I am a single mother of two and going through child custody. Scared. - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 14 Old 10-20-2013, 10:23 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I have a 5 year old and 7 year old. We live on a farm in an intentional community. My kids go to a local Waldorf School and we live media free and a very natural lifestyle. A friend on the farm told me about this site when she found me crying yesterday. My Ex-husband has been showing signs of bipolar or mania disorder. He threatened my life in front of two witnesses and is now trying to contest my request for full custody until he gets some help. He is trying to use the fact I live on a "commune" against me along with accusations against my boyfriend and I. Saying that we have sex in front of my children. I know he can't prove anything about my boyfriend and I because its not true. But going through all this court stuff, starting Monday, feels overwhelming, scary and I am just trying to hold everything together. Any advice? Oh, and he has a fancy lawyer and I don't. He hasn't paid child support in a month and a half and I am trying to find more work. I currently work for an artist, but it doesn't pay the bills without the child support.

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#2 of 14 Old 10-20-2013, 11:29 AM
 
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Oh my goodness! What a difficult situation you find yourself in. Sorry I don't have any useful advice or info. - I have no legal knowledge at all - just wanted to send virtual hugs. Hope things work out okay.

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#3 of 14 Old 10-20-2013, 01:22 PM
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HI and Welcome to Mothering!

 

I moved your other post to our Single Parenting forum, in hopes that you would get some good information there.  I hope that things work out.

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#4 of 14 Old 10-21-2013, 11:04 AM
 
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I have to wonder why you want full custody of the children.

 

Such an aggressive attitude is sure to create conflict.

 

Although the two of you don't live together you should try and get along for the sake of the children.

 

In most cases sharing custody is the appropriate thing to do, but it is hard to tell without a lot more information.

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#5 of 14 Old 10-21-2013, 11:16 AM
 
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Theblissofjoy, I have all kinds of sympathy for your situation.  However, I want to beg you to keep in mind that this website is completely viewable by the public, potentially including your ex, and discourage you from posting details or from sharing them via PM (since I think it's unfortunately likely that your ex can create accounts and get info from you that way).  Please put your safety first.

 

I do think you need a lawyer - please look into the local resources for victims of spousal and domestic abuse, and take their advice.  Report threats to the police as well.  There are lawyers who take DV cases pro bono, and organizations that can help you get representation. 

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#6 of 14 Old 10-21-2013, 12:19 PM
 
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Originally Posted by mccabepatrick View Post
 

I have to wonder why you want full custody of the children.

 

 

She stated that her ex is bipolar and has threatened her life. I don't think I'd be comfortable with someone who is potentially very violent and may endanger the children sharing custody.

 

OP, I don't have any advice. But I wish you peace and for the best possible outcome for your family.


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#7 of 14 Old 10-21-2013, 01:21 PM
 
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"She stated that her ex is bipolar and has threatened her life. I don't think I'd be comfortable with someone who is potentially very violent and may endanger the children sharing custody."

 

From what I read all of this is a result of wanting full custody.

 

Why would someone want full custody.

 

How would you respond if someone wanted to take your children from you?

 

How about getting along and not being so confrontational?

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#8 of 14 Old 10-21-2013, 01:42 PM
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Hi @mccabepatrick and welcome to Mothering.

I want to point you to our User Agreement and ask that you please maintain a civil and respectful tone in your posts. This includes not casting suspicion on another new member that you do not know.

Can I help you find anything on Mothering that wold interest you? You seem to be a parent, how old are your kids?

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#9 of 14 Old 10-21-2013, 02:04 PM
 
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Adinal,

 

I didn't expect to be attacked particularly from an administrator.

 

What is that all about?

 

Why are you calling me out?

 

I suggestted a positive solution!

 

I found this web site through a google search, I try to help people involved in custody issues by first learning to respect each other.

 

I suspect that is why I found this page.

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#10 of 14 Old 10-21-2013, 02:25 PM
 
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TheBlissofJoy, Welcome to Mothering.  I'm sending good thoughts your way.  

 

As someone who spent way too many years in a house where my mother was too scared to leave my father, I am grateful that you are taking steps to protect your children.  Biological parenthood does not mean a person is automatically good towards their children.

 

I, too, want you to remain safe and not give out identifying/location information so I won't ask you to give that info to me either in this public forum or in a private message.  (even though I'd love to help find resources to help)

 

Ideas - Do the following, even though you are already starting court procedures:

Please connect with those whom you feel are safe to talk with and ask several people to help:

-find you a lawyer who is very good at family law (and who will work bro bono)

-contact police so you can file a report and possibly press charges regarding your ex's threats (unless you have already done so)

-contact local women's shelter and/or abuse hotline (they will have tons of resources)

-find good safe counseling for you and your children (both to support you and to create more paper trail to call on if needed) 

 

Be Well!

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#11 of 14 Old 10-21-2013, 03:34 PM
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@mccabepatrick I'm sorry if you interpreted my post as attacking. My job as community manager does entail pointing out when members are in violation of our User Agreement. As you were brand new here, I wanted to make sure you had seen it as your initial posts have been very confrontational and speculative about the OP's situation.

Thank you for being willing to share your wisdom with other members. smile.gif
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#12 of 14 Old 10-23-2013, 01:51 PM
 
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I want to second what Meepycat has said. I support you blissofjoy, and wish you and your kids to be safe.

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#13 of 14 Old 10-23-2013, 02:59 PM
 
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Can you guys please reply to my recent post?smile.gif
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#14 of 14 Old 10-29-2013, 09:55 AM
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Hi @melissavargascx , your post was help by our spam filter, so no one could see it.  I moved it over to the TTC forum, where you will get some answers and feedback. :)


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