I'm a 29 yr old SAHM living off of SSDI with my 2 1/2 yr old son. Before I was pregnant his father proposed to me in March and it felt as if it were a happily ever after since we had been in high school together and just 'fit'. By May I was pregnant 2011.
The pregnancy was difficult with carpel tunnel, gestational diabetes, pinched nerves, and I was working for dunkin donuts at the time 4am shift to whenever the, younger than I was, manager would let me leave. With diabetic issues they don't check until late for it and I went from a decent 160lbs to 275lbs in nearly 2 months.
His father was pretty great during all of that. But the birth was very traumatic for me. The anesthesia wore off half way through the c-section and I felt just about all of it before they knocked me out. Woke up screaming and have been diagnosed with PTSD, anxiety, depression. Working through that difficulty I soon realized that the 'happy ending' was over. His father never got up once for our little man in the night. Did not help with feedings, dressing, changing, appointments. he went to work came home and played his video games. Had friends over all hours with no regard for anything.
For the first year and a half of his life I was the soul care taker and his father was OK with that because he was working. While I had PPD, PTSD, and a new born. I soon found out that he had been spending $100's on video games. He had stopped paying rent and told me nothing. When we were evicted we were lucky to find a nice place with everything incl. and I forgave him and I had thought things were improving. but they soon got worse. He wouldn't watch little man so much as put him in his play pen and leave him there with some cheerios in a bowl while he played his video games for up to 4 hours at a time. He might change him.
When I discovered this i decided we needed to go for couples counseling. Which we did OK for a few weeks before he decided not to pay the woman and she had to let us go. My Lump sums for SSDI came in and we were living happy for a few months. When that money was gone I found out that he had been lying again about money, bills, and even buying diapers(he was stealing them so he could spend it on video games). He was spending $400+ a month on video games/and FACE BOOK games -.- instead of taking care of our family. My SSDI checks paid rent and I had $100 left over a month for what Liam and I needed.
After a huge fight where I told him to get out he seemed very ready for it, packing up everything he owned instantly and leaving to go back to his parents. he didn't contact us for two weeks.
After looking for a new place to live for 4 months on my own with Liam I had no choice but to look out of state. My folks lived in NC and living seemed cheaper and easier. So It was a no brain-er. I had his father sign an agreement and left. It was the happiest time in a long while. Liam and I were getting out in the sun, I got to walk the dog more. And things with my parents were great! For a month -.- ... Then my parent's and I started to fight constantly, over little things like laundry as if I were 16 again. They wanted me to put my son in Day care, with my no money.. even though they said they would pay half.. who can afford half?? . Do this, that, the other thing, Not do that thing.. I know some of you can definitely relate to that. That's when my dog suddenly became epileptic. We had a few scary instances with her and I paid over $1000 of my savings to help her medically. Her medication costs are more than mine at the moment and I am struggling with the idea of having to choose.. if I need to give her up.
I feel deep down that it would be worse for her to leave me but I might just be selfish. Now my son has turned just past 2 and a half and he has made himself a green eyed monster. He was polite, happy, energetic but not crazy and now? He has no octave level, throws tantrums, throws things, Hits people. I do a lot of re-direction and time outs because that is all I feel that I can do.
I need to find us our own place to that we can get some kind of scheduled routine for us personally without my folks' influence. Once that has come then I believe things will fall into place. I can attempt potty training, figure out my actual expenses, the usual thing called Life! I've been feeling much overwhelmed some days. And others just fine.
So I am here looking for new tips, tricks, and some peace of mind!
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