no advice, just
for you and
for everybody in this boat.
unfortunately (or fortunately for this situation), i am unable to exclusively bf, so it'll be easier for me when i go back to work. fortunately (or unfortunately) i just lost my job last week so i don't have to worry about it quite yet.
i've been struggling with this balance thing myself, and eden will be 8 weeks old on monday. of course, when i look back to where i was with everything 2 weeks pp, the picture i see is vastly different than where we are now.
at 2 weeks i was a hormonal mess...and i mean mess. i was so freaked out by everything, trying to figure out what to do with this bundle of need that totally took over my life, trying to identify with my new role as mom first, and jenny second. trying to figure out how everything that i had perceived as normal fit into this new normal that i was totally anticipating but utterly unprepared for.
i am officially back to my normal, pre-preg self emotionally (though i've still got 3 pants sizes to go physically
). we've gotten ourselves into a groove, she's fallen into her own routine that i can mostly depend on - naps, awake time, bedtime...i let her tell me what worked for her and i've just been sort of going with it. this is where i become thankful that i lost my job, because otherwise i would have to be back to my normal 40 hour work week this coming monday. totally not ready for that.
ITA with your feelings about getting a nanny or other full time care provider. the only way i would leave eden full time is if i had family available to care for her. there's no way i would leave her in some day care so i could work, making barely enough to pay that bill.
my advice to you is to stop, take a deep breath, and then another one. is there any way to take the baby with you when you have to go in? can your mom come along so she can hold/entertain baby until it's time to feed? if not, definitely get some slow-flow nipples. i credit these with preserving what bf relationship eden and i DO have. get yourself a pump, and go to it. remember though, baby can get more out of you than a pump can. the great thing about establishing that pumping relationship is that you'll be able to carve out that "me" time to recharge, get back in shape and pursue your interests. i'll probably get flamed for saying this, but the one thing i appreciate about combo feeding my baby (and it broke my heart to have to do it, just so you all know) is that it allows other people to care for dd when i need a break. (btw, i'm not advocating ff, just speaking from my own experience. i wish i could ebf). http://kellymom.com
is a fantastic resource for all questions bf related.
as far as balance goes, i believe that things will come together and start to make sense as your ds gets a little older. he's so little and needy right now, but as he wakes up and starts to see everything, he'll become more independent, and once you've established pumping, it will be much easier to find time for everything because you'll be able to have other family members care for him. and remember, he won't be a newborn for long. i am constantly reminding myself of that fact.
my situation is a little bit different as i have to try to find time to actively look for/interview for jobs while caring for a newborn, and i don't have a partner which is both a blessing and a source of agony...it's one more thing that i don't have to try to work in time for, but it would be nice to have someone with whom i can cuddle, and talk about grown-up matters.
sorry for the long, rambly reply...i get good naps this time of day