I am very upset,please help me. - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 9 Old 08-12-2003, 02:17 AM - Thread Starter
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I am going thgrough some pretty heavy stuff right now.....personal, and all dealing with bad choices I've made that may have messed up my dd forever.

I am soooooooo upset that I allowed her to get vacs....very depressed about it and not sure what to do. I feelthat time is of the essence as she is slowly approaching middle childhood. Asthma is threatening her. SID is threatening her.She is freuqntly getting colds and fevers that turn to her lungs. She has been *ruined* by our on/off again whole foods diet, The girl loves sugar and bread. she deals with so much stress from me as I am always stressed out-which I am diving into to get some alternative help, but am sick of feeling sick. I want to reverse the damage that has been done to her and I don't know where to start. Hair analysis? macrobiotic diet for the family? acupuncture? blood tests to see if she is deficient in minerals,or has too many? So confused.

One kind word or kind word of advice greatly appreciated.

: :

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#2 of 9 Old 08-12-2003, 02:32 AM
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Ohhh sweetie, I am so sorry you are going through this! Please keep in mind that even though you feel like crap right now you need to not be so hard on your self.
You may not know this but I have been in this exact same position since October 2002.I felt like my babies would never get better and that I was the worst mother.Bu tgood news,sloowly and day by day she will get better and you ARE NOT a terrible mother or person!

Now take a deep breath..........

You already have taken the most important step.You have realized the source of your daughters health problems.So now slowly and I mean slowly step by step you eliminate.Try to resist the urge to race aginnst the clock because too much too soon can take you 10 steps backwards.

Now you will be getting tons of wonderful advice from the men and women here and nothing but support so never worry you will not be alone!

Read this thread there is tons of advice of where to go from here but remember take this one step at a time.

I am here much these days but please fell free to pm me or e mail me anytime!Just allow a little bit for responce.Please be kind to yourself in the meantime.Trust me you gain nothing positive from beating yourself up right now.You need a level head.

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#3 of 9 Old 08-12-2003, 02:35 AM
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OMG, don't be so hard on yourself. Maybe there's a perfect mom somewhere in the world (Virgin Mary ) but I sure don't know any IRL or here. You LOVE your daughter and that's the single most important thing for her to know and feel.

Start slow and really don't try to make too many changes at once. Just make one goal, write it down and post it. And, then wait till you've mastered it before going on to the next.

Do you have a good natural health ctr where you live? I love our NP. He looks at the whole child and just loves to chatter on during appts about everything child related.

So, that being said, I think the best thing in my life to maintain my sanity is exercise. Sometimes, dh has to force me out of the house and onto my bike, but it ALWAYS works. 20+ miles and I'm so much happier and calmer and can smile through any messies or crises.

Take a deep breath and take it easy!
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#4 of 9 Old 08-12-2003, 03:40 AM
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Please don't be so hard on yourself. Being a parent is almost always about the unknown, it's always about learning. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone.

Here's two quotes to remember:

Hindsight is always 20/20 - some smart person

Don't look back, you should never look back - Don Henley

As the other mamas have said, you know what some of the problems are, now you just have to try to fix them.

Maybe just start out by finding her a good multiple vitamin, or just some vitamin C. Make sure she takes them daily.

Then try to find a more natural doctor or a good homeopathic doctor and see what they have to say.

Don't think about the what if's or could if's or should haves. Just take it one hour at a time, until you start to feel some hope and it's not so overwhelming. Easier said then done, I know, but you can do it.

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#5 of 9 Old 08-12-2003, 11:59 AM - Thread Starter
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I really appreciate your kind words....THANKYOU!!!

You are all so right, I probably am being too hard on myself. I know that I have done a lot of things right with her. She has only ever had 1 antibiotic.That is good. She loves tofu and soy milk(vanilla!). She does like her Animal Parade vits. She never had fast food until she was 3 and1/2.But that is about the time that I got very sick, and had to let so much go with so much all the time. I used to be so careful about her diet. Now, she loves fried food, white flour and sugar. Though I try to live by the whole foods rule of no hydrogenated oils and no corn syrup, she begs me for food that she sees other kids eating,or sees in the stores. It is a constant battle between us, and I get very little supprt from dh on this issue. Oh, and I did BF her past her 4th BD.

BUt, I do play the *what if* game with myself. I am so angry with myself that I didn't read more and allowed our then ped to pressure me into vaxing her. And then, as if that weren't bad enough, just last year..and we're talking *after* I knew better...I allowed them to finish off her schedule. She has had constant colds and R.A.D. stuff ever since. Why did I do such a stupid thing? I felt pressured because I had made it clear that I didn't want ds vaxed, and totally felt that that was a compromise. That is so crazy! I basically sacrificed the health of one child to save the other when in reality, dd was the one who really shoudn't have had *any* vax. To make my guilt worse, I have endo, and more and more research is showing it is an autoimmune diease and that it is genetic. So that would make dd at risk. Good thing I nursed her for so long so I could then throw her to the pharmaceutical lions. UGH! It is difficult for me to think how healthy she could be if only I would have even spaced out her early sets of vax. Crap, is it obvious I could go on and on?

I won't. I think you get the picture. Major mommy guilt.

I am off to the HFS to get some healthy food.....organic dairy stuff she likes, whole grain bread and crackers,and soy milk. I think I will check into buying John Lee's book on womens health as I am also in the process of getting myself back to my healthier ways.

Thanks for the tip on exercising. I am going to go for a walk when dh gets home tonihgt.

I know my energy is better spent focusing on improving things rather than stewing over mistakes. I am definitely in a rut.

charmarty- thanks for the the link..I will check it out later when ds naps.

busy mom-there is one NP about an hour from us. I have spoken with him aon the phone about my own stuff. I have never heard anything good about him. The feedback everytime is that his bedside manner sucks and he is horrible with kids.

I have found a chiro I like. He does give homeopathy.

Will call him today.


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#6 of 9 Old 08-12-2003, 11:02 PM
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Mamapoppins-you are my twin. My DD is 6yo and was fully vaxed, always sick and on antibiotics and even had low level lead poisoning. DS is almost 2 and I stopped at 1 and only vax! My whole family is very pro mainstream medicine and vax. DH is all about crap and fast food-finding a balance can be sooooooo hard!

Oddly, my Mom goes to the best holistic chiropractor I have met here. Of course just when her back hurts! Anyway, I want to take my kids to him but I have no $$ so it can't happen!

Being poor, I feel we are a target. It can be scary. I know a few partial or non vaxers but they don't seem to click with em (I am poor, the yare not. We are a family of varied colors, etc. they are not..I think this makes them feel weird around me, sad but true!) I pray for a close friend to discuss these issues with everyday, Isee I learn more from conversation (subject comes up, I think, I search for more info., etc.!)

Email me anytime, I could use a good non vax friend. Email at bebesho@hellokitty.com
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#7 of 9 Old 08-15-2003, 01:07 PM - Thread Starter
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Charmarty-I was finally able to read *most* of that link....can I offer a huge to you for all that you,your dh, and your little girls have been through?!!

While I am not shocked by your story, I am amazed at the devotion and perserverance you gave to solving your girls health problems. It is *so* overwhelming to me to think about having twins, but to have them be chronically ill and have no way to make them better is absolutely *horrible*.

I feel so angry that you, other MDC members, and lurkers have endured such heart wrenching experiences, and lived or are living a hellish nightmare due to vaxs.

I too hate vaxs.

I am feeling particulary lucky to not have had worse vax reactions with my dd. Her little system was so bombarded that day when she was just 13 mos old, and received 9 vaxs all at once.Something I now view as criminal to administer to a small child. But while she hasn't had the greatest health, it could be so,so,so much worse.

I am rethinking seeking out the *local* NP for some homeopathy and mineral analysis. Maybe I will have to just look beyond his icky bedside manners.

I have taken refined foods out of our diets this week. I have high motivation for making dietary changes as it will improve my health as well as my childrens. Remembering to give them and me vits and supplements everyday.

bebesho2- we are twins!! I too fully vaxed dd(well, no hepb,no chick pox) and stopped at the first hib shot with ds(he was 1 yr old and so I was feeling looots of pressure). I have sinced changed docs and he does not pressure me at all.

Have you checked to see if your chiro adjusts dc for free? The one I found here does-until age 6.: again, great for ds, not for dd as insurance does not cover it. BUT- I did find out today that the new ins.policy will offer some chiro coverage. Hopefully it will help.

I will keep your email for support as the only person I know who doesn't vax is my sis. and she is an hour away. I heard there are others in our HSing group, but I haven't met any as it doesn't seem to be something people really want to share with a newbie like myself!

HUgs and prayers for all of us......


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#8 of 9 Old 08-16-2003, 04:33 AM
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The girl loves sugar and bread
Aren't cravings for sugar and bread a sign of yeast overgrowth ?

I would most definitely start her on sodium ascorbate to help boost her immune system.

Please don't beat yourself up over this. You need to

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#9 of 9 Old 08-17-2003, 08:12 PM - Thread Starter
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Nothing taken personal. I know I need to read up on nutritional info. My stack of books to read keeps getting taller and taller......

I think I initially started giving her soy at the recommendation of her (then) non mainstream ped....whom I trusted.

About 1 and1/2 yrs ago, I learned of the effects on female growth hormones(or hormones in general) from soy, and so I had been cutting down on giving it to her. Then I read that soy contributes to mucous(?) production, and so never give her soymilk while she is actually sick. I was not aware that soy impairs the immune system. I knew dairy did, and so have never pushed or encouraged too much of that on her-she never had dairy till she was about 3-and then usually organic. I will do some reading on this, and in the meantime-take your word of warning. Thanks for the tip.....

Since my first post, I cleaned out the fridge,got rid of all refined foods, and replaced them with whole grains,organic only dairy,fruits,vegies,and nuts and seeds. Now I need to clean out my cupboard.:

One step at a time mamapoppins.......

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