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Hope, Healing and Conceiving - April 2015

12K views 121 replies 7 participants last post by  t2009 
#1 · (Edited)
Continued from the Hope, Healing and Conceiving - March 2015 thread.

This thread is meant for anyone who wishes to conceive after a loss or is planning to conceive and/or needs support with healing after a loss. In other words, you don't necessarily have to be actively TTC in order to post here.

If you'd like to be added to the thread or want to change your information, please make requests in bold or PM me. If you have an online chart (TCOYF, Fertlility Friend) and would like it linked with your name on the list, post the link and add the icon in your post.

Healing and fertile vibes all around!

~ Waiting to O ~
1babysmom

~ Waiting to Know ~

~ Not not Trying ~

~ Waiting to Adopt ~

mcghee45baby

~ Oh Crumbs! I Don't Know What I'm Doing?! ~
naturalmummy
LaurenB
Lizafava

~ Waiting with Special Circumstances ~
Ascher21
Azohri
Tenzinmama
Verdahekwi
T2009
laurela
unuselyriver

~ Recent BFPs! ~

March- Loba

February- Meeba,Henalexa

December- t2009

October- radiowave

September- ememers

August- Wilhelmina

June- alivewithyou

May- liladancing

April - LilyTiger, NSmomtobe , LaylasMommy2011, lmevans

March - granolamommie, Harmony96

February - Kaliakra, jesepumpkin, mamacatsbaby , rosie2727 , wengrin

January - RainbowAsylum, Right of Passage

December - taichimom

November - NSmomtobe , Arabelle , piratemere

October - MommatoGray , OSTC

September - eazar , Jesepumpkin

~ In Our Thoughts ~
(If you're in this group, we haven't heard from you in a while. Stop by and give us an update if you can.)
DungeonQueen
Anna1979
MsBe
Sleepymama
MountainMama2Be
Melinda1980
bfw0729
rosie2727
ilovemykiddos
MountainMamaGC
gelato
lollie2357
Alivewithyou
Redmom
 
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#2 · (Edited)
Edited because I didn't realize that @azohri quoted @ascher21 so I responded to both in one blob...

@azohri, thank you for starting a new thread! I hope the herbs & the massage work to loosen up the retained tissue. Also, please share you abdominal massage experience. I'm very curious & even though my doc says it'll do no good she also said it wouldn't hurt so I might try it.

@ascher21, sorry the spotting continues. Any break from it this weekend? Hoping that the numbers are down tomorrow! I just looked back & this time I bled for 2 weeks & then spotted for another 2 weeks & then got my first period. I don't think I ever had a solid understanding of how hormones cause bleeding! It's kind of crazy. (Not to mention crazy-making!) I'm glad you're feeling better after your sewing group, though!

I know I have some catching up to do, and will do so, hopefully tonight! I did want to share, though, that I underwent the hysteroscopy & endometrial biopsy today & it was so much less painful than I expected. I felt slightly awkward telling the resident that I preferred to have the specialist (a true expert) do the procedure but I was so happy that I spoke up about it. The doctor was so good at explaining everything & performing the procedure. According to her, everything looked good with no structural problems seen. I felt pain upon standing & dressing but that's been it. So now we have to wait a few weeks to get the results of the biopsy & then we'll have a consult to determine next steps. In the meantime she has started me on a medication for my thyroid, which is slightly hypo. It's not a natural approach but I've discussed with my GP & she told me to go with it & that after a (hopefully) successful pregnancy she will work with me to find a more natural solution (through food or supplements). My other labs were all normal, though we still need chromosome testing. I'm feeling good about where we are right now & excited to TTC this upcoming cycle. I'm looking for a therapist to help me maintain my good outlook more often as I've been having serious anxiety lately.

Also, I heard this on a webcast recently & it's helped me & seems really relevant to recent discussions on the last thread. This therapist I was listening to, who had fertility problems herself, said she also went through a period of "hating" pregnant women she'd encounter. She changed her outlook though by telling herself each time she saw a pregnant woman that soon that would be her. She was able to silently wish the pregnant woman good luck. I thought that was so nice & I tried it this weekend (when I encountered lots of pregnant women) & I felt the good karma of it right away, almost like my sincere good wishes to these strangers/friends/acquaintances were being reflected to my future pregnant self.

Warmest wishes to you all!
 
#4 ·
Thanks, @t2009, I got your mentions. Thanks for directing me here.

Hcg was at 25. Gotta get another blood draw Friday.

I go through bouts of being super positive and being super sad and thinking this is it. My body is done having babies. At 33. I really wish this wasn't taking so long. I can't go anywhere either as long as I'm chained to these blood draws. feeling broken today. Is there any hope? Man do I need some. Why can't I sustain a pregnancy anymore? What changed in 3 years??

Wish I knew.
 
#5 ·
Hey. I can copy paste the top part, but I'd have to edit it - I'm not up to the role of thread keeper. Sometimes I have to drop off the internet for awhile, and there's already too much to draw me in as it is. Is someone else interested in doing that?
@ascher21, I'm sorry you're having such a rough day. You are young, you have every reason to expect you'll have another child. Unfortunately some of us have to go through a lot more than others to complete our families, and we don't necessarily get to have much say in spacing and timing.

Thanks for the note about wishing other pregnant women well, @t2009. I thought of it while I was out at a kids' area today, surrounded by pregnant women. It helped. :)
 
#6 · (Edited)
I feel for you @ascher21 ! I think our situations are similar. I am 29 and I worry about what I'll do if I'm done so early on (which it continues to feel more and more like). It's SO hard to reconcile with that thought. I keep wondering how many more miscarriages I'm willing to go through. I have always said that we will take as many children as God gives us, but I never really considered that it might mean more babies being ushered straight into Heaven than I'd ever get to hold. That's the side you just don't hear of often in families that don't use birth control, don't avoid, etc. I mean, we got married when I was 18 and so this has been 11 years and I have 4 beautiful babies, but pretty much every other family I know who has chosen the same route has 6+ children and few to no miscarriages. It's hard for me to make peace with being the one that does have trouble. So I feel for you. I'm sorry you are struggling with hope. I wish I had some encouragement for you.
@azohri , sorry you are still spotting but glad there's no infection or cause for concern. I hope the herbs and the massage work for you!! That's got to be frustrating having something you can't just simply get out.
@t2009 , glad your procedures went well! And that you had such a great provider to do them. I am working on healing my thyroid as well. What are you on? I take a low dose Armour, but I don't know if it's effective at all. I'm trying to approach it from my immune system instead of just my thyroid, so I am really supporting that as well as my adrenals.

I think I am going to drop the thermometer this cycle. Well, I'm still debating. I don't necessarily "stress" over it- I actually really enjoy all those little details. I just think it might help me forget a little bit about where I'm at in my cycle and stuff. I don't know yet. Many of my babies were conceived when I chose not to temp, but that's when things were simpler, too (before my ectopic, and before the majority of the losses). So we'll see. I wish I could separate myself from TTC/babies, though. I envy women who can be laid back about it all! I am SO glad for the knowledge I've gained over the years of TTC (about my body, about health, etc), but oh man, to be able to enjoy life without thinking of pregnancy and babies, and to ovulate without it being blatantly obvious, stuff like that...
 
#7 ·
@1babysmom I conceived all the times I didn't temp. Before all this happened I was having a fun time just forgetting about my cycle and having sex whenever. We just dtd every other day for a bit and I decided not to use opks or whatever and only to record when I got my period. And then I got symptoms and a bfp. So I'll probably keep doing that. If I don't know when my tww is it seems to help me focus on my life not ttc. The only time I got majorly upset was when I tested an opk that I didn't realize was picking up hcg. It seems the more data I get the more I worry over how it is not up to par. So I know I do better without it. But I also have to let go of the goal in order for it to work. And for three weeks I was ok with having one child. So funny how that changes when you have a mc.
 
#8 ·
Ugh, @ascher21, I'm sorry to hear that you're HCG is still elevated. That stinks. Is there are particular reason you can't travel? Any risk factors? Otherwise could you skip a blood draw or take care of it elsewhere? I don't want to be too presumptuous but I don't see so much difference with waiting to miscarry or waiting to complete a miscarriage & I haven't heard of such restrictions in that case. But maybe there's a concern because it's taking so long to come down? Still it might be worth talking to your healthcare provider--it sounds like feeling stuck at home is causing you some distress so there may be a way to balance your needs at this time. I hear what you mean about wondering what's happened to your body in the time since your first baby. I wonder the same all the time, though in my case the considerable passage of time is not in my favor. I forget, what type of testing have you had done? Any? Autoimmune issues are one thing that I've read can creep in post birth. It is so hard, but after reading the book "Coming to Term" I really think you (& all of us) have every reason to be (cautiously) hopeful.
@azohri, maybe you can copy & paste with a note that it's not up to date? I can take over the thread next month & update it. I'd do it this month, but it might be more confusing to have that info in a post other than the top post or to start a new thread?? And, yay! I'm so glad that you found the shift in perspective to be helpful!! It's *so* hard. Just this morning I got an email about *another* co-worker having a baby & my initial reaction was to grimace. But I like this co-worker & imagined that one day soon someone will be sending a similar email about me & it made me feel better. (And no I'm not naive... I realize there is a small chance that it will never be me but I'm choosing this perspective for now.) I just hope it's sooner rather than later...
@1babysmom, I'm sorry to read about your particular cultural/social situation. Many of my friends only have one, so among them I feel almost silly being so depressed about having trouble when I do have one amazing child already. I would imagine I would feel very differently if I were in your shoes, so I just want to send hugs your way. I hope that you can find peace with your unique place--you are so brave to persevere in the face of your losses. About the thyroid, how long have you been on Armour? What makes you doubt that it's working? What else are you doing to support immune functions? Do you mind if I ask if you have Hashimoto's? I think I will be on Synthroid (I'm having trouble with the prescription going through to my pharmacy... Grrr!) which I'm not crazy about--I'd much rather pursue natural treatments, but because I feel I'm running out of time I want to get this under control ASAP & I'm willing to go with traditional treatment for now... As long as it works. I have read that Synthroid has it problems & may not help where conversion to T3 is sluggish (which mine is). We'll test after a month of treatment, so will reevaluate. I'm trying to add a little be more iodine & selenium into my diet as well. Good luck not temping! I'm with you--I haven't temped since my most recent miscarriage & I really don't want to start. Temping doesn't stress me out but I do feel like it adds additional stress to the process & my relationship with DH. It's so much easier said than done! But I agree with ascher21 that letting go of the goal helps. I also think that other signs, like CM & intuition, provide enough guidance.

So for any of you who have had chromosomal testing (on fetal tissue or for yourself & your partner) how have you convinced your insurance to cover it? Or has your insurance rejected coverage for such testing? I just got a letter today saying my insurance will not cover these tests. It seems crazy to me because the information would be so helpful for developing a treatment plan with my doctor. I'm looking into how much it would cost to test the fetal tissue but I'm pretty sure the testing on me & DH is cost-prohibitive (like $2000 each). Part of me is not so concerned with this testing because we already have one chromosomally normal child. But as someone here told me at one point issues can arise after having a child. Any tips? I'm also going to call my doctor's office.

Have a great afternoon!
 
#9 ·
t2009- yes, I was "diagnosed" with Hashimotos, but my elevated antibody count was still low in comparison to most. I have had hypo symptoms for a long time, but I think that is extremely common in moms (especially adrenal related stuff) so that doesn't necessarily narrow anything down. So part of me always hopes that maybe I just had elevated numbers at that one time. I haven't been tested since shortly after my last baby was born, because during that time my ab numbers were always WELL in normal range even on a very low dose of Armour (I started on 30 and the most I went up to was 60), and the testing nears $200 here so I just haven't done it. I figure I don't want to be tied to the prescription all my life anyway so I want to work to get to a point where I don't need it (if I even "need" it at all, really). It's not that I doubt the prescription is working, just that I am not entirely sure if I really have a problem warranting the prescription. Does that make sense? I am following protocols similar to Dr. Kharrazian's, particularly the glutatione (liposomal), liposomal vitamin C, and emulsified D, and I take an adrenal rebuilder. I also regularly take selenium and zinc, and mag. glycinate. I also cut out gluten 2 years ago. I occasionally do an iodine supplement topically (or I swallow it after I swish...we use Magnascent), but I try to avoid the iodine for the most part since I don't want to stimulate more antibodies.

If it is any encouragement at all, regarding being in a hurry....I started my Armour in April and by July was pregnant with my son (though we didn't TRY, I was going to wait a bit longer after my ectopic).

So I haven't tempted yet this cycle (though I'm only 6/7 days in). But I just feel silly giving it up entirely because my body is so obvious when I ovulate, so it's not like I'll be able to ignore it or it will sneak up on me. I get more ovulation symptoms than I do PMS/period. It's ridiculous. So part of me feels like it's silly to avoid temping for that reason. I don't know....
 
#10 ·
I updated the top and just left it PM me. I can do it this month (though we'll be on vacation starting April 25) and you can take over next month @t2009. :)

I saw my family doctor for an annual this week and went over all the results. He said he isn't an expert, but he came to the same conclusion I did - it seems I could give it a few cycles, then start ttc and only consider the surgery or other measures if we have trouble getting pregnant. I'm going to get another opinion from a new OB next month, but that's where I'm leaning at the moment. Starting ttc again after our trip to Mexico, so as soon as mid-may. That could, conceivably, result in a pregnancy in a mid-February due date. We lost the last baby February 24. I'm trying to decide whether it would be better psychologically to have a different due month, or if it would feel excruciating to go past that February date, like I have to make it all the way until April or May and a disaster is looming. I know I don't have any control over any of that, and there's no certainty of getting a baby, but I still have to decide when to start trying. I also always wanted a Spring baby. But it could take a few months or more, it's impossible to know.

@t2009, you saw my note in the Things to Know thread about fetal tissue testing from Natera? It was very straightforward working with them, which was such a relief after the hassle of insurance. Insurance is awful - sorry they are denying the testing you want.

@1babysmom, my body is also super obvious when ovulating. I've also been using fertility awareness for so long that I know exactly where I am in my cycle even if I only really note when my periods are. Sometimes I wish we could have a more relaxed, see what happens, sort of approach - but since it's so obvious we are always very clearly either ttc or avoiding!
 
#11 ·
Thank you so much for sharing your experience @1babysmom! I clearly have a lot to learn. I agree that the hypo symptoms overlap heavily with adrenal issues & other joys of motherhood. By my symptoms I'd expect to be more hypo than my numbers tell. I'm glad your numbers have been well controlled on the low dose Armour or that your issues have resolved--I understand your meaning about not knowing if you have a problem requiring treatment. It also seems to my uneducated brain that this may be something that could fluctuate especially during reproductive years. I will look into the protocol you mention & ask my GP next time I go in. It sounds similar to some of the things she was telling me. And I know I need to drop gluten again & maybe all grains for a while--I can tell my immune system is a bit off & I've been indulging in gluten a lot (along with sugar & alcohol) since my miscarriage. And that is *so* encouraging to hear that you got pregnant with your son so soon after starting treatment! Brings me much hope!

I hear you on feeling silly about not temping because of all the other ovulation signals you get. I'm the same. BUT I do think it ultimately makes a difference because temping is something you have to do every day & is a constant reminder of the journey we're all on. It's definitely a mental game.

@azhori, thanks for updating but don't feel any pressure to edit, seriously! Enjoy your upcoming vacation! [emoji41] I totally don't mind fixing it up later. I'm glad your GP agreed with your approach but that you'll be able to get another opinion soon. It's a hard decision whether to TTC with the possibility of a due date close to your loss date. I sympathize with that struggle for you. It could add a happy note to that month but I can see the difficulties too. Once it works, though, I sure you will get through & be happy with a healthy baby. It's not like we can ignore these heart-breaking anniversaries but I do believe we can minimize the power they hold over us.

Thank you for reminding me of your description of the Natera test in the other thread! I will explore that option. The problem is that the tissue is frozen & my doc said she only knows of one lab able to test frozen tissue. But maybe it's one & the same. Crossing my fingers!
 
#16 ·
Following along, but not a lot of time to post... one more paper to go! Then I am done all my class work, then starting a practicum April 27th.

I'm on Day 5 of a new cycle. I didn't think there was much of a chance last month, given that we only DTD once during my fertile period. It's about the only time I'm ever in the mood-- not even for ttc purposes, but really and truly physically wanting it... I forget and I'm too lazy to look it up right now, but, is it the estrogen levels going up right at ovulation that does it?
 
#17 ·
@t2009 yeah, there are other reasons I couldn't make it to California this month. But good to know I could just take off if I wanted. My body is telling me to stay put and rest. I didn't actually have any tissue when the doctor looked the first time, so nothing to pass.

At this point I really wish the spotting would stop. I had ewcm today: a lot of it, but it is tinged brown! Ugh. So I'm not sure if we should ttc when dh gets back from his business trip tomorrow or not. I know usually you wait for a period, but does that apply to such an early mc? We just don't want to miss a super fertile time if that is what is going on. My doc didn't say anything about whether we can ttc immediately or not. I don't know, I might be far more prepared now for another mc than any other time, so not sure if that is a deterrent.

I don't know!

I haven't done any testing yet because my hcg was at 25 last Friday so still waiting for it to be below 3.
 
#18 · (Edited)
@ascher21, we've never purposefully waited to try again except for after my ectopic (and then we planned to avoid for 6 months, but 4 months in I ovulated way earlier than I thought and bam...my DS2's 2nd birthday is in 2 days. ;) ). I think, especially with *most* early miscarriages, that the waiting period isn't really necessary unless it's an emotional need. Of course, some might look at that and then look at my siggy and think "riiiiiight, look where that got you!" but I don't believe that waiting would have kept me from miscarrying any of those babies (unless you consider that I just never would have been pregnant then in the first place...but then I might have missed out on one of my living children, too!).
@tenzinsmama , I don't ever really get in the mood unless I'm ovulating, either. Sometimes I long for those days when he and I were dating and I just wanted to jump on him so bad (we waited until we were married). I honestly think that having been on hormonal BC for a short time when we were very first married really messed things up for me and I'm still recovering, 11 years later.
@azohri - I get the uncertainty about having another EDD near a loss date. At this point it seems like I just can't escape that anymore, but it is certainly something to consider.
 
#19 ·
I had the Mayan Abdominal Massage yesterday. It was definitely worthwhile, though I had the mistaken expectation that I would be getting a full body massage too, so that was disappointing! The abdominal work was fascinating though, she was able to show me how my uterus was slightly tipped to the right (very common) and to work it back to the center. She really seemed to be able to tell so much more about my body than the doctors I've seen. She gave me a self-care Mayan massage handout that I can share with you guys if you are interested, PM me your email. :)
 
#21 · (Edited)
@tenzinsmama--good luck with your last paper! Are you looking forward to the practicing? What are you studying (sorry--I'm sure you've mentioned it but I've forgotten)? I do think there is something hormonal to desire--I also usually only feel decidedly in the mood leading up to ovulation, which is bad for my poor DH. But I don't recall the mechanics of it or anything beyond a vague memory & my own experience.
@ascher21--how are you doing? Hugs to you & I hope your Friday numbers were better. I'm glad you're listening to your body & staying home & inwardly focused. I hope it's doing you some good & been healing. As for waiting I don't know that there's a reason to wait before TTC if your doc/midwife didn't say to. Everyone is different (as 1babysmom noted with her ectopic) but even at 11 weeks my midwife said I didn't have to wait (though I did for the hysteroscopy). If you do try, good luck!
@azohri, I'm so glad you thought the massage was worthwhile, even if it didn't include a full body massage (I'd have been disappointed too!). Really interesting, too, the information you got out of the process. Ugh, my doc's resident (didn't get to ask the doc) was super dismissive of the idea of abdominal massage. Se said it wouldn't hurt though so I may still try it. I also will pm you for instructions!
 
#22 ·
My friend is a maya abdominal massage practitioner. So I highly recommend it. I may try it too, but my friend does not live near me and the local one charges $$.

@t2009 I'm slright. Hcg was down to 5. So they want another draw, which I'm kinda over. They're just doing it so they know when to start testing. So I kinda need to if I want to start tests asap.

This and the last mc have brought up a lot of stuff about my parents and my childhood. Let's just say I haven't gotten any support in that area. My adopted mom is just incapable as is my adopted dad and my adopted sister. My husband has been good, but he was gone this past week for work so I had a night where I just cried by myself.

The past three days I've had a ton of ewcm and sore nipples, do I know I'm ovulating. Probably today. We dtd as soon as dh came home. But I don't even know if I want to be hopeful. I saved all my five pregnancy tests from this last time, and I'm just starting to realize how futile testing is for us.

I'm reading coming to term, but I may not be ready for it. i'm more mourning the disappointment in my family and my adopted mom, who continues to just not understand me at all and I'm realizing probably prefers her own ideas about me rather than what I constantly try to tell her.

Sorry this went off topic. It's just hard when you don't get what you needed from your original mom and your second mom.
 
#23 ·
That sounds tough @ascher21. It must be really hard not having a mom who understands and supports you in this time. This is a safe space to share your feelings about whatever is going on, so feel free. Glad your husband is supportive though, that's really important, though I've found that I need the support of women even with a wonderful husband. I hope you have some good girlfriends too.

I'm on CD2 and trying to watch carefully to see if any tissue passes. Nothing so far. I tried the herbs (Angelica) but found them really gross and so decided to wait until my flow was heavier, planing to use them several times tomorrow and see what happens. We leave for Mexico on Saturday so I'll be out of touch for awhile, back the second week of May.
 
#24 ·
@ascher21, it sounds so difficult what you're going through & I'm sorry the miscarriages have brought up so much emotion regarding your family. It's totally not off topic--if this is what miscarrying means for you then it's on topic & you need space to explore it or just say it. Like azohri, I really hope you have or find the support you need & deserve IRL! Hugs!!

In better news, I'm so glad to read that your HCG dropped drastically! That's great news. Hopefully the rest drops off soon. And, yes, the couple folks that do the maya abdominal massage near me are very pricey too. Maybe I'll find it in my budget soon... We did just get our tax return! I hear you about the Coming to Term book. It may be that you'll find it a good resource/read when you do some testing after your HCG drops off.
@azohri, I hope the herbs (coupled with the massage) do the trick! Let us know. But hopefully it all happens before you leave for your trip! Speaking of, enjoy it!! I hope it is a great escape!

I just had a session with a new therapist. She seems great but scheduling will be tricky. I really wish I could find someone closer to home or work. Waiting on my results from my biopsy & very curious. It was an expensive test & insurance may not cover it but I think (for me) it's more important than testing the fetal tissue. If nothing else, the more I read about the thyroid connection, the more I'm convinced it really could be the cause of my miscarriages. We'll see. Happy almost Friday all (& happy almost vacation for azohri)!
 
#25 · (Edited)
@azohri- thank you for the massage material! Very cool! Have you noticed anything more on the tissue, yet? You leave tomorrow, correct? Hope you guys have a great time!
@ascher21- I'm so sorry to hear about all the family issues. That is so hard. Will be thinking of you.
@t2009- keep us updated on your results. I hope you get the answers you are looking for!!

As for me, I'm on CD15, and I DID decide to forego the thermometer this cycle. But I am actually wondering if I ovulated early around CD10-11. I had to laugh after all the fuss I made in this thread about my body being so obviuos that I'm ovulating...because now I catch myself saying throughout the day "I have NO idea what my body is doing." I have noticed the last few cycles that I get watery/EWCM right after my period ends, even if it's still up to a week before I actually ovulate (at which point I will get it again). But this time I had really watery CM for a day- the "wet your pants" kind (didn't bother checking for EWCM when we'd been BD'ing so often, I didn't care to try the tricks to differentiate between the two), and then one day I had that achey ovulation pain feeling (I get a variety of O-pains, sometimes both before and immediately after ovulation) on my right side (YAY! My tube side!), and the day in between those two things my cervix was HSO. I actually opted to temp yesterday and today just to get an idea, but my temp is right in between- not really pre-O temps, but nothing decidedly post-O either. So I'm stumped. The only thing that has me leaning more towards already having ovulated is that my cervix is DEFINITELY closed now (HSC as of this afternoon) and I've had very little CM and it's been creamy. I've also had more twinges and O-pain like aches/feelings, and that is common for me from ovulation on, as opposed to before.

In that case, I'm REALLY hoping that we managed it this cycle! It's been DH's on week, but we got in every other day, and twice on the day that may have been my O-day!

Something else odd...a few times today I've SWORN I was having Braxton-Hicks. I get them REALLY early (I've had them starting as early as 5 weeks!...then they stop around 7-8 weeks and I don't feel them again until mid-2nd trimester, then I have boatloats until labor...forget the 4/hour rule with me!), so part of me is hoping that is a good sign. Today could possibly have been an implantation day for me...I know it's early, but based on the fact that I've had really early BFP's for 11 of my 13 pregnancies (8/9dpo), I'm assuming I implant early anyway?

Gosh I'm going to feel SO stupid for so clearly voicing my thoughts when I actually DO ovulate, or I'm obviously not pregnant and my stupid period starts once again. But it makes a world of a difference to feel safe enough here to talk about it at all!!!!
 
#26 ·
@azhori I'm keeping my fingers crossed you get past that initial hurdle!

I really wish I had tried more around my ovulation days but I only felt like it one day. I'm feeling pretty normal so I doubt anything is happening. The acupuncturist actually made me ovulate, I think. I felt like I was, but then she told me what side and there was a needle on both sides and sure enough I had o pain on that side. I also had burning feeling in my bladder like I sometimes get around ovulation and she recommended d-mannose which helped almost immediately.
All this stuff has me suspecting endo (maybe some ic? Or inflamation in the bladder area of some sort) and possibly high prostaglandin (I mean it would be elevated because of bf).

Our neighbor asked me if I was planning to have more children and instead of just saying we want some I actuslly told her it has been really hard for us. I felt weird after I said it. Like I really shouldn't have, but I think she wasn't too put off by it. It feels better to tell the truth and I'm horrible at small talk. ;)

I'm kinda over my family. I was last time too. And of course I need to go visit and mom day is coming up. I don't even feel motivated to do either right now. But I gotta pacify my mom because she gets sneaky if I ignore her for too long.
 
#28 ·
How is everyone?

I might be getting a cold. My insurance is horrible I'm paying out of pocket weekly for a chiro, therapist, and accupincture. I know very soon it will need to change because that is way too much $$. My chiro somehow roped me into 4 more months at a higher rate, so that needs to go.

I think i'm in the 2ww. Not paying attention, don't plan to test. Funny how this process has completely cured me of my addiction to poas. Because what is the point? What joy does it bring me? I wouldn't have even known about this mc if I hadn't tested. I would have just thought my 2nd positive opk was an o day and my period would have been 2 days late. So I'm really done. My cycles are never predictable, so testing is a shot in the dark anyway.

Anyone else kinda over it? I know the ob said I could take progesterone as soon as I get a positive stick, but I've read that taking progesterone can prolong an imminent miscarriage anyway. Both times my lining has been thick, so I doubt that progesterone is an issue, I just think prog was low this time because it was not viable.

I hope you all are feeling more hopeful than I am. i read a little more in that book. And I really think my first was chromosomal (blighted ovum) and my second a chemical (so common). So hey, still got 70% chance each time, right? I just don't want to know until it's the 2nd trimester. Lol
 
#29 ·
@1babysmom, our bodies are so unpredictable! Once we think we know, they say "no way!" I'm in the se boat--I totally agreed with you but this cycle I'm not sure. I'm trying not to care, but my desire to know is definitely there. On the good side, though, I do think letting go of the data is helping with libido! [emoji6] Well, I hope you're right 1babysmom & that it was your tube side! I'll have my fingers crossed for you! And this definitely is a safe space for venting & getting those symptoms off your chest. Everyone else might think we're crazy but not on here!
@ascher21 I'm sorry you feel you didn't try enough but once is all it takes. What is IC? Have you been evaluated for endo? I suppose you're probably waiting for hormone testing (is there a good test for prostaglandin)?

Good for you being forthcoming with your neighbor! I've gotten blunt with folks myself about questions about more children (I've been fielding them for years now & with the miscarriages they've gotten more intolerable). I usually just say "we're working on it & it hasn't been easy." I feel like I'm doing a public service! My answer is just awkward enough that I hope they'll think twice before asking someone else the same question! And I'm sorry all your family stuff is coming up right now. Hugs!

As for insurance it sucks. I've recently read about healthcare shares which offer more flexibility but they're mostly Christian organizations & you have to be Christian (& going to church) to join, so that's out for me. But if you are you are, it might be something to look into!

And yes, I'm also over the testing. You put it perfectly: what joy does it bring? I'll know if my period is late anyways (it's never late) so I don't plan to test either. Not sure about progesterone--doc thinks it's a treatment she'll recommend but still waiting on test results. But not testing doesn't mean you can't be hopeful! I know it's really hard right now (it's still so raw) but you got pregnant--you're working so hard to make your body receptive & I'm sure it will happen for you! And hopefully testing will provide an answer!

I'm trying hard to be hopeful but not set myself up for heartbreak. I think I'm gearing up to O. My symptoms have not been strong but I really hope it's not am anovulatory cycle. I'm a little worried to be honest. Good coverage so far so we'll see. It's our first cycle TTC after the miscarriage, so I'm full of hope that my hormones are optimal still & my thyroid is starting to function better. I'm with ascher21, though--tell me when I'm at 13 weeks!
 
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