Anyone having siblings at birth? NON HOMEBIRTH - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 12 Old 12-11-2008, 01:51 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Is anyone her planning on having teh siblings present at the btrht of the newest littel one, and NOT having a homebirth?

If so how old are the children? and how did you approach teh midwife/ob with it?
Our DD (4) realy wants to be there when her new baby arrives, and i'm fine with it. if i were able to have a homebirth she definately would be there so i'm not sure why we wouldn't allow her to attend the hospital one.
Our hospitals polisy is that they can attend as long as someone is availabel to take them out/.care for htem if needed. (Basically my DH cannot be ther to support me and take care of her, someone else has to be present if he intends to stay with me) and you have to have your OB's ok . Which i dont' think willeb a problem since my OB is very laid back adn low key and totally trusts me to call the shots as far as my pregnancy ;labor and delivery go... I'm going to discuss it with him at my visit next week (34 weeks) since I won't see him again until 38 weeks (i'm skipping the 36 week cause it' snew years eve and he's out for a few days and i dont' want to reschedule. )
Anyone have siblings attend in previous births? if so how old were they and how did they react?
thanks
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#2 of 12 Old 12-11-2008, 03:48 PM
 
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We're going to try. DD, who was nearly 2 1/2 at the time, was at ds's birth. The hospital personnel did not love that decision. We had a doula and she and dh swapped out being with me or taking care of dd.

This time, dd will be 6 1/2, ds 4. I think they would both benefit from being there, but there are times during labor when they are a distraction and might be bothered. And, I guess the hospital has made it more difficult for kids to stay in the labor room. We plan to have a doula for me and someone else specifically to accompany the children at the hospital who can bring them in as appropriate. My labors have been really quick, so if this one will be similiar, we should be fine. We will have a bag of distractions for them, and some of the plan will depend on exactly when I go into labor.
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#3 of 12 Old 12-11-2008, 03:54 PM
 
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Not in your DDC, but I had dd at the birth of my second, so just wanted to add a couple of things.
My daughter was 6 - for me that was a good age, I personally might not have done it a lot younger, because I needed her to be able to understand that I wouldn't be able to focus on her, might ask her to leave, she had to be quiet if I wanted it, etc (she had little self control at 3 or 4). Also I had her come in when I was practically crowning, and that was perfect. I think it's usually hard to have your kids there in other stages of labor, hard to be in your own little world, make noise, etc.

I've been at a few births with siblings there as a doula, too. In those cases we also brought them in just for pushing. And I think it's important to have the *right* support person (someone you would want with you at a birth anyway).

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#4 of 12 Old 12-11-2008, 11:39 PM
 
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Not here. My 7 year old is autistic so he would not understand AT ALL. And my 1 year old would be too needy.
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#5 of 12 Old 12-12-2008, 12:17 AM
 
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my 5 1/2 year old would like to be there....we're planning on watching some videos to prepare. my best friend will be her care taker during the birth should she need/want to leave.
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#6 of 12 Old 12-12-2008, 07:37 AM
 
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I plan for my 6yo son to be there if I have a daytime birth. Otherwise, we'll let him sleep through it.

I'm really looking forward to him being able to see his sister being born. Although we tried to keep him at a distance through the three miscarriages I've had in the last two years, he does understand quite a bit about a woman's body.

Without a period to talk about for the last seven months, I've had to refresh him a bit on the basics, but he seems interested, curious, eager, and not at all scared.

Yesterday we talked about why mom's make noise during labor. I had him put his hand on his chest and we practiced making all kinds of different noises. He noticed that there was a tone which caused his body to vibrate, and I used that to illustrate how that's one more way Mom's body will help "wiggle" the baby down so that it may pass through the birth canal. I'm hoping he'll remember that and be excited, not concerned, when I'm making all kinds of noises!

Anyone else have labor stuff they're teaching older kids about?

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Due 2/10/09
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#7 of 12 Old 12-12-2008, 12:17 PM
 
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I was at the births of 4 of my younger siblings in the hospital. We were 12, 10, 8, and 6 with the first one we saw and then there was another baby every 2 years after that for several years so there were 2 year olds and 4 year olds at the births too. My 6 year old brother was so cute, he puffed up his cheeks while Mom was pushing None of the kids ever had any problems and a close friend was with us the first time and I was in charge of the toddlers for the other births. Here in Germany they won't allow kids in the delivery room so I'm glad we're having a home birth.

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#8 of 12 Old 12-12-2008, 12:38 PM
 
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Nope. My daughter is two. She would not understand and I would feel guilty about not being able to give her my undivided attention.

SAHM to Guinevere (04/05/06) and Eowyn (02/13/09)
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#9 of 12 Old 12-13-2008, 01:31 AM
 
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DD will be 7.5, and really wants to be there. I asked at the hospital tour what their policy is before asking my OB. The tour lady looked at me a little strangely, but said it was up the OB. The OB was ok with it, even said she would narrate and explain the actual birth while it was happening. She did caution that if I wasn't able to relax with her around it could slow things, and warned me to have someone available to take her out if need be so that DH wouldn't miss anything.

I love the idea of having her there, but I'm a little nervous that I'll not want her there when the time actually comes. Also a little wary of having more people there for the birth. And, if she can come, why not DS? (the answer-because he's 4. A very energetic 4. But he won't get that reason, KWIM?) So, I've not given her a firm yes or no on attending the birth. Feel bad being wishy-washy, but at the same time, I'm _feeling_ wishy-washy, YK?

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#10 of 12 Old 12-13-2008, 06:37 PM
 
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im not in your ddc but i had to chime in because my daughters were at the births of their younger siblings!

when i had my second-my daughter was 27 months-we assigned a close friend to stay with us(homebirth) to be with her exclusively, so my husband and i could concentrate on the labor-she got to be right there with us when her sister was born. it was truly awesome. she was never weirded out by any of it, and was truly just excited the whole time. she only got weird after i started nursing the new baby(I tandem nursed for the next 2 and half years) and she needed alone time with me, in which i had to hand the newborn over to the midwife and give my toddler the cuddles she needed to reassure her. that was very hard for me-as i jsut wanted to hold my new baby! but it was crucial for my toddler to do that. it was also a natural birth and i was very loud, but she never freaked out once.


fast forward 4 and half years and im having next baby in a hospital-my two daughters are 7 and 4.5 yrs old and once again we have a adult friend there for them specifically to 'corral' them and they show up just in time to watch me push baby out. they are both super excited and happy and watched everything-crowning, pushing, placenta, the whole deal-never once did they get upset or freaked out-my oldest made a gross face at the bloody placenta, but it was totally fine for them. this birth was very different, as i had an epidural, oxygen mask on, etc-so that worried them a bit to see that, but we reassured them that it was normal and nothing to worry about-they did fine after that.

if you want your kids there i think its important to have someone they like and trust to corral them and take them out of the room if need be. that way everyones needs can be managed, and you can have the joyous experience of having the whole family present-my daughters love that they got to be there everytime a new baby was born and i wouldnt have had it any other way!

hth

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#11 of 12 Old 12-14-2008, 10:20 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks everyeon for the insight and thoughts on both sides of teh coin. We definately want her there and both my MIL and My mom will eb there as well as DH. (they have attended all other 3 births) Well I say they will eb there.. the PLAN si they will eb there..... who knows what will really happen...
She is a very curis\ous and calm 4 year old. Not high energy like my 6 year old. She has seen movies like teh Miracle of life as well as some homebirth footage and some baby story stuff. My one fear is her seeing me in anysort of pain adn having it upset her.. BUT i think if i explain before hand as everyeon has suggested as to WHY i am making thenoises I'm making, and WHY it appears painful she will be fine. I still have a few weeks to really decide.. (actually I have right until i deliver.. HEHE) I really want to be able to share this with her and allow her to have this bond with her baby sister.
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#12 of 12 Old 12-20-2008, 11:03 PM
 
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i was going to at my birth center birth but he wanted to play with my uncle and walked out of the tub room 2 contractions before i had my second son.

this one i want them there but if they run off again im not going to try and force it or anything. i havent even attempted at a hospital though but i would. good luck!
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