DH has put foot down after reading about Measles epidemic (long rant) - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 3 Old 06-01-2011, 06:37 AM - Thread Starter
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DH has always deferred to me on my decision to selectively vaxx after I started doing research about it.  I had planned to fully vaxx my now-4-year-old until we declined the Hep B at birth due to his having lung issues and just out of common sense (no research yet), we said "Why tax this infant with a shot when he's battling jaundice, low blood sugar, water in the lung, etc."? Since I had DS #1 in the dead of winter in NJ, I was warned about HIB and Pertussis so he was fully vaxxed on those two.  By the time we got to Florida, though, when he was six months, I started to read more about it, and got him 1 polio shot before I stopped altogether.  DS#1 was breastfed until 10 months old and didn't start day care until 15 months so he was home with me.  He hasn't been vaxxed since that single polio shot.


DS#2 is a different story.  Due to a different job, I couldn't stay home with him and my pumping efforts and his larger appetite just didn't work out as well, so I breastfed him until he was 5 months old, then used stored breastmilk until he was 6 months old and then he was on formula.  He started daycare at 4 months old.  Again, I decided to fully vaxx him for HIB and DTaP and although I had mixed feelings, I was put into a panic about Prevnar since my first pediatrician said that there was an "outbreak" so DS#2 has had 2 prevnar shots so far, due for a 3rd and final this week.  I had never planned to get DS#2, who is now 18 months old, MMR until he was 4 years old.  DH never really seemed to want to discuss it, even when I tried to talk about Dr Sears' book with him, because he knew it was a hot button issue and he left it up to me.  He only got somewhat annoyed with me when I would change pediatricians on the basis of them "harassing" me about not vaxxing.  He thought I shouldn't care less what a doctor thought or whether they were condescending.  You get the kid the shots you want and sign the d**n waiver and get out of there. "Who cares what they think?" He said. 


DH was on the computer the other day and read about the outbreak of measles in France (10,000 new cases thus far in 2011) and said it was because of all the "overeducated" parents out there not vaxxing that a disease that had almost been wiped out is now back.  He was concerned about all those people who travel to France and bring the disease back here.  If it had been 100 new cases in 2011, he wouldn't have cared, he said.   Initially he was quite upset about it and said 'I'm taking the decision out of your hands" and declared that DS#1 and DS#2 would get MMR asap.  Of course I got upset as well because he had never wanted to even talk about it and now he was "laying down the law."  He revealed that he had always thought the children should be fully vaxxed (except for a few shots, like Hep B and the flu shot), and never believed MMR caused autism (and now feels vindicated by the new reports).  I explained to him that I was never anti-vaxx, obviously because both children are partially vaxxed, but my issue was the sheer number of shots we're now expected to get for our children in one visit.  He said to me "Why don't you get the same shots we got as children?" and I said "Yes exactly, but they don't separate MMR anymore and there are these new vaxx out there like Prevnar, varicella, etc. that we were never subjected to and haven't been fully tested.  Plus we'd get one shot at a time at each visit."    It wasn't until I was much older that I could tolerate a combo shot and even 5 years ago, when I got 5 shots in one day to go to India, my hands blew up like balloons and I had to go to the emergency room. 


We calmed down but he wants me to write down a clear "plan of attack" as to what shots the children have received and what we should get them caught up on asap for both children.  He's not interested in reading extensive research or reading ingredients.  I reminded him that he freaks out if anything has high fructose corn syrup but when I mentioned formaldehyde and aluminum, "Do you know how many products we have in this house that leech off chemicals?  Are we really going to examine every single thing in this house that could cause damage to us internally? Our favorite Teflon pans that we cook with every day will have to go." Embarrassed, I had no idea about the nonstick pans that I make breakfast with every morning. 


I don't have a strong issue against giving my 4 1/2 year-old MMR at this point since I had planned to wait until 5 years old anyway for him, but I do have strong objections against MMR for my 18-month-old.  DH said lay out our options for what I would like them to have and what I wouldn't want them to have and why ("clear reasoned arguments, not emotion" :-P)  For my 18-month-old, what arguments would you make against MMR at this stage?  DH also wants DS#2 caught up on polio.  DH is on the fence on varicella for our 4-year-old.  He also wants to know which Hep shot protects against rusty nails since our kids always come home with scratches and scrapes from other kids' nails and the jungle gym.  I know I'm portraying my husband in a less than lovely light (and it's our anniversary today!! :)) -- in all other avenues he's willing to talk and listen and absorb information -- but in this case, I told him he just hasn't seemed to care so he can't pull up short now and start laying down demands. 

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#2 of 3 Old 06-01-2011, 07:18 AM
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Honestly I can be of much help since I do not vax my child at all because I have come to the conclusion after over 5 years of research that the risk outweigh the benefits. Vaccines cause unforseen long term consequences to both the individual's immune system and have public health ramifications I am not comfortable with.


As for your husband demanding you lay out a plan based on reasoning - well that is good advice, but seems a bit hypocritical since he is clearly acting purely from emotion and allowing the hysterical propaganda to get to him. If your husband is not willing to do any research of is own - frankly he should not get a say.. There is so much to know and so much to learn about this very complex subject, passing the buck like that and laying the burden on you when it is convenient would be unacceptable for me. You husband's comments about hazardous chemicals in your home is quite telling. He seems unconcerned with your children's exposure to environmental chemicals from teflon among other things, yet he feels your children should avoid HFCS?? Makes no sense to me. If one is going to educate themselves on the effects of environmental toxins on the body - then one should do it all the way and not pick and choose for convenience sake. Yes you SHOULD get rid of your teflon pans!!

Anyway I hope you guys can figure it out and come to a level headed choice based on facts - not fear mongering. Good luck.


I will say this however - no hepatitis vaccine protets you from rusty nails. You are thinking is tetanus and if your children have gotten the DTaP, then they should be all set. BTW Tetanus and rusty nails have little to do with one another.

If the people let government decide what foods they eat and what medicines they take, their bodies will soon be in as sorry a state as are the souls of those who live under tyranny." Thomas Jefferson.

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#3 of 3 Old 06-01-2011, 08:04 AM
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I can't be of much help, but I do think that asking him to do some research on his own would help.


I can tell you a story of mine though - my DH put his foot down about circ'ing, and after all the fighting I finally gave in, and I have deeply regretted it ever since. I made the decision that if something like that ever happens again to just put my foot right down on his, so to speak. Just because he insists, doesn't mean that you can't insist right back. I wish that is what I would have done to save my DSs foreskin. I think DH knows this, and I haven't had to fight with him about other stuff, like no vaxing, co-sleeping, or anything else since. 

Mom to DS 12/07 and DD 11/13, plus a bunch of chickens, dogs, and cats.

Moving past many years of infertility and always thinking of my friends in the infertility forums.

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