Would you lie to your DP to protect your children from vaccines? - Mothering Forums

View Poll Results: Would you lie to your DP to protect your child(ren) from vaccines?
No way! This is a decision made together! 59 51.30%
Maybe if I couldn't get them to even discuss it. 12 10.43%
Probably not, but I might if I felt really pressed. 20 17.39%
Absolutely! It's my job to protect them at all costs. 19 16.52%
Shhh! I already have... 5 4.35%
Voters: 115. You may not vote on this poll

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#1 of 25 Old 03-05-2008, 03:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Just what the title says.

I'm curious about this. If you DP thinks vacs are fine but you completely disagree and you're "responsible" for the doctor visits, etc., would you lie to your DP to protect your children?
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#2 of 25 Old 03-05-2008, 03:47 PM
 
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If I had to lie about vaccination in order to protect my kids, there is something seriously wrong with the relationship between DP and I.


At the same time, if he felt he needed to secretly get them vaccinated...serious problems....none of which have very much to do with vaccines.

"Parents are simply trustees; they do not own the bodies of their children"-Norm Cohen  Martial arts instructor intactlact.gifhomebirth.jpgnak.gif and mom to 4: DD1 (1/05) DS (7/06) DD2 (5/08) DD3 (2/11)
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#3 of 25 Old 03-05-2008, 03:48 PM
 
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No.

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#4 of 25 Old 03-05-2008, 03:54 PM
 
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no way. Fortunately, I am lucky to have an awesome relationship with my dh, so lying about anything would never be necessary. I know some aren't so fortunate
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#5 of 25 Old 03-05-2008, 03:55 PM
 
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I couldn't answer the poll, because, seriously, if it came down to "I have to lie"/ "he has to lie" it would mean my DP had become a totally different person. And I don't mean not agreement on vaccines...I mean...in order to get to that place where you would go behind each other's backs, so many other things have to broken in the relationship we have.

"Parents are simply trustees; they do not own the bodies of their children"-Norm Cohen  Martial arts instructor intactlact.gifhomebirth.jpgnak.gif and mom to 4: DD1 (1/05) DS (7/06) DD2 (5/08) DD3 (2/11)
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#6 of 25 Old 03-05-2008, 03:56 PM
 
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no way!! could you imagine if DP was secretly immunizeing, wow!! i wouldn't do to DP what i wouldn't want him to do to me!

Wife to DH (9/02) Homeschooling Mama to DD1 (2/03) DD2 (11/06) DD3(9/10)
 
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#7 of 25 Old 03-05-2008, 04:54 PM
 
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No, I wouldn't, and we actually have extremely huge disagreements on the vax issues, which is why DS has had most of his vaxes, I was bullied into it

But just as I would not want him sneaking behind my back and getting DS vaxes, I would not sneak around and say DS has had vaxes when he hasn't.

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#8 of 25 Old 03-05-2008, 04:59 PM
 
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No, I wouldn't lie to him for ANY reason. If I felt I had to I'd reconsider my marriage.

~Marie : Mom to DS(11), DS(10), DD(8), DD(4), DD(2), & Happily Married to DH 12 yrs.!
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#9 of 25 Old 03-05-2008, 05:05 PM
 
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Oh sometimes I WISH I would of lied...We have come to an agreement (over many months and arguments) any shots DS does not need for school he does not have to get. I think DH will be mad when he figures out DS needs no vax, our state has all 3 exemptions. I feel kinda dirty, but he should have researched before he mistakenly thought a child HAS TO HAVE vax to go to school.
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#10 of 25 Old 03-05-2008, 08:49 PM
 
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No, I couldn't. I would never forgive myself if I did and something were to happen or if we were to have troubles with the school system. I can respect and understand why some would.
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#11 of 25 Old 03-05-2008, 08:58 PM
 
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No way. What kind of a relationship would I be in if I had to lie to my DP?

And if I did lie to him, and we split up, and the truth came out, how would that affect custody decisions?

Ruth, single mommy to Leah, 19, Hannah, 18, and Jack, 12
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#12 of 25 Old 03-05-2008, 09:00 PM
 
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I haven't lied and I did my research, he hasn't. If he disagrees he hasn't said so.

Married to a Navy man of 12 yrs.

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#13 of 25 Old 03-05-2008, 10:40 PM
 
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Ideally, it's something that should be discussed before a couple decides to have children. So that all parties are in agreement before there's an actual human being bearing the consequences of whatever decision is made, and so the couple can understand each others' expectations before they're parents. If an agreement can't be reached beforehand, I would think both parties would have to seriously re-evaluate their plans to start a family together.

Of course, that "ideal" situation is elusive and rare.
I would not lie to my partner about his child's health care.
I would fight tooth and nail, and I might defy his wishes, but I wouldn't do so without discussing it with him first. Dishonesty kills love. Especially when the health and welfare of your child is concerned.
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#14 of 25 Old 03-05-2008, 10:48 PM
 
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I would have if I had to but it never came to that. He still wants the kids vaxed but it isnt going to happen.

 
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#15 of 25 Old 03-05-2008, 10:57 PM
 
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Why would I marry and have children with someone like that?

"The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie, deliberate, contrived and dishonest, but the myth, persistent, persuasive and unrealistic."
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#16 of 25 Old 03-05-2008, 11:15 PM
 
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Not a chance. We made our decisions regarding vaccines together, because it's wildly inappropriate, imo, for one parent to decide to do something contrary to the other parent's wishes without coming to a conclusion together. If one parent wants to vax and the other doesn't, then there has to be a meeting of the minds, period. No way would I make that decision not only without my partner, but dishonestly and against his wishes. No way. That is so very wrong.
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#17 of 25 Old 03-05-2008, 11:34 PM
 
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Although I couldn't lie to my dh(nor would I have to), I have friends whose husbands refuse to have rational conversations about it in any form.

I find them so annoying and disrespectful about to their wives that their behavior is soliciting dishonesty/disrespect, IMO.

::: Just another WAHM using this forum to put off picking up toys and cleaning my house.
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#18 of 25 Old 03-05-2008, 11:45 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by xmasbaby7 View Post
I find them so annoying and disrespectful about to their wives that their behavior is soliciting dishonesty/disrespect, IMO.
I think that kind of behavior would demand mediation and, if it didn't stop, separation. I think that it's immature for adults in a relationship to be dishonest with each other, even (especially?) if it's a reaction to general disrespect.
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#19 of 25 Old 03-06-2008, 04:02 AM
 
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I can understand why people do it, but realistically I don't know if I would ever be able to do it.
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#20 of 25 Old 03-06-2008, 04:19 AM
 
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I could see myself going to those lengths if my DH wasn't on board with not vaccinating. Thankfully, we've had many in-depth conversations about it and he agrees with me.
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#21 of 25 Old 03-06-2008, 12:12 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Plummeting View Post
I can understand why people do it, but realistically I don't know if I would ever be able to do it.
Exactly what I was thinking.

My DH wasn't on board with it at first. He thought I was totally overreacting. BUT ... he was also the first to acknowledge that I had done far more research than he had, so it made sense for me to have the most say in the decision.

Ironically, a lot of decisions we've made (and I say "we" for a reason, because whether it was his preference or not at the time, it was still his decision to do/not do whatever) started out like that: not spanking, not circ'ing, not vax'ing. As he's taken the time to learn more about each subject and has seen the results with our own children, he is 100% on the same page now and says that he's glad that his ignorance didn't stand in the way.

For my part, I appreciate the fact that he recognized his ignorance for what it was and didn't force it to stand in our way. He can be stubborn and VERY slow to examine a new viewpoint, but he never ever resorts to strong-arm tactics, and when he's finally ready to learn more, he learns quickly and embraces what he's learned with his whole heart. He tells me he thinks he's becoming a hippie, and to his surprise, he kind of likes it.

I don't think I could have lied to him about all those things, though. I don't know how a true and loving partnership can survive that much dishonesty and secrecy. I would hope a true and loving partnership wouldn't breed it in the first place, really.
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#22 of 25 Old 03-06-2008, 12:48 PM
 
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No way. He is my child's father and as a caring, loving coparent deserves to have a say in how he is raised and what medical procedures are(n't) done.

Having said that, we treat vax similar to circ: nothing is done until we come to an agreement. You can't unvax or uncirc, but you can always do those things later. I don't frame this as "I win, you lose" argument, but a discussion on what's best for our son. With this system, I don't feel like I'd ever have to lie to him.

DS (2) and someone new in March 2011
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#23 of 25 Old 03-07-2008, 05:24 PM - Thread Starter
 
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#24 of 25 Old 03-09-2008, 07:46 PM - Thread Starter
 
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bump
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#25 of 25 Old 03-09-2008, 07:57 PM
 
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I feel I must clarify, and I am busting myself out here . I had initially refused the HEP B at the hospital and DP freaked, we got the shot and I demanded that he do the research I have .... at dd's 2 month well child check he still hadnt researched anything and stated "Talk to your doctor, he would know best" bahaha seriously, needless to say by her 4 month she got the DTaP and thats it (I will not give her anymore) so I havent lied about it but I no longer bring it up. my boyfriend is fairly close minded and hasnt taken the time to read up...sorry his uneducation in the matter is his loss
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