Stillbirth of William George - update: pic post #71 - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 175 Old 04-02-2009, 02:49 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Had my MW appt today... and she couldn't find the heartbeat. I thought he'd felt less active today, but I've been contracting a lot, in pain, exhausted and distracted and it's been hard to tell.

The hospital visit confirmed what I just somehow knew and had dreaded... he was gone. The ironic news was I was 6-7 cm and 85% effaced... those ctx really had done something.

He was born at 10:14 pm on April Fool's Day...some joke... a tiny 5lb 4oz - tiny like his sister was. Tiny and perfect. There was no sign of... anything. No knot in the cord, placenta was normal, he was normal, no infection, no fever, nothing in the bloodwork. No explanation.

At first I couldn't believe the universe would do this. My dad in February... and we named him after both grandpas. We were going to surprise my mom with his name. And now this? Really? Could anything be more cruel?

Two days ago I was talking about how unimaginable this sort of loss must be... and today, I'm experiencing it. I think I'm still in shock.

The birth was thankfully fast - they gave me a tiny bit of pit, but I pushed him out pretty quickly. Although I've never had a more painful birth, in more ways than one. It was like my body didn't want to do it... it was all me. I had to make the conscious choice to birth him, and part of me just wanted to hold on...

The kids were there... not for the birth, we had a friend in the waiting room with them, but after... and we did get to hold him... the staff took pictures, and were very kind. I will post them tomorrow if I can bear to get on the computer again. Things are so different now than back in the days when they whisked the baby away and you never saw them...

The only thing I keep thinking is, "Why?" And there's just no answer and probably never will be.

I thought I would feel awful coming here, but I strangely don't. I still feel thrilled that you're having your babies, and they're healthy and nursing and doing well. I don't know how I'll feel tomorrow... but I truly hope for the best for every one of you and yours.

Autumn (1990) Blake (1993) Zoe (2001) Dmitrios (2002) and William (April 2009) born still @ 39 wks - my 4ever
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#2 of 175 Old 04-02-2009, 02:52 AM
 
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Saw this on new posts.

. So sorry mama.

Give more**Expect Less
There is no such thing as bad weather. Only bad clothing.
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#3 of 175 Old 04-02-2009, 03:00 AM
 
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No words can ever really express what this kind of pain must be... I am so sorry for your loss and hope that you heal well. You are in my prayers, mama.

Stephenie, Wife to Nick partners.gif 9/3/05 Mama to Keagan treehugger.gif autismribbon.gif 4/12/07, Eden dust.gifhomebirth.jpg3/29/09  3rdtri.gif Someone new coming in July and two angels 6/06 and 10/10. Check out my blog! blogging.jpg

 
 
 
  

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#4 of 175 Old 04-02-2009, 03:01 AM
 
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I saw this on new posts as well and just wanted to say that I am so sorry for your loss
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#5 of 175 Old 04-02-2009, 03:21 AM
 
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Oh mama, no! My heart goes out to you. I'm thinking of you and your family. I'm so very sorry.

Welcoming our twins :: born February 21, 2009 at 33 weeks! :
C-section due to pre-eclampsia and HELLP:
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#6 of 175 Old 04-02-2009, 03:39 AM
 
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I am so so sorry.
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#7 of 175 Old 04-02-2009, 03:44 AM
 
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William George

I'm so sorry, my heart is with your family.

75% Crunchy 25% Smooth
Raising 2 peanuts. #3 due in June bellyhair.gif

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#8 of 175 Old 04-02-2009, 03:56 AM
 
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Oh, God, Dawn! No! No more! Sweetheart, I think you know I mean it when I say I know what you are going through-- I *am* going through what you're going through. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk/ rant/ scream, whatever. Maybe we can find a way to help each other through this devastating time.

I am so sorry you lost your precious William George .
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#9 of 175 Old 04-02-2009, 04:15 AM
 
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Dawn...my heart aches for you...I'm so sorry! I just have no words. I'm so glad you find comfort being back on here. The only way I know how to deal with such terrible things is prayer and scripture. I will be praying for you and your healing! It just isn't FAIR espeically with no explanation!: Hug: 1praying:

Psalm 147:3 "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."
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#10 of 175 Old 04-02-2009, 04:20 AM
 
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I'm so sorry, Dawn. :

Helen mum to five and mistress of mess and mayhem, making merry and mischief til the sun goes down.
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#11 of 175 Old 04-02-2009, 04:27 AM
 
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Not in your ddc but couldn't not post. I'm so sorry for your loss.

 dreads.gif  ribbonyellow.gif Proud Army Wife to DH ribbonyellow.gif  mama to one busy boy blahblah.gif and his dog2.gif  
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#12 of 175 Old 04-02-2009, 06:00 AM
 
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I am so, so sorry for your loss.

You are in my thoughts.

read.gif+dp_malesling.GIFreading.gifmoon.gifblahblah.gifjog.gif(All waterbirth.jpg. 3 @ homebirth.jpg30stork-suprise.gif*31*32*33*34*35*36*37*38*39*40?41*42?h20homebirth.gif 
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#13 of 175 Old 04-02-2009, 06:21 AM
 
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Oh Dawn, I am so so sorry for your loss. No mother should have to experience this.

William George

Ever-evolving mama to my beautiful Brynn, and my little dimple-face Noah .
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#14 of 175 Old 04-02-2009, 06:57 AM
 
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I am sorry.
Words cannot express.
My heart and thoughts will be with you and your family.

Kim , mom to Amanda (16):, William (13), and Annie (5)
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#15 of 175 Old 04-02-2009, 08:08 AM
 
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Apparently, you can never let your guard down. I'm so sorry to hear this and have you in my prayers.

Wacky Zack! Born 23-Apr-2009
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#16 of 175 Old 04-02-2009, 08:16 AM
 
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I am so sorry for your loss.

Jenny, proud maker of red things
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#17 of 175 Old 04-02-2009, 08:36 AM
 
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Not in your DDC, but saw it also as a new post. My heart just broke for you. I'm so sorry.
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#18 of 175 Old 04-02-2009, 08:46 AM
 
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Dawn, I am so sorry. Like everyone else has been saying, there really are no words I can say besides I am sorry and you and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. This is so unfair. Please know you will be thought about often.

William George

Married to my best friend Mama to DS1 4/2009 and DS2 3/2011 and two Remembering 3/2008
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#19 of 175 Old 04-02-2009, 08:56 AM
 
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Oh, Dawn, I am so so sorry for your loss :-( Each life, no matter how shortly lived, is meaningful. Your dear William George will not be forgotten, and his purpose in your life will be made known.

Bradley Teacher, Doula, Wife To DH (6 yrs), Mama to DS (9/07), DS (4/09), and due in February of 2011
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#20 of 175 Old 04-02-2009, 08:58 AM
 
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I am so sorry for your loss.

Working Mom to DS1 (05/09) and DS2 (08/11). 

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#21 of 175 Old 04-02-2009, 09:05 AM
 
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I'm so sorry for your loss, I cant imagine how that must feel. I just lost my little brother, and I found a little comfort in this. Thought I would share in case you might too.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zCdZwitrNoY
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#22 of 175 Old 04-02-2009, 09:10 AM
 
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Dawn, I'm so sorry for your loss
great big
You and your family are in my thoughts

: Mother (4/11/06) to Josephine and (4/23/09) to Oliver and baby (due June 1st)

Babies: Angel (6/29/02), Tiberius (3/8/11), Lillianna (12/27/11)

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#23 of 175 Old 04-02-2009, 09:23 AM
 
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I am so sorry for your loss of your beautiful son, William George.

Married Catholic mami : to 5 boys, : 9 6 3 : 5 mo. 5/6/02-6/22/02 (HIE)
:
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#24 of 175 Old 04-02-2009, 09:30 AM
 
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I am so so sorry, that is just awful. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts. Hugs.

Katie
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#25 of 175 Old 04-02-2009, 09:35 AM
 
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I am so sorry for your loss

mum to Christopher (6/98) Elizabeth (2/05) twins Aaron and Dominic (7/10/06) and new baby Eden (4-18-09)
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#26 of 175 Old 04-02-2009, 09:39 AM
 
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My heart aches for you. Many many s to you and your family.

: 2:Ma To 6 :12,8,7,5,2,1&
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#27 of 175 Old 04-02-2009, 09:44 AM
 
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With tears, I am so sorry for your loss.

Momma to Samuel Wyatt 8/15/09 and our new addition Jack 9/25/11!   mdcblog5.gif  winner.jpgcd.gif

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#28 of 175 Old 04-02-2009, 09:53 AM
 
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Oh Dawn. I can't believe it. There are no words, but I am carrying you and mischevium in my heart right now.

I'm so sorry for the loss of precious William George.
XOXO
B

mama to Milena Anjali (4/26/06) and Vincent Asher (4/13/09) ~ married to the love of my life since 2002.
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#29 of 175 Old 04-02-2009, 09:59 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mischievium View Post
Oh, God, Dawn! No! No more! Sweetheart, I think you know I mean it when I say I know what you are going through-- I *am* going through what you're going through. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk/ rant/ scream, whatever. Maybe we can find a way to help each other through this devastating time.

I am so sorry you lost your precious William George .
I know you know. All the way to the hospital, I kept thinking... this can't happen twice to two of us in the space of two days. The world can't be that cruel. But it can. It is.

I've never borne a greater pain... and there's every pun intended there. It hit this morning like a truck. I'm run over.

Autumn (1990) Blake (1993) Zoe (2001) Dmitrios (2002) and William (April 2009) born still @ 39 wks - my 4ever
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#30 of 175 Old 04-02-2009, 10:11 AM
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I am so sorry. I wish I had the right words to express, but I don't. I'm praying for you, mama.
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