What do you do when you break up in the first trimester? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 22 Old 09-14-2008, 03:41 PM - Thread Starter
 
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UPDATE:Post 18

I am nearly 11 weeks. Dp and I have had lots of ups and downs in our relationship, and I know the fight we started was due to hormones. But the revelations that ended our relationship have nothing to do with fluctuating mood. I don't want to go into a lot of detail simply because we have both been the wrongdoer in all of this, and it's not really necessary to elaborate.

I just am at a loss at what to do now. I don't really want to be a single mother all over again, especially this time with a newborn AND a 4 year-old.

Ds (who is not dp's son) and I may see about living with my parents for a little while, but I have not told them or anyone that I am pregnant. I don't even know how to broach that subject. I think I am scared of being harshly judged or rejected.

Elizabeth - 33. Mother to ds 12-19-04 and ds 01-27-12. new tadpole due 05-25-14
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#2 of 22 Old 09-14-2008, 04:16 PM
 
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im so sorry this is happening to you. i broke up with my dd's dad during the first tri, and it was very hard. i dont really have any good advice for you. just try to have faith that things will work out, and take it one day at a time.

Leah- mama to Audrey born 12/29/03 and Gwyneth born 4/1/2009! Soon to be TTC #3!
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#3 of 22 Old 09-14-2008, 04:26 PM
 
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So, so sorry this is happening. I can't even imagine... I assume the daddy knows about the baby? Just not the family? I'd tell, soon... you need all the support you can get, mama!

Autumn (1990) Blake (1993) Zoe (2001) Dmitrios (2002) and William (April 2009) born still @ 39 wks - my 4ever
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#4 of 22 Old 09-14-2008, 05:58 PM
 
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Oh Mama. First of all, give yourself A LOT of credit for getting out of a bad relationship, because so many people stay when they are pregnant (or even when they aren't!!) and then things end up so much worse for everyone. You are brave, and such a good mama for taking care of yourself and your kids.

I hope it works out to stay with your parents for a while, and that you get the support you need.

Ever-evolving mama to my beautiful Brynn, and my little dimple-face Noah .
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#5 of 22 Old 09-14-2008, 06:04 PM
 
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I just wanted to give you a and hope that things turn out for you!

orngbiggrin.gif mom of three with stork-suprise.gif on the way

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#6 of 22 Old 09-14-2008, 06:06 PM
 
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I was a single mama during my pregnancy with Dom.

: for you

Mama to 9 so far:Mother of Joey (20), Dominick (13), Abigail (11), Angelo (8), Mylee (6), Delainey (3), Colton (2) and Baby 8 and Baby 9 coming sometime in July 2013.   If evolution were true, mothers would have three arms!

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#7 of 22 Old 09-14-2008, 06:38 PM
 
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. Can't even imagine. But is this man someone who will be a father regardless of your relationship with him? Is he someone you want in your child's life? I know a lot of women who have had this problem and still raised their child with the ex-partner. Obviously, it's not the same as having someone in the house 24-7 after birth, but...I hope your parents and friends can help in this are and are supportive. You're going to need them. GL

Mama to one little blur, watching everything move too fast. Eden 4/10/2009.
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#8 of 22 Old 09-14-2008, 07:34 PM
 
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I don't know what to say... I hope your family and friends will be supportive but you know you'll always have a group of friends, here, ready to listen to you...
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#9 of 22 Old 09-14-2008, 10:20 PM
 
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I'm so sorry. I definitely hope you find the support you need in your friends and family right now. I know it isn't our ddc, but once in awhile I pop into the March DDC and there is a whole post dedicated to this happening that might help a little.

Married to my best friend partners.gif Mama to DS1 4/2009 and DS2 3/2011 and two dog2.gif  Remembering angel1.gif 3/2008


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#10 of 22 Old 09-14-2008, 10:44 PM
 
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I'm sure it'll be scary and hard at times, but you will find the strength to handle this situation. One of the amazing things about mothers is their ability to do what they have to do to take care of themselves and their children. I hope your family will help you out. One thing I've noticed, when you're afraid of being judged, it usually ends up being easier to just tell and then deal with whatever the reaction is, than it is to be in fear of the reaction.

Good luck and keep us updated!

Living the good life and walking a path of peace with DH and DD (4/09)
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#11 of 22 Old 09-14-2008, 11:14 PM
 
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#12 of 22 Old 09-14-2008, 11:18 PM
 
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I think you cry a lot, scream, rant, wallow and whatever else helps. Except drinking massive amounts of alcohol, the usual break up strategies are still applicable.

Then I guess you look around and see what support you might have available and what works best for your family (baby to be included).

I'm so sorry, mama. This really sucks

"Guess what? It's a magical world. And when I sing, my songs are in it."
Madly in love with my 7 and 4 year old daughters

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#13 of 22 Old 09-15-2008, 01:38 PM
 
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There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way.
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#14 of 22 Old 09-15-2008, 04:43 PM
 
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I'm so sorry. I hope your parents will be there for you.

It's not that the stay-at-home-parent gets to stay home with the kids. The kids get to stay home with a parent. Lucky Mom to DD1 (4 y) and DD2 (18 mo), Wife to Mercenary Dad
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#15 of 22 Old 09-15-2008, 07:30 PM
 
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I'm sorry you have to be going through this while pregnant. I wish you the best and hope you find some open, non-judgemental arms at your parents' house or with a good friend.

Anyone who judges you at this difficult time in your life is insensitive and a kinda sucky person!

Take care of yourself, mama! :
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#16 of 22 Old 09-15-2008, 10:35 PM
 
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Elizabeth, I'm heartbroken for you that this pregnancy & your family will not be the way you dreamed it would be

Quote:
Originally Posted by catemom View Post
I wish you the best and hope you find some open, non-judgemental arms at your parents' house or with a good friend.
Yeah that!

Also, I know you didn't mention anything about it in the OP & I am by no means suggesting you should, but if you are considering termination, I want you to know that there are mamas here who will support you 100% whatever you need to do.

None of us know exactly what's going on in your life, none of us has the right to judge you or even say what we might do because we are simply not there.

Much love & peace to you :
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#17 of 22 Old 09-15-2008, 10:43 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JenMidwife View Post
Also, I know you didn't mention anything about it in the OP & I am by no means suggesting you should, but if you are considering termination, I want you to know that there are mamas here who will support you 100% whatever you need to do.
Yes. And don't be afraid to come here for support, whatever you decide to do. You definitely need it right now!

Autumn (1990) Blake (1993) Zoe (2001) Dmitrios (2002) and William (April 2009) born still @ 39 wks - my 4ever
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#18 of 22 Old 09-22-2008, 07:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks everyone for all the hugs and support. I greatly appreciate it. DP and I were in a really bad place for a while before the final break up. After the break up I stayed with my sister for a little while and then my mother. My sister knows I am pregnant, but my mom still doesn't (just not ready to tell her).

I think the time apart and a few counseling sessions for me really helped cool things down. Helped us realise that hormonally I am all over the map right now, which is what was really bothering DP because he feels like my rage and irritability is directed at him. "Why can't you just be nice?" he is constantly saying.

Well, we are working on things, seeing our counselor again, and not trying to live too far in the future. Spending time together, but then much needed time apart as well. We both have a child (his ds is 6 and mine is 3) so we have been spending one-on-one parent time with them too.

I was considering termination of the pregnancy because I am very supportive of the right to choose. I decided this time that partnered or not I am a good mother who can find support to raise 2 kids. Plus, we have already had the first u/s, and I couldn't not think about that.

Through all of this I am really amazed at the role hormonal fluctuations can play! Thanks again for the support! :

Elizabeth - 33. Mother to ds 12-19-04 and ds 01-27-12. new tadpole due 05-25-14
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#19 of 22 Old 09-22-2008, 08:26 PM
 
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Hope everything works out for the best! Good Luck! Also, glad you're taking things at your own pace. Take care of yourself .

Mama to one little blur, watching everything move too fast. Eden 4/10/2009.
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#20 of 22 Old 09-22-2008, 08:44 PM
 
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#21 of 22 Old 09-23-2008, 08:52 AM
 
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It definitely sounds like you are on a good track with the counseling. For some reason, that didn't even occur to me - although it should have. Good for you for working on the relationship (whether partnered or not) and I hope this all works out well for you, whatever happens. I hope you are getting the support you need - what was your sister's reaction when you told her? I hope she was supportive, sympathetic, and non-judgemental.
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#22 of 22 Old 09-23-2008, 09:26 AM
 
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Oh yea, and don't let him get away with blaming it all on your emotions. If everything was awesome, you wouldn't be getting upset. There must be something there that he screwed up on. Men screw up all the time. I am learning that over time, as a wife our job is to straighten them out because they are clueless. Even the intelligent, sweet guys, like mine. CLUELESS!:
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