Sleep? I need it! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 16 Old 05-01-2013, 12:10 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi everyone! This is my first time to ever be on a site like this. I hope I'm doing this correctly.

I am a first time mommy to a 10 month baby girl... Who HATES sleep. I don't know what to do. I feel so lost sometimes. During the day time when she knows its nap time she will crawl in my lap at just go to sleep but at night... Yeah right.

We had a good schedule for a whole but now she says no. I am always so tired because she won't go to sleep til 2 at the earliest. Then wakes up constantly. I find myself upset and resenting my husband who gets to sleep all night.

I tried the cry it out but she has never been one you can lay down awake and she puts herself to sleep. She will scream until you go in there to get her.

I'm just not sure how much more I can handle before I break down. Everyone I talk to just doesn't understand. I feel bad that I am upset so I don't tell anyone for fear of what they would say. I strive to be the best mom I can be but I'm at my wits end.
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#2 of 16 Old 05-01-2013, 02:50 AM
 
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Welcome to mothering.com. You poor thing! You must be exhausted. I'm afraid I have a heap of questions before I have any suggestions to offer.

Is the staying up until 2am a recent change or has she always had trouble going to sleep at night?
What time does she wake up in the morning?
When is her last daytime sleep?
How many hours sleep would you say she gets in 24hrs?
Has anything changed recently (teething, change of diet etc)?

Sorry to bombard you with questions. I will come back and make some suggestions once I know more :-)

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#3 of 16 Old 05-01-2013, 05:27 AM - Thread Starter
 
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She has always hated sleeping in her bed. She slept in a bassinet til she was a month old then slept in her bed all night til about 5 months. Ever since then she will have random nights where she will sleep all night and others wakes up like ever hour. She usually wakes up at 8 and has 2 naps that are an hour and a half during the day. She take her last nap at 3. She got her bottom 2 teeth at 5 & 6 months. Other than that everything is the same.
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#4 of 16 Old 05-01-2013, 04:46 PM
 
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Thanks for answering all my questions :-) If she hates sleeping in her bed then I would try her in your bed.

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#5 of 16 Old 05-01-2013, 09:26 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for the help. We usually end up with her in our bed.
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#6 of 16 Old 05-02-2013, 03:10 PM
 
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Does she sleep well there. You mentioned that you had a bedtime routine with her. Could you do the routine but end with her in your bed rather than making it a last resort when everyone is exhausted? It may not need to be a long term solution if its not something you're keen on. There is a lot going on for the little people at that 8-10 month stage. My first LO was waking hourly at that age if I recall correctly.

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#7 of 16 Old 05-02-2013, 09:53 PM
 
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You might also want to check out the Nighttime parenting forum, if you haven't yet.  http://www.mothering.com/community/f/37/the-family-bed-and-nighttime-parenting

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#8 of 16 Old 05-03-2013, 07:39 AM
 
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I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. It sounds like a really tough situation. When you are in the thick of sleep deprivation and babyhood it is so hard to feel like it will ever end or get better. I know everyone says this, but it will. My DD was never as difficult as it sounds like yours is when it comes to sleep, but I KNOW she will not still be waking up like this forever.

 

I also struggled with resenting my husband. He could sleep through anything, and I simply couldn't. Add breastfeeding on top of that, and the fact that he was working a demanding day job and I wasn't, and almost all the night parenting fell on me. I had insomnia--by the time she was a couple months old my whole system was so messed up I don't think I could have slept through the night even if she did.

 

No real solid advice that you haven't probably thought of already. I do wonder if you feel there's more your husband could do. If she's up till 2, can you sleep while he stays up with her? Can the two of you trade off night shifts?

 

Do you like/trust your pediatrician (I hope so!)? I don't think pediatricians are generally that helpful when it comes to sleep, but it might be helpful just to talk it out and get another perspective. Her waking patterns (at least, the staying up so late) do sound pretty unusual to me. Another thought is maybe trying an earlier bedtime--like a lot earlier--to see if that helps. The whole overtired cycle can be really tough.

 

I had a lot of anxiety around sleep. I don't know if that's something you're struggling with. But I did discover that I could function better on little sleep than I thought I could--it wasn't easy, but my body adjusted enough that I could limp through. I only say that because it helped my anxiety a bit to remind myself that I was managing to survive on less sleep than I ever thought possible. My DD started sleeping through the night semi-consistently around 13 months (she night weaned at that time), and truly consistently around 21 months.

 

She is now 2 and though I still struggle with insomnia, I feel much better rested and sane in general. I wish I could offer more concrete advice or a cure, but all I have is my support--I'm thinking of you and hope you find some solutions soon.


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#9 of 16 Old 05-03-2013, 07:48 AM
 
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I really don't like the idea that just because the husband is working he has no night responsibilities. The wife works all day taking care of the baby. How does she need sleep less than he does? A grown man can do a couple night changes or rock a baby back to sleep.

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#10 of 16 Old 05-03-2013, 10:16 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DHinJersey View Post

I really don't like the idea that just because the husband is working he has no night responsibilities. The wife works all day taking care of the baby. How does she need sleep less than he does? A grown man can do a couple night changes or rock a baby back to sleep.

Agreed. But I didn't say *no* night responsibilities. Bigger factors were night nursing and the fact that I am a neurotic light sleeper and he isn't. Even if I had wanted to wake my husband up so he would go feed her, it wouldn't have made much difference--I would still be awake. So my thinking at the time was at least one of us should get sleep, and it was easier for me to coast through a day home with the baby than it was for him to coast through a day as a newspaper reporter. I think each couple works out the right balance for them (at least, ideally they do). In our case, there is no way that I could have worked his job on broken sleep, and at least when she was younger, I have absolutely no qualms saying I had the easier time of it--I could nap occasionally and a lot of it was just going on walks or sitting around with her. Not that it was EASY for me, but it was less mentally taxing than his job. I'm sure it's different for every couple.


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#11 of 16 Old 05-03-2013, 10:18 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DHinJersey View Post

I really don't like the idea that just because the husband is working he has no night responsibilities. The wife works all day taking care of the baby. How does she need sleep less than he does? A grown man can do a couple night changes or rock a baby back to sleep.

But yeah, I'm totally with you on the wife needing sleep. And if DD had let anyone rock her to sleep (seriously, it was the boob or nothing--she cried when we rocked her), I would have asked him to do more.


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#12 of 16 Old 05-03-2013, 07:36 PM - Thread Starter
 
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She's sleeping in our bed now. She's a rough sleeper and tosses all night. My husband falls asleep all the time. Even went to the dr about it. So I can't leave him up at night in fear he will fall asleep. She has done better these past few nights. So fingers crossed it stays!
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#13 of 16 Old 05-03-2013, 11:30 PM
 
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#14 of 16 Old 05-04-2013, 05:57 PM
 
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Originally Posted by ashliz View Post

She's sleeping in our bed now. She's a rough sleeper and tosses all night. My husband falls asleep all the time. Even went to the dr about it. So I can't leave him up at night in fear he will fall asleep. She has done better these past few nights. So fingers crossed it stays!

I'm glad the last few nights have been better! Is your husband such a heavy sleeper that you wouldn't feel safe leaving her in bed alone with him? Maybe you could sleep on a guest bed or couch some nights after she goes to bed just to some better quality sleep?


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#15 of 16 Old 05-05-2013, 09:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
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He is a HEAVY sleeper always has been. I wish I could do that but I just can't. I wouldn't be able to fall asleep.
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#16 of 16 Old 05-06-2013, 12:01 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ashliz View Post

He is a HEAVY sleeper always has been. I wish I could do that but I just can't. I wouldn't be able to fall asleep.


I hear you :) It's the same way with us. I end up sleeping with earplugs because otherwise every noise wakes me up.


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