Naming Issue ~ How Would You Handle It? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 5 Old 11-04-2008, 01:59 PM - Thread Starter
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Thank you for your opinion.

DH and I have a process for selecting names but I know a name he will cross off pretty much immediately bc he thinks his Father would be hurt by it. His Dad lost a baby (and I literally mean baby though not sure exactly how old) brother with this name. I have had it on my list each time and it never makes it very far and it does not seem to bother DH besides the issue with his Dad.

I never thought about it until now when a similar situation arose with my cousin (her DH too) with their DD. The only name they could agree upon was the name of my Aunt/Godmother is no longer with us. They too thought it might be hurtful to use the name but decided to ask my Grandmother her thoughts along with trying to contact my other cousins who are the children of my Aunt. My Grandmother said she would be HONORED if they used the name and was sure that the cousins would be thrilled also. The middles names would not be the same though just the 1st.

The 16th is coming up quickly which is when DH's family will find out. I would really like to ask FIL if it would be okay to use his baby brother's name or a version of it (I like a slightly different spelling). I am hoping that I will get a positive answer and DH will be more okay with keeping the name around longer since he never had any other issues.

Now, on to my actually question. Do I ask if it is okay to use the name or should I have DH? I have an okay time with FIL. We disagree about certain things on how to raise children so we have had issues about that. If DH does it I want to be present there bc I want to explain how my family just experienced the same thing and there was a beautiful outcome.

What are your thoughts/suggestions?

Lisa Marie

~Lisa Marie~ Married 08/03, Mama to 2 Fall Princes '04 :, '06 CBAC & :
Late May '09 Princess VBA2C success :
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#2 of 5 Old 11-04-2008, 02:14 PM
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I think that both of you should ask together.

Your husband being there will be an assurance to your FIL that his experience is known and kept close in mind, by his son. And you being there will, as you say, make it easy for you to use your family's experience as an example.

Kelly (28), in love with husband Jason (38) and our awesome babies:  Emma 4/09, and Ozzy 8/10

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#3 of 5 Old 11-05-2008, 10:55 AM
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I agree you should be together, but I would be the one asking. You are wanting to do so for very positive reasons and DH may inadvertently put a negative spin on using the name, so as not to hurt his dad.

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#4 of 5 Old 11-05-2008, 11:15 AM
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I don't think I would ask unless you are certain you are going to use the name. It might be more hurtful to ask to use the name and then not actually use it. The name wasn't good enough for your baby.
Just my 2 cents.
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#5 of 5 Old 11-05-2008, 11:25 AM
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my fil lost a sister when she was 3 yo. Our 3rd daughter was given the name. I had dh ask/tell them the name we had chosen before the name was official but after she was born. I have a pleasant if not close relationship with the in-laws. All have been very happy especially as we inadvertently chose a mil family name for a middle name.

I would not ask until you are more sure if it will be an issue. Don't start unnecessary battles. That said it may bring your families closer.

eta sorry, crashing in from new posts...

You don’t owe them an explanation, just a response.
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