Have any of you kids asked how the baby got in there and how it is getting out? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 9 Old 11-21-2008, 01:28 AM - Thread Starter
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We are very open with our kids, use the proper terminology for body parts, etc. but I think as geneticist/scientists, sometimes DH and I over explain things. DS#1 wanted to attend DD#1's birth, but I thought he was too young, but I know they will all want to be there this time. I think that we have discussed babies and how they grow inside the mother's uterus enough for them to get the concept, and I heard DS#1 explaining to the others about umbilical cords and placentas the other day (that was a hilarious little bit of eavesdropping - it was like they were attending a little ob seminar) and they all know that babies come out through the mother's vagina or they have to come out through a surgical opening. Well, it finally occurred to DS#1 that he had no idea how the baby actually got into the mother's body, so he asked me tonight (which is another indication that I think he has figured out that a new baby is coming eventhough we haven't told them yet). I told him I would think about the best way to answer him in a way that would be easy for him to understand and get back to him in the morning.

So now my problem, do I go into absolute clinical detail with the whole process (which is the answer I am sure he expects and wants) with pictures of how the zygotex meet and form an embryo, which then turns into a fetus, etc. and then all about the process of contractions and dilation and the issues it causes in the mother's body, or do I give him (and the others because they will want to listen) the simple answer to the effect of "when a mommy and daddy love each other, the daddy puts sperm inside the mommy and if one of the sperm meets up with an egg a baby gets to grow inside the mommy". I think I am second guessing myself, because some of my friends were shocked and actually aghast that I had explained masturbation to them and told them that it was natural and okay to do as long as it was done in private, and not to be ashamed of their bodies or the things that they did to their bodies that felt good when the time came. Now I think I may have been wrong to explain it to them at this age, and that maybe we have been too informative.

How did you explain it? Did it just generate more questions? Would you do it differently if you had it to do all over again?
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#2 of 9 Old 11-21-2008, 01:46 AM
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Ah, I'm waiting for this question, and haven't figured out the answer yet. DD(7, but very smart and mature) understands how they get out but hasn't asked yet how they got there. I think she's probably figured out DH had a part in it, as we are always joking about how xyz preggo symptom is "all his fault".

I think I'll go with clinical, man makes sperm, woman makes egg, they join and a baby is formed. Hopefully, that'll be enough. If she wants more info (or if DS does, for that matter. though personality-wise, I don't see him caring), then I guess we'll talk penis and vagina and all that. : I'm really hoping to avoid that conversation for a while though. (but don't want to avoid her questions, either)

Monica , DH :cop , DD (8) , DS1 (5) , DS2 (2/09) , and the pup
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#3 of 9 Old 11-21-2008, 02:19 AM
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So far, ds1 hasn't asked for specifics of how the sperm gets to the egg, but he has been told (several times, he seems to forget things easily) that you need a male & a female to make a baby and that a sperm & an egg join together and the baby starts growing from that.

mom to all boys B: 08/01ribboncesarean.gif,  C: 07/05 uc.jpg, N: 03/09 uc.jpg, M: 01/12 uc.jpg and far too many lost onesintactlact.gifsaynovax.gif

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#4 of 9 Old 11-21-2008, 02:23 AM
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i would start with the basic story, and add details if htey ask more specific questions
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#5 of 9 Old 11-21-2008, 09:31 AM
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So far we have only talked about how the baby is going to get out. We are specific with anatomical terms and speak about them unashamedly. My oldest son is the only one who has cared to even ask. He is 6 1/2. He knows that my youngest son didn't come out the right way, and that because he was in the wrong position, they had to cut me open to get him out. He knows that he and Aaron came out the right way. And we spoke in those terms for quite some time until a couple weeks ago, he asked what the right way was!
I talked about the hole/opening he has in his bottom . . . and told him that mommies don't have just one opening like that . . . they have two . . . and one of them is for babies to come out of! And that was enough for right then. As he gets older and asks more specific questions, the answers will get more specific.
We are always honest with our children in all circumstances. However, I give him information as he asks for it. I don't feel the need to give him all the specifics until he specifically asks for more. He will ask more specific questions as he gets old enough to understand them. And I look forward to him asking and discovering. And if he asks questions that have answers that lead to more questions, we just take one question at a time.

I love talking to him about such things because it's something I never talked to my parents about. It was always too embarassing for me . . . and in order for it to be embarrassing for me, it had to be because it was embarassing for my parents to speak of it. I never want that to be the case with my children!
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#6 of 9 Old 11-21-2008, 01:36 PM
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My son went through a phase where he wanted only non-fiction books from the children's section of the library. One day he came home with a book that had a picture of a sperm fertilizing an egg on the cover. So, due to a curious nearly 3 year old, we had a conversation all about how babies are made in detail with one part left out. I told him that the daddy gives the mommy the sperm but didn't explain how the dadddy gives it since he didn't ask and I wasn't ready to explain that part yet!

As far as asking how baby is coming out, both my kids asked that at around 2.5. I had c-sections with both so I said there were two ways and showed my c-section scar to them to show them how they came out. I also said that many babies come out through the mommy's vagina.

I am very comfortable with explaining most of the process. The only thing I haven't explained yet was how exactly the daddy gives the mommy the sperm. My older child is 5.5 so he's getting to the age where I should bring that up at some point but I'm in no rush right now! If he asks, I'll answer though!
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#7 of 9 Old 11-21-2008, 03:37 PM
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I have no experience with this but I'm pp on being reluctant to talk penis-vagina. If I told that to my 2.5 year old DS now he would probably want to try it. I'm totally pro-sex (my parents were too, and I credit that with why I never had any STDs or accidental pregnancies despite having quite a lot of fun), but sex is consequential, you know? So I'd want to wait until they were old enough to really understand the potential consequences and be responsible enough to avoid them.
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#8 of 9 Old 11-21-2008, 04:27 PM
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Mine haven't asked because they already know but they're seven and twelve...

I love the books It's Not the Stork/It's So Amazing/It's Perfectly Normal by Robie Harris. There are three for different age groups of kids (the one for older kids covers puberty and masturbation and such) We have the middle one - It's So Amazing! And my seven year old loves to look at the cartoon about the "great egg trip" or the "great sperm race" and so on. They present things very straightforward but also in a way that is appealing to kids without being too corny. They cover all the bases too - adoption etc. I totally recommend them! I tend to be overly clinical too - too much university biology does that to a person I guess!

you can find them on amazon:
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#9 of 9 Old 11-24-2008, 08:10 AM
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Thrilled to hear all the "tell it like it is" talks! We tell our six year old son like it is, but not more than what is specifically asked for. Right now we wants to know how the baby gets out, and how it eats when it's in there. We'll be doing a birth center water birth. He was also born at a birth center, so share with him the process of how he was born.

Can I say the horror I felt when a friend told me they called her childs vagina a "kit kat"??? All I could think was "what do you tell her is in the wrapper on the shelf of the grocery store check out isle???"

To each his own, I guess, but I don't want my kid to be like "gee, I have no idea how my girlfriend got pregnant/I got an STD Mom."

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