Why do people feel so attacked when you make different decisions than them? - Mothering Forums

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Old 02-08-2007, 09:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I got into a "debate" with a guy at work today. He asked why I don't vax DS. I gave him a few reasons and he started in on how in our job (I'm military) we could go overseas at any time. He then proudly announced that he doesn't know what's in the vaxes, he just does what he's told. I made a few comments about the differences between my child's health and the health of a child in a place where VPDs are prevalent. I also couldn't help but say something to the effect of how sad I find it that so many people have no idea what's being injected into their bodies, they just do what they're told.

He then turned this statement around to mean that I think ALL Americans blindly accept vaxes without knowing what's in them (not all, but most). What's worse, he somehow decided that I was saying that I don't trust the judgement of the leadership of our military (i.e., their recommendations for vaxes) and that if I can't trust our leadership, I shouldn't even BE in the military! I told him that I wasn't talking about our leadership, I was talking about my child's health and the American healthcare system. He said something to the effect of how wonderful the US healthcare system is. I rolled my eyes and said "It's not the greatest." He scoffed and walked away. I'm sure a lot of his attitude had to do with the fact that he's an E-9 and I'm only an E-5. He thinks I'm just a crazy young'un that needs to learn how the military really works. Whatever. My health and my child's health comes before the recommendations of a bunch of people who have never met us and have no idea what our personal health needs and situations are.

Why do people think you're attacking them and calling them negligent just because you made a different decision? It's even worse when they tell you that you should never do independent research, you should just do what you're told. I actually had a coworker once tell me "You should stop researching so much and just do what everybody else does and it'll be ok." She was serious!

I just don't get people sometimes.

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Old 02-08-2007, 10:31 PM
 
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I think it hits a nerve in them somewhere like your putting them down for thinking differently or you think your smarter or better because you did some research. Anytime there is defensiveness in someone the underlying emotion is always fear. Fear of what is for them to deal with. Plus, OMG what if you were actually right? WHat if you can't trust the gov, the leaders, the health care providers? WHere does that leave them? Unbelieving, confused, mad, denial then acceptance when they do start thier own research and then oh yeah, that horrible one where they have to start taking responsibility for themselves and their health care and if they then learn real agenda of our gov. they might have to do something about that too.......and then they might have to be rejected by mainstream minds.......sounds frightening, but being uneducated and where that has and will lead us sounds even more scary to me.....I'll take being treated like I had a VPD anyday than being a non thinker.
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Old 02-08-2007, 11:05 PM
 
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A couple of friends of mine think they have NO choice but to vaccinate their children because they are military.
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Old 02-08-2007, 11:09 PM
 
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I had the same type of experience with a "friend",
when I started my research I had casually mentioned that I was considering not vaxing my DS and she nearly flipped,
She was so angry that I would even question doctors or vaccine's.
She said that unlike me she "trusted" what her doctors and the government tells her and I shouldn't be a radical and endanger the health of people around me.:
She even went as far as to say she will NEVER bring her children around mine if that would be my decision b/c I would be putting her children at risk of catching disease!
She had some other choice words that I won't even get into.....
I was so flabbergasted,
I ended up telling her that the health of my son and our family is much more important than our children having a play date and anyways, if her children were vaxed what was she worried about anyway, isn't that the reason they vax?????
Needless to say, the arguement was not pretty and things have not been the same since......
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Old 02-08-2007, 11:14 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by CalenandEllasmomma View Post
A couple of friends of mine think they have NO choice but to vaccinate their children because they are military.
DS isn't in the military, I am.

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Old 02-08-2007, 11:24 PM
 
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I don't usually care in most situations when people believe differently from me, but when it comes to vaccinations I do get upset. I worry that the spreading movement of anti-vaccination will result in my grandchildren living in a world like the pre-vaccination era, where VPDs were more prevalent and moms had to worry about every little germ their babies picked up. I don't have that worry now and I don't want my daughters to have that worry. That is why I continue to post here even though I am outnumbered, I do it for them and their babies, MY GRANDCHILDREN.

I am not trying to start a debate, because I know how everyone here feels that won't happen and that VPDs won't come back even if we stopped vaxing, but generally, to the OP, I think if you are an anti vax person, you have to understand that most people believe vaccines are safe and are protecting them from disease, so when they find out you AREN'T getting them, they feel defensive because they might feel you are putting them and their children at risk by not buying into the program. Again, not accusing or pointing fingers, just telling the point of view of the average Joe Vaxer. His reaction does not surprise me at all, esp. if he considers vaccines to be safe, I am sure he feels like, what is your problem? It is a military mindset too...follow orders even at your own peril.
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Old 02-08-2007, 11:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
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If your child is "protected" by vaccination, my child's vax status won't matter. It has no impact on other people.

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Old 02-08-2007, 11:55 PM
 
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Originally Posted by AikeaGuinea View Post
I know how everyone here feels that won't happen and that VPDs won't come back even if we stopped vaxing,
You need to keep on reading around here, I don't think anyone believes that. I, for example, believe that many of the diseases will become more prevalent (chicken pox is a perfect example) again, and we feel that will be a GOOD thing. I want my children to have the real live chicken pox, gain life-long immunity, etc.

I do understand your main point though, about why it can get your feathers ruffled, I sometimes feel the same way about people who do vax, and how they have caused a lack of "real" chicken pox to be available and now my kids will be at risk as adults when the disease is worse.

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Old 02-09-2007, 12:35 AM
 
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I think people feel bad when they realize they did no research and another person did. Whenever it has been brought up with us, I say that after doing a lot of research since we found out I was pregnant, we decided against vaxes. I think sometimes it makes other people feel less smart because they didn't think to research it, and that intimidates them and they sometimes lash out.

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Old 02-09-2007, 12:58 AM
 
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I think in alot of situations Charactor assasination is thier last line of defence. They can't admit that what they did might be damaging...so you ust bw crazy KWIM?

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Old 02-09-2007, 02:05 AM
 
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I notice this a lot too, but I notice it tends to go with certain decisions only - in other words, people making the status quo choice tend to get offended by the person making the non-status quo choice. I have never seen a breastfeeding mother get defensive about a bottlefeeding friend but the opposite is usually true. Same with vaccines, I don't feel the same about vaxers as they do me (which is usually defensive to the point of hysteria). People making choices that are "outsider" and against the norm will always raise guilt and suspicion. Rarely ever is the converse true.

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Old 02-09-2007, 02:39 AM
 
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Originally Posted by minkajane View Post
If your child is "protected" by vaccination, my child's vax status won't matter. It has no impact on other people.
:
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Old 02-09-2007, 03:15 AM
 
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We're military and we don't vax- though like you, DH is stuck getting all those flu vaxes every year. I won't even respond to everything stated in your post because that guy is just like most people when it comes to vaccinations. I'm sure your head was about to . Being military doesn't mean that you throw your reason and ability to think for yourself out the window (though your ability to act on it does become compromised).

Personally, I think most people are ignorant about vaccinations and well, you know that ignorance is bliss!

Oh...and DH is a Major, which trumps your "friend's" E-9 .
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Old 02-09-2007, 03:35 AM
 
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Originally Posted by AikeaGuinea View Post
I think if you are an anti vax person, you have to understand that most people believe vaccines are safe and are protecting them from disease, so when they find out you AREN'T getting them, they feel defensive because they might feel you are putting them and their children at risk by not buying into the program.
I think you're right. When I was totally pro-vax, that's exactly how I felt.

On a larger scale to answer to original question, I think that many people feel that if they have no choice, they also don't have to be responsible for the results of their choices. As empowering as it is to realize you have a choice, it also carries a great responsibility - suddenly, it's YOUR choice, and you are responsible for the results of whatever choice to make. Some people really don't like that.
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Old 02-09-2007, 03:51 AM
 
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Originally Posted by HerthElde View Post
I think you're right. When I was totally pro-vax, that's exactly how I felt.

On a larger scale to answer to original question, I think that many people feel that if they have no choice, they also don't have to be responsible for the results of their choices. As empowering as it is to realize you have a choice, it also carries a great responsibility - suddenly, it's YOUR choice, and you are responsible for the results of whatever choice to make. Some people really don't like that.
I think you have a point there. On a few of the mainstream boards I'm on there are huge threads going about HPV and CP. These people weren't even aware that they had a choice. They are up in arms about the whole thing. SOme of them don't seem to care, some of them can't believe no one told them it was a choice and some are actually looking into the entire vaccine issue now.

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Old 02-09-2007, 06:23 AM
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Originally Posted by HerthElde View Post
I think you're right. When I was totally pro-vax, that's exactly how I felt.

On a larger scale to answer to original question, I think that many people feel that if they have no choice, they also don't have to be responsible for the results of their choices. As empowering as it is to realize you have a choice, it also carries a great responsibility - suddenly, it's YOUR choice, and you are responsible for the results of whatever choice to make. Some people really don't like that.
: Abdication of responsibility is important to keep people blindly following the leader.

For example- some religions will say that you can be absolved of your sins if you do x,y, and z. That way, no one has to really question what is going on. They also have been removed from taking personal responsibility for the choices they make that can affect everyone.
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Old 02-09-2007, 11:28 PM
 
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Yep. I've been told "I think to much", "I care too much" and that obviously I have too much time to waste looking into these things. WTF? : isn't your child's health worth the time and effort?

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