Just have to rant a little - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 15 Old 05-22-2009, 03:39 PM - Thread Starter
 
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*looks around* whew, a minute to myself! My in-laws are visiting, which is normally a great thing. I was looking forward to this! They're so nice and we only see them about twice a year. But each time they visit, I'm SO ready for the visit to end by the time they leave. I love my MIL but she can be a bit much.

Last night she gave my 3½ month-old ice cream. Fantastic. "Just a taste, I won't do it again"

Today she wants to get him rice cereal because last night when I was showering, he wanted me and only me. She says "so he's full and won't cry tonight." We're supposed to go to our friend's party tonight. He didn't cry because he was hungry, he cried because he wanted ME. If I can't take Coen, I'm not going. I'll leave him with my mom, but not my in-laws.

I should have known she would give him something because she kept asking if I feed him "real food" yet, when I started giving Kalten food, etc. and I said not until he's ready. He's not sitting up on his own (obviously), he still has the tongue-thrust reflex, and he's completely uninterested in our food. He's three and a half fricking months old!

She found out that my 2yo still nurses to sleep, and she thinks he's going to go to sleep for her tonight. She said I need to tell him he's not getting "boobie" tonight and don't I think he needs to be done with "boobie" anyway? I'm not telling him that! He will be just fine, and he won't go to sleep without screaming. We've told her just to let him stay up because he doesn't sleep until 10 at least, no matter what we do, and we're FINE with that.

OMG I have to go "boobie" my 2yo to sleep before she tries to intervene, but I WILL BE BACK TO FINISH THIS!!!!
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#2 of 15 Old 05-22-2009, 04:23 PM
 
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Wow, that's brutal. It sounds like you're handling it pretty well considering. That ice cream and cereal stuff is crazy. While my MIL is nowhere near that pushy I empathize because my MIL was saying some stuff during her last visit -- I call it propaganda -- telling me that the benefits of BF-ing max out at 3 months, talking about the rice cereal, saying that babes just need to cry it out sometimes, etc.

I generally just shake my head as if I'm curious but never really respond. I love her and know our visits are brief.

Hang in there.
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#3 of 15 Old 05-22-2009, 04:37 PM
 
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I feel ya. I try not to let a lot get to me. I get lots of 'wonderful' advice from my very old school grandmother who wanted to give my 2 1/2 month old daughter a Blow Pop last weekend.

She also had it out with me a couple weeks ago about CIO. My mom and I were discussing it because my mom always tells my siblings to 'just let that baby cry a little, it's good for their lungs'. I was telling her all the things wrong with crying it out. Not saying that she was a bad mom in any way, just informing. My grandmother got very snippy with me and said my mother did a hell of a job raising 6 kids and I shouldn't argue with her and we'll just see how I feel after all my kids are raised. Apparently, I'm not allowed to have an opinion until I'm a 'seasoned' mother. :

Like I said, I just try to let it go and I don't engage in conversations I know will end in argument. No one in my family knows we're delaying vaccinations for the same reason.

Now, my MIL is the exact opposite. She will go above and beyond to make sure Owyn never cries, which is not always a great thing. Owyn fusses when she's going to sleep. I swaddle her and walk around the house with her and comfort her, but I continue to try and put her to sleep. My MIL will stop rocking her when she starts fussing and just play with and talk to her instead. Then, we hit overtired and all hell breaks loose! She also has never once gotten her diaper cover on right, we have a blow out everytime MIL changes her diaper because she's afraid she'll be uncomfortable if she tries to get it on tight. I mean, the girl's cover will practically fall off of her when I pick her up! Oh well...

Mallory. Happily married to Joe since 6/25/05. Loving my adventure with my girls, Owyn Samantha, born 3/1/09. dust.gif and Greta June, born 11/2/11  babygirl.gif

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#4 of 15 Old 05-22-2009, 05:43 PM
 
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'just let that baby cry a little, it's good for their lungs'.
I always argue how this makes no sense- you do not want your baby (especially a newborn, which is always when I get this comment made to me) expending it's energy on crying- it is stress on the baby- it hurts their immune system, and doesn't allow all of that valuable energy to go where it is needed- growing and developing. This usually gets my family to think twice about that "advice". I don't even bother with the AP reasoning- because we have had too many heated "conversations" about that.

I am lucky that we have both sides of the family trained to never give the LOs food though- DS has allergies and we are strict with the no artificial ingredients rule (which everything my family eats has ).

These next few months are so much fun with the babes, but so challenging with the unsolicited advice/interventions.

Momma to G 12/06 A 2/09, AND ANNOUNCING... Welcome big boy! A 5/10/10 9 lbs 10 oz! We and had our 3rd UP/UC!
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#5 of 15 Old 05-23-2009, 12:41 PM
 
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I'm very lucky that my MIL is the exact opposite she was AP with her kids even though she had no idea what it was. She's very open to my opinions and we've had long involved but never heated conversations about non-vaxing and homebirth.
My mom on the other hand was terrified of the homebirth and I think was actually relieved that I ended up in the hospital both times. We didn't talk about it because she was scared. I'm just now getting through to her on the non-vaxing issue. At least she's 'hearing' me now. She doesn't let my kids cry though. The nutrition thing is an issue with her she always sends some sort of candy or something and thinks gatorade is ok for toddlers . She's mentioned the cereal in the bottle thing before and I just explained why I would never do that.

Proud Mama to DS 04/23/06reading.gif DD 02/18/09 modifiedartist.gif, 2 dog2.gif, and wife to wonderfuldh_malesling.GIF and adding another baby.gif. Here's my blog: http://nessabean.blogspot.ca/
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#6 of 15 Old 05-23-2009, 02:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Okay I'm back! Between DH and his dad, I never get computer time!

I ended up taking Coen to the party because our other friends couldn't get a babysitter and brought their 9-month-old.

Kalten did great with them, despite her starting early in the day trying to "make him feel better about it" and really getting him worked up. If she would have made it seem like an adventure, something he "gets" to do instead of "has" to do, he would have been looking forward to the evening, but you can't tell some people some things.

He even went to sleep for them! They had him lay down on the couch and he drove a little toy truck until he fell asleep. I was so glad she didn't try to make him go to bed early. I heard her talking to him yesterday, saying "you're not a baby, you don't need mommy's milk to go to sleep." One of the few times I was glad that my kid doesn't listen.

I guess she didn't believe us that he doesn't sleep before 10 because a few days ago she took him upstairs at 8:30 to try to get him to sleep. She said "I read nine books to him and he wasn't even tired!" Um, duh.

She lets Coen lay on the floor or in the bouncer fussing and sits by him, saying "he needs to learn that he doesn't need to be held all the time." But she's right there so I can't really go pick him up without seeming hostile. At least she's interacting with him.

I got to let it all out at the party with my friend (the one with the 9mo) who's MIL is pressuring her to let the baby spend the night already.

I was really in a bad mood because I don't take advice well when I haven't asked for it, especially when I've made these educated choices and I'm quite happy with my parenting. Some good friends and a buttery nipple shot helped that! (Side note - Does anyone know what is in a buttery nipple besides the butterscotch schnapps? It was half that and half something else and reeeeally good.)

Anyway, I really can't complain much, because she has been keeping the dishes done and doing our laundry (though she turned Kalten's nice white button-up shirt and a few other white things PINK and acts like she doesn't notice), and helped me plan and plant my very first garden, brought K a ton of clothes, and she's overall just a great MIL. We never had problems when Kalten was a baby - but I did get quite annoyed when she'd decide when he needed to eat. "He's crying, he's hungry." OR, maybe you just scared him with your loud laugh? She does that this time, too, but it doesn't bother me as much.

She used to tell me I was such a good mommy alllll the time, but I haven't heard that once this visit. Oh well.
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#7 of 15 Old 05-23-2009, 03:19 PM
 
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That sound's very frustrating!! With my mil (and mom) if they make a passing comment I ignore it. But if it's regularly being said or if they actually tried to 'do' something I would definitely give them my opinion and/or stop them. So far I haven't had any incidents, but we recently moved 5 hours away so they don't see us often

The part about your mil actually saying to your ds that he needs to give up breastfeeding that would make me so so angry. Also the ice cream, for some reason giving Royce his first food is such a big deal to me (I'm already planning it), if someone took that away from me I would be devastated.

Mama to my charming little boy, born at home January '09
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#8 of 15 Old 05-23-2009, 07:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Yes, I felt very robbed of giving Coen his first food
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#9 of 15 Old 05-23-2009, 09:32 PM
 
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dooney, you sound like you're handling this visit pretty well! I would have swooped in and picked up the baby. I do that with my parents but then again, I only have one. Or I say something like, the doctor said CIO will hinder his development....my mother wanted DS to cry so she could take a crying picture of him. (I will admit, his pout before he cries IS cute but to make my baby cry on purpose?!?!?!)

And you are a GREAT mom!!!
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#10 of 15 Old 05-24-2009, 03:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Well, I am so glad I never said anything to her. They left early because MIL is having hormone issues, the ones she was taking stopped working and they haven't found any that work. She just started a new one before coming out here, and it's not doing anything. She's really emotional and doesn't want to be around people and just really down. I think that's why she was doing some of the things she did. I feel just awful now. I hugged her and thanked her for everything and told her I didn't want her to go.
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#11 of 15 Old 05-24-2009, 06:12 PM
 
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Originally Posted by dooney View Post
Well, I am so glad I never said anything to her. They left early because MIL is having hormone issues, the ones she was taking stopped working and they haven't found any that work. She just started a new one before coming out here, and it's not doing anything. She's really emotional and doesn't want to be around people and just really down. I think that's why she was doing some of the things she did. I feel just awful now. I hugged her and thanked her for everything and told her I didn't want her to go.
I wish the comments my inlaws made could be blamed on that!

I'm glad you were able to keep calm through all of this, you probably avoided a lot of tension in your relationship. And I hope your mil get's better soon!

Mama to my charming little boy, born at home January '09
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#12 of 15 Old 05-24-2009, 10:19 PM
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First, can I just say BUTTERY NIPPLE!!!! mmmmmmm

My MIL hasn't met dd yet, she's coming June 4th I'm worried about just this thing! If anything but my boob passes dd's lips I'll freak right out.
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#13 of 15 Old 05-24-2009, 10:59 PM
 
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I'm guessing a buttery nipple is like a slippery nipple. That's what we call it anyway. I LOVE them! I make it with butterscotch schnapps, Irish cream, and a splash of Kahlua. Kahlua is optional and I don't always use it. If you're taking a shot of this, let the Kahlua sit on the bottom.

Yummy, now I really want one!

Mallory. Happily married to Joe since 6/25/05. Loving my adventure with my girls, Owyn Samantha, born 3/1/09. dust.gif and Greta June, born 11/2/11  babygirl.gif

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#14 of 15 Old 05-25-2009, 01:32 AM
 
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oh yum I think I have those ingredients gotta go make one!

Proud Mama to DS 04/23/06reading.gif DD 02/18/09 modifiedartist.gif, 2 dog2.gif, and wife to wonderfuldh_malesling.GIF and adding another baby.gif. Here's my blog: http://nessabean.blogspot.ca/
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#15 of 15 Old 05-28-2009, 04:34 AM
 
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I had to try REALLY hard not to hit the ceiling when my husband put a dab of ice cream on Clara's lips. Ack! After doing so much to make sure that she only gets me! I just took a deep breath and moved on. A few days later I participated with letting her lick an apple slice a tiny bit. I think she's fine, but I know she's not ready for more solids, and I will not be pressured into getting her to eat before I think she's ready.

In-laws are funny. Even my own parents sort of got a little weird when they became in-laws. My current peeve is my MIL saying, "Oh no, I hope she's not teething. She won't be as cute with teeth." TWICE! Oh, yes, lets keep her toothless all of her life so she'll stay cute. I hope she doesn't say stuff like that ever when she understands. That will give her complexes. So far, though, I think my MIL trusts us to be really caring and deliberate parents and respects that. Having a BIL and SIL who parent in fits and starts probably helps her appreciate us. I hope she continues to respect our parental decisions.

We discussed it pre-children: if either set of parents start deliberately undermining our parenting and do not relent after being warned, they will loose contact with their grandchildren.

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