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When did you know you were ready to TTC??

744 views 5 replies 6 participants last post by  Junegoddess 
#1 ·
My first pregnancy ended in a missed miscarriage (with resulting D&E) at 11 weeks. I was ready to TTC immediately afterwards but we waited three cycles. My next two pregnancies ended with two healthy children.

A week ago I delivered my son at 18 weeks, 5 days gestation. I can't even fathom TTC again right now. The thought of getting on that rollercoaster and then dealing with a pregnancy is overwhelming. I know it will be a while before I can even think about it. However, we know we want a third living child and the planner in me wants to try to give myself a realistic timeframe to be ready to TTC. (Does that sound crazy? I think in my grief I just need something positive to focus on. Or I'm losing it!)

Any thoughts on when you were ready to TTC after a loss? (especially after a second/third trimester loss?)

Any words of wisdom as to how to proceed to satisfy the planner in me and feel comfortable emotionally?

My follow-up doctor's appointment is Monday and I know she'll ask if I want birth control. I don't know our timeframe so I don't know what to say.
 
#2 ·
I lost my son a month ago at 39 weeks.. we aren't ttc yet - haven't even had a period, so not possible yet anyway.. but I had a cesarean.. so I really need to let my body heal. I am anxious to ttc again.. we knew we would before Dresden was even out of my body.. I asked the midwife how long we'd have to wait.. she said 18 months between births is ideal.. there is no way I want to wait that long.. I wanted my kids to be about 3 years apart.. and now I'm looking at a minimum of a year from NOW before I can give birth to another living child.. I want one in my arms NOW, ya know!? So, we are hoping to start TTC in January.. that will be 4 months.. which is probably still a little soon - (I'm going to ask the preconception docs opinion on this when I see him nex tmonth) but I just really want something to look forward to..
 
#3 ·

I lost my son at 16 weeks. I thought that I would never ever be able to "try again". We lost him in May. Fast forward to last month we finally decided to try again and I did get pregnant, but it was a "chemical pregnancy" and I lost that baby only 3 days after I saw the positive test.
I never thought I would ever try again. I was so scared and afraid. Truth is I still AM scared and afraid, BUT now...I finally hit the point that the desire for a living baby out weighs the fear of loosing another one.

Someone who lost a baby like me had told me that is the only way to be ready to try again is like what I said "when the desire to try again out weighs the fear of loosing another baby". It may take weeks, months, years, or a lifetime to get to that point. Every one is different. Take your time. Grief is a long process and a journey.
 
#4 ·
It's been almost a year since we lost our baby at 17 weeks adn I'm still not ready...it's so personal. We also have other circumstances like we have had two 2nd trimester losses in one year also ( long story short- 20 week stillbirth in Feb 2007, 3-5 week loss in May 2007, and a 17 week loss Nov. 30th 2007).

I WANT a baby...badly. I feel like my table is not full. SOmeone else is supposed to be at my dinner table every night. He/she is just not here yet. But....and this is a big BUT...I don't have faith that my body can bring this little one to us. This would be our very last attempt ( because it's all my family can take...) and I'm not sure I want to "use up" my try just yet. I know, it's silly.

But, I've gotten to a very good place where I'm not putting a time limit on things ( like age...I'm 35), or worrying about child spacing...my youngest is 3 1/2, or other stuff. When we're ready, we'll know. I was more anxious right after the first two losses to get pregnant NOW! But that feeling has waned as I have grieved. I don't feel the anxiousness anymore. I'm trying to just let myself grieve my lost babies and do what's right for us, whatever that is. I also told myself after our rollercoaster of a year last year that this year would be a year without loss...so in a sense, ttc was off the table this year. WE'll see what the next year brings.....it's all good.

Hugs to you...like I said, it's very personal and you need to do what is right for you, your dh, and your family. HUGS!
 
#5 ·
it is TOTALLY a personal choice/decision, that i think should depend on your stage of grief and also desperation (if you have time/age constraints). i know you want to plan, but the little planning i DID do (not about ttc, i couldn't handle that) when i was in the dumps was all scrapped anyhow because i was a mess and needed some unstructured space.

i was 11 weeks along. we found out 8 weeks ago about the death, but i miscarried naturally only last week. we hadn't talked about our future plans until last night. we had a very good, open talk, and mutually decided to ttc again, even though we're both very scared, because this is IT. the waiting to make the decision really helped us form our thoughts, and believe me, we are BOTH big-time planners.

one of the hardest parts about miscarrying is throwing all of your tried-and-true coping techniques out the window and just living in the crappy moment you're in. but you'll get out of it...

i'm sorry for your loss.
 
#6 ·
Our first loss was full term, due to a birth injury, and our shock and passion to try again immediately was... out of this world. I was so hungry for a baby. I seriously wondered if I was capable of taking someone else's... and therefore just stayed away from babies for a while. I got pregnant again 3 months later. Same due time... it was kind of freaky. But then I miscarried, blighted ovum, around 9-10 weeks. It was too soon.

It took my body quite a while to get back on track, but I was lucky to get pregnant my first regular cycle, 9 months after our first son was born. Everything went fine.

Then we had a surprise that took us quite a while to wrap our heads around... and literally no sooner than I started sorting through baby clothes and making plans... she died. Probably from a blood clot, probably from antiphospholipid antibody syndrome. At first I couldn't fathom ever trying again... but "never" turned into "2 years" and then into "1 year" and then I suddenly felt very ready at the 6 month mark.

It has been 10 months now, and I'm glad I've made it this far... my body had a lot of healing to do. But it has been so hard to not be pregnant.

Make goals if that helps. I needed to do that, too. I'm psychotic when it comes to planning. But be gentle with yourself when/if those plans don't work. Allow yourself to change.

I think, ideally (and grieving parents never do the ideal thing, that's ok), 2 years between full-term pregnancies, and half that for half a pregnancy. Pregnancy is hard work. The better off your body is, the fewer things you'll have to worry about next time. That's an important consideration... do the best you can to take care of your future gestating self. She'll need it.
 
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