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#1 of 40 Old 02-11-2009, 05:14 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Things have been rocky for a very long time & neither of us have been happy. Tbh, we've mainly stayed married because he thought he loved me & I didn't want to hurt him by leaving. Well, he finally realized what I've known for years, that he didn't really love me. He met someone online and they're apparently in love with each other.

As I told him, I would honestly be very happy for him. Big problem, though. Well, other than the obvious fact that I'm 37 weeks pregnant. This woman lives in h's home country, on the other side of the Atlantic. And he's planning on leaving sometime after the birth, whenever he gets a new passport. He's thinking of getting a residence card or citizenship so he can come back here if it doesn't work out so he can be around for the kids.

I don't really have much else to say. We've been talking about it for hours now...kind of worn out right now.

mom to all boys B: 08/01ribboncesarean.gif,  C: 07/05 uc.jpg, N: 03/09 uc.jpg, M: 01/12 uc.jpg and far too many lost onesintactlact.gifsaynovax.gif

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#2 of 40 Old 02-11-2009, 06:28 AM
 
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Wow. I dont know what to say.

Laura wife to Chris proud mommy to our lil monkey (c-section 6-10-06), our other lil monkey (HBAC 3-08-09) Our next and last son (due by HBAC mid July 2011) and our angel (10-03-04). My middle son has many severe food allergies.

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#3 of 40 Old 02-11-2009, 07:00 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Ty.

For me, I'm ok about it. I can't seem to stop crying for my kids, though. My boys are very attached to their daddy. He's been home pretty much 24/7 their whole lives. They get antsy, especially my youngest, when h goes out shopping for too long. I wish I could think of some way to protect them from this.

mom to all boys B: 08/01ribboncesarean.gif,  C: 07/05 uc.jpg, N: 03/09 uc.jpg, M: 01/12 uc.jpg and far too many lost onesintactlact.gifsaynovax.gif

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#4 of 40 Old 02-11-2009, 07:33 AM
 
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Oh no.....I can't even begin to imagine what that must feel like for you, for the kids, for the baby that is almost here. Oh gosh, mama-- be gentle with yourself and reach out for help as you feel you need it.

Hugs.....

Miles (December 2005) Pascual (March 2009). P's was my beautiful home waterbirth that healed me from my M's birth. natural birth, midwifery, postpartum depression, babywearing, breastfeeding.
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#5 of 40 Old 02-11-2009, 10:02 AM
 
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I'm so sorry I'm glad you guys can finally be open about this but the timing really sucks. Your poor kids and with a baby on the way. :
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#6 of 40 Old 02-11-2009, 10:23 AM
 
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I'm so sorry mama.

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#7 of 40 Old 02-11-2009, 10:29 AM
 
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Hugs mama.... so sorry you are going thru this right now!

Kristin- Wife to J, Mommy to B (11), M-S (8), and little J (4) and J&J (7 months)
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#8 of 40 Old 02-11-2009, 10:57 AM
 
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big hugs mama

i promise that it does get easier, ds's "dad" left me when ds was 6 weeks old and we havent seen or heard from him since and my ex left the same day i told him i was pregnant (im now 36 weeks) and i havent seen him since

my boobs are eeeevil.................eeevil i tells ya....
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#9 of 40 Old 02-11-2009, 11:06 AM
 
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#10 of 40 Old 02-11-2009, 11:10 AM
 
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Wife, Mother and Doula.
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#11 of 40 Old 02-11-2009, 11:10 AM
 
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s to you & the babies! It is always harder on the little ones~ I hope that the transition is not too terrible on your kids~

Melissa
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#12 of 40 Old 02-11-2009, 11:11 AM
 
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i don't really need to say much about my situation, since i've written about it all.the.time, but another just because i know how hard it is to be left at such a vulnerable time in one's life.

i have oodles of respect for the place from which you're approaching this. you seem very calm and willing to do whatever you need to with the intent of protecting your children. quite admirable, in my humble opinion.

what are your feelings on being a single mom? do you have adequate support around you to help out? please let us know if you need anything!!

: single mom extraordinaire, keeper of eew since 02/09
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#13 of 40 Old 02-11-2009, 11:21 AM
 
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#14 of 40 Old 02-11-2009, 11:25 AM
 
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#15 of 40 Old 02-11-2009, 11:42 AM
 
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I don't know what to say, but didn't want to read w/o responding.

I'm sorry, mama.
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#16 of 40 Old 02-11-2009, 12:10 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Devaskyla View Post
As I told him, I would honestly be very happy for him. Big problem, though. Well, other than the obvious fact that I'm 37 weeks pregnant. This woman lives in h's home country, on the other side of the Atlantic. And he's planning on leaving sometime after the birth
You can be happy at the same time as being really upset. I hope you can honor all of those feelings inside you. I will pray for your peace and serenity, especially in this stressful time.

s

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#17 of 40 Old 02-11-2009, 12:13 PM
 
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So sorry to hear about this, especially the poor timing, and distance involved!

Just a thought: could this woman come closer to you? Not necessarily easier for you, but a way to keep dad closer for the kids . . .

I hope you can take care of yourself & rest from your stressful night last night.

~jenn
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#18 of 40 Old 02-11-2009, 12:24 PM
 
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Man.

It's so much more complicated with a third party involved. I'm really sorry this has happened now during your pregnancy, that's got to be so hard. That said, my parents divorced last year after being married 40+ years and I have to say, I think it's probably better that it happens when the kids are little rather than grown. I did a lot of reading on this in the last year. Maybe pick up a copy of this?

Sending you peace and strength mama.

Vanessa - aspiring Traditional Foods momma of Graham & Margot
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#19 of 40 Old 02-11-2009, 12:24 PM
 
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I am so sorry you are going through this right now. It would be hard anytime, but pregnancy hormones don't make things any easier. My DH recently left and said he didn't know when he would be back, so I can relate on some level. However there was not another person involved and DH has come back and we are trying to forgive and forget and rebuild. It was hard on the kids so my heart goes out to you.

As Jenny said I also admire your attitude towards it all. You sound like a very strong person. Do you have support near by? Please keep us posted.

Full time mom to 10/04 2/06 and my sweet surpise 3/09
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#20 of 40 Old 02-11-2009, 12:27 PM
 
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I am so sorry, what a difficult thing to go through at any time, but really the timing couldn't be worse. Do you have friends and family who can step in and help you out?

Sending some love your way.
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#21 of 40 Old 02-11-2009, 12:38 PM
 
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We have been having our own issues as well though there isn't a third party involved with us. I can't imagine what I would do in that situation but I hope he puts your children before her. I also hope you have support nearby. I don't and I know how hard that can be. Good luck on this and if you need to talk we are always here!

~Lanie mom to Layne, Liam, Maren, Meridian, and Melora
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#22 of 40 Old 02-11-2009, 01:23 PM
 
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I'm so sorry, what a thoughtless careless thing to do though on his part...only wants to stay around for the kids if it doesnt work out for the other woman? Not cool. ((((((big hugs)))))

 Jess mom to 5!!! 3 boys 2 girls and another girl on the way edd jan 31st! I have a Disabled veteran husband
breastfeeding,cosleeping, non vax,no circ,and nature loving family!

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#23 of 40 Old 02-11-2009, 01:27 PM
 
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I'm so sorry.

Homebirthing mama of 2
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#24 of 40 Old 02-11-2009, 01:47 PM
 
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i'm also sending hugs and positive thoughts your way.
i know that must be a tough situation for everyone involved.
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#25 of 40 Old 02-11-2009, 02:43 PM
 
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#26 of 40 Old 02-11-2009, 03:38 PM
 
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#27 of 40 Old 02-11-2009, 04:45 PM
 
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Wow. Sending you and your kids some big, huge hugs.
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#28 of 40 Old 02-11-2009, 07:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for the hugs & support everyone. I really appreciate it. Trying to hold it together today for the kids & try not to cry. We're not telling them until we have some idea when he's going, since it could be a few months.

Quote:
Originally Posted by jdubbelewe View Post
what are your feelings on being a single mom? do you have adequate support around you to help out? please let us know if you need anything!!
Terrified, tbh. At least I'll have a year after the baby comes before I have to worry about whether I'll be able to stay home or have to get a job, though. Well, so long as my benefits stay the same as they have been. I think I need to find something I can do from home to bring in some extra money. And he says if he makes money (he qualifies for disability, but really wants to get into writing), he'll send some for the kids. He was genuinely shocked that I thought he might not. My main concern is, because he's been either WAH or disabled for the kids' whole lives, I've never had to parent alone, really. The closest I've come is when the kids & I go to my mom's & even then, there's another adult.

I have one friend locally. I sent her an email, so I guess I'll find out how she reacts later. Couldn't really tell her on the phone with the kids around. My mom lives a couple hours away but I don't imagine she'll be much help, I don't get on with her very well. I'm not even sure how to tell her. It honestly has crossed my mind not to say anything to her until after he's gone. I also have the local freebirth group that I'm involved with. Wouldn't really say I'm friends with any of them, though, so who knows.

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Originally Posted by Goniopal View Post
Just a thought: could this woman come closer to you? Not necessarily easier for you, but a way to keep dad closer for the kids . . .
We've been talking about it. He wants to go there & see if things work out with her before doing anything like having her move here. We talked about him getting citizenship here before he leaves (he's just a permanent resident atm), but it would take a year probably. Don't think I can live like this for that long, even if he'd wait. I think he'll at least get a resident card so he can come back. She's apparently willing to relocate if things work out, so maybe in a couple years, they'd be nearby.

He's talking to her all day every day on his computer. I'm getting past the shock now & getting pissed at what this is going to do to the kids.

mom to all boys B: 08/01ribboncesarean.gif,  C: 07/05 uc.jpg, N: 03/09 uc.jpg, M: 01/12 uc.jpg and far too many lost onesintactlact.gifsaynovax.gif

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#29 of 40 Old 02-11-2009, 07:50 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Devaskyla View Post
He's talking to her all day every day on his computer. I'm getting past the shock now & getting pissed at what this is going to do to the kids.
good, and when that anger wells up, channel it into something productive. then let him have it.

i go through this with my h. his level of selfishness is so far beyond my comprehension.
ugh, i get angry just thinking about it.

: single mom extraordinaire, keeper of eew since 02/09
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#30 of 40 Old 02-11-2009, 08:46 PM
 
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Wow, what a tough spot.

I would try to sit with him and detail how the two of you want to do your best for the kids and what that will look like in detail. (Include a limit on computer time while the kids are around?) I hope that if you focus on your kids then you will always be able to communicate well for them and help them with the huge transitions coming.

Use the energy from your emotions to do positive things. Set up support and meet people in your community who are able to help. (Way easier said than done....)

I hope I am not too er.....preachy?

Julia
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