It's been a while since I have lurked the Mother.commune. :) Apparently since it is now call Mothering.community! :)
I have 3 boys ages 5, 3 and 10 months. I used to come on here alot, but my local group became very active and took me a way for a good while.
However, my son is one of the older children and I am looking for some sage advice from mothers of older children, and children that are in school/homeschool and how to deal with personality conflicts with my eldest. :)
I look forward to re-meeting many of you. :)
Nice to meet you! I'm a stay at home, homeschooling mama to 5. Their ages are 11, 8, 5, 3, and 1. I'm always happy to meet and chat with other homeschooling mamas!
What type of personality conflicts are you experiencing?
i hear that all too well! my oldest three get like that from time to time. i've come to see, in our family at least, that there is a natural ebb and flow to almost everything. whenever the head-butting seems at high tide, i try to step back and take on some of the unschooling practices of giving them some control over things. i find that many times for us, it's a matter of them wanting to feel in control of themselves and their choices. and so within reason, i let them do that. when i say unschooling, i do NOT mean unparenting. unfortunately many people really have no idea of what the unschooling concept really is, but basically, instead of just saying 'no' to things...i look for reasons to say 'why not'. they are happier, i am happier...and they end up doing more and learning more. i guess 'choose your battles' is another way to say it...but it sounds so cliche, and it also makes it seem like you just give in, and that's not the case. you know how babies go through growth spurts? i look at it that way. in babyhood, it relates to eating/sleeping habits mainly, but for older children, i think they are realising that they can do more for themselves, or perhaps they are realising that as they grow and can do more for themselves they are missing mommy 'take care' of them and so they seem needier all of a sudden. last year my then 10 year old told me she wanted to learn how to make her own orthodontist appointments. now, how many 10 year olds are scheduling their own appointments? but instead of making the 2 minute(tops) call myself, we sat down and we discussed what she should say, what days/times would be appropriate, and what the basic telephone rules are--we also went over how to respond if she wasn't taken seriously. lucky for us, the receptionist knows us well and didn't even seem phased that my daughter was making her own appointments. she gained self confidence, and felt very grown up--and it made her happy. my 8 and 5 year old boybarians, have really been uninterested in cleaning their shared room after a long day of playing. i used to tear my hair ouot every night and spend an hour or so with them making sure everything went into it's place. but they would always whine that they were too tired by then to clean up. so, instead of forcing it--which was making me more crazy and always ended up with them crying and mad, i said ok, no problem. you don't have to clean it at night but breakfast isn't served until your room is cleaned. believe it or not, they happily clean up before coming downstairs for breakfast. think too, they realised that if you can't walk in the room, and can't find anything, how much fun can it really be? along those lines though, sometimes they want to keep something out that they've built or set up--and i allow that as long as they don't keep everything trashed.
ok so i realise i'm rambling and probably being very unhelpful...
Not rambling at all! I completely get what you are saying, and giving him some more autonomy might help things a lot!! :) I am very unschool minded, unfortunately my son is in kindy atm, b/c the DH does not share my sentiments...yet.
I am so glad that I am getting such perspective on my first post back!
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