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#1 of 129 Old 07-09-2010, 10:50 AM - Thread Starter
 
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My husband went behind my back on Tuesday and got our son vaccinated. 8 shots, including chicken pox vax. Previously he'd never even been to a doctor and was so healthy. Needles to say, I am horrified, brokenhearted and betrayed but even more so my poor baby...

I have a couple questions:

1. Legally, can a parent do this w/o the others permission? I want to sue this health dept. for doing this but I'm afraid all they need is dad's permission. I live in Texas if that makes a difference.

2. What do I do now to lessen any effects to heavy metals. Any recommendations?

Lastly, my son has a fever today. I think it is related to teething but of course now I'm concerned it is related to being vaccinated 3 days ago. Any advice would/might help.
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#2 of 129 Old 07-09-2010, 10:54 AM
 
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Wow, I am so sorry. I'd feel completely betrayed also. No advice, just
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#3 of 129 Old 07-09-2010, 10:56 AM
 
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#4 of 129 Old 07-09-2010, 11:03 AM
 
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I don't have any advice but all I know is if it were me I'd be heading to a divorce lawyer as fast as my legs could carry me. That is just horrible.

Shawna, married to Michael, mommy to Elijah 1/18/01, Olivia 11/9/02, and Eliana 1/22/06
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#5 of 129 Old 07-09-2010, 11:37 AM
 
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there is no legal recourse. the husband can give parental permission for anything.

I'd say your babe's fever - OF COURSE is a vaccine reaction. that's the point right? to get the body to mount a response.

I would supplement with high dose liquid vitamin C and liquid vit A for at least the next 3 weeks. These two will help buoy the immune system while it deals with all the crap it has just been injected with.

Here is a link to the WHO guidelines for supplementing vit a when vaccinating in certain countries. http://www.who.int/vaccines/en/vitamina.shtml
They recommend a one time large dose of 200,00IU when vaccinating for measles.
Here is another link regarding vit a supplement with MMR vaccination: http://www.danasview.net/vitamina.htm.
Basically, a high dose of 200,000IUs followed by a maintenance dose of 10,000 to 25,000 IUs (I'd go with 10,000IUs) has been shown safe. When the measles virus is present (and varicella too) vit a gets used up quickly - the immune system can't function correctly without it.

I would totally divorce my hubby over this. But unfortunately, even if you did go that route, he would still be able to vaccinate the child behind your back. You'd have to go to court to get him to stop - but frankly, this would be a tough fight as your hubby is following the accepted guidelines.

Wow. this goes beyond betrayal. Your husband must have had some moral support from somewhere to go to these lengths. His parents?

thinking of you.
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#6 of 129 Old 07-09-2010, 11:44 AM
 
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No real words for this, I can't even imagine your feeling of betrayal.

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#7 of 129 Old 07-09-2010, 12:17 PM
 
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Betrayal....

There is nothing you can do BUT I sure as heck would not stay married to the man

Jeana Christian momma to 4 sons Logan 18, Connor 15, Nathan 6, and bonus baby Jack 1
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#8 of 129 Old 07-09-2010, 12:21 PM
 
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I am sorry your husband betrayed you, and I wish there was some helpful advice I could offer .
I think there is a homeopathic remedy for after vaccines. I donot know what it is called though.

Decluttering 500/2010
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#9 of 129 Old 07-09-2010, 12:27 PM
 
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I'm so sorry.

This would def. be a deal breaker for me too.

My ex-h was concerned about my not having our two girls vaxed for the H1N1 this past winter (I work in the ED) but we managed to work through it w/o anyone doing anything drastic...

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#10 of 129 Old 07-09-2010, 12:28 PM
 
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There has got to be more to this story! Has the vaccination issue been a bone of contention between you two for a while? Have you discussed the reasons for not vaccinating? What was your husband's response?

Had you any inkling that your husband was thinking of doing this? Why wouldn't he discuss this with you ahead of time?

I would not divorce over this but I would feel shockingly betrayed and require counseling to work through all of the issues.

Catholic homeschooling mom of two daughters and four sons... baby Mark born on 8/27/10. Kidney Disease Awareness
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#11 of 129 Old 07-09-2010, 12:33 PM
 
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I am so sorry. What led up to this? Did your husband do any research? Why did he feel the need to "catch up" all at once? My knee jerk reaction would be leave his ass too, but there has to be some backstory here- did you do all the research alone? Was he always against it? I'd surely feel betrayed and hurt and very upset/concerned for my child. I would get into counseling or something. It's not just that it was vaccines, but that your husband took you guys' child and did something drastic behind your back- what else would he do, you know.
Best wishes.

Maybe call a naturopath doctor and get your son in to see them- they can help monitor for side effects of the vaccines and help his immune system.

"Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect." ~Mark Twain

 


 
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#12 of 129 Old 07-09-2010, 12:43 PM
 
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I dont believe there is anything you can do legally. He is the father, he can make decisions just like you. And since the whole WORLD is pro vax, they are going to side with him.

I would be SOOO POed. 8 SHOTS?!?!?! Thats unthinkable! Im so sorry your husband did this to you. Not sure what the underlying issues there are, but I hope it gets worked out for your sons sake.
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#13 of 129 Old 07-09-2010, 01:36 PM
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Was it really 8 actual separate needles, or was there some combining there? (Like MMR is just one, DTap is just one, then polio and chicken pox would be 2 separate ones - so really just 4 needles.)
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#14 of 129 Old 07-09-2010, 01:36 PM
 
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Wow! That sounds awful! I'm sorry that you're having to go through this. I have to say, though, that I think your anger is misdirected. IMO the state health dept is much less a culprit in this thing than your husband. I understand how it could be easier to place the blame on an outside entity, but I really think the source of the problem is closer to home. What precipitated this?
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#15 of 129 Old 07-09-2010, 01:41 PM
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Was it really 8 actual separate needles, or was there some combining there? (Like MMR is just one, DTap is just one, then polio and chicken pox would be 2 separate ones - so really just 4 needles.)



8 separate needles would be approx 20 or so diseases pumped into your child!!

Yeah, that kind of power play (that would hadn't agreed on beforehand) would lead me to divorce. How could you trust him after that?

"Our task is not to see the future, but to enable it."
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#16 of 129 Old 07-09-2010, 01:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you all for your support. I don't want to talk to my friends or family b/c I don't want to alienate him further. Not that he does not deserve it but he is my kid's dad and my husband. I appreciate I have trusted women here. I'll try to answer your questions. I may be long winded but maybe writing will help me to process.
He mentioned to me in April that he wanted ds to get vaccinated for polio I said we would have to compromise and did a ton of research, handed it to him and asked him to read and then we could discuss. He never did.
On Monday he mentioned he made an appointment for a polio vaccination. I said NO, we had not discussed it and I had a conference all day that I'd be attending. I told him we needed to talk more. Then on Thursday my MIL was here and I mentioned ds had a slight fever, I believe related to teething and she said, "could it have been the shots?" I said, "what shots?" and all this came out. Total betrayal, behind my back, removed bandaids, etc. and let them shoot him full of every vax available.
I am livid and I totally agree with much of your posts. I feel like divorcing him. I mean clearly there are other issues here. He constantly makes decisions without discussing with me but never to this severity. I did tell him last night this was a "deal breaker" but he has me in check mate. He is a loving dad. My sons adore him, I hate divorce. My kids will suffer if we are not together. If we did not have kids I would NOT be with him but we have kids and like someone mentioned in the post he could still do things w/o my ok.
Honestly, it felt good to get this out and not be judged and to bawl my eyes out! I'm calling a counselor and if he'll come, great. If he won't, I'm still going.
Sending light to each of you. I appreciate the support
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#17 of 129 Old 07-09-2010, 01:46 PM - Thread Starter
 
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EIGHT SEPERATE NEEDLES! and all the toxins, animals products and filth.
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#18 of 129 Old 07-09-2010, 01:51 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Wow! That sounds awful! I'm sorry that you're having to go through this. I have to say, though, that I think your anger is misdirected. IMO the state health dept is much less a culprit in this thing than your husband. I understand how it could be easier to place the blame on an outside entity, but I really think the source of the problem is closer to home. What precipitated this?
I can accept that. My anger is completely on my husband. He is culpable for the betrayal. I will still argue that it is remiss to vaccinate any child with out both parents permission. I will also argue that it should be a crime to put 8 shots of different diseases including heavy metals, toxins and mammal tissue into a baby weighing 35 lbs. I don't think anyone should have to endure that especially a baby.
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#19 of 129 Old 07-09-2010, 01:54 PM
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Then on Thursday my MIL was here and I mentioned ds had a slight fever, I believe related to teething and she said, "could it have been the shots?" I said, "what shots?" and all this came out. Total betrayal, behind my back, removed bandaids, etc. and let them shoot him full of every vax available.
So, he didn't even TELL you after the fact? You wouldn't have even known if MIL hadn't let it slip? That is even worse.

Honey, I'm right there with you on the fear of "divorce will hurt my kids." But, I do realize, that at SOME point, mama's happiness matters in terms of the kids' happiness, too.

Yes, he could still do parental things behind your back. But at least you wouldn't be sleeping with/living with a man you just can't trust. What else would he lie about? Keep from you? How forthcoming would he be about affairs if he doesn't even tell you this?

"Our task is not to see the future, but to enable it."
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#20 of 129 Old 07-09-2010, 02:02 PM
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And your analogy of "checkmate" is an interesting one. You know what happens in chess when checkmate is reached-- the game is OVER.

"Our task is not to see the future, but to enable it."
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#21 of 129 Old 07-09-2010, 02:18 PM
 
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If may calculations are correct, eight separate shots would be every injectable vaccine available to that age group in single shot form (Hep B, DTaP, Hib, Pneumococcal, Polio, MMR, Varicella, and Hep A). I can't imagine why a health care provider would give them all at the same time much less in single shot form. Also, if he got eight shots, it would have been hard to overlook. There are often needle marks and lumps. I could see not noticing one or two, but not eight. I'd call the health dept. and find out exactly what your son was vaccinated for because that just doesn't sound right.
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#22 of 129 Old 07-09-2010, 02:21 PM
 
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I wouldn't divorce over vaccinations, but I'd be concerned about an obvious lack of communication between the two of you. I'd also consider that perhaps he really did intend to only get the polio vax, and then was pressured by the doctor into "catching up" and getting them all.
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#23 of 129 Old 07-09-2010, 02:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
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If may calculations are correct, eight separate shots would be every injectable vaccine available to that age group in single shot form (Hep B, DTaP, Hib, Pneumococcal, Polio, MMR, Varicella, and Hep A). I can't imagine why a health care provider would give them all at the same time much less in single shot form. Also, if he got eight shots, it would have been hard to overlook. There are often needle marks and lumps. I could see not noticing one or two, but not eight. I'd call the health dept. and find out exactly what your son was vaccinated for because that just doesn't sound right.
Well. I looked at the shot card yesterday and there were 8 stamps all with Tuesdays date. Of course, I intermediately checked for marks. I did find 6 small shot marks on his legs, no swelling or lumps. And no, I did not notice them until I looked for them yesterday. It might not not "sound right" because its not right.

ds did nurse a lot on Tuesday, he was fussy and hard to put to sleep. I thought it was teething and just cuddled and nursed. I had no idea what trauma he'd been through earlier that day.

I have called the health dept and the supervisor is supposed to be calling me back.
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#24 of 129 Old 07-09-2010, 02:38 PM
 
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That makes me angry just thinking about the betrayal and hurt he has heaped upon you. I really don't have any advice about how to help your child either but I feel for you.

Divorce would definately be an option if I were in your shoes, as you don't seem to be on the same page any more, and who knows what the future holds (in terms of what he's willing to keep from you, how he doesn't respect your opinion, etc). If you're not happy then i think divorce makes sense because, as we all know, if mama's not happy then no one is.

Big hugs as you navigate through this,
Leanne

Being considerate of others will take your children further in life than any college degree.  ~Marian Wright Edelman
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#25 of 129 Old 07-09-2010, 02:39 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'd also consider that perhaps he really did intend to only get the polio vax, and then was pressured by the doctor into "catching up" and getting them all.
I think that is exactly what happened. dh said he'd intended on only getting the polio vax. It does not change what he allowed them to do, or that he did it behind my back and tried to hide it.
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#26 of 129 Old 07-09-2010, 02:42 PM
 
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Ok wait, he lied to you and never even told you that he did it.


um, I can't post what I'm thinking but boy would he be in trouble.
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#27 of 129 Old 07-09-2010, 02:45 PM
 
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To all the people suggesting divorce, how is the OP supposed to protect her children when divorced and he gets time with the kids? I understand the motivation and outrage, really I do. But the OP will have even less control of what happens to her kids if they spend 1/2 time with dad. Only real choice to completely remove him from their lives is to go underground, and I tend to doubt that is going to happen.

If he is that untrustworthy, the last thing I'd want is him alone with the kids for days on end. I'd rather pretend I had a change of heart on vaxing and tell him I'm doing it and fake shot records if he asks than give him the kids part time alone.
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#28 of 129 Old 07-09-2010, 02:47 PM
 
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Wow, I am so shocked to read this!! I hope you can both get into counseling. It would be so hard for me to trust my husband after something like this!
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#29 of 129 Old 07-09-2010, 02:56 PM
 
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To all the people suggesting divorce, how is the OP supposed to protect her children when divorced and he gets time with the kids? I understand the motivation and outrage, really I do. But the OP will have even less control of what happens to her kids if they spend 1/2 time with dad. Only real choice to completely remove him from their lives is to go underground, and I tend to doubt that is going to happen.

If he is that untrustworthy, the last thing I'd want is him alone with the kids for days on end. I'd rather pretend I had a change of heart on vaxing and tell him I'm doing it and fake shot records if he asks than give him the kids part time alone.
Not sure I agree with this. That would mean OP lives a life of duplicity, where her opinions are not valued or heeded. What is done is done with the vaccinations. I understand that as a divorced parent sharing custody, dad could continue to give his child vaccinations without mother's consent. However, this goes beyond vaccinations. Yes, she may not be able to remove him from their lives, but she can make a decision to NOT continue in a marginalizing relationship. She can provide an environment where her son will see that men shouldn't treat women the way her husband treated (and will continue to treat) her. She can find another partner who respects her as a person and values her input, and she can provide that example for her child.
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#30 of 129 Old 07-09-2010, 02:56 PM
 
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The way he went about it is what would be the deal breaker to me. If I couldn't protect my child while married, I don't see much point in staying married to someone who felt it was appropriate to treat myself and my child that way.
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