Stillbirth of William George - update: pic post #71 - Page 6 - Mothering Forums
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#151 of 175 Old 04-23-2009, 04:44 PM
 
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still thinking of you & William every day
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#152 of 175 Old 04-23-2009, 05:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you, Jen. So much. He would have been three weeks old yesterday. :

Autumn (1990) Blake (1993) Zoe (2001) Dmitrios (2002) and William (April 2009) born still @ 39 wks - my 4ever
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#153 of 175 Old 04-23-2009, 09:30 PM
 
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I'm also thinking of you and Mischevium all the time and hope you will feel free to post here as much as you need to.
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#154 of 175 Old 04-24-2009, 12:11 AM
 
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Just sending you hugs from us!

wife. dd1 : dd2
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#155 of 175 Old 05-18-2009, 04:48 PM
 
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thinking of you today. I read your blog and the 3 birth stories...I'm still crying...what an amazing way to keep his memory alive! keep writing mama and know you are loved!
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#156 of 175 Old 05-18-2009, 05:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
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thinking of you today. I read your blog and the 3 birth stories...I'm still crying...what an amazing way to keep his memory alive! keep writing mama and know you are loved!

The blog is good therapy... I've picked up the pieces, but I still feel like I should have a stamp on my forehead: "Fragile - Handle With Care."

Thank you so much for thinking of me. :

Autumn (1990) Blake (1993) Zoe (2001) Dmitrios (2002) and William (April 2009) born still @ 39 wks - my 4ever
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#157 of 175 Old 05-18-2009, 05:26 PM
 
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I think of you and William a lot. And thanks to shine for pointing out your blog. It's beautiful and touching and terrifying all at once. You are a lovely writer. My dh actually talks about you a lot. He thinks you are pretty amazing. He was really touched that you responded to our birth story.

Mama to one little blur, watching everything move too fast. Eden 4/10/2009.
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#158 of 175 Old 05-18-2009, 05:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I think of you and William a lot. And thanks to shine for pointing out your blog. It's beautiful and touching and terrifying all at once. You are a lovely writer. My dh actually talks about you a lot. He thinks you are pretty amazing. He was really touched that you responded to our birth story.
You know, if William had been my first baby, or if, maybe, I hadn't been around births and babies and the whole birthing process for, like, the past twenty years, I imagine it would have been too painful to come back here. But I actually find it comforting to know that the rest of our little DDC has had healthy happy babies and are doing well. I know I'm probably in a statistical minority, when it comes to women who have experienced stillbirth, being able to be around pregnancy and birth anymore. I won't kid you, sometimes, it IS painful. But it's also reassuring to me. Birth really DOES work most of the time and things DO turn out okay for most of us. I just happened to fall into the really crappy statistical end of things... Doing what I do, I know birth loss happens... and I saw so few of us had first term losses in our group and actually had the thought, yikes, I hope that doesn't balance out at the end. And look at that. It did. Two of us, yet.

But thanks, Kate... to you and DH, too. I'm so glad Eden is such a big, healthy girl! I couldn't not congratulate you when she arrived... your joy was no less compelling than my loss. :

Autumn (1990) Blake (1993) Zoe (2001) Dmitrios (2002) and William (April 2009) born still @ 39 wks - my 4ever
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#159 of 175 Old 05-19-2009, 05:16 PM
 
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You know, if William had been my first baby, or if, maybe, I hadn't been around births and babies and the whole birthing process for, like, the past twenty years, I imagine it would have been too painful to come back here. But I actually find it comforting to know that the rest of our little DDC has had healthy happy babies and are doing well. I know I'm probably in a statistical minority, when it comes to women who have experienced stillbirth, being able to be around pregnancy and birth anymore. I won't kid you, sometimes, it IS painful. But it's also reassuring to me. Birth really DOES work most of the time and things DO turn out okay for most of us. I just happened to fall into the really crappy statistical end of things... Doing what I do, I know birth loss happens... and I saw so few of us had first term losses in our group and actually had the thought, yikes, I hope that doesn't balance out at the end. And look at that. It did. Two of us, yet.

But thanks, Kate... to you and DH, too. I'm so glad Eden is such a big, healthy girl! I couldn't not congratulate you when she arrived... your joy was no less compelling than my loss. :
I am in awe of the work you have done (and still do) to go on after your loss, and to celebrate our joy with us. Thank you for everything you have brought to our DDC It makes my appreciation of birth and life so much greater.

"Guess what? It's a magical world. And when I sing, my songs are in it."
Madly in love with my 7 and 4 year old daughters

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#160 of 175 Old 05-19-2009, 05:56 PM
 
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I am in awe of the work you have done (and still do) to go on after your loss, and to celebrate our joy with us. Thank you for everything you have brought to our DDC It makes my appreciation of birth and life so much greater.
So well said Mel. I couldn't put into words how I feel when I remember William and Soren...but this is exactly it. "It makes my appreciation of birth and life so much greater." As hard as it has been for me to read about what these mamas have gone through, knowing about these two beautiful boys has made me a better mom.
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#161 of 175 Old 05-19-2009, 09:42 PM
 
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Dawn, thank you for posting your blog link. Its such a great way for us to understand what you are going through and how strong you are!
I really teared up at the line about loving your husband more than youve ever thought possible. This is exactly how I feel about my DH, especially now that weve been through the big, dramatic birth and he has really shown me that hes not only my partner but my best friend and also my rock.
Thank goodness for husbands, huh?


wife. dd1 : dd2
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#162 of 175 Old 05-20-2009, 02:02 AM
 
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Dawn,

Thinkin about you and Mischievium every day and sending wishes for peace during such imaginable circumstances.

Your blog is breathtaking. I think you should write a book....or several. You are a gifted writer.

XOXO
B

mama to Milena Anjali (4/26/06) and Vincent Asher (4/13/09) ~ married to the love of my life since 2002.
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#163 of 175 Old 05-20-2009, 02:24 AM
 
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saw this in new posts and wanted to say how very sorry I am for your loss. He is beautiful, I am so so sorry.

Kelly,newly single mom of four wonderful children.

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#164 of 175 Old 05-20-2009, 09:05 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks Kay...

Beth, I'm considering a book, actually... not just of my story, but many stories... one of the things that's kept me sane and helped me heal (so far) is reading the experiences of other women who have experienced a loss like this. And there's so very little out there about it.

You'd think, considering there are 10x more stillbirths a year than SIDS deaths, that there would be tons... but there really isn't. No one seems to want to talk about it... :

Autumn (1990) Blake (1993) Zoe (2001) Dmitrios (2002) and William (April 2009) born still @ 39 wks - my 4ever
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#165 of 175 Old 06-01-2009, 09:12 PM
 
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Holding you in my heart today...Remembering William at 2 months.
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#166 of 175 Old 06-01-2009, 11:25 PM
 
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: William

Hope you made it through the day w/Z's b.day.

Mama to one little blur, watching everything move too fast. Eden 4/10/2009.
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#167 of 175 Old 06-02-2009, 02:17 AM
 
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wife. dd1 : dd2
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#168 of 175 Old 06-02-2009, 03:11 AM
 
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: Remembering your sweet William
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#169 of 175 Old 06-02-2009, 03:39 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you. :

I miss him so much. Seems crazy to miss something you never had, but there it is.

Autumn (1990) Blake (1993) Zoe (2001) Dmitrios (2002) and William (April 2009) born still @ 39 wks - my 4ever
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#170 of 175 Old 06-02-2009, 04:02 AM
 
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Thank you. :

I miss him so much. Seems crazy to miss something you never had, but there it is.

Dawn,

But you DID have him...he was your baby that you carried for 39 glorious weeks. You were proud of him, made uncomfortable at times by him, and maybe annoyed by him with hick ups or kicks. He was and is your baby, delight, flesh, joy, pain, sorrow, and grief.

But the hole in your heart left by little William George will always be there...he was your son. I am so very sorry that your precious baby died, and that you will have to endure so many more of these painful milestones that will remind you of this heartache.

A book is a wonderful idea, and I hope you are able to do that. I have come across some poems for mother's that have lost babies if you would like for me to share them with you, I'd be happy to.

I pray that your very broken heart will over time begin to mend, so that one day you can begin to feel peace, rest, and joy again.

Blessings,

Rebecca
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#171 of 175 Old 06-02-2009, 04:18 PM
 
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Thank you. :

I miss him so much. Seems crazy to miss something you never had, but there it is.
I'm sure sometimes our words are mere words as we have no idea how this feels, most of us don't anyway..

but Dawn, you did have him. William was alive, maybe not by the silly standards of this world, but he was alive. You felt him move, you fed him through your body and you saw and heard his heart beat, he was alive and it was real... You knew him, he knew you and you both felt that personal loving connection that noone else felt. How could you not miss him...

I miss him with you (tears) and I'm not even connected to either of you... He didn't take a breath in this world but he was certainly alive and loved.
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#172 of 175 Old 06-03-2009, 07:11 PM
 
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Dawn, I don't think anyone would argue that you certainly did have him. Not in the way you & everyone else would have liked, but he was physically a part of you for 9 months & no definition of the law can take that away from you.


i wish he was here in your arms
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#173 of 175 Old 06-04-2009, 02:26 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you, yes. Sometimes I feel like he was a dream. I mean, not literally, I know he was real. But another baby-loss mama's analogy really struck me - talking about my experience of having him those nine months is like trying to tell someone else about a dream I had. I can only make it so real for someone else... they didn't live it. And no one else ever got to experience him alive, like I did, inside of me. Everyone else was waiting for him to "arrive" and he never did. So yes, I had him. I was the only one who ever did, really. My own. My precious.

Ha, now I sound like Gollum. If you see my sanity, let me know...

Autumn (1990) Blake (1993) Zoe (2001) Dmitrios (2002) and William (April 2009) born still @ 39 wks - my 4ever
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#174 of 175 Old 06-06-2009, 12:39 AM
 
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yep, Dawn, your words ring so true to me. When I lost Owen, early on, DH said something to the effect about how he had really only known & experienced Owen through me, in utero. That helped me understand why I mourned & ached for Owen so much more passionately (not sure if that's the right word) than DH. kwim?
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#175 of 175 Old 06-06-2009, 04:21 AM
 
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This goes to show how amazing the mother/child bond is in womb. This is so very important. Its quite powerful and is to be cherished. We all feel that special bond, right there with you Dawn.
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