mother needs help in custody case! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 9 Old 02-22-2004, 08:58 PM - Thread Starter
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I am a mother in the middle of a painful divorce and
> custody case. I have recently completed the
> psychological evaluation process required of parents
> in this situation. Unfortunately, the psychologist
> assigned to my case has recommended that my child's
> father be awarded sole/full custody. I would only
> have visitation and would not be involved in any
> decisions regarding my child.
> The psychologist cited reasons for his decision based
> upon a "concern" of my approach to seeking health care
> for my children-My willingness/openness to alternative
> treatment in conjunction with conventional medicine.
> (i.e foregoing erythromycin ointment in eyes at birth
> refusing steroidal injection for my infants eczema, reluctance in giving fluoridated water to infant, electing to give immunizations one at a time, choosing to breastfeed beyond 2 years of age....)
> I am a bachelors prepared RN, with a Master's degree
> in public health and 2 semesters into a graduate
> midwifery program. My decisions for my children
> were/are arrived at based on research and my
> experience in the health care field. I feel I am
> being attacked for being a conscientious parent.
> Please, if you can share research, information
> regarding advocacy groups, put me in touch with other
> women or men for that matter who are experiencing
> similar situation, I would be so appreciative. I may
> have a long journey ahead to maintain custody of my
> child. Please guide me to any resources that may help.
> Sincerely,
>Kay KAy
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#2 of 9 Old 02-22-2004, 09:26 PM
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I'm sorry your going through this. I have no advice I just wanted to wish you the best.
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#3 of 9 Old 02-22-2004, 11:13 PM
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WOW-that's messed up !!
I don't where you're at but no matter what state.... that's crap.
I'm a newby around here but go thru all the archived posts here!
I learned SO much !!
I, too, wish you the best.

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#4 of 9 Old 02-23-2004, 07:46 AM
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Sorry, have no advice either. How nasty of that dr!!! Something that massivly confuses me though..... O.k. other than the breastfeeding choice, the other decisions where things that your at the time supposedly activly envolved husband also had a part of the decision making process of when vacinations were given and what medications were given to the children or not. How in the world can they recomend him and down you????? It completly confuses me and boggles my mind. Wishing you the best hon and hope someone with more experience on the matter can help you out.
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#5 of 9 Old 02-23-2004, 01:21 PM
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Originally posted by forestmama
O.k. other than the breastfeeding choice, the other decisions where things that your at the time supposedly activly envolved husband also had a part of the decision making process of when vacinations were given and what medications were given to the children or not. How in the world can they recomend him and down you????? It completly confuses me and boggles my mind.
This doesn't confuse me. Many people assume that science/medical model is 100% and almost full proof. They have 100% faith in it. So it doesn't surprise me that the idiot psychologist/whatever thinks she is a bad mom for NOT vaxxing or Delaying or being Selective. The CDC WANTS to send the message to the public that it is wrong to question any of the vaxes, let alone "do your own thing."

Secondly, who knows whether or not the husband was "actively involved in the decision making." I stopped vaxxing at 6 months. DH wanted to stick with the schedule. He felt it was perfectly safe. I was reading and getting confused and hysterical. I did not have his support. At 6 months, I just said, "screw this" and stopped vaxxing. He wasn't thrilled, but he let it go. He knows that I am PROACTIVE when it comes to illness (I do research, I take him to a regular doc AND a naturopath and try natural remedies first....) He has seen natural remedies work. But he still wants me to give some (Hep A vax) if we go back to Ecuador. I do not.

Also, DH was adamantly opposed to my BFing past 12 months. : I learned from my circumcision fiasco, that I need to STAND MY GROUND. And I did... I weaned him at 3.5 yrs old

God forbid, we were getting divorced... if he was a sleezy scum bag (he is not) he would use whatever he could against me. If not, then his lawyer would.

To the OP: I am sorry I have no advice. Just sympathy. It's times like these I wish Hillary were still here.

It's a complete outrage that this idiot psychologist recommended full custody because you are willing to question all routine treatments. (I know that extended BFing/co-sleeping has also been used against mothers. ) I believe if you build a case, you have a chance.

10 - boy
5.5 - girl
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#6 of 9 Old 02-23-2004, 01:36 PM
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Search through here and see if there is anything you can find.

Alot of the lawyers deal with vaccine injury but I wonder if they can refer you to a lawyer who handles child custody cases similar to yours.

also, check out tracy's thread "the other vax info" at the top of this forum.

I am sorry you are going through this.
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#7 of 9 Old 02-23-2004, 01:41 PM
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where do u live?

i cannot believe this happend! did u pay for the evaluation or x husband?
was it court appointed? has he been granted custody as of nbow?
he reccomends, ok, well most likley if your atty is GOOD your dh will NOT get custody. based on these reasons you are not harming the child in any way, basically u can be a hooker and still not have custody taken from u as long as your children "dont" see u having sex. and if they do its still your woprd against his.. x husband.

look, this is a very tuff sistuation u are in, hang in there ok? no ones ganna take your kids from u.

my dh and i have been in court with his x for 36 mos.
i can refere you to someone or depending on the state he might refer u to someone.

what has your atty told u?

feel free to pm me

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#8 of 9 Old 02-23-2004, 02:49 PM
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First crazy and out of your mind can you be... if almost every state in the united States offers either philosophical or religious exemptions?
From your other postings I can see you do not live in one of the 2 states that ONLY offers medical exemptions.

To deem you unfit because of your choice to not vax is to deem the state legislatary and state congress in 48 states unfit. Know what I mean?

have you seen my cheat sheet?

here it is.

I am not a lawyer but I would think your own lawyer can make a case that you certainly are not out of your mind especially considering that the following books, support your theory on concerns over vaccines an or are totally supportive of non-traditional care.

If you are crazy than you are in good camp since the money spent on alternative health care is a mega billion dollar industry.

I sincerely believe the right attorney can make this point....imo...

· The Vaccine Guide: Making an Informed Choice by Randall Neustaedter, Randall the Immunization Decision Neusdaedter (Paperback)

· How to Raise a Healthy Child in Spite of Your Doctor by Robert S. Mendelsohn (Paperback)
· Confessions of a Medical Heretic by Robert S. Mendelsohn (Paperback)

· A Shot in the Dark: Why the P in the Dpt Vaccination May Be Hazardous to Your Child's Health by Harris L. Coulter, Barbara Loe Fisher (Paperback)
· Vaccines: Are They Really Safe and Effective by Neil Z. ******, et al (Paperback)

Jamie Murphy. What Every Parent Should know about Childhood Immunization

· The Immunization Resource Guide : Where to Find Answers to All Your Questions about Childhood Vaccinations by Diane Rozario (Paperback)

· What Your Doctor May Not Tell You About Children's Vaccinations by Stephanie Cave, Deborah Mitchell (Contributor) (Paperback)

· Smart Medicine for a Healthier Child: A Practical A-To-Z Reference to Natural and Conventional Treatments for Infants and Children by Janet Zand, et al (Paperback)
· I should say, this book is pro-vax..which I am not thrilled about…but the other stuff is very, very helpful)

· Vaccinations: A Thoughtful Parent's Guide: How to Make Safe, Sensible Decisions about the Risks, Benefits, and Alternatives by Aviva Jill Romm (Paperback)

· The Sanctity of Human Blood: Vaccination Is Not Immunization - Sixth Edition - 2003 -- Tim O'Shea; Paperback

· Naturally Healthy Babies & Children: A Commonsense Guide to Herbal Remedies by Aviva Jill Romm, William Sears (Paperback)

as for your children being in danger...really? which disease does your opposition believe your child will get...?... take a look at these numbers...

This is one of the hardest to find pages at the cdc… the way that I actually found this page was by accident. I had called the CDC to find out about hib cases and I got a doctor and he sent me to this page…

if you download the current issue it gives you the most uptodate stat that the cdc has on the reportable diseases by the way, the stats are at the end of the document. Anyway, I would start there first.

But just to give you an idea:
Here are the hard numbers for 2003. This is what I found for the last week of the year..... this is the total amount of cases reported to the CDC for 2003.....

Total reported cases to the cdc:

Disease Cases

Diptheria 1
Measles 41
Mumps 186
Rubella 7
Congenital rubella 0
Tetanus 14
Hib (under 5)
Sero b-20
Non sero b-80
Unknown b-178

Out of a population of 280 million people in the united states!!

so which disease does the other side think your child will get? Really?

If you check it now, you will see the number of cases for the year as of now (well to be specific as of last Friday..they update the list on Fridays or weekends-from what I can tell).

Remember it is a cumulative list... it is not that many cases per week. It's the year to date.

I will say that critics of the CDC will say that the numbers don't reflect all the cases since sometimes the cases are so mild they don't even get reported or people don't even go to the doctors because the symptoms are so manageable.

please take a look at this:

"Special Sale: Vaccination Court Brief by Harris Coulter, Ph.D. is on sale for half price for a limited time. This brief was written as a court brief defending parents’ rights for refusing mandatory vaccination, revealing that the medical community itself is confused about vaccination, that it is an unscientific and dangerous procedure. It’s perfect if you ever wanted to debate the subject with a pediatrician or health official. It’s got information they cannot refute. It is a masterpiece. Dr. Coulter charged $5,000 to research and write this 80-page brief (heavily documented). Normally $40.00, it’s only half price ($20.00) for this month (offer expires April 30, 2002).
Order Online at or Call 800-537-3001!"

I am not comfortable emailing you, I hope you will be checking back on this thread and the other threads you posted on this community. This is quite a brain trust.

I'm so sorry you are going through this but I certainly think the right attorney can make hay on your behalf....


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#9 of 9 Old 02-23-2004, 05:00 PM
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In addition to Tracy's sensible and practical links, I offer here links to info from a well-known and respected MAINSTREAM cognitive therapist who, I gather, is NOT opposed to the AP methods. In fact, his description of his family's life at the end of The Optimistic Child definately sounds what I would consider AP....attention paid, gentle discipline, loving family, etc., etc.

The first book of his I read:

And links to info about him (Martin Seligman) (an interview with him)

And, in his intro. to The Optimistic Child, he describes a conversation he had with Jonas Salk many years after the Salk vaccine. He said that Salk said if he was starting all over again...he would do what Seligman was doing....attempting to "immunise" (metaphorically speaking) people against depression, not against disease because the mind has such a powerful effect on the body.

I found that take very interesting.

Anyhow, I was hoping that maybe you or your lawyer could contact Seligman or his group and find out if they had a recommendation of a child psychologist in your area who might be more on your side. Your own hired gun, so to speak.

Just an idea.

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