I have an overwhelming feeling of dread...Final update #52 - Mothering Forums

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Old 09-07-2008, 04:09 PM - Thread Starter
 
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that this pg isn't viable.

I have been having pg symptoms -- unrelenting fatigue coupled with insomnia, late afternoon/evening queasiness, on-and-off sore breasts -- and am still feeling this way.

But this morning, I woke up to a tiny bit of spotting, which appears to have stopped now -- this is the first spotting I've had since implantation spotting weeks and weeks ago. And now my lower back is sore and hurting, too. Not good. I'm supposed to be 8 1/2 wks. along and my first prenatal appt. is scheduled for this Thursday.

And while I know all this could be innocent, I have a deeply bad feeling about it all. I'm already grieving, sitting here in my bedroom fighting back tears, feeling sick and shakey, that's how convinced I am something isn't right. Statistically, I'm overdue for a m/c, this being my 6th pg. The last time I felt this awful was when Sophie stopped moving one morning in utero and I was trying to decide whether to call in and go be monitored or not. She ended up being born by emergency c/s an hour later, barely alive. *shudder*

I'm trying to decide what to do -- I'm really not holding up well not knowing what's going on. I definitely won't make it until my Thursday appt; I'm barely able to keep a thought in my head for ten seconds at a time right now.

It's Sunday, so my OB's office is closed, although I could probably speak to someone on call. I suppose I could go in to the ER for an u/s, although I've never done that before -- for those of you who have done this, will the tech tell you what's going on or do they make you wait for your dr's follow-up to confirm? I don't think I could bear that; I want to know.

Or should I just wait and see what happens (i.e. if the bleeding starts up again and cramping worsens) until tomorrow morning when the office re-opens? I do realize that if I'm going to m/c, I'm going to m/c and no one is going to be able to do anything about it. And it also occurs to me that even if I hear a h/b at the ER, it doesn't mean I won't m/c. Ugh.

This is such a horrible feeling; I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Please keep me in your thoughts; I'll update one way or the other, I promise.

Guin

Update #1 Evening:

Thank you all so much for your kind thoughts and for sharing your experiences with me. It really means a lot to me, and it helped me decide what to do. I decided not to risk having a bad ER experience, and instead to wait until tomorrow morning, at which point I will call my OB's office and ask them to get me in for an u/s ASAP.

I haven't had any further spotting. I am having discharge, though, sort of *TMI ahead* snot-like and yellow, but not brown or red. My lower back is still very sore and crampy, but not so bad that I couldn't continue on with normal activities.

After I posted, I called up my best girlfriend, who is due in Dec. but has gone through 2 m/c's and she gave me lots of verbal hugs through the phone, lol, then on her recommendation I took a long, hot bath -- that felt wonderful and made the cramping go away for a full hour afterwards. Then I spent the rest of the afternoon homeschooling the kids, making dinner, giving baths, etc.

I'm really confused. The cramping is not ligament pain, it is definitely cramping. But it's not getting worse, and I'm not bleeding. Yet. Sigh. I just want to know what's going on and move on to the next phase of dealing with it, whatever "it" is. If I'm m/c'ing, I want to do it soon.

For those of you who did m/c and didn't have a D&C, how long did you cramp and spot/bleed before you actually m/c?

I'll be sure and post an update either if things go further downhill overnight or when I'm finally seen tomorrow. Thanks for thinking of me.

Guin

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Old 09-07-2008, 04:29 PM
 
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Old 09-07-2008, 04:33 PM
 
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we are here for you...no matter what.. please try to stay calm and get some rest...let us kknow what we can do..

Cat - Mother to Jonathon (1-24-1987) ; Lola (3-24-2003) ; Xiola (9-27-2005) : 8 wks (4-2008) ; 11 1/2 weeks (9-2008); and 7.5 weeks (5-2010) Nana to William (3-27-2009) Blog: AmLo Farms
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Old 09-07-2008, 04:34 PM
 
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I really hope your nerves/emotions/hormones are getting the best of you. Keep trying to think positive thoughts. I'll be thinking about you. It can't hurt to go into the ER and Id like to think that they would tell you SOMETHING.

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Old 09-07-2008, 05:02 PM
 
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I've had an emergency room ultrasound before. The tech wasn't allowed to tell my ANYTHING. She couldn't even tell me why she was looking at the baby (I went in for a suspected case of appendicitis while pregnant, so they figured they'd try an ultrasound before an MRI). I wasn't allowed to see the monitor either. Had to wait 2 hours for the radiologist to tell me that my baby had died. I initially had to wait 4 hours just to get the ultrasound. It was a long night spent in the hospital for them to completley forget about why I came in in the first place. I had to decode my medical records to find the diagnosis behind the suspected appendicitis.

The subsequent battle for my medical records and fight with medicaid to get the hospital bills covered was not worth it had I simply been going in to check on the pregnancy and not the source of mysterious, stabbing pains.
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Old 09-07-2008, 05:13 PM
 
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i hope this turns out to be nothing for you. im feeling the same way today. if you think it will make you feel better, go in and try to have the u/s done in the er.

Leah- mama to Audrey born 12/29/03 and Gwyneth born 4/1/2009! Soon to be TTC #3!
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Old 09-07-2008, 05:24 PM
 
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I'm sorry you feel so scared right now. If it helps at all, I had spotting with my dd for three months--each time it hit was right around the time I would have gotten my period if I hadn't been pregnant (8 weeks sounds right around there). It was scary as heck (and I cried in bed and stayed home from work each time), but she was totally fine. I hope everything is okay for you too!

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Old 09-07-2008, 06:13 PM
 
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I'm so sorry you're feeling that way, mama. Could it possibly be due to how your last pregnancy ended? I don't mean that in a condescending way *at all*. When I was pregnant with #4, I felt very much the same way the entire time. I didn't have a traumatic birth before her, but did have a miscarriage about four months before I got pregnant with her. I will admit that I worried the entire time, didn't bond with her until late because I was so afraid I was going to lose her. I also did have some spotting off and on throughout her pregnancy (which were all pinpointed to yeast or uti infections).

(((HUGS))) Hope your baby bean is a healthy one and sticks in there with you!

Wife to 1~Mom to 5 ages brand new to 12~Rural Mail Carrier~Keeper of 2 dogs, 1 cat & a flock of chickens :
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Old 09-07-2008, 06:24 PM
 
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Oh Guin! I am sorry you are going through this!

I did go to the ER for an emergency scan with my first pregnancy; I started spotting between 11 and 12 weeks. If I remember right, they did a scan right away, and then the tech (or the nurse? Whomever it was) called the attending OB, who came down and did a more thorough look. I couldn't tell at all what I was seeing on the monitor. They all left the room for about 2 minutes, and then the ER doctor came back and told me that I had had a blighted ovum, and there was no heartbeat. It was terrible of course, but the doctor was so kind and empathetic, even telling us that his wife had also miscarried and then gone on to have two healthy children. I was grateful to have had that doctor for such a difficult experience.

Anyway, just go with your instinct. If you feel like you need to know something today, go to the ER. If you feel like you are OK with waiting til tomorrow, that's what you should do.

Please keep us up to date. I'll be thinking of you.

Ever-evolving mama to my beautiful Brynn, and my little dimple-face Noah .
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Old 09-07-2008, 08:03 PM
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I'll be thinking of you, mama.
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Old 09-07-2008, 08:04 PM
 
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So sorry you're having a scary day. Based on the symptoms you're reporting, it could so easily be nothing to worry about. I would definitely try getting in touch with whoever's on call at your OB's office and see what they can tell you. They will at least be able to tell you whether you should go to the ER or not.

Please keep us posted. I know we're all hoping and praying that your baby is fine.

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Old 09-07-2008, 08:46 PM
 
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Wishing you all the best.

Take care

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Old 09-07-2008, 08:53 PM
 
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I have also experienced the er ultrasound. First they insisted on a pelvic exam and blood test, so it took several hours before I finally got the ultrasound.

However, I have sinced moved and changed doctors. When I experienced some bleeding, on a weekend, I called the dr. on call, who offered to meet me at the ER if I wanted.

So it may be worth it to call your doctor and see what they think, there should be someone on call, at least they could set you up to come in early tomorrow morning. I really hope everything is okay and it was just a little spotting. I have had two miscarriages. Both times, within hours of the first spotting, I had regular contractions and much heavier bleeding. So, honestly, if it has stopped now that is a great sign.

Praying for you, please update when you can.
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Old 09-08-2008, 01:22 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Update in OP.

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Old 09-08-2008, 02:28 AM
 
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Awww, mama! I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I know how it is. I felt the EXACT same way at the beginning of my pregnancy when I started spotting at 7ish weeks. Then again at about 9 weeks when I started spotting and cramping. You know how they say that spotting with no cramping and cramping with no spotting is not necessarily bad? But it is when you do both at the same time? Well it was hardest when I got up in the middle of the night to cramping and spotting. My boobs weren't sore anymore or anything. I woke DH up at 4 AM and told him what was going on. We both sat on the couch and held each other and grieved the loss of our child. We decided to let nature take its course. Well the spotting and the cramping stopped and I am weeks away from having the baby we thought we had lost. Don't give up hope. Try and stay positive...as hard as that is, I know. I am sure everything is ok. Cramping is VERY normal in early pregnancy and so is spotting. Take care of yourself, mama. I will continue to follow your thread.

Jaclyn, Madly in with DH, Scott. Mama to Calli Elizabeth (23 months) & our new little man, Bode Keam (9 weeks).
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Old 09-08-2008, 10:06 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Guinevere View Post
For those of you who did m/c and didn't have a D&C, how long did you cramp and spot/bleed before you actually m/c?
Well, I think my case is pretty unusual, but I started spotting on August 1st, and then I think I bled (basically a period) about 45 days later. After that, I had periods roughly once a month, so I thought everything was back to normal. DH and resumed TTC, with no luck. I was getting more and more depressed/frustrated and couldn't figure out what was wrong (we had conceived that first time on our first try), and didn't learn until MONTHS later that the embryonic tissue was still in my uterus.

All told, it took five months for the tissue to pass without intervention.

When it did pass, I started having contractions and even went to the ER because I had no idea what was wrong with me - at that point, I still had no idea that I hadn't passed all of the tissue. And yes, I had had an ultrasound and no one "saw" anything , and I had had my betas followed until I had that first period. Everyone just assumed that all was OK at that point.

So...looking back, I'm not sure if I would make the same choice again, to not have the D&C...but in the end everything has turned out fine. I just wish I'd *known* at the time that that's what was going on.

Ever-evolving mama to my beautiful Brynn, and my little dimple-face Noah .
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Old 09-08-2008, 10:17 AM
 
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My missed AB took about 3-5 weeks to materialize. I did end up in the ER, but I would do that again. I like to give my body a chance to figure itself out.

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Old 09-08-2008, 01:53 PM
 
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Although I hope you don't have any reason to worry aobut any of this, I'll tell you my story. I had a missed m/c. The baby stopped developing at around 5.5 weeks or so. By 11 weeks I still hadn't began spotting at all or cramping and my doctor said my cerix was firm and closed so basically I knew my body was not expelling the baby on it's own. I really didn't want a D&C so I opted for a medical miscarriage. Basically the meds just cause your body to start doing what it would do naturally anyway (exept mine wasn't even close to starting anything on its own...). Anyway, I bled heavily with clots and cramped at first and the bleeding lasted a few weeks (almost a month actually). My doctor followed my hcg levels down to 20 and figured things were all done. About 2 months later I started heavily bleeding clots again and am pretty sure that's when I finished miscarrying. So similar to Amy's story, my body must have held on to some tissue. Anyway, after that all was good and I got pregnant on my first real cycle after the m/c (I had a regular period and then got pregnant the next cycle). The whole thing took almost 3 months to complete.

Like I said though, I hope your worries are for nothing and your little bean is just fine! You are in my thoughts.

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Old 09-08-2008, 02:04 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Guinevere View Post

I haven't had any further spotting. I am having discharge, though, sort of *TMI ahead* snot-like and yellow, but not brown or red. My lower back is still very sore and crampy, but not so bad that I couldn't continue on with normal activities.
Is it possible that you could have a bacterial infection? If that's the case and your dr. won't/can't give you anti-biotics you can use boric acid vaginal suppositories. I asked my mw about this and she said it's fine during pg. You can make them yourself with gelatin capsules and otc powdered boric acid. I was prone to these infections for a couple years (and they generally come with a yellowish discharge) and antibiotics didn't help much, but this method really did.

GL! I hope it's something simple.

Mama to one little blur, watching everything move too fast. Eden 4/10/2009.
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Old 09-08-2008, 02:30 PM
 
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So sorry you're scared right now. I hope you got in this morning to have an ultrasound. I wonder if the lower back pain could be a sign of a kidney infection? Just a thought...hugs to you and hang in there. We're here for you, sweet momma!

Happy wife and also mommy to my two boys, 12-12-07 (c-sec) and 04-05-09 (vbac!) and another due in December.
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Old 09-08-2008, 02:41 PM
 
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I wonder if the lower back pain could be a sign of a kidney infection? Just a thought...hugs to you and hang in there. We're here for you, sweet momma!
Oh good point, Mrs. Bass and Kate. I had a UTI a few years ago and one of the symptoms was that I had blood *in my urine.* Is there any chance of that, Guin?

Ever-evolving mama to my beautiful Brynn, and my little dimple-face Noah .
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Old 09-08-2008, 03:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hey there, everyone,

Thanks again for all the stories and suggestions. It really helps me to have some idea what to expect/watch for if this doesn't go well.

I have wondered about the UTI/kidney thing myself, or kidney stones (I am prone to them), but the pain is very low, like in my sacrum/tailbone area, not in my kidneys or ureters or bladder, there's no blood in my urine (visible, at least), and no burning or urgency in urinating. Does BV cause back pain? I can't quite remember, but I'm thinking that BV is usually symptomless, unless I'm mixing it up with something else?

The discharge I'm having (and still no more spotting since yesterday morning, btw, just the same discharge) isn't that different from my regular pg discharge -- it's clear or light yellow, but instead of being more fluid-like, it's more mucuosy. It doesn't smell funny. And it's not copious -- I'm having to go inside my vagina to see it, it's not flowing out on TP and there's nothing on my underwear at all. Sorry, I know, more info. than you all probably needed.

I'm still cramping painfully, all in my lower back.

So here my non update-update:
I called my OB's office first thing this morning; as per Murphy's Law, my OB isn't in today. His nurse didn't want to order me an u/s: "With as early on as you are, we might not see much, and I don't want to worry you unnecessarily." : Um, at almost 9 wks., we're either going to see a hb or not, and does she really think I'm not worried enough as it is? :: I distinctly felt like I was being "handled."

So then she wants me to go and have blood drawn for a stat hCg "and if the level is above 3-4,000, then we'll schedule you for an u/s." IOW, and then, if you prove to be "worth our while", you'll get an u/s. Sigh. I also asked to have my progesterone levels checked -- they've never been low before, but who knows?

So after an hour's wait at the lab, I'm home, minus 4 vials of blood, and waiting a few hours to hear back. Still living in limbo land. Limbo land is not a good land to live in, I've decided.

Please cross fingers that my levels will be high enough for them to grant me the "privilege" of a freaking u/s. I mean, I'm not for unnecessary u/s by any means, but c'mon here....spotting and cramping at almost 9 wks.? I really wish my OB were in today -- if he were, I'd already have an u/s appt. time, I guarantee it. I'm considering calling up my homebirth MW and trying to get an u/s through her if I don't get anywhere with my OB's office. I tried them first b/c it's usually much easier to get tests done there, yk? Opinions?

Guin

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Old 09-08-2008, 04:16 PM
 
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Ugh! Sounds like a power-happy nurse. For goodness sake, how does it really affect them whether you have an ultrasound or not? Sound arbitrary to me. I'm sorry.

On the BV issue, I've had mild cramps in the past with one. And for me they're not a-symptomatic...they're terribly painful. But I know that some women have them without knowing. I just hope you get to see a dr/mw and not have to deal with the whims of some nurse. GL

Mama to one little blur, watching everything move too fast. Eden 4/10/2009.
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Old 09-08-2008, 04:32 PM
 
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Well, Guin.....that bites. Hopefully, you'll get in for tests/ultrasound later today. They must be using a regular ultrasound in the office, rather than a transvaginal, to doubt that you could see anything at 9 weeks? Who knows...

Hang in there.

Mom of two girls.
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Old 09-08-2008, 04:35 PM
 
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i wish i had some advice...with my successful pg's i've had cramping and spotting before and with my m/c i had it also, so i don't really know what to tell you. i'm a bit crampy today to be honest, but no spotting to speak of at all, so i'm thinking alot of it might be normal. i have read that there is a big growth spurt in baby between 9 and 10 weeks...i'm 9 weeks today, so hopefully that is what you are going through as well as myself..

as far as the nurse goes, she sounds like a power trip. that's just ridiculous. i hate being treated like i don't know anything. if you are 9 weeks pg, you'll definitely be above 3-4000 hcg...just sounds like she didn't want to deal with calling the doctor to confirm anything. i'd try the m/w to be honest. i'm not a doctor person anyway..

hang in there...i know it's hard being in limbo...you can vent to us..

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Old 09-08-2008, 06:55 PM
 
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Excuse my intrusion. I am due the 29th but hanging in the may ddc cause I always go late, but I do check in here.

At 9 weeks you would too be able to see quite a bit. Both on abdominal and tv u/s. I had one last pg and you could see the baby clearly. I had one for a SCH and we could see the bleed well. Its not like you are 5 weeks where you might not be able see a hb yet! You can google u/s pics from 9 weeks. But having btdt knowing how stressful it is not knowing I would ask for a u/s directly or go to the er if you spot again.

When I had bv I had no symptoms except ptl. It was the ptl that made them test for the bv. So it can be totally symptomless.

((Hugs)))

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Old 09-08-2008, 07:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Well, I got my hCg results back -- they were 4,698. So gee, I actually am (or was) pg. And I have an u/s scheduled for tomorrow morning at 10:45 am. I went and looked up that level, though, and that would be considered low for 8 1/2 wks. I am rock solid sure of my conception date, too, so I'm not sure those numbers are all that promising.

Lower back cramping continues. No other symptoms.

I have no idea where I stand. I don't know whether to be hopeful or not. In the meantime, the hours are passing very slowly.

BTW, I did end up calling my homebirth MW to see if she could help me get an u/s any sooner. Her response to my symptoms was to tell me that 1 in 4 pg's end in m/c and that, seeing that I already had 5 healthy children, it was amazing I hadn't had one before now. :

Yes, well, I know all that -- you don't go through pg and childbirth as many times as I have without being hyperaware of all the things that can and do go wrong -- but I didn't find it very emotionally supportive to hear that tidbit from her. Clearly she's not a MW who gives you warm fuzzies, which is really too bad, since my last MW, whom I adored, was the total opposite. And warm fuzzies and some "I'm sorry you have to wait to find out" would have been appreciated today.

Guin

caffix.giftoddler.gifnocirc.gifBusy, grateful mama to: Kieran (12); Hanna (10); Cameron (8);
Charlotte (6);Sophie (5) Down Syndrome & so beautiful! brokenheart.gif(9/08), & rainbow1284.gifDuncan 8/26/09
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Old 09-08-2008, 07:33 PM
 
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I am so sorry you have gotten such negative remarks! totally not what you need! I hope the hours go by quickly tonight and that you find some good new tomorrow.

Be well.

Simple living mama to three(!) sweet boys.  winner.jpghomebirth.jpgsigncirc1.gif

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Old 09-08-2008, 07:35 PM
 
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oh guin...i don't know what to say. i hate to say those number do appear low, but there are women who have had low numbers who've gone on to healthy happy pregnancies. hang in there...let us know about your u/s and please know we are here for you... i'm so sorry your m/w was so unfeeling..i can't even imagine that kind of response... it doesn't matter how many babies you've had, you should never be a statistic...

Cat - Mother to Jonathon (1-24-1987) ; Lola (3-24-2003) ; Xiola (9-27-2005) : 8 wks (4-2008) ; 11 1/2 weeks (9-2008); and 7.5 weeks (5-2010) Nana to William (3-27-2009) Blog: AmLo Farms
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Old 09-08-2008, 07:51 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Full Heart View Post
At 9 weeks you would too be able to see quite a bit. Both on abdominal and tv u/s.
Yep. I just had an u/s last week and I was 9 weeks on the dot. You can totally see the baby - and I had an abdominal. It took them all of two seconds to locate the baby and find the heartbeat.

I'm so sorry your MW was so lacking in compassion. That was really uncalled for.

I hope you find some answers soon, either way.

Ever-evolving mama to my beautiful Brynn, and my little dimple-face Noah .
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