When parents disagree about vaccinations. - Mothering Forums

 
Thread Tools
#1 of 11 Old 05-08-2014, 08:55 PM - Thread Starter
 
applejuice's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: hunting the wild aebelskiever
Posts: 19,509
Mentioned: 8 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 70 Post(s)

Perhaps something people should discuss before they marry and have children?  

 

http://www.colleenslife.com/blog/2014/my-husbands-journey-with-vaccines

Mirzam likes this.

“Many people, especially ignorant people, want to punish you for speaking the truth, for being correct, for being you. NEVER apologize for being correct, or for being years ahead of your time. If you are right and you know it, speak your mind. Even if you are a minority of one, the Truth is still the Truth.”

~ Gandhi ~
applejuice is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#2 of 11 Old 05-09-2014, 05:36 AM
 
kathymuggle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 5,360
Mentioned: 64 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 829 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by applejuice View Post
 

Perhaps something people should discuss before they marry and have children?  

 

http://www.colleenslife.com/blog/2014/my-husbands-journey-with-vaccines

Sure.

 

I suspect people do not realise how big a deal it might be until they have kids, though.

 

Many non-sel-del vaxxers do start out fairly VOS, it is only after something happens (a bad reaction, encountering new information, etc) that they decide that maybe VOS does not have to be the default/has some significant issues as they interpret it.

 

I supoose it might go the other way as well - someone assumes a person will not vaccinate for one reason or another - only to find out after the baby is born that they are pro-vax.   

applejuice and rednightingale like this.

There is a battle of two wolves inside us.  One is good and the other is evil.  The wolf that wins is the one you feed.

 

Book and herb loving mama to 1 preteen and 2 teens (when did that happen?).  We travel, go to school, homeschool, live rurally, eat our veggies, spend too much time...

kathymuggle is online now  
#3 of 11 Old 05-09-2014, 05:37 AM
 
emmy526's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 1,998
Mentioned: 5 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 64 Post(s)

I agree...if they're going to discuss other aspects of child rearing, medical care should be a top conversation before a baby comes, not after, when having to make decisions on things like vaccines,  is swift and timely, and a new parent can get ambushed by a pedi.  

applejuice likes this.
emmy526 is online now  
#4 of 11 Old 05-09-2014, 06:10 AM
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 4,031
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 10 Post(s)

Views change.  What one parent might believe before becoming a parent may often change.  

Taximom5 and rednightingale like this.
Imakcerka is offline  
#5 of 11 Old 05-09-2014, 01:04 PM
 
Taximom5's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,347
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 111 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Imakcerka View Post

Views change.  What one parent might believe before becoming a parent may often change.  
This.

Neither my husband nor I considered not vaccinating at first--but neither did either of us realize how many unnecessary vaccines were on the schedule, nor how much more common severe vaccine reactions are than we'd been led to believe.

We didn't talk about it at all before we had kids--but we both did the research after seeing reactions, and never disagreed.
applejuice likes this.
Taximom5 is offline  
#6 of 11 Old 05-09-2014, 02:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
applejuice's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: hunting the wild aebelskiever
Posts: 19,509
Mentioned: 8 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 70 Post(s)

My husband and I discussed this before we married. We agreed.

 

My husband agreed because he had so many reactions and illnesses from his vaccines as a child and as an inductee.

Years later, his brother told me that he did not like vaccines either and that his mentor had told him that vaccination was a worthless practice.

Maybe it is because of where I live, but I found many people over the many years were secretly suspicious of vaccines. 


“Many people, especially ignorant people, want to punish you for speaking the truth, for being correct, for being you. NEVER apologize for being correct, or for being years ahead of your time. If you are right and you know it, speak your mind. Even if you are a minority of one, the Truth is still the Truth.”

~ Gandhi ~
applejuice is offline  
#7 of 11 Old 05-20-2014, 05:57 AM
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 2,342
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)

I would imagine that unless someone feels really strongly in advance of having kids, this wouldn't even come up in the pre-marriage discussions. I can think of a lot of little minutiae of childrearing that my husband and I did not discuss beforehand, because you don't decide how you feel about everything before you are actually in the situation. 

erigeron is offline  
#8 of 11 Old 05-20-2014, 08:35 AM - Thread Starter
 
applejuice's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: hunting the wild aebelskiever
Posts: 19,509
Mentioned: 8 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 70 Post(s)

To erigeron:

 

As the daughter of a DC, granddaughter of an RN/PhT, and growing up nonvaxed in the polio era, it was a priority to me. Homebirth, nutritional awareness, organic foods, vegetarianism, breastfeeding, homeschooling, clothdiapering, were all important to me and later to us.

 

I never brought the subject up to my in-laws when they were alive.  Interestingly, speaking to my husband's brother after  many years of marriage, he told me that he, too was against vaccines because of his "enlightenment" and involvement with IMU and TM.  He is also a vegetarian.

 

I am just mentioning this because we are here on MDC and many things should be discussed before having children. There are so many issues these days with childraising. It is incumbent upon all prospective parents to know their options and make the right decision for their family. There are lawsuits within divorces and in custody discussions now across this land where this subject has become contentious.


“Many people, especially ignorant people, want to punish you for speaking the truth, for being correct, for being you. NEVER apologize for being correct, or for being years ahead of your time. If you are right and you know it, speak your mind. Even if you are a minority of one, the Truth is still the Truth.”

~ Gandhi ~
applejuice is offline  
#9 of 11 Old 05-20-2014, 08:42 AM
 
kathymuggle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 5,360
Mentioned: 64 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 829 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by erigeron View Post
 

I would imagine that unless someone feels really strongly in advance of having kids, this wouldn't even come up in the pre-marriage discussions. I can think of a lot of little minutiae of childrearing that my husband and I did not discuss beforehand, because you don't decide how you feel about everything before you are actually in the situation. 

I agree.  

 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by applejuice View Post
 

 

 

I am just mentioning this because we are here on MDC and many things should be discussed before having children. There are so many issues these days with childraising. It is incumbent upon all prospective parents to know their options and make the right decision for their family. There are lawsuits within divorces and in custody discussions now across this land where this subject has become contentious.

I agree with both of you.  Vaccine discussions are often not held pre-marriage or pre-child….but they should be.

 

How often does a person land (often crying) on INV because they are separated and their ex intends to vaccinate?  It is messy and it is common.  There are also people for whom this becomes a borderline deal breaker…it is best to work this (as well as HSing and circumscision) ahead of time if at all possible.  

applejuice likes this.

There is a battle of two wolves inside us.  One is good and the other is evil.  The wolf that wins is the one you feed.

 

Book and herb loving mama to 1 preteen and 2 teens (when did that happen?).  We travel, go to school, homeschool, live rurally, eat our veggies, spend too much time...

kathymuggle is online now  
#10 of 11 Old 05-20-2014, 08:46 AM - Thread Starter
 
applejuice's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: hunting the wild aebelskiever
Posts: 19,509
Mentioned: 8 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 70 Post(s)

Kathymuggle, thank you. 

I was lucky also in that I met, dated, and married my husband through the 1976 swine flu fiasco, so vaccines, especially flu vaccines, were in the news constantly.

 

I realize my situation was unique. I am glad that I used it and benefited from it. 


“Many people, especially ignorant people, want to punish you for speaking the truth, for being correct, for being you. NEVER apologize for being correct, or for being years ahead of your time. If you are right and you know it, speak your mind. Even if you are a minority of one, the Truth is still the Truth.”

~ Gandhi ~
applejuice is offline  
#11 of 11 Old 05-20-2014, 09:03 AM
 
kathymuggle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 5,360
Mentioned: 64 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 829 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by applejuice View Post
 

Kathymuggle, thank you. 

I was lucky also in that I met, dated, and married my husband through the 1976 swine flu fiasco, so vaccines, especially flu vaccines, were in the news constantly.

 

I realize my situation was unique. I am glad that I used it and benefited from it. 

 

This is a hunch:

 

I suspect that in many relationships one person either defers or capitulates to keep the peace.  This can work if the relationship stays strong, and the decision is never challenged in any significant way.  Tend to your marriages, folks.

 

If the relationship heads south, a lot of people who formerly held their tongues suddenly don't anymore…and the whole thing becomes very messy.  

 

Even though it is hard to have these discussions, it might be better to have stuff out in the open and work towards a plan you can both live with, rather than have the whole issue hit you if you divorce.  It is a hard call - do you open Pandoras Box or not?

 

I was happy to see that when Melissa Etheridges ex-wife did an about face on vaccines after their split,  the courts  "refused to modify the custody agreement in which both parents must agree on all healthcare decisions for the children."  

 

I am not overly impressed with people who give tactic approval for something  during a marriage and then do an about face afterwards.  I get it, but I still do not like it

applejuice likes this.

There is a battle of two wolves inside us.  One is good and the other is evil.  The wolf that wins is the one you feed.

 

Book and herb loving mama to 1 preteen and 2 teens (when did that happen?).  We travel, go to school, homeschool, live rurally, eat our veggies, spend too much time...

kathymuggle is online now  
Reply


User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page



Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Online Users: 18,827

139 members and 18,688 guests
a-sorta-fairytale , agentofchaos , agilesheltie , AlaskAnne , AMG , AndriaLeAnn , azohri , bananabee , beachymom , beckybird , blessedwithboys , bluefaery , bren94 , bubbagirl , carnelianlight , catladymeow , CDeRo , chickabiddy , chickpeak , clar5108 , contactmaya , Cricket VS , dahlia810 , Dakotacakes , Deborah , DungeonQueen , easydoesit , EllaD , elliha , emmy526 , EMRguy , frugalmama , gooseberry , GraceFull01 , greenemami , greenmomma858 , hillymum , JadePlant , japonica , jcdfarmer , JustJenny , justmama , kanani , Kate&Joey , kateaton , kathymuggle , Kellyim , kidpsych2be , kittenwhip , KosmicMama , Krc , laura163 , lightheartedmom , lilmissgiggles , LiLStar , lilyofjudah , llwr , Louisep , madicakes , mama24-7 , mamabear0314 , mandamamma , mariamadly , mayalee , MCatLvrMom2A&X , mearph , MeepyCat , meghanmetz , meowmix , Milk8shake , Mirja123 , Mirzam , momin , mommyhood , monkeyscience , moominmamma , MountainMamaGC , mumm , Mummoth , MySweetLife , NaturallyKait , newlywaaz , nikkialys , oasis84 , oldsmom , orangemomma , Peony , pokeyac , prettylady5 , primalmom , prosciencemum , pulcetti , Ragana , rainydaywoman , RollerCoasterMama , rubelin , Ruthiegirl , SandiMae , sarafl , scarmor , SecondtimeMama , shantimama , Shmootzi , shoeg8rl , siennaflower , smilingprego , sofreshsoclean , Sojourner , SplashingPuddle , starlein26 , StepGirlfriend , SummerStorm22 , TealCandy , thtr4me , Tigerle , tiqa , Tracy11360 , TrishWSU , Turquesa , Tweety_Bird , Veritas Vitae , Viola , wanderinblues , winterpromise31 , Wolfcat , Xerxella
Most users ever online was 449,755, 06-25-2014 at 12:21 PM.