(long rant, sorry) OK, so I don't know if anyone can relate to this or not but I feel like I'm in the dumps today over a decision I have to make.
I'm part of a practice management/personal development group in the chiropractic profession. I speak to my coach every couple of weeks, there are assignments, protocols, challenges, and lots of great things he creates for me in order to help me grow both professionally and personally. There are 3 chiros in my town who are in this group - myself, my husband, and another chiro who has become a very good confidante and friend. The three of us are very tight and work together weekly for two hours doing much of the above mentioned things our coach gives us.
Twice a year there is a four day (3 night) retreat at a remote location where we work our butts off physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. It's an amazing retreat - I've been to one only so far and I have so been looking forward to this next one because I grew so much from the last retreat. It really helped my personal life with my family, my friends, and my practice really took off after it. It was awesome.
The challenge is that we all have to agree to play 100% full on. No witholding, no holding back, giving 100% of everything in order get the most out of the retreat. (There are about 10 chiros from all over Canada who go to this....we are connected online too but the big event is always the retreats)
And this morning, after throwing up twice last night and once again while getting out of bed at 9 am because I called into work for not feeling well, I realized that I am not okay to go to the retreat in two weeks. I would be letting the group down because it would be fair to them and I'd be letting myself down because I would probably be exhausted, sick, and I wouldn't get out of the retreat what I wanted. It wouldn't be a healthy decision for me nor for the baby.
Easy decision, right?
Except for the fact that I feel like I'm being punished a little. I've worked my ass off for the last few months to lead up to this event and now I can't go. I'm bummed, let down, frustrated, and mad. And to boot, my hubby and this other chiro will go and experience everything I've soooo been looking forward to. I'm so frustrated....so tired...and just so so so let down.
Sorry and thanks to anyone who listened to this. I just needed to get it out. I probably sound incredibly selfish by even still wanting to go to the retreat, but I do! I really really want to go. So so frustrated....