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Vaccinations > Typically Men!
mkmoro311's Avatar mkmoro311 12:26 PM 01-15-2009
It seems like a trend among my friends who are having babies recently that they do some research decide to delay or not vax but in the end go and vax anyway because their husbands strong opinion about it! This makes me wonder what is going on with this situation with Men and vaxing. Why is this? Is it because they are not carrying a baby for 9 mo so their bond to the baby is different? I really want to know!

Ophelia's Avatar Ophelia 12:42 PM 01-15-2009
Same thing tends to happen with circumcision. Mom doesn't want to but Dad strongly does.

From what I have read, it seems like IN GENERAL, men don't research and question things like women do. To them, the doctors know everything, wouldn't give something that wasn't safe, and so they put 100% trust in the doctors, gov't, and big pharma. I know this is/was the case for me personally with DH. He's a LITTLE bit better now, but still thinks the flu shot is a wonderful thing so he gets it at his work (even though I've sent him studies with info to the contrary). He knows I do a heck of a lot more research on it than he does so I haven't had any resistance for quite a while or been bullied into vaxing like I was before.
mkmoro311's Avatar mkmoro311 01:03 PM 01-15-2009
My husband did not read one baby book on pregnancy, birth or raising children so while his opinion was valid my research along with my opinion over-ruled his. He pretty much knows that when I have made up my mind then that is that and it usually is backed by much time researching! Its a hard subject to discuss with my friends becuase I don't want them to think I don't like thier husbands because of our difference of opionon but its becoming annoying and frustrating!
MadameXCupcake's Avatar MadameXCupcake 01:10 PM 01-15-2009
My Dh works way to much to research like I do. He will sit and read through highlighted info if its short though. Luckily my DH thinks I'm pretty smart and trusts what I think. He will question me occasionally but just enough to learn why I want or do not want to do something. I wish more DH's were like mine, though then again even if my DH wouldn't cave I dont think I would either. I honestly think my relationship would end if DH wanted to mutilate our son and couldn't even research circ I couldn't be married to a person like that.
laohaire's Avatar laohaire 01:12 PM 01-15-2009
Isn't it odd, since men supposedly value research and hard facts more than women supposedly do? We're supposed to be all emotional and they are supposed to be all factual.

I think at least part of it is that it has to do with children. Men are probably more likely to research what model of car they should buy next, or what stock they should invest in. But kids? Eh, the norm works, right?
Marnica's Avatar Marnica 01:18 PM 01-15-2009
Quote:
Originally Posted by mkmoro311 View Post
My husband did not read one baby book on pregnancy, birth or raising children so while his opinion was valid my research along with my opinion over-ruled his. He pretty much knows that when I have made up my mind then that is that and it usually is backed by much time researching! Its a hard subject to discuss with my friends becuase I don't want them to think I don't like thier husbands because of our difference of opionon but its becoming annoying and frustrating!

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Full Heart's Avatar Full Heart 02:39 PM 01-15-2009
Yup, Men don't take the time to research.

I think cause they figure their role is to provide and play and thats about that. Most men don't see themselves in the role of care taker. Its usually the woman who takes the kid to the dr even if they both have full time jobs. Its the woman who takes time off work to be with a sick child. Its the woman who is supposed to nourish and tend to the children. Dh and I were just discussing this yesterday (about something totally different). But then men being that they are the "head of the house" want the say in things like vaccines and circ and hsing etc. I don't think they can have it both ways. Mine certainly doesn't lol. He doesn't do the research he doesn't get a say.
Mrsboyko's Avatar Mrsboyko 04:24 PM 01-15-2009
*generalizations ahead*

Men tend to want to protect, that is what they are designed and programed for. Not getting sick= protection. A vaccine will keep the kid from getting sick. This means vaccination= protection.
buttercupmama's Avatar buttercupmama 08:58 PM 01-15-2009
My DH does no research either. In fact, because everyone he knows has been vaccinated and he and all his brothers and his son were circumcised, and all these people are 'fine'--note that his resilience is as impenetrable as a wet sheet of paper--then everything I read is just internet garbage. I suppose doctors know better since the pharmaceutical companies training them couldn't possibly have an agenda. I guess my naturopath is also wrong because naturopathic universities in Australia must, on the other hand, have one. I roll my eyes at the ignorance, but he will have our DD vaccinated over my cold, dead body. And even then, I'll haunt him if he tries it.
becca_howell's Avatar becca_howell 09:17 PM 01-15-2009
My DH let me do the research, then I shared it with him, told him how I felt, and he agreed. With everything: circ, vax, CD, homeopathics. He knew I had a lot more experience in the medical field, so he didn't mind my decisions.
rlneub's Avatar rlneub 09:42 PM 01-15-2009
Just to let you know, I did the research in my family. In not every case is it the woman.

2 cents
PaigeC 10:14 PM 01-15-2009
I'm a researcher in my work life so DH leaves it to me but he trusts what I find. I will say the only thing he has shot down is CD but it isn't because he doesn't know we SHOULD he just is lazy! And, he'll be a SAHD so that's fine - we'll save the environment in another way.

He is on board with no vax and although we are having a girl, he is against circ and is undergoing restoration himself right now. He is also happy to homeschool, which is a big leap for some I think.

I would have a hard time if he didn't agree with me because having a united front makes opposition (from family or friends) much easier!
mamakah's Avatar mamakah 10:16 PM 01-15-2009
My husband goes with what I say. He never asks questions, never researches himself, he just says "I trust that if someone is going to look into something thoroughly, its going to be you." Then, all the sudden one day he comes home and says "cindy at work was telling me that measles can kill a kid if he gets it! Does he have that vaccine?"
If my husband did want to get our son vaccinated I wouldn't just give in! I would make him read EVERYTHING that I have read. If he still wanted to do it (which he wouldn't) I would still say no! Had I died during childbirth, my husband would have circumcised, vaccinated, CIO :, the works...
In nature, wild males rarely care about the well being of the young. Its the mama bear that is anticipating danger, protecting, etc. I think that our husbands not seeming to care either way is a more evolved example of this. They care about our childrens well being, but aren't going to scan the meadow for dangers if you know what I mean.
L&K'smommie's Avatar L&K'smommie 10:18 PM 01-15-2009
I will say that my DH just goes with what I say since I do the research...he'll do a bit of reading himself if it's short. But he doesn't fight with me about it.

But I will also say that my brother is the one in his family(he has one son) that has been doing all the research...not his wife. She all of sudden decided that she should vaccinate their son(at 8 months...he's had none so far) and my brother said over his dead body that they needed to discuss it more. That I know of she hasn't done any research...only he has.
applejuice's Avatar applejuice 11:34 PM 01-15-2009
Yes, it is true. I agree with the statement about circumcision.

This is a whole generation of men who have not served in the military for the most part. My DH grew up in an era of a military draft and all men served. I suspect the military uses them for experiments for new vaccines and drugs. I know this is the case for the VA hospitals. Men tend to trust the "MAN" in charge over their wives in most cases.

My DH agreed with me not to vaccinate because of the horrid reactions he had to vaccines as he grew up and when he was in the military. His brother, my BIL, told me vaccinations are worthless and he was in TM.

Quote:
In nature, wild males rarely care about the well being of the young.
"G-d knew he could not be everywhere, so he created mothers." I only ended up in the ER when my DH was watching the babies. I always got blamed for the incidents, however, so I could not win.
just_lily's Avatar just_lily 12:29 AM 01-16-2009
When I first got pregnant, my DF was very "well, we will have to do whatever the doctors tell us." I found the best way was to provide him with bits of information at a time. He is now as strongly against vaccines as I am, and frequently brings it up with other people.

Same thing happened with cloth diapers. He is intact himself, so circ was never an issue in our house.

I have to think that anyone, male or female, who makes a personal decision about vaccines and then just goes ahead with whatever their partner wants wasn't very adament about their position to begin with.
buttercupmama's Avatar buttercupmama 01:22 AM 01-16-2009
My DH is adamant, but due to past experiences (with previous children from previous marriages), he's afraid to go against me. We fought a lot about the decisions even though I still get to make them. He ganged up on me with the pediatrician during the WBV. If I died in childbirth, our DD would also have been vaccinated and using disposables. I even had to defend breastfeeding because his other kids turned out fine on formula. Apparently, that somehow means they're equal. His beliefs are so mainstream. The army taught him to believe in this and he joined because his dad was in the army when he was a child. It's all one big emotional issue that relates to his relationship with his dad, so you just don't go there. But I still have the last say even though he honestly thinks I'm more than likely jeopardizing her life.
rightkindofme's Avatar rightkindofme 10:36 PM 01-16-2009
This may make me unpopular... it doesn't help that a lot of the anti-vax sites are uhm kind of whacko seeming. Many anti-vax advocates believe some stuff that seems pretty crazy.

I don't vaccinate because science hasn't convinced me that it is a good choice, not because the anti-vax side has convinced me.
GTyler's Avatar GTyler 11:25 PM 01-16-2009
"it doesn't help that a lot of the anti-vax sites are uhm kind of whacko seeming........................................... ." posted by: rightkindofme

Ahh........... It was so refreshing to read the posts here from mothers who DO not VACCINATE,and fully understand the DANGERS of VACCINES,"untill this last post arrived."

Dear rightkindofme
Antivaccione parents are not Wacko,in fact these are intelligent caring parents wanting the absolute BEST for their children. This makes them Wacko?
"knowledge is power" this knowledge imparts the power to stand up to adversity/authority/ridicule/ignorant MD's........
Its a difficult journey to stand up to MD's /almost impossible if your not strong willed,not educated on these vaccine dangers. Most stand alone,I congradulate these parents!
The more research a parent does the more this empowers them to make inportant choices for the sake of their children.....................this makes them Wacko? How so?
Please explain........................................... .........
LeighB's Avatar LeighB 11:39 PM 01-16-2009
Quote:
Originally Posted by GTyler View Post
"it doesn't help that a lot of the anti-vax sites are uhm kind of whacko seeming........................................... ." posted by: rightkindofme

Ahh........... It was so refreshing to read the posts here from mothers who DO not VACCINATE,and fully understand the DANGERS of VACCINES,"untill this last post arrived."

Dear rightkindofme
Antivaccione parents are not Wacko,in fact these are intelligent caring parents wanting the absolute BEST for their children. This makes them Wacko?
"knowledge is power" this knowledge imparts the power to stand up to adversity/authority/ridicule/ignorant MD's........
Its a difficult journey to stand up to MD's /almost impossible if your not strong willed,not educated on these vaccine dangers. Most stand alone,I congradulate these parents!
The more research a parent does the more this empowers them to make inportant choices for the sake of their children.....................this makes them Wacko? How so?
Please explain........................................... .........
Um...she wasn't saying that anti vaxers are wacko. Let's calm down a bit. I'm not the op, but I assume she was referring to certain sites that don't back up their anti vax claims with any science or really any hard evidence. There are several sites out there that I consider to be harmful to the anti vaxing community because they discuss a lot of conspiracy theories and whatnot. Anyway....back to the topic.

My husband didn't do any of the research and if I hadn't, I'm certain he would have done what the doctor said. Honestly, I might have to if I hadn't stumbled across a few stories that made me weary of vaccinations. I think he values my opinion a lot too, because I do a lot of research on things, even if we go with the doctor's opinion.
Gitti's Avatar Gitti 11:52 PM 01-16-2009
Quote:
Originally Posted by sages View Post
If my husband did want to get our son vaccinated I wouldn't just give in! I would make him read EVERYTHING that I have read. If he still wanted to do it (which he wouldn't) I would still say no!


Just reading your post reminded me so much of Kipling's poem "the female of the spicies" which I have always loved. I'll post just one verse -

Quote:
She who faces Death by torture for each life beneath her breast
May not deal in doubt or pity -- must not swerve for fact or jest.
These be purely male diversions -- not in these her honour dwells.
She the Other Law we live by, is that Law and nothing else.
The Law of Life! : I love that poem.


http://www.geocities.com/athens/aegean/1457/poem8.htm

Ugh.. I can't resist -

Quote:
She is wedded to convictions -- in default of grosser ties;
Her contentions are her children, Heaven help him who denies! --
He will meet no suave discussion, but the instant, white-hot, wild,
Wakened female of the species warring as for spouse and child.

knucklehead's Avatar knucklehead 02:48 AM 01-17-2009
My husband says he trusts my research and did watch the Tenpenny videos. He was impressed with them. Also, he is circd but agrees it is barbaric and wanted to spare our son. God love him!
rightkindofme's Avatar rightkindofme 03:10 AM 01-17-2009
Quote:
Originally Posted by LeighB View Post
Um...she wasn't saying that anti vaxers are wacko. Let's calm down a bit. I'm not the op, but I assume she was referring to certain sites that don't back up their anti vax claims with any science or really any hard evidence. There are several sites out there that I consider to be harmful to the anti vaxing community because they discuss a lot of conspiracy theories and whatnot. Anyway....back to the topic.

My husband didn't do any of the research and if I hadn't, I'm certain he would have done what the doctor said. Honestly, I might have to if I hadn't stumbled across a few stories that made me weary of vaccinations. I think he values my opinion a lot too, because I do a lot of research on things, even if we go with the doctor's opinion.
Uhm, yeah... this person understood me. I don't vaccinate my daughter because I know the science behind vaccines is faulty. I have a hard time sometimes when people ask me for references and many anti-vax sites reference a number of conspiracy theories.
plunky's Avatar plunky 03:23 PM 01-19-2009
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ophelia View Post
Same thing tends to happen with circumcision. Mom doesn't want to but Dad strongly does.

From what I have read, it seems like IN GENERAL, men don't research and question things like women do. To them, the doctors know everything, wouldn't give something that wasn't safe, and so they put 100% trust in the doctors, gov't, and big pharma. I know this is/was the case for me personally with DH. He's a LITTLE bit better now, but still thinks the flu shot is a wonderful thing so he gets it at his work (even though I've sent him studies with info to the contrary). He knows I do a heck of a lot more research on it than he does so I haven't had any resistance for quite a while or been bullied into vaxing like I was before.
IMHO, the reason men trust doctors more than women is that healthcare is better for men. Women are drawn to this website to discuss things like natural childbirth and the like, partially because hospitals just aren't safe for women to have children in. Women are taught that C-sections are perfectly normal, that episiotomies are standard, etc. Birth control is difficult to acquire, abortions are becoming more difficult to acquire, etc.In short, women don't have the support of the medical community. They are treated like vessels for bearing children only.

That said, it is logical for men to trust doctors. Medicine pretty much looks out for us. And since vaccines are not only given to women, it makes sense to listen to doctors regarding them.
Arduinna's Avatar Arduinna 06:09 PM 01-19-2009
Quote:
Originally Posted by mkmoro311 View Post
It seems like a trend among my friends who are having babies recently that they do some research decide to delay or not vax but in the end go and vax anyway because their husbands strong opinion about it! This makes me wonder what is going on with this situation with Men and vaxing. Why is this? Is it because they are not carrying a baby for 9 mo so their bond to the baby is different? I really want to know!
More importantly, why are women just letting the men decide?
mkmoro311's Avatar mkmoro311 12:27 PM 01-20-2009
Quote:
Originally Posted by Arduinna View Post
More importantly, why are women just letting the men decide?
I wonder this myself!
brendaziz's Avatar brendaziz 01:16 PM 01-20-2009
My hubby- at first- did not have a preference about anything at all. I would just tell him- this is what I've researched and this is what we're doing.
We're preggo w/ #3 right now and I asked him the other day- "What would you do if i decided htat I didn't wanna breastfeed this time around- that it was just too much and I didn't feel like it" and he said "i'd be really angry b/c we both konw that it's best and if you weren't even willing to try I think i'd have to put my foot down and not 'make' you, but do everything I could to convince you". He said the same thing about vaxes too- and this coming from a guy who had never known someone who breastfed or didn't fully vax until me :-)

I like that he's as passionate about things as I am. It's nice to feel like a team.
I'll catch him talking to guys who wives are preggo and he'll be telling them all kinds of things. It's very cool to see how confidant he is now when he used to just say yes to whatever was told to him.
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