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Old 03-14-2009, 11:34 PM
 
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I love that my MW already comes to my home to do prenatals! I'm so spoiled!

This is baby #5, and I can say that after pains really HAVE gotten progressively worse. Didn't feel a thing with baby 1, but this last time? OMG nursing was horrendous. I considered Vicoden! (I didn't do it, but man! That pain was worse, I swear, that labor!)

Autumn (1990) Blake (1993) Zoe (2001) Dmitrios (2002) and William (April 2009) born still @ 39 wks - my 4ever
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Old 03-15-2009, 01:51 AM
 
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We have our pool, some shower curtains, a small mirror and blue pad things. I still have to get a peri bottle and some old towels from my MIL, and then I'm done with supplies for the birth.


This talk about afterpains has me really worried I didn't even know about them last birth and can vaguely remember feeling something 'interesting' in my uterus for 2 weeks after the birth, but nothing I'd call painful. Yikes! It really gets worse? You'd think it would get better and easier...like labour and pushing does with each child? Eh, one can dream, right?

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Old 03-15-2009, 03:00 AM
 
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so, in the next few weeks we will set up the pool and do at least a partial fill to try everything out and see how long it takes and all... I was thinking we might invite our son's best friend over to play in it with him... but is that weird? maybe we'll just have a family soak instead? I feel guilty not at least enjoying the water, since we live in drought-ridden southern california.

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Old 03-15-2009, 07:58 AM
 
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Oooh, have fun in the tub emmaegbert!

I froze pads for postpartum ice packs today. And showed my husband the supply list and made plan for how we'll organize things- I'm thinking rubbermaid tote of birth supplies, then packing a bag of postpartum clothes and diapers (and snacks?) to have them ready for afterwards.

"Guess what? It's a magical world. And when I sing, my songs are in it."
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Old 03-15-2009, 12:45 PM
 
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We have our pool, some shower curtains, a small mirror and blue pad things. I still have to get a peri bottle and some old towels from my MIL, and then I'm done with supplies for the birth.
I'm almost done as well! I also need a peri bottle and a hose. I thinks I'm going to go for an aquarium hose. I wonder how it will hold up to hot hot water, because we are hooking the hose up to the washer faucet rather than fuss with an adapter.

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This talk about afterpains has me really worried I didn't even know about them last birth and can vaguely remember feeling something 'interesting' in my uterus for 2 weeks after the birth, but nothing I'd call painful. Yikes! It really gets worse? You'd think it would get better and easier...like labour and pushing does with each child? Eh, one can dream, right?
No kidding! I was reading on here the other day and went ahead and ordered afterpains tincture when I ordered my oral vitamin K. Y'all are scaring me!
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Old 03-15-2009, 02:20 PM
 
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Oooh, have fun in the tub emmaegbert!

I froze pads for postpartum ice packs today. And showed my husband the supply list and made plan for how we'll organize things- I'm thinking rubbermaid tote of birth supplies, then packing a bag of postpartum clothes and diapers (and snacks?) to have them ready for afterwards.
Yes! Frozen maxi's! I can't believe its time to do that now...its feeling so close, eeps!

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Old 03-15-2009, 08:08 PM
 
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We're not going to do a test run with the pool It feels too wastful. DH says having enough hot water shouldn't be an issue. He's a plumber so I trust him, at least with that though I have been waiting almost a month for my adapter to actually fill the pool


We had our home visit today. We had a rough morning and the house was a mess, donuts crumbs all over, one of the twins had a bloody nose so there was blood on the floor, couch and all over him. The other twin squeezed a capri sun all over the floor. The chihuahua was finding scraps from breakfast #1 just bad, totally not the moment you would pick for company.
I really surprised myself and I wasn't totally mortified when the mw came with the assistant. And surprisingly dh who is crazy about having the house super clean when people come over, actually sat down and did the visit with us. Well he changed Dominic's bloody shirt

I was feeling worried about having people in my home while I'm birthing and at like 3am was thinking of just canceling the mw all together and going uc so I wouldn't have to worry about feeling uncomfortable with them around.
I think the universe was sending me a message with having them come among all that craziness, and un-guest-worthy condition of the house

I think I passed since my day felt better after the visit

I ordered some afterease for the after pains as well. We use herbal medicine but I have to be honest I'm not so sure its going to work. I swear the after pains were worse that labor with dd, though they were spaced out way more but for the actual moment, given the choice I think I would have picked a labor pain (and I'm not talking early labor either )
But I figure that even if they only help a little, its better than no help.

I was talking to dh about the after pains, and he reminded me that a heat pack helped me after dd. So that might be something to try as well

mum to Christopher (6/98) Elizabeth (2/05) twins Aaron and Dominic (7/10/06) and new baby Eden (4-18-09)
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Old 03-15-2009, 08:15 PM
 
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Azreil, is your pool brand new?

Ours wasn't last time and had some holes so I'm glad we had a practice run so we patched up the holes in advance

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Old 03-16-2009, 01:20 AM
 
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dawncayden, our pool is a loan, so thats a good point, I've been feeling guilty about the waste but I think I'll just do a partial fill-up. Also to make sure we have all the parts we need and can figure out... anyway unlike many others on here I am not due till april 23 so I am not feeling a huge rush to do this stuff... still have a few weeks to get stuff organized.

and I realized, I should just pack a "hospital" bag that has the baby clothes and my clothes on the top and keep in in the bedroom... then its ready for me to use those same things at home...

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Old 03-16-2009, 01:24 AM
 
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I can't believe how fast our 'April' is moving up the due date club list

I used to find it near the bottom, and now its actually above the middle, near the top...eeps!

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Old 03-16-2009, 01:47 AM
 
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I can't believe I'm only 5 weeks away from the due date. I'd better order my birth kit!!! I feel completely unprepared, but somehow a little more calm about it than I was last time ... It's almost too strange to believe that this pregnancy is almost over. I had hoped for a mother blessing or something to help me connect more with the reality of this birth. Maybe I can just do something with my DP and our daughters.

I'm not looking forward to the afterpains. They really blind-sided me with dd#2. It is wonderful that the uterus becomes more efficient, but oy! I took arnica tablets last time. I remember my mw recommending that I not do warm towels, but I can't remember why... they felt so good after dd#1 was born. My next prenatal visit will be at home! I'll have to ask about those warm towels.

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Old 03-16-2009, 10:46 AM
 
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Azreil, is your pool brand new?

Ours wasn't last time and had some holes so I'm glad we had a practice run so we patched up the holes in advance
its brand new so I'm hoping there aren't any holes. We were going to do a test blow up but haven't gotten around to it yet. Its a fishy pool so there isn't anything fancy about it. I know dh knows how to set up the adapter to fill it so that's not a worry

mum to Christopher (6/98) Elizabeth (2/05) twins Aaron and Dominic (7/10/06) and new baby Eden (4-18-09)
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Old 03-16-2009, 01:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I can't believe how fast our 'April' is moving up the due date club list

I used to find it near the bottom, and now its actually above the middle, near the top...eeps!
: It just hit me that I'm due a month from tomorrow. I feel like I've been pregnant for YEARS but it still seems like it's coming so quickly!

We FINALLY started getting together our birth supplies this weekend. We have everything we needed to buy, now just need to gather a few things from family members (old towels, sheets, etc.). I was so excited to put everything into the tote that we bought - this homebirth is finally starting to feel real! Our MW comes tomorrow for our home vist and will be bringing us our tub. I hadn't even thought about doing a test run with it - great idea!

We also bought some baby hats/socks/blankets. Last time, we had SO much from our baby shower, plus the fact that all of our sisters have daughters. This time, we haven't received anything yet and have almost nothing for a newborn boy - just some GN stuff from DD. It also hit me that we won't be going to the hospital, since DD was in hospital issued hats and tees most of her first few weeks. I also need to get myself something to wear since I won't be in one of those lovely hospital gowns

With all of our HBs rapidly approaching, what has everyone decided about visitors? We had originally invited my 3 sisters, DH's sister, my MIL and 2 friends to be there. I've had reservations about it the whole time and have gone back and forth. DH and I finally decided that we won't be having anyone else there - just us. My mom is going to come get DD and we're going to call everyone after. We really want to be able to just think about the birth, not all the people in our house. Plus, our families will both have the expectation of getting to hold the baby right away after the birth. After having to send DD to the NICU right after she was born, we both want to have some time to enjoy this guy before anyone else arrives.

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Old 03-16-2009, 04:24 PM
 
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With all of our HBs rapidly approaching, what has everyone decided about visitors? We had originally invited my 3 sisters, DH's sister, my MIL and 2 friends to be there. I've had reservations about it the whole time and have gone back and forth. DH and I finally decided that we won't be having anyone else there - just us. My mom is going to come get DD and we're going to call everyone after. We really want to be able to just think about the birth, not all the people in our house. Plus, our families will both have the expectation of getting to hold the baby right away after the birth. After having to send DD to the NICU right after she was born, we both want to have some time to enjoy this guy before anyone else arrives.
We are doing it the same way as last time for visitors. I had my essential people there for birth my midwife, my sister who is a doula, and my hubby and kids. I just called my other sisters, dad, and mother in law after the birth when I was ready for visitors. I opted not to call them when I was in labor because I did not want phone calls or anyone coming over, this worked out perfectly for us. I think my family was surprised that I did not call them when I was laboring but I just did not want to have anything else on my mind other than focusing on labor and birth.

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Old 03-16-2009, 05:13 PM
 
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We haven't quite worked out the visitors thing.

I know dh is going to want his mum over asap and don't even like her in my home.

I'm hoping the baby will be born at a time when the kids won't have to go somewhere, like over night or when the kids are in school/daycare so it won't even be an issue.
Then when I feel up for company we'll invite mil/fil and my mum and sister, but hopefully not all at once.

I know depending on the time of day its probably going to be 6+hrs. DH and I have had this fight every time. He thinks his parents have a right to hold the baby right away, like we should call in labor so they're all lined up to come over (well I say "they" but really its his mum, litle babies make fil nervous).
I feel that until mum feels up to it there shouldn't be any visitors. MIL is still angry with me because when dh's family came up to see dd after she was born, only a couple people got to hold her and then only for a little bit. DD is 4 btw :

When the twins were born I didn't really get to see them for almost 12 hours but dh brought everyone who came to visit up to the nicu. Technially I saw them for like 10 minutes on my way to my room but I was still quite heavily medicated from the c/s and it was all quite fuzzy. I think it was wrong that just about everyone got to see my babies before I did DH says it would have been unfair of us if he didn't take them to see the babies since they came all the way to the hospital (15 minute drive) and it was unfair of me to be angry about it.

All I know is I am standing my ground this time and no one is coming it visit before I feel up to it and if il's do take it upon themselves to just come voer after dh calls to give them the stats, or dh invites them before I'm ok, I'm just going to take the baby and hide out in my room. I feel like a terribly spoiled 2-yo saying that

mum to Christopher (6/98) Elizabeth (2/05) twins Aaron and Dominic (7/10/06) and new baby Eden (4-18-09)
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Old 03-16-2009, 06:12 PM - Thread Starter
 
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All I know is I am standing my ground this time and no one is coming it visit before I feel up to it and if il's do take it upon themselves to just come voer after dh calls to give them the stats, or dh invites them before I'm ok, I'm just going to take the baby and hide out in my room. I feel like a terribly spoiled 2-yo saying that
to you mama. You are definitely not out of line to feel that way!

You have EVERY right to have as much time with this LO as you want before visitors start demanding to hold him. Especially after having a NICU experience - some people just don't realize how traumatic it is to have your baby taken from you so quickly. The main reason I am HBing this time is to try to take back some sense of control over my body and my birth after our experience last time. We also had tons of visitors coming right away after the birth, wanting to go into the NICU and see DD. Eventually, we told people to stop coming since we only had limited time with her as it was and we didn't want to share it with others. THere were some hurt feelings but in the end, I'm more happy with that decision than I was worried about how people felt about it.

Hold your ground and do what feels right to you. What finally made us decide to go with no visitors is that we didn't want to have to worry about anyone else's negative feelings towards our decisions (MIL being upset she didn't get to hold the baby or sisters being upset they didn't get to be there, etc.). Anyone else's hurt feelings are their own issues. When I've been feeling bad about uninviting everyone to our birth, I just tell myself that I would rather deal with someone being upset than feeling like I was cheated out of time with my child.

This is YOUR birth and it should be exactly as you want it.

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Old 03-16-2009, 07:14 PM
 
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Oh Azreial, that sounds awful! I agree that it is nothing short of our prerogotive to keep that immediate post-partum time SACRED and that the feelings of others should be considered only after our own. I get so fucking annoyed with people (usually the MILs - coincidence?!) getting all bent out of shape about what *they* don't get, whereas true friends and the family who love you will honor that it is YOUR baby and your special time. And I feel the same way about my MIL: I don't even like her in my home. :

Unfortunately, she may be the one to care for Brynn while I'm birthing (Brynn absolutely loves her, and I know that she is well taken care of with her, so that part is fine with me), so she may have to come to the house to bring Brynn home after the baby is born, unless I can convince Jason to go pick Brynn up and tell his mom that I'm not ready for visitors. I'm willing to just play it by ear and not make any hard and fast rules at the moment, while at the same time knowing that I have no problem at all standing my ground. I already told Jason that if his mom so much as *tries* to come into the house while I'm in labor, I will kill her. And he knows I'm serious.

The only people we will have at the house are my MW, her apprentice, and my doula. I do have a very close friend, who also happens to be a doula, who I might call if I feel like I want her here, but otherwise it will just be us, and I feel very comfortable with the people we've chosen as our birth team.

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Old 03-16-2009, 07:18 PM
 
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AZ, your dh sounds just like mine. we have argued about this for a couple months. we finally agreed that dh's family wouldn't be allowed over for at least a few hours after the birth. i really wanted at least 24 hours, but dh insisted that it was mil/fil's "right" . my family on the other hand has no problem with waiting a while to see the baby, so it will probably be mil and fil coming over shortly after the birth, and then my mom and grandparents coming the next day so i can have a break between visits. im hoping that after dh sees all the work involved in birthing a baby, he may convince the il's to wait at least 12 hrs or so after the birth to give me some time to settle in and try my hand (or breast? lol) at nursing. our place is really small, and the thought of all these people trying to hold or butt in between the baby and i (and dh and dd) makes me really anxious.

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Old 03-16-2009, 07:28 PM
 
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Hi there!! I'm 34 1/2 weeks along and am obsessed with preparation for our birthing day. I've started buying a few items off a list I got in another thread, but plan to ask our MW what else we need. I think it's possible to go overboard, but I do want to feel prepared too!
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Old 03-16-2009, 08:30 PM
 
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I know I angered some family by not letting them come over on ds's birth-day. But I truly didn't care, I said they could come over the next day. I know there are hard feelings, but seriously, I. do. not. care
They had their chance to labour and birth their own children, this is MY time, and I'm taking it. If they felt too obliged with letting family come too soon with their own kids, well thats was their own choice.
So this time will be the same. No one will come over THE DAY. Except my mom who will be here watching ds.
I KNOW there will be hard feelings just because my mom will be here and mil, fil and step mil will want it 'to be fair'. What are we three years old?
If I didn't have to have my mom here watching ds, then she wouldn't be here.

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Old 03-16-2009, 11:58 PM
 
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I know I angered some family by not letting them come over on ds's birth-day. But I truly didn't care, I said they could come over the next day. I know there are hard feelings, but seriously, I. do. not. care
They had their chance to labour and birth their own children, this is MY time, and I'm taking it. If they felt too obliged with letting family come too soon with their own kids, well thats was their own choice.
So this time will be the same. No one will come over THE DAY. Except my mom who will be here watching ds.
I KNOW there will be hard feelings just because my mom will be here and mil, fil and step mil will want it 'to be fair'. What are we three years old?
If I didn't have to have my mom here watching ds, then she wouldn't be here.
Dawn, Im so inspired by your post! Sometimes its hard for me to put my foot down but youre right, this IS our day! Thanks for this reminder!

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Old 03-17-2009, 12:19 AM
 
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thanks everyone.

I really don;t care if I hurt mil's feelings or if she feels slighted its dh that I worry about. It makes it really hard. He has big issues with having to please his mother. REALLY big, like almost ended our marriage big. We're in couples therapy and its a very frequent issue; most of our indiviuals sessions are on leanring he doesn't have to live his life around his mother and for me learning that his issues with his mother are his and they have nothing to do with me he would be doing the same things no matter who he was with. Its tough stuff

If we need someone to watch the kids, there's an 80% chance it will be mil or one of dh's siblings but at mil's house. That's where the big issue will be. I'm sure she's going to just "want a peek" when they drop the kids off.

If we don't need them to watch the kids, keeping her away for awhile won't be a big deal.

If my mum is around (she kind of lives next door) she'll watch the kids. Putting her off will be easy enough. I could simply tell her to send the kids home and we'll call her back when we (me and the baby) are ready for visitors. I'm sure she'd end up being hurt and disapointed but she'll get over it and I'm fine with telling her later

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Old 03-17-2009, 01:50 AM
 
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Our family is all across the country so we aren't going to be inundated with family visits. It just did occur to me yesterday when I was talking to her that my MIL might be feeling bad that we are planning (hoping) to have my mom here and haven't even asked her, she keeps telling me "I'm available to come anytime". But I think she understands that I want my mom and she's way too polite (and FIL is too passive-aggressive) to say anything else. Anyway, with my first pregnancy she was OBSESSED with the idea that I would have a c-section and she would have to come live with us for at least 2 months while I recovered. I mean, it was weird, it was like she was *hoping* I would have one. She does have an extremely demanding husband and also father, both of whom basically boss her around for their occupations now that they are retired, so I guess the prospect of waiting on me seems better by comparison? (and I can be quite the PITA, but it would never occur to me in a million years to tell a grown woman how to do every little thing! I am not a micro-manager like that).

This time around, FIL at least has told DH that he doesn't approve of the HB. He's really angry that we are planning to allow our 4yo son to be present if he chooses (not that he could articulate why, but I am sure it has to do with the nudity stuff, FIL is already totally disgusted that we co-sleep, bathe and shower together, etc, so you get the idea). That makes it sort of easy, eh? Why would I invite them out until afterwards then? Anyway, MIL must be aware that FIL can hardly stand to be around me (we go to stay with them and he won't even speak directly to me!) so, though it may be sad for her, I am sure she knows deep down why we would never think of inviting them to be here for or directly following the birth. In a way, its easier having them far away, because everyone can say that is the reason.

My mom was with us when our son was born and she was great. She didn't try to "get in the way" at all. She spent a lot of time holding our son but that didn't bother me. He was held pretty much 24-7 for the first couple of months, so I needed some breaks anyway.

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Old 03-17-2009, 06:31 PM
 
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Originally Posted by emmaegbert View Post
with my first pregnancy she was OBSESSED with the idea that I would have a c-section and she would have to come live with us for at least 2 months while I recovered. I mean, it was weird, it was like she was *hoping* I would have one.
My MIL was the exact same way!! I did in fact end up having a C/S but regardless, I made her wait til Christmas Eve (when Brynn was 3 weeks old) to come up. I insisted on a true babymoon just for me, Jason, and Brynn - and I felt like I was being kind by letting her come up so early; I would have really preferred 6 weeks, b ut I gave in because of Christmas.

This time.... I wish I could make her wait a while, but having her here to help with Brynn will most likely be useful.

Ever-evolving mama to my beautiful Brynn, and my little dimple-face Noah .
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Old 03-17-2009, 06:34 PM
 
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I'm not longer birthing at home due to some issues with the IPs. But i cannot WAIT to hear all of the homebirth stories from everyone!

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Old 03-17-2009, 06:58 PM
 
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My mom had a little flip out over not being invited to our hb, but I didn't really care and she got over it. I am inviting my little sister, who is 4 years younger than me and doesn't have kids yet, so she will have been present at two of my (natural) births!

I like to have family come over later that day and meet the new one, and be the center of attention It's the only time I ever feel like it. They all live three hours away and in the past they have just stayed the day and gone back that night, which is really nice.

My mom has offered to take a week vacation to help us out and I think I will take her up on it, but I'm considering asking her to wait a few days after the birth before she comes back to stay. I'm not sure how I'm going to ask her to do that since she doesn't drive and will need a ride to get here.
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Old 03-17-2009, 08:54 PM
 
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I told my mom she wasn't coming to the birth this time and I have no regrets whatsoever about it. She did NOTHING to help us last time (and I ended up having to cook dinner for HER 5 days after having a c-section) after we had our first and she was more of a burden than anything else, so she knows why she is not coming.
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Old 03-17-2009, 09:32 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by catemom View Post
I told my mom she wasn't coming to the birth this time and I have no regrets whatsoever about it. She did NOTHING to help us last time (and I ended up having to cook dinner for HER 5 days after having a c-section) after we had our first and she was more of a burden than anything else, so she knows why she is not coming.
Posts like these (and the ones from the past couple of days) seriously make me wonder WHAT IS UP with people? I cannot imagine acting this way when my kids have their babies!

Ever-evolving mama to my beautiful Brynn, and my little dimple-face Noah .
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Old 03-18-2009, 12:36 AM
 
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I don't have issues with family and visiting right after baby. My family all lives nearby, my mom has been at my last two births, she may or may not be at this one depending on if we need her help or not. She is very helpful and doesn't over stay her welcome. The rest of my family slowly visits days later when it's a good time for me, all quick visits. DH's family were the PIA ones with DD1, they would come and stay all day long when all I wanted to do was sleep. We didn't have them visit at all with DD2, and won't with this baby either.

There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way.
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Old 03-18-2009, 04:03 AM
 
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I have to say my mom was a little disappointed when I told her what I was doing with DD#1. She was like... "But how can I help you?" I told her that would it not be the most important thing that I knew my daughter was with the person I trusted most? Of course she came around pretty quickly. And to *Amy*, I think exactly the same thing. What is wrong with these adults? Seriously?

It's not that the stay-at-home-parent gets to stay home with the kids. The kids get to stay home with a parent. Lucky Mom to DD1 (4 y) and DD2 (18 mo), Wife to Mercenary Dad
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