pregnant after loss- September chat - Mothering Forums

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Old 09-02-2008, 10:02 AM - Thread Starter
 
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To keep each thread from becoming too ginormous, shall we make these monthly chat threads?

I hope you're all hanging in there! I certainly have my good days, where I feel very zen & confident, & my bad days, where my nausea is less & I'm sure it's all over.

But on Saturday night, one of my friend's 3yo daughter died from the cancer she'd been fighting since October (nueroblastoma) & that certainly puts all of my worries into perspective.

: to you all
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Old 09-02-2008, 10:20 AM
 
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oh goodness... i'm so sorry about your friend and her family. i can't even imagine... it does put things into perspective for sure....

i am with you...i have good days and bad days...they are getting better though, but i do tend to play mind games with myself. i can't wait for the next 4 weeks to go by so i can be past the first tri though....


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Old 09-02-2008, 10:33 AM
 
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I will be bouncing between here and the May DDC. I lost a pregnancy on March 27 at 12 weeks. I really do not feel worried about losing this pregnancy. I feel quite confident that everything will go fine! May I spread this confidence amongst you!
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Old 09-02-2008, 11:16 AM
 
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I'll take some of that confidence.

Jen - I am so sorry to hear about your friend and her family. That is terrible. It does really put things in perspective.

I have my good and bad days as well. I made the "mistake" of renting a doppler and I have been trying to use it and I have to assume I'm just too early (8w3d today) to hear anything. I have seen the baby and it's heartbeat on u/s twice now, but I cannot seem to find it with the doppler and its very disheartening! I do know that it's just too early and I don't know what I'm doing. I think I MAY have heard it at one point yesterday, but I'm not sure. I always seem to hear my own heart no matter where I put it!

Does anyone else have a doppler and how early are you able to usually hear the heartbeat on your own?

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Old 09-02-2008, 12:03 PM
 
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unless its a powerful one, most of the rentals are not going to pick anything up until the second tri...usually 10 weeks is the earliest...

hang in there mama...you'll hear that little bub soon!

Cat - Mother to Jonathon (1-24-1987) ; Lola (3-24-2003) ; Xiola (9-27-2005) : 8 wks (4-2008) ; 11 1/2 weeks (9-2008); and 7.5 weeks (5-2010) Nana to William (3-27-2009) Blog: AmLo Farms
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Old 09-02-2008, 02:11 PM
 
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JenMidwife- big hugs to your friend. A miscarriage was difficult, I can't imagine losing a child of 3.

So my issue of the moment:

My DH is really against the idea of having an early ulrasound. I feel like it would alleviate a lot of my worries but he insists that nothing will change and that my fears need to be dealt with and not just pacified. Arg!... we do have one scheduled for the NF testing at 13 weeks- but that seems so far away!


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Old 09-02-2008, 02:38 PM
 
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I have an U/S for today, and I’m scared, although I don’t have any particular reason to be- I had blood tests twice a week for several weeks, and those were apparently fine. My doctor won’t be there, I have an appointment with him Thursday. I could have waited another week and had him be there, but I didn’t want to wait so long. Now I’m worried the technician will look all worried and not tell me anything, which happened before, although the problem was that my due date was written down wrong.

I have very little nausea, which is kind of worrying me, but the pregnancy I lost was my first, so I guess this could be normal for me. I had virtually no symptoms then (not even sore boobies, which I have now). My mother had dreadful, dreadful all-day sickness from ‘conception to delivery’ as she described it, including during an early miscarriage she didn’t even realize she had until after her subsequent two pregnancies. I was always afraid that would happen to me, and now I’m kind of afraid that it isn’t.

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Old 09-02-2008, 03:44 PM
 
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Jenmidwife, I meant to write before to send 's to your friend.

I have had no symptoms thus far, either...not even sore breasts. I had little to no symptoms with my other pregs, however.

I know that it is easy to be afraid, but I feel like those kinds of feelings can manifest. I feel that fear manifests itself when we let it get to us. I have moments, for sure, and I don't try to block them. Instead, I let them pass through my mind the way I would let a sound pass.
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Old 09-02-2008, 07:31 PM
 
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I agree so much. After a loss, being pregnant is just not the same. We worry if we do have symptoms, and we worry if we don't. Once we reach one milestone, we already worry about the next. It's like we are running on stress energy, which we all know is not healthy. Its hard not to!! My boobs are sore and full, I'm peeing a lot, but so far, no nausea or fatigue. My acupuncturist has been doing points for nausea, so she said not to panic if I don't get m/s. Of course I'd welcome it at this point!! I had it bad with my 2 children, and never had it with my miscarriages or ectopic. I am finding that I'm trying not to get too excited about being pregnant this time, so I don't get so let down if it doesn't pan out. I guess its a protective mechanism. So instead of being overjoyed, I'm a worried, nervous wreck. I have my 6 week US tomorrow, and am hoping to see the heartbeat.
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Old 09-02-2008, 08:20 PM
 
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Originally Posted by michanders4 View Post
I have my good and bad days as well. I made the "mistake" of renting a doppler and I have been trying to use it and I have to assume I'm just too early (8w3d today) to hear anything. I have seen the baby and it's heartbeat on u/s twice now, but I cannot seem to find it with the doppler and its very disheartening! I do know that it's just too early and I don't know what I'm doing. I think I MAY have heard it at one point yesterday, but I'm not sure. I always seem to hear my own heart no matter where I put it!

Does anyone else have a doppler and how early are you able to usually hear the heartbeat on your own?
I have a 3mhz, and I heard it at 7 wks 5 days. If it's a 2 mhz, you may not be able to hear anything just yet. I rented it from BellyBeat with my first and kept it so long I just ended up purchasing it. Now, yesterday at 9wk 1 day, I couldn't find it and freaked out. Then I went online and found a troubleshooting site. Make sure you have a full bladder, this helps to push the uterus forward. And place the doppler just above your pubic hair line. I tried with no fluids and failed miserably. I also have a retroverted uterus and, if you do, your uterus does not usually tilt into "normal" position until the embryo reaches fetal size at 10 wks.

It gets easier when you know what you're listening for. It's easy to catch for a "glimpse" - so-to-speak - and then have trouble find just the right spot to hear it for a good 10 seconds or so.

Jen - so sorry to hear of your friend's loss! I cannot imagine the sorrow - although it must be somewhat tempered by knowing that her dear child is no longer suffering.

Mama to add 10/05; ds 3/09, and two angels
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Old 09-02-2008, 11:20 PM
 
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: All good, the little dot looks like it's supposed to, heartbeat and everything.

So maybe I just don't get ms? Or maybe it will rear up on me next week or something.

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Old 09-03-2008, 01:46 AM
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Thanks for the new thread, jen. I'm so sorry to hear about your friend's dd. I can't even imagine that kind of pain.

So I was totally freaking out about my lack of nausea the last few days and I called the RE to see if I could get in today for an u/s. They got me in and everything is wonderfully fine!!!!: 9 wks (past the point of all my m/cs) and hb is great. The baby was moving all around - kicking and stuff. Sooooo amazing! What a relief. I actually called my mw today and made an appt! I'm starting to think there is chance I might really get a baby out of this one.

Michelle, where did you rent your doppler from? I think I'm going to rent one soon. The RE said today I have a retroverted uterus so that will likely make it hard to hear w/ a doppler for a while.

Wildwomyn -yay for a great u/s!!!!!

J, mama to H (8/05) and F (3/09)
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Old 09-03-2008, 10:32 AM
 
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Michelle, where did you rent your doppler from? I think I'm going to rent one soon. The RE said today I have a retroverted uterus so that will likely make it hard to hear w/ a doppler for a while.
I rented mine from a company called babyfm.com. They rent by the day (after 2 months - most companies rent by the month only) and also they dont ask for a doctors verification. I'm sure my doctor would be ok with me using one (I'd like to think) and it is FDA approved, but I still liked the idea of being able to rent it right away. It is 3mhz which is the most powerful one you can get. I have to say though, I haven't been able to hear it on my own yet so for now it is causing mostly stress My doctor even said she probably won't be able to hear the heartbeat until at least 10 weeks so I am putting mine away until then. I have to say I'm jealous that you got in for another u/s.. I'm getting to that itchy it's been a week since I've seen the baby and I want to make sure everything is ok stage. I have a doctor's appointment on Monday so we'll see if maybe she'll either hear it with the doppler or get me in for an u/s. I'm still stressing every time I feel "good", etc. I also get a little down when summer ends as I love summer so much and between that and I'm pretty sure the stress of not knowing how the baby is doing I've been feeling blue lately. I'm sure next time I see or hear the baby it will definitely lift my spirits!!!! This whole pregnancy thing is so stressful

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Old 09-03-2008, 12:52 PM
 
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so i'm just over 8 weeks and have been feeling the occasional m/s..some days bad and other days not so bad. anyone else going through this? i get nervous of course, but then i start feeling bad and feel better..if that makes sense.. my bbs still hurt off and on. yesterday hardly at all, but today they are back. maybe everything is just starting to even out. i am on progesterone so i am wondering if that is helping counter balance some of the more intense m/s...i'm just nervous, as usual...

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Old 09-03-2008, 02:08 PM
 
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Now, I really don't want anyone to take this the wrong way, but are those of you who are renting dopplers or interested in such aware of potential risks involved with doppler use?

This is only my perspective and to each her own...but I am worried that the over-use of the doppler (i.e. using it more than once a month or so) can affect babies negatively.

I also think that (again, this is simply my perspective) such doppler use may be exacerbating fears, stress, and worries...and that this is seriously unneccessary.

I just can't not say this.
I'm not judging you if you feel differently than I do...
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Old 09-03-2008, 02:14 PM
 
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Now, I really don't want anyone to take this the wrong way, but are those of you who are renting dopplers or interested in such aware of potential risks involved with doppler use?

This is only my perspective and to each her own...but I am worried that the over-use of the doppler (i.e. using it more than once a month or so) can affect babies negatively.

I also think that (again, this is simply my perspective) such doppler use may be exacerbating fears, stress, and worries...and that this is seriously unneccessary.

I just can't not say this.
I'm not judging you if you feel differently than I do...
I agree with you to an extent.. I'm not opposed to any type of sonography as there haven't been any ill effects proven after 30 years of use - but I also fear too much of anything isn't good and I am in awe when I hear some people say they use theirs more than once a day on a regular basis. And I also strongly agree that so far mine has just caused me grief and frustration and I am goign to put it away and consider sending it back so I don't even have the option anymore. Sigh.

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Old 09-03-2008, 02:19 PM
 
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I'm glad to hear that you don't seem to be taking my comments negatively. I am more worried than anything...not judging. Thank you for being so understanding.
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Old 09-03-2008, 05:43 PM
 
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I am just curious if anyone else is feeling the same way I am. I am 8w4d today (by ovulation but since its close doc is going by LMP which makes me 8w6d) and I keep going through bouts of disbelief that I am really going to have a baby. I think its because my fears were actually validated last time and I had a missed miscarriage. I didn't know anything was wrong except the baby wasn't growing when I had an u/s. No bleeding, no cramping (for the most part) and I naively thought everything was just fine until that devastating day (Valentines Day of all days). With this pregnancy I saw the baby at 7w (by LMP) and at 7w6d (by LMP) and both times the baby was alive and measuring right and had a strong heartbeat. It is even amazing to compare the two u/s pictures and see how much baby grew from one week to the next!!!! But for some reason now that it has been a week since I have seen or heard the baby I am having my disbelief again (it happened last week as well but my doctor let me go in for a reassurance u/s). I catch myself constantly being like "if I'm still pregnant then" and things like that in my head and doubting that everything is ok now. Is this normal?? I do feel that everything is fine, its just so hard. I have a doctor's appointment on Monday although she had mentioned my possibly rescheduling it for the following week when she thought she'd definitely be able to hear the heartbeat with a doppler. I'm glad I kept it though because I'm sure it will help to go in there and at least have her try. I think she'd be willing to send me for another u/s if she can't find it just to ease my mind.

Anyway, I had to write all this down. Does anyone else catch themselves feeling or thinking the same way??

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Old 09-03-2008, 05:49 PM
 
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Oh yes. Extremely normal. Its amazing to see how the brain works, huh? I do the same exact thing and keep thinking this must be too good to be true. You get thru one milestone, and am worried about the next. I saw the heartbeat today for the first time (5 wks, 6 days) and am terrified that when I go back next week, it won't be there. Once you have miscarriages being pregnant just isn't the same. You've made it past the point of the last miscarriage, so that is terrific. Plus, soon you can start hearing the heartbeat if you decide to rent a doppler, so that will put your mind at ease too.
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Old 09-03-2008, 07:20 PM
 
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i am there with you...when i have a day where i don't feel as sick i start feeling like it's over again...but then i realize i'm still having all my symptoms and just be happy for a day without being sick...still, i worry. i'm growing in the belly and feeling the way i should, but i still don't believe it alot of days...

i'm one who really doesn't want to do the doppler thing, or at least i thought i was and now i'm wondering if maybe i should just rent one in a couple weeks to ease my mind...i don't know...it's stressful after losing before. hang in there..we are all here for each other..

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Old 09-03-2008, 08:31 PM
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Originally Posted by russianthistle View Post
Now, I really don't want anyone to take this the wrong way, but are those of you who are renting dopplers or interested in such aware of potential risks involved with doppler use?

This is only my perspective and to each her own...but I am worried that the over-use of the doppler (i.e. using it more than once a month or so) can affect babies negatively.

I also think that (again, this is simply my perspective) such doppler use may be exacerbating fears, stress, and worries...and that this is seriously unneccessary.

I just can't not say this.
I'm not judging you if you feel differently than I do...

I see what your saying and I have thought a lot about this. If you'd asked me even after 1 or 2 m/c's I would have said I was against doppler rentals. But, after 3 consectutive m/c's the intense panic, stress and anxiety I'm dealing with on a daily basis is just more than I can bear. I think that the negative effect of this anxiety far outweighs any potential effects the doppler may have. I do not plan on renting one until I have heard a heartbeat with a doppler already and it not something I would use even every day. But, essentially, I think we all do what we have to do to get through this and if renting a doppler is going to help you then it is what it is.

J, mama to H (8/05) and F (3/09)
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Old 09-04-2008, 12:32 AM
 
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I don't want to do the doppler, either. I might do it the first visit, then fetoscope it for the rest of the pregnancy. Or, I might just wait until 14 wks. and simply use the fetoscope! I probaby won't go see my doc until 12 wks.
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Old 09-04-2008, 12:34 AM
 
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I see what your saying and I have thought a lot about this. If you'd asked me even after 1 or 2 m/c's I would have said I was against doppler rentals. But, after 3 consectutive m/c's the intense panic, stress and anxiety I'm dealing with on a daily basis is just more than I can bear. I think that the negative effect of this anxiety far outweighs any potential effects the doppler may have. I do not plan on renting one until I have heard a heartbeat with a doppler already and it not something I would use even every day. But, essentially, I think we all do what we have to do to get through this and if renting a doppler is going to help you then it is what it is.
And, I, too understand from where you are coming.
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Old 09-04-2008, 10:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi mamas, are you all hanging in there? Hopefully not stressing too much.

I had my first prenatal appt yesterday (I was 9 weeks) & we heard the heart beat w/a doppler! I couldn't believe it! OH I'm so happy. & I think I'm starting to get a little tummy

My nausea really comes & goes, so that's just making me crazy. I wish my boobs were sore so that I'd have a constant symptom that was less, um, nauseating!
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Old 09-05-2008, 02:30 PM
 
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Hi All. I went to RE on Wednesday and heard and saw a heartbeat. I am very nauseous and my boobs are so sore. My hubby and I are heading to Europe tonight for our 1st year anniversary. My RE said when I come back I'll see them one more time and then I'll be able to be in the care of my HB Midwife. I can't wait!
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Old 09-05-2008, 02:31 PM
 
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Hi mamas, are you all hanging in there? Hopefully not stressing too much.

I had my first prenatal appt yesterday (I was 9 weeks) & we heard the heart beat w/a doppler! I couldn't believe it! OH I'm so happy. & I think I'm starting to get a little tummy

My nausea really comes & goes, so that's just making me crazy. I wish my boobs were sore so that I'd have a constant symptom that was less, um, nauseating!
Great News Jen!!!
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Old 09-05-2008, 09:01 PM
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Great news Cori and Jen!!! I so hope we can hear the hb at my fist mw appt. It's at 11 wks. I have one more RE appt before then. It's looking like we might actually get babies this time!?!?!? :

J, mama to H (8/05) and F (3/09)
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Old 09-05-2008, 10:48 PM
 
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My nausea really comes & goes, so that's just making me crazy. I wish my boobs were sore so that I'd have a constant symptom that was less, um, nauseating!
I would laugh out loud if it didn't make me gag. I'm happy to be sick, I just forgot how bad this is!
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Old 09-05-2008, 11:15 PM
 
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yeah..i'm 8 and a 1/2 weeks now and nausea comes and goes with me as well...i'd love to be too sick right now.. but i still have sore bbs and seem to be growing...all my other symptoms are in place and no signs that anything is wrong. i'm on progesterone, so i assume i won't notice any spotting if something was wrong. i am also hungry alot!!! i got on the scale tonight and have gained 4 pounds already! i am eating healthy, but definitely want more carbs than anything so i'm thinking i might need to take it easy with that..

i have moments in the day where i just feel so carsick and it will last an hour or so then go away...but i never feel fully 100% and am so exhausted, so i'm still thinking positive..

congrats to the ladies who saw their babies!! :

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Old 09-05-2008, 11:27 PM
 
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oh..the other thing i just noticed tonight in the shower is my areolas are getting dark again...that's a good sign too.. i know, tmi...

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