I found it comforting in ways. Just a thought. You might want to read it. It took me a while to get to that point where I felt ready to read something like this. I am still very sad about the loss of my daughter Madara. She would be 10 months now. I appreciate your response too. Now with being pregnant again I find myself just counting down the days till birth. Is that horrible? I just waited so long for my daughter and now I can't have her. It just feels like been there done that now where is my baby? I really think I am having a boy this time.

Madara rest in peace9/24/2013 
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