When parents disagree about vaccinations. - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 11 Old 05-08-2014, 08:55 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Perhaps something people should discuss before they marry and have children?  

 

http://www.colleenslife.com/blog/2014/my-husbands-journey-with-vaccines

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#2 of 11 Old 05-09-2014, 05:36 AM
 
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Perhaps something people should discuss before they marry and have children?  

 

http://www.colleenslife.com/blog/2014/my-husbands-journey-with-vaccines

Sure.

 

I suspect people do not realise how big a deal it might be until they have kids, though.

 

Many non-sel-del vaxxers do start out fairly VOS, it is only after something happens (a bad reaction, encountering new information, etc) that they decide that maybe VOS does not have to be the default/has some significant issues as they interpret it.

 

I supoose it might go the other way as well - someone assumes a person will not vaccinate for one reason or another - only to find out after the baby is born that they are pro-vax.   

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There is a battle of two wolves inside us.  One is good and the other is evil.  The wolf that wins is the one you feed.

 

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#3 of 11 Old 05-09-2014, 05:37 AM
 
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I agree...if they're going to discuss other aspects of child rearing, medical care should be a top conversation before a baby comes, not after, when having to make decisions on things like vaccines,  is swift and timely, and a new parent can get ambushed by a pedi.  

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#4 of 11 Old 05-09-2014, 06:10 AM
 
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Views change.  What one parent might believe before becoming a parent may often change.  

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#5 of 11 Old 05-09-2014, 01:04 PM
 
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Views change.  What one parent might believe before becoming a parent may often change.  
This.

Neither my husband nor I considered not vaccinating at first--but neither did either of us realize how many unnecessary vaccines were on the schedule, nor how much more common severe vaccine reactions are than we'd been led to believe.

We didn't talk about it at all before we had kids--but we both did the research after seeing reactions, and never disagreed.
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#6 of 11 Old 05-09-2014, 02:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My husband and I discussed this before we married. We agreed.

 

My husband agreed because he had so many reactions and illnesses from his vaccines as a child and as an inductee.

Years later, his brother told me that he did not like vaccines either and that his mentor had told him that vaccination was a worthless practice.

Maybe it is because of where I live, but I found many people over the many years were secretly suspicious of vaccines. 

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#7 of 11 Old 05-20-2014, 05:57 AM
 
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I would imagine that unless someone feels really strongly in advance of having kids, this wouldn't even come up in the pre-marriage discussions. I can think of a lot of little minutiae of childrearing that my husband and I did not discuss beforehand, because you don't decide how you feel about everything before you are actually in the situation. 


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#8 of 11 Old 05-20-2014, 08:35 AM - Thread Starter
 
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To erigeron:

 

As the daughter of a DC, granddaughter of an RN/PhT, and growing up nonvaxed in the polio era, it was a priority to me. Homebirth, nutritional awareness, organic foods, vegetarianism, breastfeeding, homeschooling, clothdiapering, were all important to me and later to us.

 

I never brought the subject up to my in-laws when they were alive.  Interestingly, speaking to my husband's brother after  many years of marriage, he told me that he, too was against vaccines because of his "enlightenment" and involvement with IMU and TM.  He is also a vegetarian.

 

I am just mentioning this because we are here on MDC and many things should be discussed before having children. There are so many issues these days with childraising. It is incumbent upon all prospective parents to know their options and make the right decision for their family. There are lawsuits within divorces and in custody discussions now across this land where this subject has become contentious.

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#9 of 11 Old 05-20-2014, 08:42 AM
 
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Originally Posted by erigeron View Post
 

I would imagine that unless someone feels really strongly in advance of having kids, this wouldn't even come up in the pre-marriage discussions. I can think of a lot of little minutiae of childrearing that my husband and I did not discuss beforehand, because you don't decide how you feel about everything before you are actually in the situation. 

I agree.  

 

 

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I am just mentioning this because we are here on MDC and many things should be discussed before having children. There are so many issues these days with childraising. It is incumbent upon all prospective parents to know their options and make the right decision for their family. There are lawsuits within divorces and in custody discussions now across this land where this subject has become contentious.

I agree with both of you.  Vaccine discussions are often not held pre-marriage or pre-child….but they should be.

 

How often does a person land (often crying) on INV because they are separated and their ex intends to vaccinate?  It is messy and it is common.  There are also people for whom this becomes a borderline deal breaker…it is best to work this (as well as HSing and circumscision) ahead of time if at all possible.  

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There is a battle of two wolves inside us.  One is good and the other is evil.  The wolf that wins is the one you feed.

 

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#10 of 11 Old 05-20-2014, 08:46 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Kathymuggle, thank you. 

I was lucky also in that I met, dated, and married my husband through the 1976 swine flu fiasco, so vaccines, especially flu vaccines, were in the news constantly.

 

I realize my situation was unique. I am glad that I used it and benefited from it. 

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#11 of 11 Old 05-20-2014, 09:03 AM
 
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Kathymuggle, thank you. 

I was lucky also in that I met, dated, and married my husband through the 1976 swine flu fiasco, so vaccines, especially flu vaccines, were in the news constantly.

 

I realize my situation was unique. I am glad that I used it and benefited from it. 

 

This is a hunch:

 

I suspect that in many relationships one person either defers or capitulates to keep the peace.  This can work if the relationship stays strong, and the decision is never challenged in any significant way.  Tend to your marriages, folks.

 

If the relationship heads south, a lot of people who formerly held their tongues suddenly don't anymore…and the whole thing becomes very messy.  

 

Even though it is hard to have these discussions, it might be better to have stuff out in the open and work towards a plan you can both live with, rather than have the whole issue hit you if you divorce.  It is a hard call - do you open Pandoras Box or not?

 

I was happy to see that when Melissa Etheridges ex-wife did an about face on vaccines after their split,  the courts  "refused to modify the custody agreement in which both parents must agree on all healthcare decisions for the children."  

 

I am not overly impressed with people who give tactic approval for something  during a marriage and then do an about face afterwards.  I get it, but I still do not like it

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There is a battle of two wolves inside us.  One is good and the other is evil.  The wolf that wins is the one you feed.

 

Book and herb loving mama to 1 preteen and 2 teens (when did that happen?).  We travel, go to school, homeschool, live rurally, eat our veggies, spend too much time...

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