Great so now I am an awful, ancient mother who has doomed her children to an adulthood without her. Nice. :
DH says to just ignore her, that 5 out of the 6 people I know who are pregnant are older than me, that people still guess I am in my mid-20s, that I am healthy as a horse, and that my midwives never even mentioned my age so it obviously isn't an issue, but now it is stuck in the back of my mind.
Ah well, I guess I will just try to forget it, get my elderly bottom back to prepping for New Year's Eve dinner (yummy fondue and mimosas - with sparkling cider for the kiddos and me), and get on with my life.
Hang in there.
I think advanced maternal age is far less about chronology and more about health.
Hang in there.
Try not to let it get to you.
attached to DH 10/03, DD1 8/06, DD2 12/07, DD3 5/09, DD4 11/12
I love the HypnoBabies affirmation, "Other people's negative feelings belong only to them."
♥ blogger astrologer mom to three cool kiddos, and trying to figure out this divorce thing-- Blossom and Glow ♥
When I finally told her I was pg with #4 a few weeks ago her response was "Oh, god I hoped you were just getting fatter".
As DH keeps reminding me she is a drama queen and needs to create confrontation and disharmony, so I have resolved to not mention the baby again until I have to tell her that she has a new grandchild.
My kids' joy and excitement make up for any negativity from other family members. Truly, it is only their reaction and DH's that matters to me.
I think for my mom that is true, since I am an only child. She was new to this country, newly married and did not enjoy being pregnant with me. So I kinda feel like the stuff she says/does is her way of making herself feel better.
With #1 - it will be short and ugly (my Dh is only an inch taller than me, but I am over 5'7" and my kids are cute and tall)
With #2 - you can never love your second as much as your first, and it is unfair to them. (Need I even mention that I am #2)
With #3 - she was visiting my bro in the UK and he won't tell me what she said but it made my nieces not speak to her for 3 weeks. But when she got back to the US tried to convince me to give the baby away (too late to "get rid" of it) because I would end up making #2 a middle child and she hates my middle niece.
With #4 - I am too old and something will be wrong with the baby if I allow it to be born to such an old mother.
She has issues.
I hope you have other "mothers" around you who support and love you and your babies.
Happy Wife since 12/31/05 ~ Blessed Mama to 2/8/09 and 6/11/11, with on the way due 2/24/14
Your mother has serious issues to be saying that...much less calling you up in tears (can we say uber manipulative?).
Both DH and I have opinionated/controlling family members. We are discovering it's good to put them in their place (IOW- respectfully out of our business) bc:
1) my health and the baby's comes first (added drama/stress/worry isn't good for either of us—and it's not good for my dh either).
2) we realized if we give our rude/know-it-all family members an inch now, they will surely walk all over us once the kid gets here.
The easiest way to start this is distance...via locality or conveniently not having "enough time" for frequent visits, phone calls, and/or answering the door when said relative visits w/out a heads-up (using the excuse "I was taking a nap" or "I didn't hear you over the vacuum cleaner" is helpful).
Of course we both found it is best (though most difficult) to lay down the law and tell rude people that they aren't welcome to discuss the birthing (or any other parenting choice). We warn them if they do, we will leave or hang up on them (the trick is making sure to follow up with this if they continue).
You are a vital and wonderful mum and a very forgiving daughter. I would have doinked something off her head by now.
I know a lot of people advocate telling people straight out that they won't tolerate negative comments, or avoiding seeing difficult people. I have a different strategy: lying.
I can only imagine the kinds of things my mother would say if she knew I was giving birth at home. I would never tell her I was going to give birth breech vaginally! This way, I have lost a little closeness with her (which I am sad about), but I still get to have a close relationship with her. Sounds like your mom could use a nice fat pack of lies. She lives far away from you now, right? How about telling her you've changed your mind and will give birth in a hospital? She'll never know, and it might give you the peace you need.
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