I am sorry for your loss and sorry for what you are going through. I am still really sad about the loss of my first child. She was stillborn. I am pregnant now and I unlike you really wanted to afterwards. I don't know how I will handle the anniversary of her loss. We just recently started a lawsuit for her loss too. It was wrongful death. Their negligence killed her. If they had done the right thing in the first place she would still be here. That really gets to my husband and I. She would be over 9 months now. I was seeing a therapist for a while. It really helped. Maybe it could help you.