I had my follow up today for my D&C. As far as the surgery went,everything was good and my recovery has been fine. Doctor said the pathology didn't find anything. My MC appeared to be a random genetic anomaly that's unlikely to happen again, and the doctor also said he has no reason to believe it was anything but that. So that's not too bad. He said if we want to try again we should have no problem.
He also noted, and this is the crummy part, that he found out my cervix was pretty thin from a badly done laser ablation I had many years ago. Which, after the fact, my doctor told me I didn't even need. So next time I conceive, if it happens, I will be getting a cerclage. So let's count the additions to my high risk status: I'll be delivering at least over age 41, with an incompetent cervix, a history of miscarriage, FVL (luckily hetero) and who knows what else.
I also had an atypical pap smear at my last appointment (before the MC). And let's not forget that if I don't start trying again immediately, I probably won't have a chance. My time is very limited here.
The doctor pointed out that this loss helped us learn about my cervix and prevent a future loss. He thinks that because of my very good physical health, my age is much less of a factor than I have been lead to believe. And he doesn't believe my pap smear is anything but a misreading. But that doesn't make me feel better. The odds are stacking up against me. I am walking on the edge of giving up constantly. The problem is the only way I am surviving this loss is thinking I can try again, but realistically, that's slipping away. And I don't know what to do without that hope.